Friday, September 12, 2008
I am writing this letter to you because you need your butt kicked and it's time you wised up and admitted to yourself that you are really letting me down. This is not going to be easy to say but it must be done. You need to hear me so listen with both ears!
What are you doing? Do you realize that you have gained back 16 pounds since your lowest weigh-in of 251.5? What the heck happened to you? Where did it all go wrong? Yeah yeah, I know, you've been dealing with a lot of stressful situations on the home-front, family issues, money issues, personal issues, you've been feeling down for a long time now, but it's time you realized that you've been handling all of that the wrong way. Yes, Kelly, you have been on a slippery slope back to the land of emotional/stress eating and look where it's taken you?
Don't tell me you didn't see the red flags, I know you did. Why did you push them aside instead of meeting them head-on. Have you learned nothing in 850 days?!
Why are you drinking soda again after nearly 2 years of staying off of it? Why did you allow your husband to bring salt back into the house when you hadn't used it since May 2006? Thank goodness, you recognized that as a threat and threw it out before it had a chance to reach out and grab you. Why have you not had 'salad stuff' in the fridge for weeks now? Why have you been hiding Halloween candy in your desk drawer and Halloween is 7 weeks away?
Why are you answering all your stress cravings with high calories foods and 'bad stuff' when you should know better than anyone what it will do to you - and how quickly the results will be. You know you've always been different than most. You know that all you have to do is think of something like pizza and you'll gain 5 pounds just from THINKING ABOUT IT. You know what 305 pounds felt like so why are you heading back up the scale instead of down?
There's a saying in the south that may offend some so if you're reading this and get offended, I apologize. The saying goes: ''either poop or get off the pot''. Kelly, you need to either get back on this with everything you've got or you need to cancel your spark account and eat yourself back up to 305 pounds. Your options are few, either do it or don't.
Stop filling our head with visions of 'onederland' if you aren't willing to do the work to get us there.
Why are you so dang pig headed sometimes! Mother always said you were her most stubborn child. When you make your mind up about something, it takes an act of congress to change it. So why can't you just make up your mind to get back on track and stay there?! Why can't you just take care of our body and nurture it with love and care. You do realize, don't you, that you were abusing our body for years. Yes, I said it, you abused your own body. You took all the hurt and crap from the years of your life and you stuffed all of it in your mouth and ended up like THIS!
Grow up, wise up, get a grip, move all the clutter out of your mind and find that focus and determination you had in the beginning. You can do the work, you just have to want it as badly today as you wanted it on May 15, 2006! Look where you are, look around you, look at where you came from, look to where you were heading before you started falling apart.
Look, listen, learn and live!
Self, I do love you and I know that somewhere deep inside, you do have the strength to go the whole way. You have it, you just need to believe it like you did before. You are the only one who can do this, nobody else can do it for you. It's all up to you, Kelly, it's all up to you.
p.s. Self, thank you for throwing away that candy you had in your desk drawer and thank you for going to the grocery store tonight and stocking up on healthier foods. Your body thanks you!
Tomorrow is another day ...