Friday, July 13, 2012
Calories for the day 1,215 with perfect amount of protein.
Made progress on the Remicade/insurance issue.
When to a U-pick farm today and got beautiful stuff. Will post pictures and tell the whole story tomorrow.
Unfortunately didn't have the greatest health day. Hunger wasn't a problem, because I was feeling nausea all day. When I got out in the sun, I started to feel very shaking and I've actually had to wait until now to force in the last calories to make a balanced day.
Drank more than enough water, just pushing myself too hard. Going to bed and tomorrow will be another day.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
So I was staying in the 1,400 to 1,600 range on calories and just nothing was happening. My exercise right now it very very slow walking (due to foot) and floor exercises - neither of which burn a great deal of calories. I looked over my past tracking and found that the only times I had lost more that 2 pounds a month was when one of the two following things were happening 1) eating an average of 1,000 daily calories or 2) exercising more than 3 hours walking or doing stairs for 20 minutes.
I know I ran into nutritional problems in the past by being too low in calories. However, I did readjust to the 1,200 to 1,400 range on my tracker.
Today I did right on 1,200 and don't feel hunger at the end of the day.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Life is pretty busy right now.
I hinted before that I had some great news and now that contracts are signed I will share. My husband has a job! I feel this is a really good fit for him and it is wonderful to see the excitement in his eyes.
It is in a different state than we are currently in, so this news has been coupled with doing a great deal of paperwork for state licensing in his profession as well as all the planning that comes with a long distance transition. How to get the car there drive or ship? Where to live? Wrapping up bills, errands etc on this end. It has nearly seemed like a job supporting him getting this job.
So what is my role in all of this. Until the screws come out of my foot and until I can settle what is going to happen with my next Remicade infusion I really can't leave the state since all my insurance is here. Or is it....addressed below.... So at least for the short term and until I could figure out something to do with the house, it looks like I'm going to be on my own again. This is much more unsettling than when he went to california. At that time I was still working and basically health.
As of this morning that really is not true. Inflammation is on a roll again. This is expected since my Remicade infusion is scheduled for tomorrow. I woke up with hips, hands, ribs and shoulders all feeling like I'd been beaten up. It is 2pm and I'm finally moving well enough to get up and get my first meal of the day. I know I will be able to survive while he is gone, just not to the same standard. I'm going to need to hire someone to each week help me with getting garbage to the curb and the few lifting on the stairs tasks (like carrying up laundry) that I can't do.
But then I cancelled my infusion for tomorrow. Wild. This is because I knew that my terms of insurance changed my last month with my job (May), so I've been watching to see if the infusion was going to be covered, before putting in for Cobra...since there is a possibility of getting on the new plan under DH. As of this morning it had not been, so I called the infusion billing office to see what was happening and they told me that the insurance coverage had denied the claim. So I called the insurance company to see the reason for the denial. They needed chart notes. So I called by the infusion billing and they said, we haven't gotten a request for chart notes...back forth on calls to get request and then confirmed with billing office. They then inform me that the last THREE infusions that requested chart notes that were sent still have not been paid.
My jaw dropped to the floor. Four outstanding infusions if private paid translates to approximately $40,000. There was no way I was going to rack up another 10K of jeopardy in my life.
The shock of this isn't just the money. It is the dread of feeling my body starting to sink back into the hole of stiffness. Then the more fortress knowledge that if I go for longer than ten weeks without the infusions the chances that my body could have a immunity reaction to the mouse DNA increase (meaning possible more hospital follow up and never being able to use this drug again). I should be terrified right now.
If I look at this from a negative viewpoint:
I'm being leave alone with tasks that are beyond my current abilities.
I'm getting stiffer and don't have medicine on the way.
I have no clue when I can get it again and maybe will never be able to take it again.
blah blah blah blah blah.......
But that is not the person Sparkpeople has allowed me to become. I was looking over my weight loss journey and seeing all the issues that allowed me to go down, up, down, up higher and currently on the way down again. I lost a pound this morning and even if it was after a small (3 pound birthday bump up) it told me I'm still in the battle. I'm still trying. I haven't given up. If I've learned one thing, the battle is not just food and exercise, it is the overall package of being a person willing to make this a life time change and not give up.
A lifestyle change is all of me - the medicine, the insurance, jobs... At first this morning I was in the game, but with a great deal of victim anger. How could the world be doing all of this to me at the same time?? Then I got up and walked past my mirror which has F.U.N posted on it.
Future focused without fear - all of my anger this morning was fueled by what if fear
Understanding the viewpoint of others - insurance people need to tick off their checklists
Noble purpose - I didn't start Sparkpeople to fail. I came here to overcome.
So the positive outlook:
My husband HAS A JOB! Life will be getting better. He will be learning more. His income will stabilize our situation. Sure having two households will mean I'm on an extremely (more than before) tight budget, but that is a short term thing to get back up.
I'm happy that my husband gets to leave the house as it is a constant reminder of his lost pal Louis and it will be so healthy for him to get to a new environment. By the way, eating healthy may not have gotten me to my goal yet, but he has!!!! He is at his perfect weight and looks great. What a wonderful way to start a new job!
While he is away I get a chance to challenge myself to do more and make better independent systems for myself. I also have the chance to surprise him with a healthier wife when he sees me next. I do get the screws out in August and I will be able to exercise more again.
I'm going to be calling the insurance daily until I get this resolved and I will get another infusion appointment as soon as it is in order. I can have a voice for my body and I will not be anger, rather helpful to make sure all the checklists are completed.
I'm started the ball rolling on disability paperwork. Part of being strong is having safety nets in place. I will not allow pride to stand in the way of logic.
I can work on sorting out the rest of my life and getting it on track. I will exercise for 20 minutes today, even if I have to break it into two 10 minute sessions like I did yesterday.
I can. I will. I am positive.
are we there yet, no
Sunday, July 01, 2012
A few nights ago I had a dream that left me laughing. I was at a huge buffet table that was heaped full of every kind of sweet thing possible - cakes, pastries, doughnuts. As I was walking down to fill my plate, I keep waiting to get to the things I can take. The table goes on forever, yet all there is, is nothing worthy to touch. Finally I get to the end, and there was never anything good, so I turn to the carver at the end (who was carving pie rather than meat) and say, "what can I eat that is good?!?" and he replies, "We have blue doughnuts". A turn and see one small plate with a few doughnuts iced with blue - and how is that good for you? I awoke laughing at how my mind was working overtime resisting what I shouldn't have. I love the jokes that the brain plays. As is being blue makes it all good.
So the challenge comes today in that it is my daughter's birthday and we are both being very good about being healthy. So what do you do for a birthday cake? After looking over the web, I came up with the idea of this. Portion control. You take the tin of a tomato paste can and cut out a cylinder of cake....cut sections and put a slice of strawberry between each layer instead of icing...then ice the out side with a puree of strawberry and lite cool whip. Total calorie count 65. And cute. I owe all pictures.
Did I mention that my daughter was born on my birthday...so happy to me too!
Monday, June 25, 2012
How many times as an overweight person, I've felt embarrassed to state my needs? So many. If you order a diet soda, and a full sugar one comes, but you ordered something higher calorie....they're just going to look at you as the fat girl that is doing the token diet soda to make things seem ok.
So after I got home from the dinner that forced an extra lot of calories on me, I was mad. Then I thought....my skinny girl was really trying hard to do the right thing, but I still didn't quite do it right. If I knew the cup vs. bowl of soup was going to make the difference of 350 vs 900 calories...so I sent it bad...why didn't I turn back the salad with dressing as well? I needed to have more of a voice for myself.
So I considered writing a review on Yelp. I went there and read the current reviews. It was a mixed bag, but quickly became obvious that with the change of seasons they were dealing with a new staff. Our server had been pleasant and had a great smile, she just hadn't kept all the details in mind. I didn't want to burn her, just make a difference. So no review.
Today I rethought. I called the manager and explained what a pleasant time we'd have because of the view. I shared my weight loss journey...it wasn't just about calories, but literally my life after multiple health issues. How hard it was for me to send back the soup. That once my server had vocalized that she was sorry she'd forgotten the dressing off the salad, she should have offered to replace it also, rather than leave it. And water would have made a big difference of me leaving feeling full and satisfied.
My inner skinny girl is super happy. She finally got a chance to speak up for herself. Why did I think that by having a voice, I would be doing something wrong. Love my mother, but looking back on the day...why didn't she send back I piece of meat that was costing $32 when it was completely not how she likes it??? Ah, discover point. It is worthwhile to keep situations happy at the cost of what is best for yourself! Skinny girl, "Not!". I learned also that mom ended up adding extra on to her tip so our server got her full 15%. That's ok, her choice. I've learned MY lesson. If I've communicated clearly my order and it is wrong - I will always have a voice to pleasantly ask for it being right. That's not rude, it is just giving a chance for a server to be educated how to be better in the future.
Skinny girls new slogan - It's not about the tip, it's what ends up on my hips!
Get An Email Alert Each Time KGWINDER Posts