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KELLCAN's Recent Blog Entries
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Wednesday, June 01, 2011
I missed my workout today, but am still feeling pretty good. I woke up this morning when I was supposed to be leaving for work, and was unbelievably tired all day. So, I pretty much expected that I'd be too tired for my run. Yesterday I had an AMAZING workout, so I don't feel too bad.
It's funny; every day I check, and sort of hope for an email from my ex(?). However, the last time he sent one, and today when I got a money transfer with a note, I am overwhelmed with anxiety. Last year this would have sent me into a horrible uncontrollable eating fest. Today, I looked at my to-do list, and did a few things. It seems so small and I know I'll always have to work at not letting my emotions control my eating, but I am so proud of myself. I am finally getting this mindfulness thing :)
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
I missed my workout today, but am still feeling pretty good. I woke up this morning when I was supposed to be leaving for work, and was unbelievably tired all day. So, I pretty much expected that I'd be too tired for my run. Yesterday I had an AMAZING workout, so I don't feel too bad.
It's funny; every day I check, and sort of hope for an email from my ex(?). However, the last time he sent one, and today when I got a money transfer with a note, I am overwhelmed with anxiety. Last year this would have sent me into a horrible uncontrollable eating fest. Today, I looked at my to-do list, and did a few things. It seems so small and I know I'll always have to work at not letting my emotions control my eating, but I am so proud of myself. I am finally getting this mindfulness thing :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
I have been away for almost a year now. I'm still away from home. So much has changed while I've been away. My marriage has fallen apart, I have a new dog to worry about, the house, car, bills, I don't know if I'm going to be greeted with divorce papers, and I'm in the process of changing careers.
In the face of all of this, plus I am finishing a course and still am being assessed and have licensing to do, all I can do is what I have to.
I know that sounds maybe vague. But, there are so many things so far out of my control, and there are so many things that I have to do. Every day is really one step, one task, one day at a time. As often as worrisome thoughts come into my head, I need to focus on the task at hand.
The most difficult task, has proven to be taking care of me. Everything is so up in the air, I know that in the not too distant future I will have to be alone and face myself. I'm not sure how to productively use my down time. I don't really know myself, I'm not really comfortable being alone with me. I've been with myself for 30 years but am horribly uncomfortable alone. Interesting isn't it?
Also interesting, is that when the chips are down, or I feel I need support and inspiration I can always count of sparkpeople to be here. What a wonderful community! I'm looking forward to visiting more often during my quest to get to know myself.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
I wonder why it is that I set realistic, healthy goals, develop a plan to achieve, yet act as if I am working against my goal. Sometimes it's like a thought crosses my mind and without pausing to think of why I would want to act out this thought I start. I have been working on securing healthy eating patterns for so long now, I have come to realize that my bad habit is an addiction. It's nothing that I have identified as having a detrimental effect on my life and that is probably why I seem to resist moving away forever.
I'm starting counseling and this is the issue that I will address. I think I need to believe that my eating habits are limiting me. When I created my sparkpage I wrote that I am on a journey to be my best. My eating is keeping my from being my best.
Today I played 1.5hr of floor hockey. Then I did deadlifts. 4x5 of 65lbs per side and 1x5 of 70lbs/side. I finished with 15 x 35lbs side. My hand is still healing from a workout last week ( I tore my palm doing pull-ups ) so the DL were painful sometimes, plus floor hockey beforehand tired me a little. I finished with 2 rounds of: 100 jump ropes (start with dlb unders then finish with whatever I want) then 25GHD sit-ups, 100 jump ropes (dbl unders to fail then whatever) then 25 hip back ext. Some stretching and 3x5 L pull-ups and handstand push-ups. I felt great after this workout. I did skip rugby practice though... and ate cupcakes...
Tonight, I will work more on my goals so I will be able to publish the goals and the plans soon. I will also get to bed early.
Good night sparkers, and keep strong tomorrow and beyond.
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
So, today was not the overwhelming success for which I had planned. In fact, I didn't even want to write because I felt that my evening was a 'failure'. I was looking for motivation and came to sparkpeople. I stumbled upon someone else's blog, where she basically had written out my feelings and actions for the last few weeks. This blog, made me realize that I'm not alone, and this isn't a failure, it's a fight.
I am fighting to realize that by adopting and adhering to good habits I will be better able to handle disruptions. Sometimes, I tell myself that it's okay to have an off night due to (pms, bad day, weather, reward) any number of excuses. Although, I may temporarily enjoy whatever snack I'm gorging on, it only makes the journey longer and harder.
I need to find a non food/ exercise way to feel like I am relaxing. If anyone reads this and has some suggestions for rewards and relaxation that don't involve treat foods or evenings off from exercise please list them. I'm open to any suggestion.
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