KELLIEBEAN   67,822
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KELLIEBEAN's Recent Blog Entries

Gone Too Soon

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

I was hoping to head into May on a good note with the tragic events in Boston in the rear-view mirror and spring weather finally arriving.

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and my family was hit with one in a major way last weekend when news spread of a cousin's suicide. He left a wife and seven children.

It was a giant kick in the stomach to all of us, especially considering this is the second suicide in my extended family in the last three years. Even more painful is the fact that my aunt has now has lost her fourth child (still born child, motorcycle accident, heart attack and now this). She's tough my aunt, a wonderful woman that does not let the world knock her down but this has to be too much to shoulder.

My cousin and his wife were with me almost daily helping me with my mom's health crises last year. His infectious laugh and smile lit up the room when he walked in and made my mom's day.

So far, no note has been found and nobody has been able to look back and say "oh yeah, I should have known." Nobody saw this coming. Going back and forth the last few days being angry and sobbing profusely I wondered if it will really helps to know why. I don't know.

I do know he had to be in some horrific amount of pain to feel this was his only option. I can't imagine what that feels like. You couldn't tell though. Another example of just because someone is smiling on the outside, doesn't mean they are not hurting on the inside.

I went for a three-mile run yesterday, cried through most of it. I must have been quite a sight. The sun was shining and I thought of his smile. I saw kids playing and remembered him as a boy. I hoped for a good life and tons of love for the children I passed.

This Saturday we will say goodbye to him. We will have to be strong for each other and get through this low point until the next high comes through. Life comes in waves. All we can do is ride the waves with as much love and dignity as we can.

And I will look for the positive in life and find something fun to blog about soon!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LVSHOPE 5/7/2013 1:46PM

    Praying for you in the midst of your loss. I love the thought of "Life comes in waves. All we can do is ride the waves with as much love & dignity as we can." Hope the waves in your life are a bit less turbulent in the days ahead. Lindsay

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TORTISE110 5/2/2013 8:44AM

    Hi Kellie, I had not seen your blog until today. I am so sorry. Suicide is a tough legacy. Your thoughts about the pain he must have been in rang true to me. What a tragic loss for his family. Thinking of you. Toni

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BECKYSFRIEND 5/1/2013 9:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MNNICE 5/1/2013 3:56PM

    My condolences.

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NEW-CAZ 5/1/2013 1:01PM

    I am so sorry for your loss, sending love and prayers emoticon

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TATERCAT 5/1/2013 12:00PM

    My condolences to you and your family. I cannot imagine how hard this is for all of you. If it feels good to run and cry, or write about it in a blog, then you should do it. Everyone has their own way of venting, and I think this is a healthy way to do it. We're all here for you if you want to blog some more. Take care.

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MKELLY72 5/1/2013 11:59AM

    Your positive attitude may be what gets you through this --how hard it must be though--I can't even imagine what it's like to lose someone close in this way, and like you, I have never been able to imagine what kind of misery leads people to consider taking his/her own life, but it must be immense.
You are so strong! Your family is in my prayers as you work through this tragedy and find peace somehow.
Michelle

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TRAVELGRRL 5/1/2013 11:15AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.

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PUPPYWHISPERS 5/1/2013 10:42AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for his wife and seven children--my sympathies to your family.

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SUGAR0814 5/1/2013 9:53AM

    So sorry for your loss. emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 5/1/2013 8:33AM

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry.

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SLIMMERJESSE 5/1/2013 8:31AM

    I am so familiar with this scenario and offer my condolences to you and your family. What I have noticed is that Type A personalities are also good at concealing their internal turmoil. Whether it's pride or wanting to maintain control of themselves, there isn't a clue that anything is wrong. Sometimes they are not in pain per se; rather, an emptiness and not finding meaning on this crazy planet. In any case, it leaves those of us left behind empty, aching, confused,angry, etc. I've lost two of three children, so I can understand how your aunt feels. No matter how strong we are, it changes your life and takes part of your heart with each one. Big hug.

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Best 5K time!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

What a great day for a run in the Chicago area. FINALLY! The last two runs I did, the weather was COLD and rainy with sleet thrown in for an extra punch.

This morning I ran in the DuPage County Human race, benefitting non-profits, including my employer. There was blue sky, sunshine and temps closing in on 60 I believe. Perfect running weather in my book!

I met great people, one of which was the 91-year-old widow of one of our volunteers. She walked the two mile walk part of today's event. There is no way I can ever come up with an excuse to not be active after meeting her! What a great lady!

We started out with a moment of silence for the Boston victims and then singing along with a recording of Whitney Houston singing the National Anthem. I was moved to tears. Even as we started running and Myth by Beach House was playing on my playlist. I had goosebumps!

We ran downhill for a ways and I thought THIS IS GREAT! Then it hit me, I'm going to have to come back up all these inclines eventually.

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I told myself to relax, take it slow and enjoy the morning. Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine started playing and I was reminded of the 2012 St. Patrick's Day 5K when this song started me out. I smiled thinking about how far I have come physically from then.

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The end of downhill running soon ended and I had to start back uphill. Pat Benetar's All Fired Up was playing and I pushed myself. I noticed a woman ahead of me slow to a walk on the inclines shortly before I would do the same. We seemed to take turns slowing down and picking up the pace passing each other. After a few minutes of this, we started encouraging each other as we passed each other.

Candyman by Christina Aguillara, Baby I'm a Star by Prince and Show me How You Burlesque by Chistina Aguillara played while I started to get tired. I kept telling myself "You're okay, just dance". That always helps keeps me moving.

JD McPherson's North Side Gal helped me pick up the pace, then Somebody's Out There by Triumph played as I saw the finish line getting closer and I took off running. It was like I stepped outside myself. I couldn't believe I mustered up that much energy!

As I crossed the finish line, Done by The Band Perry played. I turned around and saw
the woman I took turns passing earlier and we high-fived.

My time........ 31:33. WHOOHOO! Best time..... so far.

From Pat Benetar's All Fired Up..

Now I believe there comes a time
When everything just falls in line
We live and learn from our mistakes
The deepest cuts are healed by faith

It has taken a while but "I can't" is slowly fading from my vocabulary! I have faith in myself!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONFIDENTLY_FIT 4/28/2013 6:18AM

    I love meeting people like the woman you met. You are right, no excuse after that:)
GREAT JOB on your time!!! Way to rock it out! Love the pic with the sneaker:)

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NEW-CAZ 4/28/2013 2:53AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUGAR0814 4/27/2013 11:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STAY39 4/27/2013 10:48PM

    Awesome time! Congratulations! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DARLY55 4/27/2013 7:31PM

    Now, that's an amazing race!! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 4/27/2013 7:18PM

    Absolutely Awesome! I'm so happy and proud of you! Wonderful!

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TINYRUNNER-GIRL 4/27/2013 6:22PM

    Congrats on your PR! That's great - you are making me work extra hard.
And I am going to hope that the sneaker mascot shows up at another race, because that is an adorable picture!
I want a PR at the Cinco De Miler:)

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BROOKLYN_BORN 4/27/2013 5:42PM

    Congratulations on a great race and PR!

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AM_MORRIS87 4/27/2013 5:01PM

    OMG! That's a great time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you! I think I'm going to do a race on May 18th, and I hope I can get around the 30 min mark as well! :)

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PUPPYWHISPERS 4/27/2013 4:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great job!

Comment edited on: 4/27/2013 4:29:07 PM

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MJREIMERS 4/27/2013 4:27PM

    emoticon run!!! emoticon You should be so proud of yourself beating your old time and running your best time so far! Here's to many more "running moments." emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/27/2013 4:28:18 PM

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Work the Coat

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Happy Thursday to all.

Hard to believe it's almost the end of April. Hopefully the weather will continue to reflect the calendar consistently very soon.

I'm having a no-energy-no-confidence day. I'm looking forward to getting past the challenges I have to face at work this morning. It was one of those mornings I was not happy with anything I put on, everything looked dumpy. There is large pile of clothes on my closet floor at the moment.

Walking in to work, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, I remembered an article someone sent me a couple months ago written by Marilu Henner. Click the link below...

www.marilu.com/2013/01/26/its-saturd
ay-work-the-coat/


Her friend was trying on coats for a romantic ski trip, agonizing over each one she tried on looking slouchy and uncomfortable. Marilu finally pointed out to her that it wasn' t the coats, it was her. She explained that the coats would look great on her if she would just "work the coat".

The expression caught on in her family, becoming a slogan for attitude and presentation. I have thought about this every now and again the last few weeks. I notice when I see my reflection in a window that I have terrible posture.

I think I'm more toned and slim than I have been in a long time, then I catch my reflection and think, how could I look that awful?! It's amazing what simply rolling my shoulders back, pulling in my abs and holding my head high can do for that reflection!

Today, I feel all off but I know, it's a just a day; everyone has one now and again. I'm not happy with what I am wearing and I feel a little bloated from last night's dinner but nobody needs to know that.

So today I'm going to roll back my shoulders, pull in my abs and power through the morning as if I am TOTALLY confident. Sometimes presentation is everything.

So everyone, let's get out there and WORK THE COAT!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DELIA38961 4/25/2013 11:22PM

    thnx that's exactly how I've been feeling lately

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CAT-IN-CJ 4/25/2013 11:02PM

    Love it! And you're right . . . sometimes we've gotta fake it til we can make it.
Hope you get a good night's rest and wake up with a fresh smile for tomorrow.
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MAGGIEVAN 4/25/2013 9:47PM

    It is the same with me and I do the same, roll the shoulders back and lift my head up as a good posture is a sign of a healthy mind.

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TRAVELGRRL 4/25/2013 2:51PM

    This is such a positive way to look at things! I love the story and thank you for sharing.

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SUGAR0814 4/25/2013 2:33PM

    Great attitude! emoticon emoticon

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TINYRUNNER-GIRL 4/25/2013 12:27PM

    Wow, I feel like I could have written this - and it's refreshing from someone who is a motivator! I feel like the weather here is getting to me too (grey and cloudy) so that could be a culprit. Clearly, from your pictures and your posts A LOT of great things are happening - look how far you are running for Boston!
I find the picture of you on a motorcycle inspirational since I have a fear of trying that - so if you need a burst of confidence, just look at that picture and know you inspire others!

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THOMASINA57 4/25/2013 10:20AM

    emoticon I love this attitude.. I stand at the counter with my computer as it's so much better for my posture and hurts less than sitting too long. As I was reading your blog, I started to pull in my abs, roll my shoulders back and get my posture into a "positive" mode..

YES, we all have those reflections in the mirror, feeling frumpy in our clothes and I so agree... WORK the coat... awesome blog..

I've been colder this winter and have to layer up, thus my weight loss isn't that noticeable.

Keep up the good attitude!!! And feel better today OK.. emoticon

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FUNLOVEN 4/25/2013 10:06AM

    Sometimes feeling the weight of the world (stress) on our shoulders can make us slouch.

Hope the support you get from you Spark Friends helps you get through the day emoticon

BTW, on your lunch hour why don't you do something FUN like look for a new coat - LOL!

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BIGPAWSUP 4/25/2013 9:43AM

    I know you can work it! We are so hard on ourselves - in ways we would never be to a friend.

You are going to get through today, and you know what - you're going to feel GREAT about it. Why? Because you didn't feel it, did it anyway, and proved yourself WRONG! emoticon

Go have a fabulous day!

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LORILEEPAGE 4/25/2013 9:35AM

    You are an inspiration. Even though I sometimes think of something suitable to get me out of the dumps, it's easier to tell others how to feel better than to tell myself. I'm terrible at listening to my own advice. I thing your story about presentation is very good for me to hear this morning since I am going in the public eye myself today. Hope you feel better and have a fabulous day. I also like your point that even though you feel bloated from last night's meal, no one else has to know that! Love it!

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It's a Sunshine Day!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

It's been a depressing week, the Boston Marathon, the horrible flooding here in my area among other terrible local news. I had to avoid the news as much as possible lately. I tend to absorb others sadness.

I focused on Spark People; I read blogs, diligently logged my food, I worked out and kept reminding myself this sad news and endless rain will pass.

The weather is finally spring like this weekend. It felt SO good to get outside. I had a great run yesterday. I took less walking breaks than I usually do, I kept thinking about those that cannot be active right now and pushed on.

It looks to be another beautiful day here so I'm thinking about a bicycle ride. My yellow lab is laying at my feet, patiently waiting for her walk. I'm getting the big eyes. The second I get up from this chair, she'll be on me like glue "are we going now? what about now, can we go now?" She definitely keeps me moving.

I think I hear the Brady Bunch singing....

I think I'll go for a walk outside now
The summer sun's calling my name
I hear ya now I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out get me some of those ray ay ays

Everybody's smiling, sunshine day
Everybody's laughin, sunshine day
Everybody seems so happy today
It's a sunshine day!

Check out the video, I dare ya not to get in a good mood!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaCCG7QkM_c

Happy Sunday!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAT-IN-CJ 4/23/2013 8:29PM

    Love "the big eyes" . . . how true. My little guy (Bad Leroy Brown) does that when he wants to go for a ride. . . . he works that "yorkie mind-meld" on me and it works most every time.

Hope you get to bask in the sunshine soon. We've got a 10 day forecast of sunshine. I can't believe it..... but it makes me fear for a dry Summer.

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FUNLOVEN 4/22/2013 11:19AM

    Thanks Kellie. Your right about this spring. It has been gloomy, but a little sunshine can really lift everyone's spirits emoticon

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SUGAR0814 4/21/2013 11:50PM

    emoticon

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TINYRUNNER-GIRL 4/21/2013 9:20PM

    love the attitude! And agreed, I feel beat up by the news this week but blogs like this always remind me to focus on the good stuff!

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BIGPAWSUP 4/21/2013 1:27PM

    Awesome! Hope you two have a lovely walk!

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BABY_GIRL69 4/21/2013 12:34PM

    It has been a blow to us all here on the homefront.....our hopes & prayers & well wishes are with all those who are hurting.

Thank you so much for sharing this blog with us.

God bless,

Dee

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NANCIER 4/21/2013 9:56AM

    Ha! That song's been in my head too! Its on repeat along with "I can see clearly now the rain has gone..." Have a great bike ride -

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TRAVELGRRL 4/21/2013 9:32AM

    Yes, it's not been the best week....but once the sun shines everything seems bearable, doesn't it? Thanks for the link and the smile!!!

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KANOE10 4/21/2013 9:11AM

    This was a nice positive blog. I enjoyed it. Have a great walk and a great day.

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MJRVIC2000 4/21/2013 7:49AM

    Every day can be a "sunshine day", no matter what evil is going on all around us, when we are living in Jesus and for Him. God Bless YOU! Vic.

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DARJR50 4/21/2013 7:46AM

  Have a great day

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Stuck at home

Thursday, April 18, 2013

How about this rain??! I am in the Chicago area and ho boy has it been horrible the last 36 hours. We have a ditch in the back of our house that goes down two or three feet, it is filled with water. A duck swam by a couple hours ago. It was pretty funny.

I tried to get to work this morning despite each end of my street being under water. It amazed me how people were flying around me. It was dark, horrendous downpour of rain limiting visibility. You couldn't really see the standing water until you were in it. Someone flew around me hit high-standing water then tried to swerve back in my lane and almost hit me. REALLY?!

I finally turned around and went back home. I worked from home for four hours, taking a break now. I'm watching the news and seeing all of the pictures and footage of the expressways and sink holes. Eeeyikes!

It will be a challenging day. I eat better at work than I do at home. I must stick to the healthy lunch and snacks I put together for work. My yellow lab is being very vocal. It's daytime, I'm home, that means she gets a walk. She's quite mad at me right now.

After this load of laundry, I'll hit the elliptical and then some SP videos. Just thought I'd blog to keep me focused.

I hope everyone is having a good day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TINYRUNNER-GIRL 4/20/2013 8:37PM

    Oy! I saw one the news there was flooding and I hope you are safe! A duck pond in the backyard is pretty cool and funny though:)
Do you elliptical at home? That's lucky and I've debated investing in one or a treadmill!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 4/18/2013 10:41PM

    Hope you had a good day! I spoke to a coworker in Chicago this afternoon and she said it's pretty terrible.

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Here's to wishing for more of this
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TRAVELGRRL 4/18/2013 4:20PM

    I know what you mean about staying on track better at work! Now that I'm no longer working I've had to really define some new habits!

Hope things dry out around your area soon, and you don't have any lasting problems with flooding. emoticon

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THOMASINA57 4/18/2013 4:00PM

    Hiya,
I hope the rains ease, but your lab sure sounds happy to have "Mom" home working..

I'm sure you'll stay focused on proper eating and exercise!

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BIGPAWSUP 4/18/2013 1:01PM

    I got in before the flooding got really bad. Took me my normal time. Not the girl I carpool with on Fridays (so we live close) took DOUBLE the time to get here. I'm not looking forward to the drive home!

Glad you are safe and sound. Labs like water - let her chase the duck? emoticon

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MKELLY72 4/18/2013 12:58PM

    Pretty crazy with the rain, eh?
When I end up staying home from work--I stick to my packed lunch/snacks--keeps me on track too.
Michelle

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TORTISE110 4/18/2013 12:34PM

    What a detour! I do hope the water subsides. I hope it is not threatening houses, etc. Thinking of you )-:



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NEW-CAZ 4/18/2013 12:04PM

    Hang in there, emoticon

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LATTELEE 4/18/2013 11:54AM

  Wow

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SUGAR0814 4/18/2013 11:53AM

    I hope the weather improves for you! Try to make today the best you can with what you have around the house. Stay focused! emoticon emoticon

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