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KENAZFEHU's Recent Blog Entries

Goodbye SparkPeople

Monday, September 24, 2012

I'm not giving up on my goals, but I'm giving up on SparkPeople. I think the site has a lot to offer, but I can't get a single meal logged before the site dumps me to a page that tells me to try the refresh key. It happens as soon as I log in and over and over and over and over again. I can't take it anymore!

I won't be back.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMA_BEAR_69 9/24/2012 11:28AM

    I hate to see you leave but I do understand your frustration. Good luck to you on reaching your goals.
Continued blessings and hugs,

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May I have high motivation every day? Please?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

I sooooooooooooo get it now.

I changed somewhere deep inside the day I realized that I was stuffed, miserable, and numb because that's exactly what I wanted.

That's the default setting. I will change it. I am so much more than that.

I've been taking pleasure in planning my meals and knowing I'm within my chosen calorie range. Always before, I had sort of a dread - like my calorie range just wasn't going to be enough food, even though I knew it was.


People don't get it!

Friday, September 14, 2012

There's another community that I'm much more active with than I am this community. I've been blogging there about getting a handle on compulsive overeating, and I keep getting suggestions to go paleo or GAPS or .....

People! The problem isn't the food that I'm eating! The problem is that I want to stuff myself silly with it. It could be roast boar or apples or cheese or raw nuts; it could be anything.

I had an epiphany a few nights ago as I got ready for bed. I had been in uncontrollable binge mode all day, and I was stuffed and miserable and numb. I pondered for the millioneth time why I had done it to myself, and I realized the next day that feeling stuffed and miserable and numb was the point. I'm addicted to that feeling. It takes me away from the other problems in my life, like what I'm going to do about the adult son living here who is a nice guy and treats me and his father well, but he's a mooch. He's got a good standard of living because his dad and I work such long, hard hours. What am I going to do about hating my job and being so bored I can't stand it?

Eat. Just eat. Eat and eat and eat and eat and eat until I'm too stuffed and miserable and numb to do anything else. You want me to go paleo? I'll stuff myself silly on paleo. Want me to go vegan? Believe me, I can stuff myself stupid on vegan food, too.

There's no easy solution. When I quit smoking, I couldn't just switch to a different cigarette. I'd still be a smoker. I had to do the work of finding some other way to navigate through all the times I would have paused to have a smoke. I ignored those impulses and turned my attention to something else.

Which is what I have to do now. I can have meals. I need meals. What I don't need to do is eat between meals.

And the only way to keep myself accountable to my goals is to log every string bean, every slice of bread, every ounce of roast lamb, EVERYTHING that I put into my mouth. I've traveled this road before, and this is what it takes. This is the only way I've ever been successful.

Oh - and I haven't forgotten exercise. That's a subject for a different day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PICKIE98 9/14/2012 3:39PM

    You DO get it!! It seems so overwhelming to jump in and somehow start to make a change,, you got it, now go for it!!

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CJJANISS 9/14/2012 3:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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Just for today

Monday, June 11, 2012

I can't lose 56 pounds today. I wish I could.

I can do this:
1) Move more, sit less.
2) Log my food and stay within my calorie range.
3) Drink water, lots of water.

I broke it down this morning. If I lose 1.5 pounds per week, I will be at goal by the middle of March.

Let tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creep on in the steady pace I am setting today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SADWHITEWOLF 7/23/2012 11:06AM


Moving more really does make a big difference. Get up and stretch your legs as often as you think of it. Get up and pace around the room. Speaking of which I have been sitting a solid 45 minutes. Time to get up and pace around the office a bit!

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I wish I could get some help

Sunday, June 10, 2012

But I don't know what would help. I joined Weight Watchers for a few months, and it was down 3 pounds, up 2, down 6/10ths of a pound, up 3/10ths, and so on and so forth. I did net a loss of 12 pounds, but it took way too long and was too expensive, so I quit. Now I've regained 6 of those lost pounds. So maybe the meetings were helping, but is it really worth it to have to spend $2000+ to lose 50 pounds?

I'm so feaking discouraged!

I am looking forward to a trip to Cancun next May, and I thought "this will be a good motivation to stick with the weight loss/improve fitness plan", but alas! I had the same idea the last time I was planning for an exciting trip to Bonaire, and I achieved absolutely nothing. What is it going to take?

I wish I could accept myself as I am and quit starting/stopping new weight loss plans.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KITTY_SOZE 6/10/2012 4:20PM

  Wow, I know exactly what you mean. When I first started trying to consciously lose weight, back when I was a sophomore in college, I decided to take a step aerobics class that was for one hour, three days a week. I only missed one class the entire semester, and do you know what the result was? ONE POUND LOST! Just one! It was so frustrating and infuriating that I just stopped trying to be healthy and exercise.

Now, I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was back then, and I seriously regret that I just gave up on myself. The truth is, it takes more than some temporary external factor to make weight loss achievable - you have to want it for yourself and for your life.

I'm still working on it, and I still get easily frustrated - it seems to take twice as much effort and work for me to lose weight than the average person. But you can do it, if you really want to.

This might sound cheesy, but if you want an internal change, can I recommend checking out Oprah's Life Class? I have been listening on the radio and watching online (it's free), and find it very inspiring and helpful. Changing the internal, I'm finding, is the step to making lasting external change.

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