KENDAL0525   6,273
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Two days of disgusting binging

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

I wouldn't typically call myself a stress eater. However, the last two days, I have stuffed myself with everything I can get my hands on because my entire life feels like it's crashing down around me. I don't know why I did it. It didn't make me feel any better. It just made me feel bloated and disgusting. It's almost like I purposely sabotaged the one thing that was going really well for me.

I'm back on track today. Logging, drinking my water, not letting the other stuff get me down. I'm disappointed in myself, because this was the week I wanted to start focusing on getting more regular exercise in, not undoing the damage that two days of high calorie eating did. But that's OK. It's in the past and I can only go forward from here.

We all slip up. We all get overwhelmed and let it effect our food choices. It's ok. The important thing is to come out of it and get back on track. I'm done beating myself up. Pass the water :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAK25 7/3/2013 10:19PM

    Yikes! Are we sabotaging ourselves or punishing ourselves? I'm never quite sure! Find something you enjoy doing tomorrow (other than eating) and do that, okay?

Here's to water!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LETHA_ 7/3/2013 1:07PM

    Every person who meets their health goals has a story of backsliding. Begin again. It's all good.

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PATJOONWW 7/3/2013 11:45AM

    You are right we all slip, it's the getting back to it. emoticon

Keep up the good work and much success on your journey!
~Pat~ emoticon

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NEVERORNOW 7/3/2013 11:27AM

    Been there, and as you said, the only thing you can do now is get back on track and move on. I'm proud of you for doing that!! emoticon

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PENNYSAVER2 7/3/2013 11:21AM

    emoticon I'm glad to hear you are back on track. Life just gets to us sometimes.

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PATTYR81 7/3/2013 10:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

Yep.Been there, done that. You are on the 'right' track!

Hang in There!

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SCRAPPINPOLLY 7/3/2013 10:37AM

    I have been eating badly lately too, I think mine is related to a certain time of the month.

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Making choices

Monday, June 24, 2013

Let's be honest. Losing weight and getting healthy is no easy task. Especially when one has not had healthy eating habits for the majority of their life. Heck, that's why we're all here, right? Because we need help and support and because this journey is HARD! I've been overweight to some degree for as long as I can remember. I'm tall, so I "carry my weight well" (whatever THAT means), but still, I've always been self-conscious because of the way I look.

I've been a member of Spark for years on and off. I understand the principles of weight loss. I understand the things that I need to do in order to make myself healthier. For whatever reason, though, I've always failed when I've tried to put those things into practice. Maybe I tried to do too much at once and overwhelmed myself. Maybe I just wasn't ready. Sometimes I was being sabotaged by the very people that SHOULD be the most supportive. Sometimes, (more often than not lately) I'm just so damn poor that I can't afford to have as much healthy food as I would like.

Over the last several weeks, with the support and encouragement of a dear friend who is also on his own journey to becoming healthy, everything has started to click. It's not hard anymore. Every time I eat I have a choice. A choice to fuel my body with something healthy. A choice to NOT eat until I feel like I'm going to explode. A choice to pare down my portion sizes. It's not all or nothing. It's not "oh, I messed up today, I'll start again tomorrow". It's not "I need to start at the beginning of a week". Every time I eat I make a choice.

Sometimes, I make choices that aren't the greatest. For example, I went over on my calories last night because I wanted ice cream in the worst way (it's been 90 degrees here - YUCK!) But I log it and I move on from it and think about the next choice I'll be able to make. I learn from every good choice and every bad choice. Sometimes I find myself struggling just to get to 1200 calories. Sometime I look at my tracker and realize that I just had a bad day. The key - MOVE ON FROM IT. Learn, and move on.

I will never be a supermodel. I will never be stick thin and bony (nor do I want to be). My goal is to be healthy. I want to be strong. I want to have the endurance that I've lacked all my life. I want to get off the stupid high blood pressure medication that I've been on since I was in my mid-20's (and I'm only 33). I want to manage my herniated disc and sciatica issues by losing weight and developing a strong core. I want the satisfaction of just feeling awesome about myself, regardless of what anyone else thinks. I will do that slowly and steadily.

One of the biggest things that I've done is I've tried to stop drinking my calories. I drink water so much more now. I also drink Crystal Light (2 quart package made with a gallon of water to cut the sweetness but give me a little flavor). I don't keep soda in the house at all anymore. It's makes a HUGE difference. And you know what? I don't measure every single thing. I have a basic idea of what a cup of something looks like or what 3oz of something feels like. For me, it's working. Now, if I can just add the exercise back in. Stupid stupid back.... (I'm getting there though. Walking more now and getting some core strengthening going).

So, if anyone reading this is struggling, just remember that you get a new chance every time you need to eat or drink. You don't have to wait until tomorrow, or next week. Just until the next choice.

We're all in this together, and I know that we can all do it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORRIWILLOW 6/25/2013 9:58AM

    You have a wonderful attitude and you are right it takes a decision each time. You don't have to wait for the next day, the beginning of the next week, or a day when you feel perfect to make that next healthy choice. I slip up at times too and give in to those cravings. But hey, it's ok! Everything is good in moderation. I don't feel as guilty when I think of it in that way. If I really want that cookie, I log it and eat more carrots the next time. This way I don't feel like any food is taboo. Frankly food should never be taboo unless it is a major health issue like a food allergy. When a food becomes taboo or you have to deprive yourself of things you really enjoy, it becomes a battle between you and good nutrition. We have enough to wars to fight with our midsections.

This blog is a shining light for all of us who forget the most simple of all rules in lifestyle change, keep going, one step, one decision at a time.

May I suggest a very gentle exercise routine? Please talk to your doctor before starting it though. I have started doing Tai Chi, and I find it very relaxing, very gentle on my back, and as you advance through the forms - the different routines you learn - patterns of movements, it helps balance and strengthens the core as well as provides a gentle cardio work out. I find at the end of my work outs that my heart rate is up but I am not left breathless as I would be from other cardio training.

Tai Chi allows you to stretch and flex your muscles without forcing any movement. It teaches relaxation while exercising. I find it is so good for many of the ailments I have suffered from for years, like migraines and back pain.

I hope this helps you as well.

Good luck and thank you so much for sharing. You have inspired me to keep going.


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LINDAK25 6/24/2013 1:22PM

    You are so right, it's all about choice. We have the power to do what needs to be done. We're not helpless (it just feels that way sometimes). I lost 35 pounds and then had surgery. So for six months I've been maintaining instead of getting back to losing weight. I tell myself that at least I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not moving forward either. Arrgh! I've been working at cutting down the calories and exercising more, too. When it comes to exercise I always do too much and then have to take time off to recover, so I'm trying to take things slowly and take time to rest sore muscles. I've found some great stretches that I do after I walk and that helps my back, too. We can do this, it might take more time than we'd like, but we can!

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PATJOONWW 6/24/2013 10:50AM

    Great blog, you are so right! I too water down my drink, just to get a little flavor. But I've also started liking limes in my water, very refreshing.

Good luck on reaching your goals, and have a great day. emoticonMuch success on your journey! emoticon

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ARRREAGLES 6/24/2013 9:37AM

    Excellent and inspiring advice. Good for you, and good for your new choices!

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Just to gloat a little

Friday, June 14, 2013

I am writing this blog to simply say that I am officially wearing the smallest pair of jeans that I own and they look FABULOUS :) Size 12 Express jeans that I bought 3 years ago and haven't been able to wear in 2 years. I pull them out every once in a while just to see how much longer it will be until I get to wear them. I was shocked this morning when they went on perfectly! So, hooray for non-scale victories!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAK25 6/14/2013 10:59PM

    That's fantastic! Good for you.

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NEVERORNOW 6/14/2013 3:12PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUZEMARIE73 6/14/2013 2:58PM

    Way to go! That is the greatest kind of success.

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JULESJET 6/14/2013 2:54PM

    Awesome! Congratulations!

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STODD251 6/14/2013 2:31PM


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STEPHANIE302013 6/14/2013 2:28PM

    Woohoo!!! that is great :)

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Falling apart at 33

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

I'm 33 years old. And I'm falling apart physically. I have arthritis in my lower back. Along with a herniated disc that causes flare ups of severe sciatica. I have high blood pressure. How is all this possible?

Yesterday I got injections of cortisone in my back for the first time, to help the arthritis. It isn't unbearable, but I'm always stiff and achy when I get up in the morning. It seemed to help, even though the injection sites hurt like hell right now. Next week I go for another injection to help calm my sciatic nerve. I had a month long flare up in May, and my reflexes and sensation are still not back to normal even though the pain is gone.

I'm really hoping that some core strengthening will help keep my back from bothering me so much. Once the injection sites feel better, I'm going to try and just do some simple things to begin working on that. I need to NOT fall apart anymore! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STONECOT 6/12/2013 5:46PM

    Both yoga and Pilates will help. I do both, and feel that Pilates is probably more core orientated. Also try water aerobics. Because it supports your weight, it's very good for stretching your lower body, and the resistance helps all the way round, to build strength and flexibility.

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JENSTRESS 6/12/2013 1:42PM

    I wish you the best. I know that when I had sciatic issues, yoga really helped, AND it is good for your core. Good luck.

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MRSP90X 6/12/2013 1:22PM

    How are those injections? I have those problems as well as a few others and I just cannot seem to do those. I find other ways to work the problem out, and so far so good.

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Learning to cope

Monday, June 10, 2013

Well, it's been a while since I've been active on here. Of course, I know that nothing changes when I'm not committed to myself, but still, I find every excuse under the sun. I'm going to try to be more active. And I'm going to try and care more about myself.

I've found myself in and out of a pretty nasty depression over the last several months. Even on the anti-depressant, I'm still not mentally where I need to be. So, I'm going to try going back to the gym. If I can just get there, I know it will make me feel better. But I just need to get there. It sucks having to wait until my little one is in bed (8pm), but it it's going to help my mood, then so be it.

Life feels like it is all falling apart. My marriage is on the rocks (go figure), we are completely broke, and I'm supposed to be starting law school in August. My daughter's father and I are on opposite pages about where she will be going to school and he is looking to alter the custody agreement. So, needless to say, things are pretty stressful. I've been using a lot of unhealthy ways to cope with all of the stress. Those unhealthy things are, ultimately, just making me feel worse. So, I'm going to try something healthy, just to see if it makes a difference.

I'm only committing to tonight. I'm not going to even pretend that I might go again this week. I just want to make it for one night. Then, I'll decide on another day and just commit to that day. One thing that I've realized lately is that I always overwhelm myself, so I'm trying not to do that.

This isn't even about losing the weight so much. This is more about gaining some control over my life where I can, especially when there is so much that I can't control. This is about finding a way to clear my head so I can focus and not be ruled by my emotions. These are things that I need in my life right now.

So, here's to tonight and just clearing my mind.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINDAK25 6/11/2013 7:15PM

    While it good to hear from you, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I understand depression. I agree--don't overwhelm yourself. Just keep taking those small steps.


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KAT321123 6/10/2013 1:26PM

    It's so hard to find motivation when life gets so overwhelming, particularly when you're already depressed. With that said, I LOVE your attitude -- focus just on now, just on tonight. Getting to the gym is a huge first step!

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