KHAOTICA's Recent Blog Entries

one small step at a time

Saturday, February 07, 2009

I guess, that while im not as active as i could be, ive sat on the computer almost 8 hours a day for the past 2 years of my life, it's really taken its toll on my body.. my rebound diet and slack off exercise plan had me at 210 pounds and looking a myself in the mirror as if i was my own monster.

Sure everyone has had their fair share of demons to face, but what about those weight demons we so carefully avoid bcause the minute we talk about our weight we get upset or feel inferier to those around us? My own boyfriend is 160 pounds and im looking at him going, "omg im fat!" coming to this realization made me really want to do something, IM supposed to be the tiny one in our relationship, im only 5'2 for cryin out loud and he's 6 feet tall!

this week i lost 2 pounds, but im not at all happy about it, Im looking at my weight topping the scale at 151 and i get angry at it, and at myself for not being closer. I lost 80 pounds once, and when i moved i got a bit depressed and allowed myself to drink soda and fast food more than i should have, and gained 20 pounds back in an instant. now 6 months later im pissed off, annoyed with myself and finally doing something about it. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREE2STEPUP 2/8/2009 9:53PM

    I know just how you feel! You lose a few pounds but it feels like nothing compared to what is still left to lose. Keep strong, we can do this!

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Thursday, February 05, 2009

Ive been so sick of being overweight. Ben trying for a year to do something about it but ive hit a wall and im stuck, and still too far off my goal then id like to be.
Ive got a surgery coming up in the summr, for what i choose not to say, but my goal was to be down at a healthy number by then. at least what i fee is healthy for me...
problem is.. i feel afraid of acomplishing that goal...