Monday, August 11, 2008
Well, I just had my gallbladder removed on Monday, Aug 4th so this past week has been a write off as far as diet and exercise is concerned. My fiance and I have been on a four day binge pretty much. I'd say we have consumed between the 2 of us 2 tups of turtle ice cream, several chocolate bars, 3 boxes of bear paw cookies, 3 cocunut creme pies, 24 cans of pepsi, 2 bags of recess pieces and 3 big bags of chips. Pretty grosse when you think about it hey? I mean normal people don't eat that much junk in a year!!! Oh and we spent $30.00 on McDonalds for supper which consumed of 2 large and 2 medium fries, a double big mac, a regular big mac, a double cheeseburger, 2 cheeseburgers, 3 coke and a 6 pack of nuggets. Grosse! Not only are we struggling financially right now and we're struggling with our healthy but yet we just spent aproximately $100.00 in the past 4 days on junk!!! It blows my mind how we tell ourselves we can't afford to buy anything we need but yet we can blow it on junk food. We might as well have put a match to it and watched it burn. Neither our wallets or our bodies benefited from this. We asked ourselves what did we get from all this?? And we came to the conclusion that except for the temporary enjoyment from our tastebuds........absolutely nothing. I hope this slap in the face is not temporary because we really do need each others support and strength. When one faulters we tend to drag the other down with us. We also came across a show on TLC last night called the Half Tonne Man and it was about a couple of people but mainly the once heaviest man alive and he was over 1000 pounds and days from death. I mean it's not impossible for that to happen to me if I keep eating this way. I always said I'd never let myself reach 200 pounds that would just be shocking and not I'm 280 pounds. Now I'm saying I'll never let myself reach 300 pounds but we all know it's quite possible. I am 100% addicted to food, I wish there was a rehad that I could check myself into because not like drugs, food is very cheap and readily available at every corner and it's not necessarily frowned upon to be seen eating as long as you're not pubicly binging or something. I am a food addict, I lie about what and how much I eat, I hide food, I eat as much as I can get in me when I am alone and lie about it. I make excuses to eat again and more of it. I feel lost and alone as there is no help here for this type of thing and people look at your like you're nuts.........addicted to food, that's a joke right? They think everyone that's fat is addicted to food but that's not the case. I mean if I just had to worry about eating right and exercising I'd be okay but all I can think about is food. I think about what I am missing, the taste, the texture and the feeling of bliss when eating it. All I can think about is when my next meal will be and what will I eat. I feel like such a freak! Why does food consume me so much? why can't I just eat what I need to eat like a normal person? Some people are like " Oh I forgot to eat today!" I'm like "what?!?, how can this be?" it would be like forgetting to breathe for me. Well all I can go is give it another try and keep trying. Sorry I've gone on and on today but I had a lot on my mind today.