KIERAE   177,778
SparkPoints
150,000-199,999 SparkPoints
 
 
KIERAE's Recent Blog Entries

Learning to let go

Friday, March 06, 2009

It was a rough day today. On this day last year I watched my granddaughter die. I had to put my "psych nurse" hat on and help my daughter make the decision to pull her off the machines. I remember coming home and just feeling numb and questioning why. There is never a reason why - it's just what is. And today I finally allowed myself to go shopping for the new grandbaby, another girl, who will be here in a couple weeks. I haven't been able to do this, unable to go into the baby department of the stores, without feeling overwhelmingly sad. But it seemed fitting today - to be able to acknowledge the loss, move forward and embrace the impending arrival of her little sister. Tomorrow is the baby shower and it will be a bit painful and bittersweet for most of us attending. But we all need to make this transition so we can honor Delaney's memory and celebrate Ali's arrival.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLINGHOPE 3/25/2009 6:58AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAMAGOSS 3/8/2009 7:53PM

    emoticon to you Kierae as you move past this toward a new future.

Deb

Report Inappropriate Comment
PUPPYWHISPERS 3/7/2009 7:31PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COSMIC_ENERGY 3/7/2009 6:09PM

    Kierae--

I know that the anniversary date is a tough time. How wonderful you honored Delaney by shopping for the Ali's shower. I know you will find a way to get through the shower and that it will be a healing time to help move forward in. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIFEASMRSA 3/7/2009 1:44PM

    I think the babyshower will be a great time for all of you to get together and give support for past and new memories :) emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLUFFBUSTER 3/7/2009 11:41AM

    emoticon
My thoughts are with you and your family at this bittersweet time.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BINEMELLES 3/7/2009 3:27AM

    this sounds like a very postive turn from the past towards the future. delaney will never be forgotten, but it will so much more joy to see her in the face of little ali.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 3/6/2009 11:01PM

    I can't imagine how you feel, Kierae, but I hope you know that my thoughts are with you.

...Pam

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 3/6/2009 10:20PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Update and BBQ

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Man I slack on blogging! If it's any consolation, I am an equal opportunity slacker since none of my blogs are updated. Sometimes life is just crazy busy and this is how it has been lately. My daughter's due date is the first week in April and she has been trying to have this baby since 32 weeks. Everyone is stressed and worried about it since we have already lost one grandchild. She was sent home from the hospital to do bed rest which we all know how well that works. She was compliant for the most part.

I was worried she was going to try to have this baby while I went to my annual trip to Houston for the BBQ championships. Thankfully she behaved and I was able to attend. This was different for me this year for a couple reasons. Every year I have gone, I have not been able to help out with the working the pit or anything else. I have always been gimped up physically somehow. This year I arrived not only visibly skinnier but also able to walk and stand. And I ended up working my tush off between running the hospitality suite and serving food at the BBQ. I was tired by Sunday but it was so worth it. Also worth seeing folks reactions to the weight loss. Also what was great this year was I got to meet HeartofChrist who lives in Houston. It is always wonderful to actually meet one of your spark buddies!

The bonus of the entire weekend was jumping on the scale and not seeing a gain. I might have actually lost weight if I hadn't ingested mass quantities of alcohol throughout the weekend..lol.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAGOSS 3/5/2009 10:22AM

    Well I had been wondering how Houston went and now I know! Glad you had fun and feasting without the weight gain LOL!

Good to hear all is well on the grandma front also; Apr 1 will be here before you know it, although the baby may be here before that!

Deb

Report Inappropriate Comment
KEEPITMOVING 3/5/2009 9:00AM

    welcome back, we missed you, your spirit and leadership. glad your daughter and future grandbaby cooperated with your travel plans. how fabulous for you to finally hook up with a fellow sparker! meeting somebody in real life instead of atoms and ions in cyberspace! it does sound like you worked, walked, and hauled, so now it's time to settle back into your routine, recoup, regroup, and wait for this blessed event. my best regards always, nancy

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIFEASMRSA 3/4/2009 9:53PM

    I'm glad you had tons of fun at the BBQ! all that hard work paid off! :) and next year you'll look even better! :) I wish ur daughter the best of deliveries :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 3/4/2009 9:40PM

    Great news on the BBQ. Hopefully everything will go well with your daughter.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 3/4/2009 9:09PM

    So much for Texas being a relaxing time away, eh? Oh well. Like they say, a change is as good as a break and it sounds like it was a lot of fun even if it was hard work. Congrats on the weight loss compliments, too. They and the time away were both very well deserved.

emoticon

...Pam

Report Inappropriate Comment
COSMIC_ENERGY 3/4/2009 8:24PM

    Umm...bar-b-q- and beer (or tequila-or-whatever) Good break before grandma time. Good Wishes on the next leg of the journey.. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
FLUFFBUSTER 3/4/2009 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

That's so terrific that you had such a great time and also came home without any guilt pounds! With a grandbaby on the way, I'm sure you couldn't be happier!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Fiberlicious

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So I have learned it is easy to overdo too good of a thing, such as fiber. Most people these days do not eat enough fiber. Even folks who eat alot of veggies think they are eating plenty of fiber until they start tracking it. The assumption is veggies are chock full of fiber when only a certain amount would be considered "high". The biggest bang for the fiber buck is beans. So normally my fiber fluctuates between just under the 25gms to easily meeting 35gms. And then there is days like this week where for some odd reason I am off the richter scale. I call it really "bad" food planning...lol. That would be the day you decide to eat 3 cups of cauliflower AND 3 plus cups of roasted brussel sprouts, and oh how about some nuts and a side of beans with that. Needless to say my tummy and back was hurting and I couldn't eat for the rest of the day. Which meant I ended up at under 1100 calories - not something I want to repeat often.

So today I worked on keeping my fiber down - well down to 25 at least. Fortunately there was no brussel sprouts calling my name in the house nor cauliflower taunting me, calling me a wuss. Who would have thought it would be a juggling act!

Side note - boot camp is going wonderfully. I enjoy it but my knees want to smack me into next week, every time I get down on them. I keep trying to convince them I am boss - hopefully they will listen! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEASMRSA 2/11/2009 1:04AM

    oh my gosh..that doesn't sound very pleasant.. I have trouble getting enough fiber...:( i try to eat nuts and broccoli.....but it's not a daily thing :( but i'm glad you're able to get your daily fiber intake! :D

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 1/24/2009 2:45PM

    Wow gal. That is a heck of an experience it sounds like. You are doing wonderful. Keep it up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BINEMELLES 1/22/2009 5:48AM

    wow, i never knew you could get in SO much fiber you get tummy and back pain! but yes, i love cauliflower too and on days when there was some in the house i have been able to get over 35gms of fiber. no terrible side effects, but those are the only days i break the records!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Tuck and booty pop!

Monday, January 12, 2009

So I finally surface at physical therapy today. I showed up with my little script in hand - how to deal with my arthritis in my tailbone. I had to chuckle at my male therapist when he read the pelvic floor requirements. He paled. He knows kegels (um hello I know kegels from I don't know...20 years ago?). We came up with a mutual treatment plan. I shall work with him and then refer me to the chick who specializes in the pelvic floor area for the last couple weeks. It's an extra 15 minute drive - it counts! So today as I am walking on the beach with Abe, I am trying to remember to tuck the belly button to the L3 (lumbar 3), push out the butt (we call it the booty "pop"), and oh yeah when you bend down to pick up the ball that Abe has left on the ground for you to pick up - why don't you work those kegels at the same time. I realized at the end of the walk - by the time I bent over, remembered to tense/clench everything - I forgot what the heck I was bending over to pick up to begin with. Seriously! It is going to be a long week! So much hate for the added stress! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAVESLAURIE 2/5/2009 5:32PM

    lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIMMICA 1/16/2009 10:50AM

    LOL! Oh man!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIERAE 1/15/2009 10:42AM

    HAHAHA - good one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
5HOELE55 1/15/2009 5:53AM

    I like a schmear of (fat free) cream cheese on my kegels.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIDLIGHT21 1/13/2009 7:37PM

    LOL, Kierae! Keep those kegels coming.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIERAE 1/13/2009 9:26AM

    It is a pelvic tilt movement.

Report Inappropriate Comment
1888MICHELLE 1/13/2009 8:27AM

    OK...I don't understand how to pop while you're sucking in the belly button. Are you just sucking in or are you doing a pelvic tilt?

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIERAE 1/13/2009 12:10AM

    I tell ya what - they need to add kegels to the strength exercises because they count! The Queen of Multi-tasking was beginning to question herself midway!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 1/12/2009 11:03PM

    Holy smokes gal! I hope you get to feeling better! I don't know if I could do all that at one time either! LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
COSMIC_ENERGY 1/12/2009 9:41PM

    LOL--Ya do tell emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 1/12/2009 9:26PM

    How do you track Kegels on Spark People, Kierae?

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Mirror Mirror

Thursday, January 08, 2009

When most people think about body image they think about physical appearance, being attractive and beautiful. But it is more than that. It is the mental picture we have of our body as well as any thoughts, feelings, and judgments. Through our interactions with people and the society, we develop our body image. Itís our mental picture of ourselves.

When we feel bad about our body, we become dissatisfied and can become unhappy or depressed. If we are constantly trying to push, reshape or remake our bodies, our sense of self can become unhealthy. Itís not uncommon for people who think poorly of their bodies to have issues in other areas of their lives.

Body-image distortion occurs when a person's view of their body is significantly different from reality. This is something I have become very aware that I am struggling with. In my head logically I know I have lost weight and yet when I look in the mirror, I don't necessarily see that weight loss. When I go shopping for clothes, I don't automatically pull out the smaller size clothes because wearing a size 2 or 4 does not compute. I can't possibly fit in that small thing. I am constantly shocked when I do try clothes on and have them not fit.

I scoffed at my rheumatologist who was letting me know that I didn't need to lose any more weight since I had nothing left to lose on my upper torso. Again this didn't make sense in my reality. Today I had a mammogram (which came out fine by the way!). In the room there was a full length mirror and it is the first time I have seen myself (we don't have a full length mirror in the house - never wanted one for a good reason!). I saw what my doctor was saying - there is ribs, there is no muscles, I have no hips. Yes I need to tone but do I need to lose any more weight? Nah.

I came home to talk with my husband about this since he has the same issue but coming from the opposite spectrum. He is 120 pounds (dripping wet) at 5'7 1/2". He comes from petite stock. He doesn't see himself as super skinny and yet is constantly confronted with it by society. He is penalized by insurance companies for being underweight without any investigation to his genetics (his mom is 4'10 and 80 pounds, sis is 5 ft and 100). He is constantly being told to gain weight. You would think considering he is in his early 50's, they would have figured out his weight isn't going anywhere. He has gained 10 pounds that he put on with my help over the last 15 years.

So my plan of action: to continue to work on toning up. To work on making the image in my head congruent with the reality of my body. Invest in a darn mirror and take some pictures so I can SEE myself through someone else's eyes besides my own.

What about you - anybody else have this issue? What do you see in the mirror?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIRSTFERRET 1/11/2009 1:34PM

    This is a GREAT blog. I've also heard feedback like "but you are so thin already!" when I say I want to drop a bit more weight. Nor do I own a full length mirror. It would be a good idea to buy one, then I would know that it is - like you say - time to focus on muscle tone and shaping. LOTS of shaping...LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
BINEMELLES 1/11/2009 8:04AM

    before i lost the weight i had the exact opposite problem - i saw myself in the mirror as much slimmer than i was. you could say my brain "idealized" my mirror perception. it needed an exceptionally unflattering photo someone took of me while i wasn't paying attention (probably why i avoided being photographed at all costs) to get me back to reality.
i didn't FEEL fat - one of the reasons my bf (who has a history of very slim and trim girlfriends) said he was okay with my weight was that he thought i never ACTED fat. okay, i got out of breath quickly and my feet hurt a lot when i walked too much, but i wasn't sluggish or lazy or very shy about my body.
today i think my mirror perception is much more accurate - i recognize areas that need work, but i also see how much i have lost. i feel like i have "shrunk into" my perception of myself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MSEMBERSTORM 1/9/2009 10:05PM

    This is an excellent blog. Thank you for posting this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRAIRIEDAWNPAM 1/8/2009 11:28PM

    I think I'm finally starting to see what others do. That said, I do own a full-length mirror. Is in my bedroom and so its been hard to avoid looking at myself naked every day. I'm aware that I'm flabby, but I'm also aware that, in the right clothes, I'm looking pretty good. Photos help me a lot and I'm not sure why that is. I look forward to seeing more of you very soon. Oh, and congrats on passing the boob-o-gram test. Now go buy a mirror.

...Pam

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIERAE 1/8/2009 9:26PM

    Woo thanks for posting! I really really struggle with this. I have many periods where I am quite aware of my weight loss and my size. But I still have these major "clashes" of discrepancy.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLACKCOFFEE87 1/8/2009 9:20PM

    Very insightful post! Awesome!

I've got a weird view of myself. I'm hugely egotistical and think I'm a lot more toned/thin than I am, so, when I go clothes shopping or see myself in a full length mirror somewhere (I don't own one either, b/c I don't like having these revelations too often) I'm disappointed that my outside doesn't match what I feel on the inside. That's what I'm aiming for.

Stay cool! ^.^

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 Last Page