Day 2: Phase 2 - that's what I'm calling it

Sunday, September 14, 2008

I am happy to say that I had a great day yesterday and will be having another great day today. I feel so much better today than I did a few days ago, it's very therapeutic to purge yourself of guilt and shame. It's almost like it removes your chains and sets you free!

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Quotes about freedom:

“Freedom in general may be defined as the absence of obstacles to the realization of desires”


“Man is free at the moment he wishes to be.”

“Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.”



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Tomorrow is a new day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOOKING_UP 9/14/2008 7:16PM

New Beginnings is perfect, Kelly! I'm glad Day 1 went well and that Day 2 is as well. Super quotes for inspiration and starting fresh! Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 9/14/2008 6:56PM

Kelly! I'm just loving everything about the new you and your new energy... love the page, love the daily blogs, love the positive words and I L~O~V~E the new tagline!!! "Tomorrow is a ~NEW~ Day !" This is so beautiful and such an appropriate way to end your daily blogs... in typing it, you will affirm that there is a new opportunity for success at the end of each day.. And as I read it, I will also be affirming this! Thanks Kelly! It feels like you might be kicking the CR_P out of those well walls yet! HEE HAW!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVE_TO_LOVE 9/14/2008 2:37PM

Great quotes Kelly! So TRUE! Let freedom reign! WooHOO! Day 2! I'm thinking about how freedom really is a state of mind. We are only bound by the things we LET bind us and hold us back. We all need each other , to help us see things that we we're not aware of , or have lost focus on. It's the same spiritually. Our enemy HATES relationships because he knows that together we are STRONG! We're not letting go, Kelly. We're standing STRONG! And btw, it's GREAT to see 3 blogs in 3 days from you...I could really get used to THIS! =) Phase 2 is underway! Report Inappropriate Comment

#1: A brand new day and a brand new start

Saturday, September 13, 2008

First of all, thanks to my friends for the swift kick in my rear and for saying the things that I NEEDED to hear. It wasn't easy for me to write the letter to 'me' last night and it wasn't easy to read the responses but, again, it had to be done. I needed to be honest and my friends needed to remind me why I'm here and what I'm supposed to be doing.

Last night I felt ashamed, today I feel refreshed. I'm taking Kathy's advice and starting over, Day 1. There is no candy in the house and no soda either and I am not buying anymore of that junk. I did it before, I know I can do it again. This does feel like a turning point and I am turning it in the right direction and moving on.


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Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVE_TO_LOVE 9/14/2008 2:30PM

Oh yeah..! Can you see my big ole smile?? I'm with ya Kelly! WOoHOO!!! Saturday, September 13th, 2008 ~ Let it be known that Kelly is headed in a NEW direction! SHe's choosing LIFE ~ she's choosing FREEDOM ~ she's choosing to grow to a healthy old age with her sweetheart ~ she's choosing to see and influence future generations of her family ~ she's choosing to LOVE herself! Today, and each day hereafter! Today is a new day! Congratulations Kelly!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LOOKING_UP 9/14/2008 12:49PM

You keep feeling refreshed because that will help you succeed...shame will just bring you down. A brand new day and start...I hope yesterday was a gread new beginning for you!! Hang in there--we are all in this together, Kelly!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LABYRINTH 9/14/2008 11:01AM

BFF you have lost a hell of a lot of weight. I wish you could see how close you are to getting to your goal! You are really much closer then you think! Check out this Sparker's page BAMOM19. She did it. You can do it. Getting real with ourselves, stopping the delusion or the wishing, it's HARD. It takes a lot of courage to do this. I want you to think about making your nutrition and exercise public - just think about it. It's another step on that path of total honesty with yourselves. Now, I dare you to walk every day for 30 days. Just a simple walk. If it's wet or cold outside then go for a walk at the mall. That is my September challenge to you. Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 9/13/2008 2:08PM

ok, so today, I read TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY as a positive affirmation that yipee, I get to make more progress tomorrow! You are going to make it Kelly! Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 9/13/2008 1:59PM

Hip Hip HOORAY! she lives, she is sparked, she is here for us... You WILL do it Kelly! Here is to DAY ONE!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 850: Letter to Myself ....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dear Self,

I am writing this letter to you because you need your butt kicked and it's time you wised up and admitted to yourself that you are really letting me down. This is not going to be easy to say but it must be done. You need to hear me so listen with both ears!

What are you doing? Do you realize that you have gained back 16 pounds since your lowest weigh-in of 251.5? What the heck happened to you? Where did it all go wrong? Yeah yeah, I know, you've been dealing with a lot of stressful situations on the home-front, family issues, money issues, personal issues, you've been feeling down for a long time now, but it's time you realized that you've been handling all of that the wrong way. Yes, Kelly, you have been on a slippery slope back to the land of emotional/stress eating and look where it's taken you?

Don't tell me you didn't see the red flags, I know you did. Why did you push them aside instead of meeting them head-on. Have you learned nothing in 850 days?!

Why are you drinking soda again after nearly 2 years of staying off of it? Why did you allow your husband to bring salt back into the house when you hadn't used it since May 2006? Thank goodness, you recognized that as a threat and threw it out before it had a chance to reach out and grab you. Why have you not had 'salad stuff' in the fridge for weeks now? Why have you been hiding Halloween candy in your desk drawer and Halloween is 7 weeks away?

Why are you answering all your stress cravings with high calories foods and 'bad stuff' when you should know better than anyone what it will do to you - and how quickly the results will be. You know you've always been different than most. You know that all you have to do is think of something like pizza and you'll gain 5 pounds just from THINKING ABOUT IT. You know what 305 pounds felt like so why are you heading back up the scale instead of down?

There's a saying in the south that may offend some so if you're reading this and get offended, I apologize. The saying goes: ''either poop or get off the pot''. Kelly, you need to either get back on this with everything you've got or you need to cancel your spark account and eat yourself back up to 305 pounds. Your options are few, either do it or don't.

Stop filling our head with visions of 'onederland' if you aren't willing to do the work to get us there.

Why are you so dang pig headed sometimes! Mother always said you were her most stubborn child. When you make your mind up about something, it takes an act of congress to change it. So why can't you just make up your mind to get back on track and stay there?! Why can't you just take care of our body and nurture it with love and care. You do realize, don't you, that you were abusing our body for years. Yes, I said it, you abused your own body. You took all the hurt and crap from the years of your life and you stuffed all of it in your mouth and ended up like THIS!

Grow up, wise up, get a grip, move all the clutter out of your mind and find that focus and determination you had in the beginning. You can do the work, you just have to want it as badly today as you wanted it on May 15, 2006! Look where you are, look around you, look at where you came from, look to where you were heading before you started falling apart.

Look, listen, learn and live!

Self, I do love you and I know that somewhere deep inside, you do have the strength to go the whole way. You have it, you just need to believe it like you did before. You are the only one who can do this, nobody else can do it for you. It's all up to you, Kelly, it's all up to you.


Love,
Me

p.s. Self, thank you for throwing away that candy you had in your desk drawer and thank you for going to the grocery store tonight and stocking up on healthier foods. Your body thanks you!



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Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LABYRINTH 9/13/2008 11:06AM

Dear Kelly - When I came back to Spark, the very first page I checked was yours. I was very concerned that you hadn't made any more progress. Concerned and Worried. That's why I sent you that email. However, I hesitated to interfere because we are all on this path with ups and downs. This is going to be my only time that I will do this. Please you are killing yourself by not taking this health journey seriously. It's not about being heavy or 300 or 250 or even 150. It's about a PREMATURE DEATH - YOURS! I know you and your DH have health problems - would you want your child to grow up without his parents? Because this is where this is heading. I want you to close your eyes and think about this. Imagine him going to your funeral, then his fathers, imagine him being raised by your family (which would not be good), imagine him at his graduation stating to the crowd..."I wish my parents could have been here..." and imagine him getting married, having children and continuing his life WITHOUT YOU. My dad died when I was 21. He was 52 and had his first heart attack at 42. He did NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY and guess what? He missed my college graduation, marriage, and grandkids. He missed seeing his first and only grandDAUGHTER born which would have made him so happy. FACT - A male spouse usually dies withinn 18 months of the female spouse unless he remarries. If you die first, then all bets are that your husband will die and soon. Where will this leave your son? I usually am not this harsh - you know this - but I am extremely worried. You need to go and discuss this with your doctor. I think you need to discuss lap-band surgery (again I would not promote this at ALL you know that...). You need to be under a doctors supervision and start having personal, weekly guidance to get you back on track - Spark is good but NOT ENOUGH. Things are at a point - a Turning Point. You are either going to recognize and get serious about this with diet and exercise or you are going to be at Wal-mart in a handicap motorized wheelchair buying groceries for your family. Go to Wal-mart today and look at this people. Do you seriously want to be this way? Do you seriously want to be this incapaciated and living your life from a wheelchair? SERIOUSLY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE understand that this is a BATTLE FOR YOUR LIFE. We are only given one. Please live it and stop trying to kill yourself. Your Friend - Becky Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 9/13/2008 12:54AM

Dear Kelly, As I sat here tonight, reading and really absorbing your letter, tears rolled down my face. I have toyed with whether I should send you a personal sparkmail or post on your blog and I have decided to write my heartfelt response to your post where you will most easily refer back once you regain your absolute determination... Where you can mark your turning point and recall the moment. I have known you now Kelly for 9 months of your 850 days. And Kelly, you have struggled through most of them. I understand so very well the intention of your personal letter to yourself, (you may recall I wrote one to myself several weeks ago.) It is a cry of desperation to yourself . It is a public acknowledgement that you have gotten weak enough to feel the building start to crumble down around you. It is about fear. Fear that you will not be able to pick up the pieces, and yet you have the hope that by stating your concerns... the innermost person within will hear you and the light will shine. Remember the movie E.T.? Remember when E.T. is laying there on the cot with all the government researchers around him, he was zipped in the case and given up for dead....and his heart begins to glow? I am thinking of this... and you. That little piece of determination that is left within you will begin to glow if you forgive yourself for the slippage and begin to see the good you have accomplished. I know sister that this is the hardest thing, that because of all of life's struggles it is so much easier to let go of the determination and console yourself by filling the hole. The journey of weight loss is "SO not about the food"... it is all about the history of our own individual selves... of how a girl in grade school made us feel, of an embarrassing moment that shaped us, about the cruel words a brother said, of the disapproving looks of our mothers, of the competition with our sisters, of the boy we had a crush on who never would even think to look at us... It is not about the food... it is about how we came to be emotional stuffers.. I am one... if someone looks at me wrong, I may not even be aware that this is a trigger, but I buy a candy bar. So, because it is not about the food, and it is about our fragile hearts and fragile self confidence, we need to work extra hard... (Because our inner voice at times can be very destructive.) We need to make ourselves understand the thing that is hardest to understand..... that we are worth saving, and that the sneaking of the food and the little white lies we tell ourselves are truly killing us bit by bit. We are allowing our enemy to win. I have watched you muster and re muster your strength and enthusiasm. I remember a blog comment I wrote to you about your being stuck in the middle... that you are on to the second half of your journey and yet you are stuck... Kelly, I feel as though I have been teetering on this same ledge for the last 3 months and darn it, it really and truly is time to rekindle that piece of resolve that still lies within us. Time to get the ember glowing again so that our fire will burn. What did you do in the beginning? How did you start? Go back and think it out... I went back and re-read my early blogs this week so I could bask in the enthusiasm that was mine in January. We have built amazing friendships during our time here as we spark along. And if we did not have this constant check in, imagine how far off the wagon we would have allowed ourselves to go! But it is time to get out of this beautiful resort town that we have decided to vacation in along our journey, and put on the backpacks and start up that mountain again. We have so many more tools in our pack than we did when we first started on this journey. We have friends we can count on... we have systems that we KNOW work if we use them.... we have the ability to track, the ability to say no, the daily check in to report how we are doing to people who will respond to us.. There is no hiding here on this journey of success. OH yes, you have been on a journey of success... don't you dare allow yourself to feel defeat... THIS MOMENT is part of the journey... it is the turning point. YOU and I are worth making this long and tremendously difficult journey to better health. You were not correct when you wrote to yourself that there are two choices... Well, I am sorry to tell you that there is only ONE choice... and that is to go forward with honesty and determination and *so be it* if it takes awhile! *So be it* if we take 2 steps forward and 1 back... so what! We will still move forward... Tomorrow... when you want a soda... you are drinking water at least twice instead, and on Sunday you will do the same. OR, if that is too hard, when you want a soda... you must drink 8 oz of water first, and then you can have one. Start small again Kelly... feel the accomplishments of the small things and share them in your blog. I am in this to win this and I believe that you are too. We, especially on the lime team need to hold each other accountable, otherwise this is just a nice social club that takes up alot of our time. I would rather make progress while socializing, how about it? I believe that you have it in you. I believe that you can be E.T. and glow again. You are one of my first heroes here Kelly, and you continue to be my hero. I know you track your time here in Days... what would you think of starting your next 850 days with DAY 1, a new beginning! And what about a new tag line to your blogs... sometimes I read "tomorrow is another day" as ...well, I didn't do so well today, but tomorrow is another day.... You love so many quotes, find one that is a firm commitment to the strength that you must find to go on... a drum and bugle to play your march... You are going to do this Kelly, I am slapping you across the face with my white glove, we duel tomorrow evening! So, S _ _ T or get of the darn pot will you? And you know all those things that are happening in your life that make you stockpile halloween candy? ... They are not important if you are not here on this planet... Your son needs his mommy to be healthy and to be with him on his life's journey, to help him with his children and to be his forever buddy... Remember how good you were feeling and know that it is not too late to feel that way again. The first 8 of those pounds will come off easily if you start doing the work again. I am a long winded bag of wind tonight, and now wish I hadn't posted this for the world to see... but I know in my heart that you can work through this, but honey... you must want it... you need to need it... you gotta want it more than anything to get your motor running again. and.... I KNOW you do! Report Inappropriate Comment

MARGO1966 9/12/2008 11:41PM

I'm sitting here torn between tears and rueful laughter, as I recognize myself in nearly every line of this blog. Seriously - right down to the half a bag of candy corn that I forced myself to throw in the trash this morning and then throw other things on top of so I wouldn't pick them back out. *shaking head* This is seriously getting out of hand. So THANK YOU so very much for sharing this. It's exactly what I've been starting to say to myself several times lately, while the rest of my self sticks its fingers in its ears and sings "la la la I can't hear you..." I'm going to bookmark this and come back to read it daily for the next week. Good luck to you - I will check back and see how you're doing! Report Inappropriate Comment

MAINEAMY09 9/12/2008 11:13PM

Hey, this is a really good blog! I do the same thing, little pep talks are really really empowering. You need to do this every day! Please, keep going down the right path, you will feel so healthy, clean, happy.. get your butt moving!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 845: Focus on day by day, not the end result

Sunday, September 07, 2008

I was just visiting my friend Susie's sparkpage (hi Susie) and this is what occurred to me.

I was thinking last night that the best way to approach weight loss is taking it day by day. If you can get thru one day of eating right and exercise, the next day challenge yourself to do it again.

Here's the 'a ha' moment I had while writing to Susie:

I think I have been trying too hard to focus on the end result when I should have been focusing on doing things day by day. Instead of looking into the distant future, where I want to reach my goal weight of 155 lbs, I should be looking at my daily goals of staying on track and doing what I know I should do.

Small steps add up quickly and that's the way I should be looking at things!

One day at a time!

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ONE DAY AT A TIME, SWEET JESUS
(Marijohn Wilkins / Kris Kristofferson)


I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.


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Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVE_TO_LOVE 9/7/2008 11:58PM

Hi Kelly!!! I'm so glad you had your "aha" moment on MY page ! lol! Makes me feel SPECIAL! =) "Help me believe in what I could be, and all that I am" WOW. That's really right where I'm at. Trying to believe in what God's already told me, made me, and has for me. I really liked what that guy Phil said ~ how he thanked his family for letting him be selfish. I FEEL so selfish sometimes, taking all this time to concentrate on ME. But then I realize that it's NOT just a gift to myself, but to my whole family. It is worth all the time we pour into it, Kelly. ONE DAY AT A TIME. You are such a joy to me, Kell! Comment edited on: 9/7/2008 11:56:28 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 9/7/2008 10:52PM

Isn't it funny Kelly how we get lightbulbs going off no matter how long we do this? You will get to the end, just do it a bit at a time... today.... and... tomorrow is another day to do it again. Report Inappropriate Comment

JUDYSPOSITIVE 9/7/2008 9:37PM

Kelly, That's the way to do it. One day at a time, it's only 24 hours and you sleep at least 8 of that, so 16 hours isn't that long. I'm sure this will be easier for you, remember I'm always her for you. Judy Report Inappropriate Comment

ANYALEA 9/7/2008 3:12PM

Thank you so much for reminding us that we only need to worry about today and let tomorrow worry about itself. Thanks. Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 843: Watching for inspiration ...

Friday, September 05, 2008

You just never know when or where you're going to find something to inspire you to want to do better. As I was eating lunch today, I flipped the TV on and went to CNN's Headline News channel and there it was ... inspiration!!!

It was a man talking about how he lost 192 lbs, his name is Phill Novak. That's his picture! He said he lost the first 100 lbs by walking 1 hour every day - it took him 7 months to lose those first 100 lbs. After that he stuck to a low-carb diet and started exercising more and lost another 92 lbs. He looked like a completely different - and younger - man! Right after he started talking I ran into the other room where my hubby was and flipped the channel to Headline News because I wanted my hubby to see it, he too said 'Wow!'

You see, I'm always trying to get my hubby-with-Type2diabetes to get more motivated and inspired. I figure that for a guy, they probably need to be inspired by stories of other men who've lost a lost of weight and learned how to keep it off.

I felt inspired all day, kept thinking about Phill and how it changed his quality of life. Click this link to read Phill's story:

www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness
/02/01/weightloss.phill.novak/index.ht
ml?iref=newssearch

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Tomorrow is another day .... look for inspiration, it's probably right under your nose!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVE_TO_LOVE 9/7/2008 2:09PM

"I am so proud of myself ... for the first time in my life," beams Novak. "Besides my kids, [this is] the first time I'm proud of myself." Novak says losing weight has boosted his confidence and made him realize that he can do anything he sets his mind to. He says people also treat him differently and no longer stare at him. In fact, he enjoys the fact that people, who haven't seen him in a while, recognize only his Pittsburgh accent. When he looks back at pictures of himself at nearly 400 pounds, he says it's hard to believe he treated his body that way. ____________ That's so WONDERFUL! No wonder you were inspired! That's gonna be US Kelly!!! It IS! There's NO doubt in my mind! I'm with ya, girl. I hope your husband was really encouraged as well. GO LIMES! Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVE_TO_LOVE 9/7/2008 2:01PM

Wow. That's GREAT! I LOVE hearing how others have gone before us, and HOW they did it. You know, more often than not, it's just doing simple things...CONSISTENTLY!! That's why I'm SO glad to have buddies like you, Kell! Just knowing you and our other sparkpals are here WITH me helps me be more CONSISTENT at the simple every day things I need to be doing. I just got my pedometer, and have it going today. It's raining, so I think I'll spend some time either on the Wii or with Leslie Sansone. Okay, here I go ~ I'm gonna check the box to subcribe to your blogs AGAIN! Thanks Kelly! I hope you're having a BLESSED SUNDAY! Report Inappropriate Comment

LILYCOLO2009 9/6/2008 2:00PM

Awesome! Thank you for sharing this story. People like this always make you feel that I CAN DO THIS! Report Inappropriate Comment

LOOKING_UP 9/6/2008 7:59AM

Thanks for sharing this story. Stories like this give me such hope and inspire me to hang in there. We can do it just like him, Kelly!!! Let's be like this guy!! :-)Kelly Report Inappropriate Comment

MYHAT50 9/5/2008 10:30PM

I like your new colors Kelly! I am going to go to the site after I finish my comment. This is great we all need to hear these kinds of stories. If he can do it we can too!!! Limes Rule!!! Jackie Report Inappropriate Comment