Thursday, September 08, 2011
Son's girlfriend has been told that she needs to pack all of her things and move out this weekend. Weirdly enough, husband and I told her about an hour ago, but she and our son had a fight last night, and he told her to move. She is, of course, planning to take her son with her.
It's sad losing the grandson's daily presence (and of course I'm worried), but this is something that needed to be done. Next we have to work on getting our son out on his own again. There is a limit to how many people our budget can support, so no matter how bleeding my heart, husband and I need to streamline our lives and our debts to prepare for retirement. We're both near 60 and hopefully have another decade to build. (but who knows how long they have when you get right down to it; a heart attack or stroke could change everything an hour from now)
Thursday, September 08, 2011
I've only been Sparking for 2 days and have already lost 3 pounds. I stayed away from feeding the late afternoon munchie-monster again yesterday through sheer force of will. She wants to go wild through the kitchen; she really does. But I said no-no-no and held her back. I wonder how long I can do that. Maybe one day it won't be so hard. Maybe I am breaking the habit.
After all, I broke the smoking habit, and staying away from cigarettes got easier as time went by.
As far as the freeloaders at my house - my son and his girlfriend - I have been talking with my husband. He keeps unloading on me how he's mad about this, that, and the other thing that has happened, and I told him this morning that we have to cut our losses as far as the past is concerned and formulate a plan for the future. It's complicated. On the one hand, our son wants us to treat him like an independent adult (he's 31). On the other, he acts like a rebellious child, so expecting to get his agreement for any contract we come up with looks pretty much impossible.
We really need to get them out. I'd keep the grandson (age 3) and raise him if I could, but reality is that I have no rights as far as he is concerned. It doesn't matter how attached I am or how much better I think I am for him than they are (after all - I don't do drugs), if they wanted to flit off to some crack house and take him today, I couldn't stop them. I could report them, but I already know that it takes CPS forever to follow through, and they're unlikely to do anything on a verbal report alone. No; it's sad. The grandson would have to come to harm first. Or they would have to be arrested.
When I have anxiety like this, I feed it. That's how I got up to over 200 pounds. However, I'm beginning to see that there's nothing unique about my situation. It's life. Some times are better and some are worse, but we all deal with stresses that test our resolve to take care of ourselves, don't we?
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
Yesterday I kept myself from my late afternoon munchie-monster attack by sheer force of will. There has to be a better way! I don't have that amount of will every day.
I ended up at the lower end of my calorie range, so that was good. It was enough food. I can't say that I went hungry. Why do I make this so difficult for myself when it's really no big deal?
I'm under a lot of stress and have been for quite some time. My son had a DUI nearly 2 years ago, and because of the fine and the court-ordered treatment, he couldn't afford to keep his apartment. We allowed him to move in with us. My husband and I have a 3-bedroom house, and we love our son unconditionally, so it seemed a reasonable thing to do.
My son and his girlfriend have a now 3-year-old son, and I just love him to pieces! I'm glad that he's here because I know that he's safe and well cared for. I'm not so glad that his mom is here. I never intended for her to live here. In the beginning, she moved in with her dad and only visited. Gradually she's come to stay here more and more, and because we don't want her to take our grandson and stay with her worthless friends, we tolerate it.
One of the things we've learned since they've been here is that they use meth. They deny it and say that's all in the past, but I've noticed that there are days when they're up and doing things for 36-48 hours at a stretch. Then they crash for the next 24+ hours. That's not normal; it has to be meth (or something similar). During the crash phase, my son is so irritable that if I ask him to do the least little thing, he verbally bites my head off.
Then there's the situation with work. My husband started his own plumbing company in 2003, and since 2004 our son has been working with him. My husband has had complaints about our son from the beginning. He's lazy; there's no other way to say it. But they limped along and son did manage to pass the test for his journeyman license, so he's got a marketable skill, that and his experience being a waiter. He needs to get out there and get a different job because husband has had it up to his eyeballs. A couple of months ago, son was careless and scratched the hardwood floor of a customer. That has cost us about $1300 so far. The customer won't pay for the plumbing until his hardwood floor has been repaired, and their floor guy has been so busy that he hasn't been able to come back and assess the floor. It may be that they will have to strip and re-stain the entire floor. They don't want something that looks like a patch. Husband was talking to son about how important it was to be careful and maintain a clean work space while in other people's homes, and son cut him off with "I don't care!" That was the last straw; husband doesn't want son to work with him anymore, and who could blame him.
We also don't want to support son or his girlfrend anymore. She has food stamps so keeps the refrigerator and cabinets stocked, but they don't pay any rent, and getting them to help with the chores around here is a major ordeal. They are major slobs, so I feel like I am constantly cleaning up after other people. For example, son was working on his car the other day and left the downstairs sink a greasey mess. Of course I couldn't leave it like that! I've asked him to be sure he cleans out the sink next time, but I'm about 98% sure that he won't.
But if we kick out the son and his girlfriend, what will that do to their son? I don't care so much about son and girlfriend; they've made their choice to burn every last bridge to a decent life. But the little guy is innocent!
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
When I stopped in yesterday, I thought it had been about a week since I lost focus. But no - it was closer to 3.
I am entering the most difficult part of my day - the late afternoon. I want to go wild eating stuff. I almost always do; nom nom nom! Bites of peanut butter, jam, cheese, chocolate; not too much of any one thing, not enough to bother measuring. It's just that 1 tsp of this and 1 bite of that and the other things add up to TOO MANY CALORIES. See that Kenaz! Don't try to fool yourself.
Why do I think if I ignore my problem, it will go away on its own?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
So far, I don't. Goals that other people set aren't motivating to me.
I find myself wondering this morning if it wouldn't help to anchor me into this site and my personal goals.
Get An Email Alert Each Time KENAZFEHU Posts