Day 740: Facing Reality ...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Weighed in today: 263 lbs

Measurements:

Hips 59
Waist 49
right arm 17
left arm 18
right thigh 27
left thigh 28
neck 17.5


Long story short is I have gained in both weight and inches.



*******************************


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
*******************************


It's a new start for me and that's okay. I'm not happy with my reality right now but it's my own fault. I got weak, I started letting bad habits creep back in.

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Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul



Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

*******************************


Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JETTANALA 5/28/2008 12:55AM

WE are women! Hear us Roar!!! HEE HAW! love you Kelly and you will be changing your tune very very soon! ~~ Kathy Report Inappropriate Comment

NIKKILYNN528 5/27/2008 6:02PM

YOU are my inspiration! I think you are fabulous! Please know Kelly that I am here in your corner...cheering for you!! I think its awesome that you are noticing what is happening and you are taking charge of it now. That is what this is all about right? Living a new life and thinking a new way and not letting the little slips be anything more than just that! Love and hugs!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LAURIE_ANN 5/27/2008 1:31PM

I wish I had some inspiring words to say, but sadly I’m not that great of a writer. However, I do know that you have been plugging away for such a long time that it’s easy to forget the great progress that you HAVE made. The wonderful thing is, you get right back up and do it again – as many times as it takes! You have stuck with it for over TWO years, meanwhile, I’ve come and gone three times now – and I’ll tell you what, it’s a great feeling knowing that you are always here for me when I get back and come back to my senses. Sister, and I say that as a meaningful sister of my heart, you just keep on keeping on… cause I know you WILL get there and you WILL make it a lifestyle change. Love ya! Laurie Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVE_TO_LOVE 5/25/2008 9:03PM

Can you hear me?(strong) I am your back-up singer, Kell! (invincible)I LOVE this!!!! (I am WOMANNNNNNN!)I am with you all the way! Comment edited on: 5/25/2008 9:05:03 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 734: What are your healthy snacks?

Monday, May 19, 2008

I'd like to try something new so tell me, what do you like to snack on? Have you tried the Special K bars, only 90 calories? I just bought the blueberry - yum yum yum!! And I bought some yogurt covered raisins and those are good.


Do you have an Aldi's grocery store in your area? if so, they have a line of 'Fit & Active' foods and everything I've tried so far I have really liked including the yogurt.


Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASSANDIE_YR 5/20/2008 4:15PM

My favourite healthy snacks are low-fat yogurt, clementine/mandarin oranges, a handful of almonds, grapes, and I also like whipped yogurts. I try to avoid having breads/cereals for snacks, because I am sure I get more than enough of that food group at meals. Sometimes I make a blueberry protein shake for a snack (which I normally just have after a workout), because they are just so darn delicious. Kathy's snacks look good! Report Inappropriate Comment

LAURIE_ANN 5/20/2008 2:57PM

Peanuts! How are you?!?! I've missed you. Hope things are going well for you. Love ya! Laurie Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 5/19/2008 11:35PM

Hi Kelly ... this is a fun and interactive blog you have here! I like frozen berries with frozen Cool Whip Free... you get your fruits in and a minimal calorie zing from the Cool Whip... Wasa Mulitgrain Crispbread with a wedge of Lite Swiss laughing cow cheese.. either one (1 serv.) or 2 crispbreads depending on how munchy I am... They are super crunchy. Weight watchers frozen latte bars... Edy's Frozen Lime fruit bars (did you tell me about these?) Snyders Multigrain Pretzel rods... (7 nice sized ones per serving) sometimes I do the laughing cow cheese (lite) with these too. 1 square of Lindt 85% cocao dark chocolate with a cup of decaf green tea with mint.. (Celestial Seasonings) yummo, nibble and let the chocolate melt in your mouth with a sip of tea... And this is really good for you. Orville Redenbacher 100 calorie mini bags of popcorn frozen grapes 1 or 2 dried Medjool dates McDonalds lowfat vanilla cone I know there are others... I can't wait to see what people add to your blog... Kathy I have tried the special K bars... I tend to go toward their is it a breakfast or fiber bar... it is more dense but admittedly I am usually using it as a quick (ohmygosh, I got up late! breakfast) Comment edited on: 5/19/2008 11:47:23 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

JUDYSPOSITIVE 5/19/2008 8:37PM

Hi Kelly, My favorite snacks are the 100 calorie cheetos or doritos. I also like an apple cut up into pieces and dipped in a nut spread. Yummy, an orange is also good dipped in it. I only use a tblsp of the spread. Have a great week! Judy Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 733: An 'aha' moment

Monday, May 19, 2008

Thursday the 15th was my 2nd anniversary on my weight loss journey. I had shared something here that day that I wanted to share with a couple of my close non-spark friends. My friend Shawn was one that I shared it with and she had an interesting reply to me today. This is some of what she said:


''Hey, I was just thinking about what you wrote, the part about healthy eating not being punishment.
That has probably been a very hard thing for you because of your mom making you diet every summer. I know that must have felt like you were being punished every year while the other kids were enjoying the time off and eating what they wanted.
I remember one summer when I was about 12, the doctor told my mom that I had gained too much weight since the last visit and that I should diet. It was the beginning of summer vacation and it lasted about 2 weeks. I did feel like I was being punished and I was miserable. My mom decided that the doctor was full of it and I was just a little chunky, so she didn't push me. But, for those 2 weeks, I felt so horrible. Even today, "dieting" always puts me in a bad mood. I'm just trying to eat healthier and get more exercise.''




After I read Shawn's reply it was like an 'aha moment' for me. I think I always failed before because I was seeing it as a 'punishment'. I never felt that I was okay the way I was, in my house and always thought my mom was somewhat ashamed of having a fat daughter. I do think there is a emotional/psychological connection between my statement of a few days ago that I've learned now that ''eating healthy is not a punishment'' and the way I felt when my mom forced me to diet every summer.


I also shared my 2nd anniversary blog with my mom. Not my actual blog because I don't want my family knowing about sparkpeople, it's my 'safe haven', but I copied what I wrote and emailed it to her and my sister and older brother. My mom replied by saying this:

''Honey thanks for sharing your diet journey with us. I know I'm just a big old cry baby but I know how hard you are trying and how much you desire to reach your goal and I just admire you so much, I know all of us are going to get behind you with our prayers. I know I am. Keep us informed along the way. I love you so much. Mom''


And you know what? She is proud of me and she has been supportive over these last 2 years. I feel okay now to let go of the feelings from childhood in regard to my weight issues. I don't feel that my mom is ashamed of having a fat daughter anymore, she loves me and just wants me to be healthy and happy.


What an eye-opener!


Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LABYRINTH 8/13/2008 4:47PM

I think dieting puts us in a push-me-pull-me up and down yoyo effect of emotions. We feel we SHOULD do it which for me just makes me resistent doing it on principle alone. I have to be very careful on being bossy with myself as my immediate reaction to being told what to do is to get pretty much the opposite of the request. Report Inappropriate Comment

NIKKILYNN528 5/20/2008 7:17PM

wow...Kelly this is really interesting and has me thinking about a lot of things. I am very proud of you for figuring this out. I think your mom does sound proud of you and it must have felt SO wonderful to hear! love ya Report Inappropriate Comment

TRACI76 5/19/2008 3:27PM

Kelly, OMG this is so true!!! I didn't realize I had the same issues until I read what you wrote. Only for me, it was my step mom that gave me the negative views on food/weight loss. She didn't mean to, she was only trying to help me. I also don't view it as a punishment any more. And I share some of my progress with my step mom and just radiate when she responds back with how proud she is of me. Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVE_TO_LOVE 5/19/2008 7:26AM

Thank you for sharing this, Kelly! Our message this Sunday was all about the "giants" in our lives...and one of the main points was how most of our "giants" are "percieved"giants, and not actually what they appear to be. I'm so glad that this giant has tumbled down in your life! Look out! Kelly's got her slingshot!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 5/19/2008 12:25AM

this is yet another factor in your self healing, to be ok with yourself and to let go of old baggage... I believe that when the baggage leaves, the rest falls more easily in to place. I too was put on diets by my mom (and my best friend's mom ) So I can relate Kelly... I am finding that the more I come to terms with old junk the more I am able to be comfortable in my skin and in what is becoming my new way of thinking.. Here is a toast to figuring it all out! luvyoumuch! Kathy Report Inappropriate Comment

Day #730: Happy 2nd anniversary to me!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Two years ago today I began my journey here at Sparkpeople. In that time I've lost weight, gained knowledge, learned that exercise isn't all bad, met awesome people, seen others reach their goals, seen new members begin their own amazing journeys, said goodbye to sparksisters who were ready to leave the nest, learned that eating healthy is not a punishment, and realized that I've maybe inspired somebody along the way. Perfection is a myth, I've learned to forgive myself for my weaknesses, learned that it is okay to take care of Me as well as everybody else.


I'm not where I wanted to be at this time, but I'm closer than I was 2 years ago.


Tomorrow is another day ... and I'll still be sparking!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUDYSPOSITIVE 5/16/2008 9:33PM

Congratulations Kelly, were still here, can you believe it's been two years. This is the best place to be, that's for sure. Hope your having fun with the puppy. Have a great weekend. Judy Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVE_TO_LOVE 5/15/2008 5:39PM

Congratulations Kelly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRACI76 5/15/2008 4:19PM

Happy 2nd Anniversary Kelly!!! I loved everything you said!! Congratulations on changing your life!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 5/15/2008 2:42PM

Kelly... drop over at my friend Beckyboo71's page and read her back page.. it is also on her blog "words to live by" you will love it. (I was too lazy to retype the thing and it wouldn't let me copy) luv ya girl! Kathy Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 5/15/2008 2:12PM

Happy, Happy Anniversary Kelly! You hit the nail on the head.. you are so much better off now than you were two years ago! keep on sparking and stay with me sister... we are moovin' to the groove.... We are going to make some life changing things happen here... and you will no longer be "stuck in the middle with me" you will be leading the pack! And perfection is so over rated! Perfection brings along all kinds of other baggage and who needs more of that!!! love you girl! and we are sailing along... let's go!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

day 728: Life ain't always beautiful

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I listened to this Gary Allan song as I worked out today, I like the words:


Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggle makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' it sweet time

[chorus]
No,life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way


But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has it's own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life aint always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride











I had a long blog today but when I tried to post it, I got an error message and lost the whole thing so the short version is that I have been feeling kinda down lately and didn't want to work out today but I went anyway and prayed all the way to the park that God would show me something, give me something today that would give me a boost, just something to make a little difference. So I did my workout, worked harder at it today than I have in a long while and when I was done, I went to my car, leaned in to get a bottle of water and a lady walked past me and said ''You did a great job today''. I got a little choked up, she had no idea she was my message from God today.


Have a blessed day friends.


Tomorrow is another day ...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVE_TO_LOVE 5/15/2008 10:59PM

This is beautiful, Kelly....! How awe-inspiring to know that God heard and answered your cry....The Bible does talk about us entertaining angels without realizing it...ya gotta wonder, huh? Hmm...He's been talking to me a lot too this week. Kathy's right, He DOES want us to keep going. Thank you for sharing another awesome "moment " of your life with us, Kelly! Report Inappropriate Comment

TRACI76 5/14/2008 4:33PM

That brought tears to my eyes!!! That sweet, sweet woman!! GOOD for you Kelly, on going anyway, AND working harder too!! Report Inappropriate Comment

JETTANALA 5/14/2008 4:15PM

If only that lady knew how many people would be choked up because of her comment today Kelly! I am so proud of you.. it is amazing at times when on the days that we really don't want to do it, that we can pull a rabbit our of our hats! Hats off to you my friend. And ... she was a messenger of God... he wants you to keep on going! lotsalove... Kathy Comment edited on: 5/14/2008 4:14:27 PM Report Inappropriate Comment