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KELLIEBEAN's Recent Blog Entries

I told Ya So..

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

..... i have said to myself many times when I know better but I do it anyway.

It was a fine Wednesday morning, yeah a little worried about dad but he'll be fine and I had my emotions in check and I felt like it was going to be a productive day at work.

I bought a little bag of chocolate covered raisins in the cafeteria early this morning for a snack for later. I had a chocolate craving and it was a smart portion. I have this under control. I'm not feeling emotional, just have a taste for a little chocolate.

And then it happened, our boss came in with a large bakery box full of delicious treats for his birthday, which we do not normally do here but it was a milestone birthday. They were small and I reasoned it was very early in the day, plenty of time to burn off the calories.

It was just a small canoli and then it was just a small chocolate éclair as we sat with him and had some laughs.

Back at my desk, there was the small bag of chocolate covered raisins. Soon, there were no more chocolate covered raisins. I looked at the bag astonished. Did I do that?!

The day quickly went downhill, stomach lurched, energy zapped, lethargy set in, emotions fired in every direction like a laser light show at a rock concert and papers were shuffled with no meaning. A large cup of tea was drunk but only increased the bloating.

After lunch they pulled the bakery box from the fridge and I quickly consumed a small cream puff. Someone mentioned I looked a little peeked. I said "I feel a lot peeked!"

I heard Grace from the show Will and Grace singing the "I Told You So" song:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV4sB7O97ro

So I just went for a 15-minute walk, filled up my water bottle and gave myself a good talking to. RESET BUTTON!

I'm going to go to my hair cut appointment now, otherwise known as my cheap therapy session, and wash this day right out of my hair.

Thank you for listening!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 8/29/2014 8:26AM

    Getting your hair done is good therapy and relaxing. You pushed the re-set button and are ready to go!

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BIGPAWSUP 8/28/2014 6:29PM

    I know you will get it back together.

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TRAVELGRRL 8/28/2014 4:51PM

    You are so honest about your setbacks, but what I love about you is that you blog about them and then -- DONE! Begin anew. It's really not starting over, it's beginning anew! HUGS, Kellie!

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LIVIN4LISH 8/28/2014 1:58PM

    The treats sound delicious, but I'm sorry you didn't feel well after. Way to move on! emoticon

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FANNYMANSON 8/28/2014 11:58AM

    Oh I can totally relate to the workplace treat situation! Yes, you indulged a little bit, but it's over and you can bounce back! Keep moving forward!
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GLORIAMAJDI 8/28/2014 10:38AM

    I love this blog, I like how you recognize the humor in the situation, yet you are realistic and to the point about the whole situation! Unfortunately this type of thing happens to most of us from time to time....but you are good because you have a reset button! Some of us have a difficult time finding ours and it becomes a huge mess. Good job on getting back on track!

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FUNLOVEN 8/28/2014 8:02AM

    Your donut story reminded me of the days when I quit smoking for some reason. Maybe because it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I frequently tell people that I am like an addict. Some people who quit smoking can still manage a cigarette here and there, but that is not me. I have learned from experience that if I decided to ever have a cigarette it would be the end for me; I would become a full fledge smoker again.

There other night I had a CAbi clothing party and us gals were talking about weight loss, drinking, and snacking (of course). One gal, who has lost, 35#, mentioned that when she drinks she it just gives her the munchies and so she has really cut back on drinking. We all shook our heads in knowing agreement.

I have a bag of Dove chocolate pieces in my freezer (BTW, they don't taste as good when they are frozen). Last night I was thinking about that chocolate for some reason. I told myself, "No. You know one bite will just lead to another. Just like one cigarette will lead to another. Just like one drink leads to another".

I hate it, but I have to remember that for myself there are some foods (sugar) that I just will never be able to put in my mouth. You have done so well on your healthy journey thought. You usually eat well and you exercise regularly. I know that this donut and chocolate melt down won't be the end all for you! emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 8/28/2014 4:30AM

    Good idea to "file" the day and let it be. It happened, it is over now. Just remember that every second of every day is a new beginning. AND you are the boss!

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SUGAR0814 8/27/2014 9:22PM

    We all have our not-to-good days on this journey! emoticon For going for a walk! The reset button is a wonderful thing!! emoticon

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CHERYL_ANNE 8/27/2014 8:20PM

    emoticon

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GEORGE815 8/27/2014 5:36PM

    Thanks to you.

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What Inspired Me

Sunday, August 24, 2014

It was a hot and humid Saturday morning. Too humid, I decided, for the run I had planned. Too humid for a dog walk. She does not do well in the humidity.

A great day to sit and decompress from the hectic week I told myself. DH and I watched 13 Going on 30. After he left for work, I settled in for the Will And Grace Marathon that is on every Saturday.

As storms rolled in, some episodes brought back some not-so-happy memories from the time the episodes first aired. Self loathing began to set in. I polished off a hefty serving of Fritos then two Special K fruit crisps.

I was thinking about the tubs of ice cream in the freezer when the commercial came on for the third time. It escapes me now what the commercial is for, a back to school commercial for gym shoes I think, but it's a boy climbing a rope in gym class and the teacher and other kids are cheering him on. The teacher said "that bell's not going to ring itself".

It took a while but I brushed the Fritos crumbs off myself and pulled up a 15-minute bootcamp video on fitnessblender.com. When I finished, I threw a load of laundry in and went through the video again.

The rain and humidity cleared up so I walked 10 minutes to the store to buy milk then proceeded to do two more loads of laundry which involves a lot of up and down the stairs.

I have to keep reminding myself to learn from the past, leave it there and move forward in a positive way.

It took a back-to-school commercial to steer myself back on course. Whatever it takes right?

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORILEEPAGE 8/25/2014 7:16AM

    Thank you for sharing this, Kellie! Have a great week!

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SUGAR0814 8/24/2014 9:34PM

    emoticon I know the commercial you are speaking of! It came on so much before school started that my kids & I would do 5 push ups every time we saw it! Good workout! LOL Glad it inspired you to get moving! emoticon

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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/24/2014 8:10PM

    Whatever it takes! Good for you for being open to the inspiration and then taking action!
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KRISTA987 8/24/2014 2:05PM

    Whatever it takes! Congrats on working past it and moving on. I have days like that too. It's so easy to just fall back into that funk. We just have to keep moving forward and leave the past behind us. No looking back!

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BIGPAWSUP 8/24/2014 1:31PM

    Great job getting up and getting going.

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TRAVELGRRL 8/24/2014 11:55AM

    emoticon

Your post is a perfect example of getting immediately back on track. We can't do that unless we are aware of our thoughts and emotions and triggers. You minimized the damage (both to your eating plan and your emotional state) and moved forward in a positive manner.

This is SUCH a good lesson, thank you for sharing your moment of weakness and your overcoming of it!

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KANOE10 8/24/2014 11:41AM

    Exactly..whatever it takes to put you back on track. Good for you making the good choice of stopping and then doing exercise to work it off.

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MJREIMERS 8/24/2014 11:40AM

    emoticon job! Yes, whatever it takes. My mantra is Let go. Be. Let go of the past and all the negativity and Be. Be in the present, in this moment. Be the person you want to be and Be better!

Way to go. You just lived the Let go.Be lifestyle. Keep it up!

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FUNLOVEN 8/24/2014 8:59AM

    GOOD FOR YOU ! ! !

I love that commercial. There is also another version of it when a youngster has to jump off a diving board.

* * * and now back to your program!

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Saturday Evening Reflections

Saturday, August 09, 2014

I decided to leave work early yesterday, Friday. I've put in some long hours and there had been many many busy evenings. I was burned out. It was going to be a comfy clothes and remote night!

When I got to the car, the independent living facility my dad lives in called to tell me he was taken to the hospital with shortness of breath. To those of you that do not know, we lost my mom unexpectedly in February. My stomach was lurching during the hour-long ride to the same hospital.

I walked in the ER feeling like a scared little girl and telling myself, it's fine, I can handle this, I have to handle this. My sisters cannot. When I saw him he looked pale and was sleeping. His girlfriend (yet another shocker this year) was crying that it was all her fault, they had a disagreement and he collapsed. So I held her as she cried and my dad slept.

Six hours later, he was settled in his room and seemed much better. Preliminary tests showed no sign of a heart attack but they would have to do a follow up test in the morning to check for heart damage.

I got home thoroughly spent, took the dog out and sat down to two Special K Fruit Crisps and then a cannoli. First thing that popped in my head was 'way to go, epic fail'. I had posted on the One-Day Challenge team no sweets today.

'Way to go, way to be a leader' I lectured myself. But I turned my head around, reminded myself I didn't give in to the sweets earlier in the day so I didn't fail, I just fell so nothing to do but get up.

I called the hospital at 6am this morning, dad had a peaceful night, no issues and was already having the first part of his stress test.

I went for a run, not sure I had the energy but I did. It was one of the most relaxing runs I have ever had. Sounds odd... a "relaxing' run??? It was a beautiful morning, everything felt good and I felt at peace. I soon felt guilty though, that I should be at the hospital so I turned toward home, showered and went there.

Still no word from the doctor by the time I got there but dad looked good and said he was feeling fine. So I sat with him and his girlfriend (who insisted on spending the night) and watched CNN for three hours.

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I needed to move so I headed to the cafeteria where I knew I could get a good burger and fries or a personal-size pizza; I was ravenous! I reminded myself I didn't need to do that. I got a bottle of water, a small chicken salad and a cup of watermelon. I was pleasantly satisfied.

The doc finally came in an hour later and said all tests were fine. The chest pain my dad described could be from gall stones so if it happens again, he should get that checked.

So I'm relieved and thankful and really really tired.

So good night Sparkland! Till tomorrow.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSM66 8/12/2014 2:18PM

    Happy that your Dad is okay,now you have to take care of your self,so you can take care of your Dad emoticon

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RASLALIQUE 8/12/2014 2:06PM

    Glad to hear that your Dad is fine. emoticon

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GLORIAMAJDI 8/10/2014 11:27PM

    So glad that your dad is okay, and kudos to you for being the supportive one while his girlfriend broke down....you rock! AND, you made great food choices at the hospital, that is the way to do it!

Hope you have a great week!

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LORILEEPAGE 8/10/2014 2:54PM

    I like that...didn't fail but fell.

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BIGPAWSUP 8/10/2014 1:40PM

    Exhausting but worth the outcome.

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KANOE10 8/10/2014 1:14PM

    That was an exhausting experience. No wonder you are tired. I had a visit to the er room with my mom and know the stress it puts you under. You did very well to stick to your eating as best you could..especially in that cafeteria. There simply are times when all of us may turn to food for energy during extreme stress. I am glad you were compassionate with yourself and felt very positive on your run.

Hugs.

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TRAVELGRRL 8/10/2014 12:22PM

    What a tumultuous day!

Can't blame you for the small amount of mindless nibbling, and WTG for not tearing yourself down. You came back strong!

My Dad died in May 2013 and now my mom is inoperable, incurable lung cancer. She is going through Chemo. Like you, we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But no boyfriend in the picture! But in a way that might be good -- Mom lives alone with the nearest child over an hour away.

Hang in there Kellie!!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 8/10/2014 11:44AM

    So glad you dad is ok. I hope he doesn't have any more issues.

Good for you for rolling with the trying situations so well after a long work week. I know after my long days, it's all I can do to make a few decent decisions - you managed so well!

I hope you get a good day of relaxation and recharging for the new week!



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KRISTA987 8/10/2014 9:41AM

    Glad to hear your dad is doing well.
& you did AMAZING at keeping your food choices in check during such a stressful time!


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FUNLOVEN 8/10/2014 9:26AM

    Glad to hear your dad is o.k. and that you handled it all just like the pro you are!

BTW - I though they advertised that if you ate Special K you would lose weight in just 2 weeks time - LOL!

One last thought, I'm not sure what is worse 3 hours of CNN or Judge Judy emoticon

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SUGAR0814 8/10/2014 12:40AM

    Glad your dad is fine. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your dad. Praying for you & your dad. 🙏

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Lesson learned AGAIN

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

What's been happening....

Long hours at work on two frustrating projects. Cleaning out the spare bedroom each evening in preparation for my 23 year-old son to move in here because he's mad at his dad for telling him he needs to be on his own when he doesn't feel financially ready.

My ex and his fiancé had this talk with him two weeks before the ex's wedding. Nothing like putting your son (who's also your best man) in a foul mood right before your wedding.

AND the fiancé told me she would like it if I attend the service since my kids are in it. So I'm getting pressure from my daughter to go. I like the ex's fiancé and it was very nice of her to tell me she wants me there but I don't want to go. Your ex doesn't belong at your wedding no matter how much she tolerates you.

There's more but all of that has been the most draining of the last two weeks. Nobody was home tonight so I sat on the couch with a bowl of Special K Chocolaty Delight cereal, the remote and my simmering aggravation. Then I thought of the challenge I posted on the One Day Challenge team and got moving.

I took the dog for a 20-minute walk, did a 10-minute Spark Kickboxing video and two Spark upper body band videos.

It's a lesson I keep learning over and over and over and over.... best way to handle stress and aggravation is to get moving!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGGIEVAN 7/31/2014 1:49AM

    I agree with you 100%. For the rest...? You will make the right decision.

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WATERMELLEN 7/30/2014 6:29PM

    Oh yeah: that's a lesson that doesn't seem to stick with me either!!!

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SANDICANE 7/30/2014 5:18PM

    That's wonderful that you got moving rather than stewing, eating stew (or anything else).

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TRAVELGRRL 7/30/2014 3:36PM

    Your reaction to STRESS is admirable! It's the difference been being fat and fit.

I can't IMAGINE being invited to my ex's wedding! My ex and I have been divorced for 28 years yet he recently threw a hissy-fit when his sister and I became Facebook friends! He was upset and told her to unfriend me!

I don't blame you for not wanting to go; it's bound to make people uncomfortable.





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BIGPAWSUP 7/30/2014 2:07PM

    Sorry about the stress but you handled t the right way.


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KRISKECK 7/30/2014 12:07PM

    Sorry you're having so much stress in your life right now! And I feel you on the ex and grown kid stuff... and yeah, I agree with you on the wedding stuff...there are some things we just don't need in our lives! Breathe deep and let it go...!

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TATERCAT 7/30/2014 12:01PM

    I love relieving my frustration through exercise as well - isn't it the best anti-depressant?


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KANOE10 7/30/2014 10:01AM

    Getting all of that exercise was a great way to relieve your stress! It is hard to be busy at work and then to come home and work on your son's room. Plus there is the pressure of that wedding. I agree with you. You do not need to be there.
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FUNLOVEN 7/30/2014 8:40AM

    emoticon Great way to work out some stress.

Your kids aren't children performing in a play so I see no sense in using that as a reason to say you need to attend the wedding. What's up with that women !

Good luck with your son.

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PUPPYWHISPERS 7/30/2014 7:56AM

    Good for you for turning the stress around and getting moving! If you don't want to go to the wedding, don't go. Life's too short to let someone else tell you what they would like you to do.

Keep moving because that will definitely help. emoticon

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BA5454 7/30/2014 6:51AM

    Totally agree with ya here. The decision to go or not stays with you! Great job on avoiding the eating trap.

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ALICIA214 7/30/2014 12:36AM

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SUGAR0814 7/29/2014 11:51PM

    I'm with you on not going to the wedding. I wouldn't want to go either!! Great job on working out! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GLORIAMAJDI 7/29/2014 11:12PM

    Argh, that is all stressful! Especially the adult child moving back in! Good for you to get moving...best stress relief ever!

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JENNIK2 7/29/2014 10:56PM

    Good for you, getting out and not simmering about the aggravation!

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SUSUSUZZZIE 7/29/2014 10:51PM

    You may be learning over and over but think about how much quicker you come to the right conclusion. And now you trust your gut and you do something rather than debate it, make excuses not to do it, etc.... you do it!
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Good luck with the stress and all.


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For the Times, They are a changin

Friday, July 18, 2014

Hello Sparkland!

YAY FRIDAY! It's been a very busy on call week but I've muddled through without the stress eating thanks to my yoga DVD. My hips were getting really tight again so I got back into the yoga habit. It has also really helped with stress levels.

I managed to get a couple short runs in this week so the scale is slowly dipping back down a smidge.

Last night DH dug into a bag of Tostitos and cheese dip. I could smell them at 9:30 but I was fresh out of the post run shower and I wasn't tempted at all. It was shocking!

My 23-year old son has been living with my ex since I got remarried almost 8 years ago. My ex and my son moved in with my ex's fiance a year and a half ago and that's been going very well.

Well, the ex and his fiance told him last night it's time for him to move out, that they want to start their married life alone. My son is not quite financially stable enough so he's moving in with me and my husband starting this Saturday.

I'm happy but a little nervous, three adults have to get used to each other's habits and schedules. It means losing my workout room but that's okay,I'll just need to be creative so new challenge.

Yesterday on the way home from work I heard The Go Gos on the radio.... We Got the Beat. Yes a silly song but it took me back to high school and I got a burst of good vibes and I sang along, loudly! It was a great stress reliever.

So give yourself a boost of good vibes and power up for the weekend!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=f55KlPe81Yw

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUNLOVEN 7/19/2014 7:40AM

    Life seems to be ever changing which can be stressful at times. I know you will figure this new challenge with your exercise room out. Do you have a basement? That is were my exercise room is. Works well for the TM and my bicycle. I have a fan to keep me cool and a TV to distract me. The only draw back is the low ceilings so common in 100 yr. old houses - so I can't do anything that requires me lifting my arms over me head.

Enjoy your time with your son emoticon

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SUGAR0814 7/19/2014 12:27AM

    I'm not liking your ex's fiance at the moment. I can understand wanting to start their marriage alone but she knew your son was in the house before she showed up! Praying all works out well with the new living situation. Communication is the key. Have a great weekend! emoticon emoticon

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KRISTA987 7/18/2014 10:16PM

    There's nothing like singing your heart out while driving in your car!

Happy Friday emoticon

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GLORIAMAJDI 7/18/2014 9:03PM

    Kellie, interesting about your hips, I just met with a physical therapist today about my hips - I need to stretch and strengthen! Just one more thing to add to my already too busy schedule but the strength training class I take doesn't address this specific area. I should do yoga too - I do love it and it is a stress reliever!

My step-son is 22 and he has been my step-son since he was just over a year old, so he is just like mine - I just have to share him with three other parents (mom, dad and step-dad). He has been talking about moving in and starting college - we totally want him to go to college so we are all for it, but you are right, the thought of having three adults in the house is a bit nerve wracking. We don't know for sure if he will come because he just got a promotion at work so he might wait a while. I think that your family will do just fine with this, it might take some adjustment but it will work out!

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BIGPAWSUP 7/18/2014 8:16PM

    Best of luck with your son.

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SUSUSUZZZIE 7/18/2014 8:01PM

    Good luck with the transition. We had parents (my-inlaws) stay with us for much too extending times and it was challenging. Their 3 or more month vacations we not vacations for us. LOL! The second time they did it, we made ground rules and it helped.

And I owe you a a thanks. I need to do some IT Band work - I've been slipping on that. As soon as I'm done here, I'm off to do my exercises.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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TRAVELGRRL 7/18/2014 6:33PM

    I understand your nervousness! My suggestion is to keep the lines of communication about expectations open; maybe have a "weekly" meeting to air minor issues before they become major? Will he do his own laundry? Do you expect his dishes to be in the dishwasher rather than the sink? He may have different expectations based on what your ex's fiance did. Good luck! I know you will approach this new challenge with grace and humor!!

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LORILEEPAGE 7/18/2014 6:31PM

    I pray you'll all settle into a comfortable life together till your son is able to get out on his own. You'll find a way for getting those workouts!

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MAGGIEVAN 7/18/2014 4:46PM

    Have a great weekend. We have a saying "Where there is a will, there is a way".

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KANOE10 7/18/2014 4:02PM

    I am enjoying yoga workouts as well and think it helps my lower back. I have two adult sons who moved back in with us. It takes a little adjustment, but it is fine.

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TATERCAT 7/18/2014 11:41AM

    Kellie - It will be challenging at first, but you will get used to each other. Who knows, maybe your son will be into your healthy lifestyle and you can be active together!

Right now my workout 'square' is right in front of a couch facing a TV. I have to modify a lot of moves, but I make it work. Sometimes I get out of the room and use another space if it calls for it.

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KRISKECK 7/18/2014 10:09AM

    ah yes, boomerang kids...I have one too. Fortunately we get along very well and I know he will be on his way soon enough....Good luck!

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GARDENCHRIS 7/18/2014 9:53AM

    one of my sons moved back home due to finances ... it is working out fine.

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JOHNMARTINMILES 7/18/2014 9:47AM

    Bob Dylan (nee Robert Zimmerman) was such a philosopher

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!


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BOOKLOVINGGIRL 7/18/2014 9:39AM

    Our hips really require special attention as we get older, doesn't it. I find I have to do special stretches after a workout just for my hips, lol. Good for you on resisting those chips! Good luck with your son moving back in, I'm sure it'll be great. As for the exercise room, I hope he appreciates all the sacrifices one day.

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