Monday, June 21, 2010
Seriously...there isn't enough hours in the darn day/week/month. Welcome to my world. My day is starting at 4:15-4:45am (variance due to the fact that I am compulsive and evidently a bit of a worry wart). I am up, drag my arse up to dress, grab meds, check email to see what I can answer while I pull on my socks. I leave my house at 5:15. I arrive at 5:30 to find this child AWAKE and full of smiles and demanding attention and ELMO. I scramble for coffee, clean house, entertain child and dog (boston terrier) and ponder the fact the Barney is kinda creepy in the way I am pretty sure he is a freak hiding behind that slightly overshaped purple dinosaur outfit. Eventually the child goes to take a nap - for 20 minutes to an hour (if I am blessed). In that time I manage to get some reading and writing done for my Al Anon and do some laundry. Girl wakes up and then we get ready to go to my house since I have Abe who is in major depression from his schedule being blown out of the water. We drive to my house - I watch my little one "dance" to the music. This girl LOVES music. She taps her toes and pumps her fist to dance music. She bounces her head and then switches to rocking her head to rap/r&b (because the beat changes up frequently). She rocks back and forth to alternative music. She clearly is her mom and Noni's kid - she LOVES her music.
Girlfriend still isn't walking and her "talking" still isn't clear beyond mama, dog, and yelling at the dog (jeez go figure..lol). Considering she was slow to crawl, a preemie, and considering the circumstances of her environment - I am not panicking quite yet. I took her to her doc appointment and I have a referral for her to be evaluated when I want it. They recognize the situation and that there is no consistency between the two households. My guess is she will walk at any point here - it is just quicker for her to crawl right now.
I am basically going from their house, spending time at my place to clean and hang out with Abe. I either walk Abe if the weather is good with the baby (which lately the weather has sucked)..or we hang until late afternoon (and I do Sparks), I bring Abe to take Aliegh home, get her fed and changed, finish up babysitting, and then walk Abe at our old beach.
I struggle these days with workouts...struggling with balance...struggling with feeling like I have a life that isn't revolving around the daughter and the baby. I think struggling is the key word. Diet is hanging in there but I think that is due to having a strong sense of knowing what is working for me which is South Beach. I have found another beach to walk Abe which is only 10 minutes drive from my house (I live 10 minutes walking from one beach or 10 minutes drive to another) and it is much more accessible for me. I can walk Abe and I can walk Abe and take Ali in the jogging stroller on that beach. My guess is that it will help lessen some of the stress right now. That and eventually hearing that day care assistance has been approved and lined up....
I apologize to my teams - you have been neglected horribly from me. I just haven't found my balance yet. Honestly I have found myself pushing myself to go to bed early (ie normal bedtime is 1130pm earliest for me and I have pushed myself to go to bed by 930 and 10pm) because I really need to rest my body somehow which is collapsing on me. The other component is my sanity - I NEED processing time. That time where my brain can just flow and process all the crap of the day. I don't do well when I feel like I am pushed up against the wall and well of late - that is exactly where my back has been.
I missed a yearly event I normally go to this weekend due to a combination of I had a baby and the weather sucked. If it had just been me, I would have gone - but there was no way I was going to bring Aliegh out into potentially bad weather. Next weekend I have the weekend off (as does the mister who took it off per my request a month ago). I have a weekend of Pride festivities to attend to and normally that is a family filled activity. It will be family oriented but at this point, I seriously need to recharge and take some "me" time so it will be slightly less family and bit more focused on finding some relaxation on my part.
*hugs* here is to all my friends - may you have a good week!
Aliegh and Abe "sunning" themselves on the deck and Abe going for a kiss
And my sentiments (and Aliegh's on the week's summation):
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Life has been challenging. It seems I am lucky if I have 5 minutes to myself these days. My calendar has changed from a weekly version to an hourly version just so I don't forget to do something. So what has changed? Well in a nutshell - Aliegh.
Aliegh's parents are alcoholics/addicts. Only one is in recovery and fortunately the other (the dad) is rarely in the picture. My daughter is in a deferred program due to two DUI's. To say it has been challenging doesn't even touch it. She hasn't managed to stay sober since she is a binge drinker and continuously thinks it's okay to have one drink. Normally her binge behavior has been about once a month. Well last month it was once a week where she lost her glasses and her droid cell phone EACH time (yes you calculate the monetary cost of those binges for someone collecting unemployment ).
We took action and removed Aliegh from my daughter (even though she never drank around Aliegh, I just wasn't willing to risk it since her decision making was clearly messed up). It was the only way I knew I could get her attention to the seriousness of all of this. I basically told her she either had to work her program or drink - but I was keeping Aliegh until I saw her actually working her program. And that is what I did for a couple weeks while mama decided attending 2 meetings a day, getting sponsors and actually being HONEST with her counselor was in order. When I returned Aliegh, I stressed that I was in zero tolerance mode - meaning IF it happens again, we WILL go to court for custody and I would report her (ie she would go to jail for 90 days minimum to a year).
Having a 14 month old around 24/7 at my age is....tiring..lol! Trying to do any work online, Sparks, tend to the house, attend my Al Anon meetings, walk Abe daily, AND fit in an hour at the gym - CHALLENGING. Dear god - how did I have a "life" when my kids were young??
So once Aliegh returned home, I still had to babysit every day (except Friday-Sun) and play taxi cab (since mama can't drive and the bus system sucks out here). Now mama starts work Monday morning and doesn't have any day care assistance from the state set up yet (takes about a month for approval). So guess whose it? You betcha...
Starting tomorrow, I will be rolling out of bed at 5:15 to be at her house by 6am. She works 730am-4pm. She still has AA/NA meetings to attend and outpatient treatment on Wednesday and Thursday evenings. So basically I will have Aliegh until 6 most nights and overnight on Wednesdays. I won't be able to attend a couple of my meetings - limited to only Sunday morning ones. I haven't figured out how I am going to fit in Abe's hour walk and my gym time but somehow, I will manage.
The downside to all of this: well I have wiped out my right elbow and right shoulder. They are already replaced and well there is this little thing about a weight limit which Ms Aliegh has kinda bypassed quite awhile ago. I saw the orthopedic surgeon who confirmed they both need to be revised and no I can't do them at the same time (DRATS but I had to ask)...evidently they can be complicated due to I don't have alot of bone to work with. The idea of being laid up (I am right handed and I own a stick shift so wouldn't be able to drive) doesn't make me happy and ISN'T going to happen until I soak up the last of the beach time this summer. I have an elbow brace to help support the joint but it is horrible (can't put it on myself) and makes me look/feel like the Terminator..lol. And it is far from fashion forward - it just clashes with everything!
So all of THIS is why my presence has been sparse on Spark's. I am still here - I check my mail via my cell phone but I don't have a smartphone yet (no upgrade until September) so I can't actually respond to threads when I am not home since my daughter doesn't have internet (unless I manage to find an unsecured network). So please send me any extra energy you have because if I have a month of this, I am SOOO going to need it!
And this is my pride and joy:
Watching the Sounders lose their soccer game - she sums up my feelings:
Sunday, January 31, 2010
As most my South Beach folks know (and anybody who reads my stuff), I have been on a bread baking kick. This is unusual for me since I am on plan that basically keeps an eye on how many servings of carbs you eat and of course the type. I figured out along my SB adventures that I don't go out of my way to eat pasta or rice. 1/2 cup serving size just does nothing for me so I don't bother. I eat it rarely (ie maybe once every 4 - 6 months). I do eat bread - normally whole wheat pita or Orowheat Thins but I keep it at one serving every day max.
So I dusted off the bread machine which I have had for several years but have lent it out (for a couple years to my girlfriend) and just recently had to insist to my hubby that NO it wasn't being freecycled (since we were moving and HE was trying to whittle down my kitchen...HA!). I made a loaf and enjoyed it but it got my cooking curiousity going. I love a good sourdough and I happened across a food blog about sourdough starters. And away I went! I spent a couple weeks trying to get my sourdough starter to the right "sour". It took me awhile - particularly since Abe decided it smelled too good and he knocked it over and ate it.
As with most newbie sourdough bakers, I just could not bring myself to toss out my starter that I had to pull out in order to feed it. So I did what any good baker does - I made bread. I made bread sticks (Aliegh loves), pizza dough, several loafs of various types (experimenting with recipes), and made croutons OUT of the bread. Yup that is ALOT of bread. The good thing is my hubby needs carbs so he just changed up what carbs he was eating and started eating the bread. I have been providing bread to both my kids' households and my friends in the old neighborhood. The other good thing is I have figured out several recipes that our sourdough and wheat (or multigrain) based.
I love cooking and I have found like I love baking bread - not bread machine type but the actual kneading, shaping, etc. We figure it is meeting one of my creative needs. I like working with my hands and normally am involved with some kind of artistic endeavor. But for awhile now, I just haven't found anything that has peaked my interest other than my cooking. So this works for me now.
We laugh because the joke in the household is I am giving "rustic" bread a whole new definition. I can't draw a straight line, I don't follow recipes to the "T", and I have NEVER made anything that looks exactly like picture. So I am thrilled when a loaf of bread at least LOOKS like bread...
Pumpkin Sourdough Bread:
Vegetarian Chili (because yes I do cook something besides bread):
And Ms Aliegh who LOVES helping:
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