Monday, September 12, 2011
Well, I may have bitten, off more than I can chew......
no, not literally, but rather figuratively
You see, when I was back in the UK, I saw a link to the following
you can find out more about it here coffee.macmillan.org.uk/Home.aspx
and I thought that it would be good for me to organise one here in France....it does say the world's biggest coffee morning after all.
Then, a friend asked when I was starting my sophrology business, and I replied, well, the 1st October
Same same sort of date
and then I decided to kill two birds with the same stone
and have an open day with an introductory sophrology session , giving coffee, tea whatever, plus delicious Scottish baking...including millionaire's shortbread, not very diet friendly, I have to say
however, very popular, hmmm wonder why?
With a voluntary donation for Macmillan, and a French cancer charity.
My elder son is currently repainting the erstwhile bedroom which is going to be my sophrology room
I am working on invitations, programs, presentations, all of that
plus preparing and giving my university lectures
plus, performing a miracle with my stuff, quart into pint pot doesn't even start to explain, I just wish my house expanded like this!
oh, and having all my children at home.........
well, on the plus side, I'll me moving a lot, and not have much time to overeat!
Wish me luck!
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
I'm scared of the changes in my life, the lack of work, the lack of structure in my day, the lack of anyone here at night, the lack of human contact in the day.
Now, I know that there is only one solution for all of this, and it is me.
I know that.
I have decided to micromanage my time
Oh, and I'll include the following......
relax and breath
human contact, and by that I mean human, not like this chap, although sparkcontact is great too
....asking myself the following question regularly
is this "really" good for me, either my
And there has to be a minimum of two out of three
And doing my best not to forget the following
So I'm to do that now.....
And once I've started, I need to go on.....
Sunday, July 10, 2011
"Inertia is the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest"
Well, in my case, it's a serious case of rest...and I need to get started, again.....
And blogging about it is a start...
So, what was the problem?
As I last blogged, my body went into a shut down, and I couldn't move.
That's over though.
The problem is in my mind.
You see, I've been suffering from blinded rabbit syndrome
I've been paralysed by the various things that I have no control over....my upcoming redundancy, being the biggest,
and that has led me to not acting in areas where I do have control, like getting my house organised.
Now, the house....
The problem is that I have too much stuff..
I would really really love a visit from this one
However, I know that I have to find her in me......
My energy level has been in a minus state. These guys have been working overtime
However, today I did a short workout, and some strength training, and I am starting to overcome the inertia, slowly
I'm not going to stand or sit still any longer.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
This blog is very personal, and long......it has been difficult and cathartic to write. I have been putting it off, avoidance I think it is called It is also quite raw, but what the heck, that is ok.
If you have been following my status reports, you will have noticed that my body has had to go to extremes to get me to listen, in fact, it has had to scream
Now, why should this be?
Ok, I need to perhaps fill in a few other missing links, and a few amazing things that happened this week. So I shall be getting to some major positive things, it's just a long haul through some negative first.
But first, I'll go back a couple of weeks, to where I had a huge shock. I can't talk about this because it is not my story to tell, however, it did put me severely off balance....see my earlier blogs.
Then, I was decluttering. This is not unconnected with my story, because I am a huge hanger on of things, and have been for years.
Just before my parents arrived I was trying to get some space in my attic. This is essential to allow for storage of things I want to keep as I am letting out part of my home. The attic was full not only of my things, but also all the kids.....I do have four....their school things, old toys, general junk etc.
And of course, memories.
Well one day, on a Monday, in order I found,
1) love letters from my ex.....I kept, because it is important for the kids to see that once upon a time their parents were truly in love, still, bitter sweet
2) the first copy of the book my ex wrote for our eldest, again bittersweet, a reminder of when he spent his spare time away writing for our son, our family, and included my parents in it, as a recognition of all that they had done for us, and also one of the reasons that the woman he left me for fell in love with him, he was such a good father (as management consultants, they worked together, and stayed in hotels together)
I had already had this thought when I came across
3) a bag of clothes belonging to the aforementioned lady, my ex's ex!
Yep, you got that right......
The kids had asked if they could bring some of their father's stuff to my house to keep it safe, and they had included a bag of clothes not belonging to their father.
Now, the cumulation of all three did not have the best of effects on me, especially when added to the earlier shock, and that night I hardly slept.
The next day I saw my counsellor, and recounted the whole shebang. At the very end, I said I was angry, and she said that that was good, I was still showing signs of life!
OK, let's look at my anger.
I was angry at myself, that despite having all the tools to cope, to move on, I wasn't......yet
I was angry that two women who I had not chosen to part of my life were causing me such grief
I was angry that I felt that anger was wrong
I was angry that I was directing all this anger inwards
I was quite simply angry........
However, I held on to the fact that I was showing some feeling.
The doc signed me off work, her prescription was that spending some time with my parents, and decluttering my living space would help me elsewhere. Oh, and this time round I refused the anti depressants, I was angry and wanted to cope without them. In the past they have been a lifeline, but I felt not this time.
Oh, it is rare to see a counsellor completely gobsmacked, but Mme B truly was! She couldn't believe that my ex had had the brass neck to store his ex's clothes at my home. She did suggest that I have a bonfire, but my frugality and desire to be green meant that I sent the clothes to goodwill..... in good condition, and good quality, hope that they help someone! Yep, angel that I am!
Around this time I also read serene_me's blog on gratitude
It made me think.
Then, a great weekend, with my partner's daughter's Pacs party
Mini Highland games in the afternoon, great party in the evening, photos to follow.
On Monday, I woke up and my back had seized. I asked myself what my body was trying to tell me
It was worse than I had known in years, and I had to drive my parents to Geneva, and then me back home. I called my osteopath before leaving and knew I had an appointment that evening. And I was taking strong pain management.
I also felt that it was sciatica, not just a seized back.
How I got home I am not sure, I was not a good driver, I had to stop several times, and my kids were not happy to see a mummy in tears with the pain.
So I went to see Jerome, osteopath and acupuncturist
He told me that I was holding onto toxic emotions, and that my insides were the equivalent of Marseille (change to your town of choice) where the bin men were on strike! I was refusing to let go of my negative emotions HMMMMM
He also said that my sciatica was one of uncertainty, and fear of lack of money, love and another.....before I had told him that I was being made redundant! Or any of my other issues.
Golly gosh and all of that
Scary that he was so on target
Another thing, as he was working on my abdomen, I felt something crack, and the tears came. Of course I stopped them, and he said I needed to let them out.
Not sure if suffering such pain that I was in tears, and yelling was the best way of letting them out. Possibly need to listen a bit harder to my body, and do what it tells me, rather than what I think i "ought" to be doing.
I've been back for a second consultation, to deal with the sciatica. It is helping.
So, let's get back to some basic things.
Holding on far too long..
to my clutter in my home
to my clutter in my head
to my clutter in my body
Strangely enough, since I have been letting go of some of the clutter in the home, my body has been letting go too
So to answer the question I asked myself on Monday, what is my body telling me?
I need rest, I have been sleeping during the day, and that has done me the world of good
I need to organise my home and my head
That will take time, and I need to let myself have that time
And I can let go
And in that letting go, I shall create the space to find myself
In all my glory!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
I have realised that the balance question is rather important to me, and that I have to think long and hard about the serenity prayer.
You see, I know that I am allowing the things that I can't change to have a hold on me, to throw me off my precarious balance
Do you remember a game where the object was to pull things out of a pile, and not make it fall over? With the wonders of google, I have found it; it's called topple
Well, looking at it reminds me that not every brick taken out actually makes the tower fall! That is pretty amazing, isn't it...not everything will make the tower fall!
So let's take a look at what is causing me to feel so vulnerable, so shaky
Empty nest plus redundancy plus hormones plus the youngsters taking over and remodelling a little apartment in my home to let plus setting up a new business, plus getting the house ready to carry out my new business plus decluttering plus plus plus
OK, these are unsettling, however, this is where surely I should try to let my wisdom come in?
Or maybe just try to find some?
This week I did a course of financial management, so lets take a look at these stressors, in the balance sheet of my life.
Redundancy, negative, can't do anything about it....however, it is giving me the opportunity to follow my heart and dreams and become a Sophrologist! So let's put the starting a new business as an asset to balance out the liability.
The stress of the youngsters doing the remodelling, compared with the stress of having to organise it myself, no question, more than balances out
And, it also helps me financially
and as my tenants will be two girls, friends or the youngsters, one of whom I have known all my life, my nest won't be quite so empty
even excluding the attic.
So, just to conclude, to go back to balance, and wisdom, and choices, and reality....I'll finish with this image, that I have to remember that I don't necessarily need to fall, I can spread my wings
Oh, and if anyone wants to see the rest of the photos for the month, you can find them here.
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