Pretty sure I am sane

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Was it Einstein? Anyway, somebody said, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results." I did not have a good day yesterday, I was lazy and ate too much all day long. Today I am super moody, but so far have worked out and eaten properly for this time of day.

I need to "come clean" about my transgressions against my progress, because in the past I have simply withdrawn, gotten quiet on Spark until I can be upbeat about what I'm doing again. This must be partly hormonal, but I still need to do something different this time. If I am to keep from going down the same old path, I need to focus on a better destination. This is hard for me. I did my Harper video today, and I was miserable. I hated most every second of it, but it's done and we are going to the lake later today so that will be fun and exercise too.

I am hoping that writing this blog will get some of the angst out of my system, so I can pull out of this crappy mood by the time boyfriend gets back from the grocery store. I am NOT giving up! I just can't. I feel weak and dumb for falling into the same hole again. So, I need to shine some light on in there, and find my footing to get right out again. Today. Now. Ok. So far so good. Think I just felt some weight lift off my shoulders. Atta girl!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINNA72 7/12/2012 4:32AM

Good for you, Emily! Like you I normally get quiet and withdrawn when something doesn't go well, but maybe I will take a page from your book, instead. You are doing GREAT! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSY455 7/11/2012 2:09AM

Don't be too hard on yourself. Even though you hated every minute of your workout, you did it!!! Give yourself credit for that. I hope the lake helped your mood. Report Inappropriate Comment

PATTIE441 7/10/2012 10:37PM

Atta girl! Hang in there my friend. Remember all the wonderful accomplishments you have achieved. You are awesome and amazing and I am very proud of you! You can do it! Comment edited on: 7/10/2012 10:38:12 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

LDMCNIEL 7/10/2012 8:21PM

We all have our good and bad days. I know it's hard not to beat yourself up but you just have to look forward and learn from what's behind you. Report Inappropriate Comment

LEMONLYMAN1 7/10/2012 2:39PM

Emily don't be down on yourself. You are only human, we all have bad days. And on top of that you are making progress. You are blogging about your "transgressions" and making an effort to get back out of your funk. In fact you've made excellent progress with it today. Everyone is going to have those days were they hate their standard workout video. Have you looked at any of the ones on Spark. I think they are a lot more fun, and it would give you and Bob a few days off to maybe rekindle your good standing with each other later... :) I think it's great that you blogged about your bad days, it's something I've been trying to do too. It keeps me accountable to myself, because I can see it, and it gives you the chance to get that support you need. I hope that going to the lake helps your mood, and I know you'll be on the right path again soon. Just keep working at it!! Report Inappropriate Comment

QSULLIVAN 7/10/2012 2:21PM

I have a good friend that has been trying to quit smoking for years. As she put it, she was "getting really good at quitting!" She has been smoke free now for a little over 3 months but that didn't happen without many, many false starts. As long as you keep trying, you have the hope of getting there. I think we all have crappy moods and crappy days and want to give up. I admire you for putting it out there. Report Inappropriate Comment

Slipping...

Sunday, July 08, 2012

My eating is crazy bad this weekend. Last night I was at a party, so I knew I was going to "mess up." I knew I didn't want to count calories for a night, and enjoy myself, and worry about consequences later. Ugh. Hungover this morning, first I didn't want to eat anything, then I had some fruit after my coffee, and I got home and I've just wanted to eat everything since I was so hungry. I ate up almost my whole day's limit of fat on a salad. For lunch. So, dinner time is a bust too, I figured I was already over for fats, so I succumbed to that faulty thinking that I'll just start fresh tomorrow, and do whatever today. Blech.

I know I will probably see a rude awakening on the scale tomorrow morning. But, these things happen. It is moving forward from it and not continuing the bad pattern that will count. For the rest of tonight, I'm not going to eat anymore, just drink a bunch of water, like I have been all day. I know I'll be going to bed early, I've been looking forward to it all day! So, I'll be rested and refreshed tomorrow I hope, and get right back to making the good choices.

Think I'll reconsider drinking so much the next time there's a party!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MTREFRY 7/10/2012 9:58AM

It's ok to have slip-ups...it's normal. As long as it is not an all the time thing. Report Inappropriate Comment

KALISWALKER 7/9/2012 9:04PM

We can all have a whoops day, it's what you do the day after that counts! Report Inappropriate Comment

MINNA72 7/9/2012 5:18PM

We've all been there, Emily. Don't beat yourself up over it too much. Tomorrow is a new day to make better choices for ourselves! Just don't give up! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSY455 7/9/2012 1:23AM

We all choose unwisely sometimes, but it doesn't mean you won't be successful. Reflect on the choices you made, devise a plan for next time you are in that situation, and move on. Getting back on track as soon as you can is important. In those situations, I just try to figure out the damage in calories, divide by 7 and make up the calories daily through a little extra exercise and a few less calories. In the big scheme of things, one day of bad choices won't sabotage you ...a week of them will! Best of luck for a week filled with healthy choices! Report Inappropriate Comment

So, it's been a month.

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Starting June 5, I pulled myself out of my unhealthy, lazy spiral. Today is July 5. I've been super-diligent on most days, and super-indulgent on others. I've pulled past that third week of early exuberance, and carried on making good choices.

Prior to June 5, I'd been deliberately over eating, whatever I felt like. I didn't give up on exercise entirely, but not enough to undo the damage my eating was doing. I had just stopped caring. I've no real clue how to stop caring again. I do know though, that I don't want to regain again. I know I can make a "bad" choice, and come back to healthy choices quickly. I've not been perfect over the past month. And that is 100% ok.

I've learned a whole lot about food, about eating, about over-eating, about being obese. About getting un-obese, and staying that way. I'll keep right on learning. This is a lifelong process, and that is a difficult realization to come to. There will be no easy fix. There will be no "finish line." I'm not on a diet, I'm on a mission to live a healthier life!

To that end, I racked up 1200 fitness minutes in June! I've barely gotten into July, and I'm already over 400. I've consistently come home from grocery shopping with too much fresh produce to fit into those piddly drawers at the bottom of my refrigerator. There is almost always a giant bowl of tossed salad in my fridge. I can't think I've got this down, that I'm winning or any such nonsense. I feel good with my healthier habits, but they are vulnerable to some bizarre self-sabotage when I think I'm "winning the battle." I'm not winning, I'm just continually fighting to feel good about my day when I go to bed at night.

I got on my scale this morning, and I'm 10 pounds down from where I was a month ago. Hooray! Just another 10 to go to get back to where I quit the last time. I'm not going to quit this time. Thanks so much for being here, whether I'M stumbling or striding.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALISWALKER 7/9/2012 7:25PM

You are right there is no easy fix. Congratulations on losing 10 months in one month! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSY455 7/5/2012 4:52PM

Congrats Emily on learning, what I think was the hardest lesson for me, that this is a lifelong effort. There isn't an end to healthy choices. You have an amazing attitude and I hope you continue to see the progress towards your goals! and on the 10 pound loss! You are Report Inappropriate Comment

MOMMY2TWO07 7/5/2012 3:41PM

You are doing awesome !!! Love reading your blogs because you are really learning alot and very insightful about it all. Remember it is a lifestyle change so anything in moderation - it is not an all or nothing. And enjoy the journey along the way. Report Inappropriate Comment

DEBBY4576 7/5/2012 2:54PM

Wow, you did good your first month back. You can and WILL do this. You came back before you gained too too much, so you must know where you should be. Report Inappropriate Comment

TIG123GER 7/5/2012 2:50PM

Congrats on the success and keep it up! You've definitely got the hang of this. Report Inappropriate Comment

Just go to sleep! please?

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

I'm sitting in my daughter's bedroom, waiting for her to settle down and go to sleep. We had a very fun, busy day at the beach, and she is over-tired. We read the stories. Said goodnight, love you, all that. She will not sleep. She will whine and cry, but not what she needs to do most. What will be most beneficial.

How often did, or do, we know just what we need to do in order to achieve our goals? The real trouble lies in the doing, settling into a new routine and getting comfortable with new priorities. Doing what will be most beneficial and helpful to us in the long run isn't REALLY that tough, once you make up your mind. Getting there though, to the final decision that changes are happening and that's that? Feels like climbing a mountain!

You can toss all the junk in your pantry, buy a gym-full of exercise equipment. It's not going to make a difference until you settle in and commit.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOROTHYBERO 7/4/2012 3:29AM

So very true! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSY455 7/3/2012 9:48PM

Changing habits, even ones we know are not healthy, is challenging. Like climbing your mountain! Easier to deal with the known than make the commitment to make the changes. You are right, until we are committed to the change we just keep spinning our wheels. I want to get off the merry-go-round! Thanks for the reminder :-) Report Inappropriate Comment

JLMALLETTE 7/3/2012 9:38PM

So true! You are Report Inappropriate Comment

TRACYNOTGIVINUP 7/3/2012 9:23PM

This is all very true, I have this conversation with my daughter all the time, she asks for help, I give it, and nothing changes for her because she is not committing herself. You are doing a great job with keeping a great frame of mind Emily! Report Inappropriate Comment

My little victories.

Monday, July 02, 2012

I have loved coca-cola from the time I was a child, starting around age 10 or so, I was allowed a can a day on weekends, and one everyday during the summer. In my early twenties, I was drinking as many as 3-4 cans per day. I lost 40 pounds at one point, and still had at least 2 cans a day. I don't think I love it anymore. Right now, sitting in my kitchen, is a 12-pack of Coke. I bought it for boyfriend's whiskey drinks, cans are most economical since bottles go flat too fast. I bought it last week sometime, and I have not had one. AT ALL. Not even tempted, whereas the last time I bought Coke for the same purpose, I kept drinking one each day, until they were gone. I know I could have one, if I really wanted to, but I don't!

Today, I went grocery shopping. We left the house after my daughter had her lunch, but I wasn't hungry yet. I got SO hungry over the course of the shopping trip, but I didn't buy junk as a result. I got a little impatient, but I checked out without even entertaining the thought of picking up a snack, or some little (or big) "secret treat" to eat on the way home. I didn't stop at any drive-thru for a monstrous "lunch" with 3 days' worth of fat in it. I went home, put the cold foods away, and prepared a nutritious, delicious meal in 5 minutes.

As I put the frozen stuff away, I came across leftover burger patties from last week's cookout. MMMM I thought, I could go for a burger! Then I looked at the label. I don't think I ever looked at the burger label before! HOly crap! 300 calories, and 28 grams of fat! 28! Then you add a bun, and cheese, and I used to put mayo on too! Eew. I could still go for a burger, but not today. :) I will definitely remember that though.

The 5% challenge's daily mileage limit for fitness minutes is 120. That's a lot! I kept seeing people posting that many, and imagining whether I could do that sometime. Well, I can. Yesterday, I did. I felt pretty good about it, and pretty sore come bedtime!

Little things are adding up!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEMONLYMAN1 7/3/2012 9:36AM

You are doing so great Emily!!!!! Seeing the changes in habits that you have had for years must be so rewarding. That and you are becoming more aware of the food around you. I know that I have the same kind of moments you had with your hamburger with sausage. I love it but when I looked at the calories I was shocked. I can have so much more chicken for the same amount of calories. Congrats on not getting fast food. Sometimes that is really a battle for me, that or chinese because I walk by both every day on my way to and from work. I get about 120 minutes of working out done a day, and I have to agree with one of the other commentors. The first few times it seems like a lot of time but as you continue to do it it seems short. I think you can certainly hit it some point in the summer. I hope that you continue to make progress you are doing so well!! Report Inappropriate Comment

DOROTHYBERO 7/3/2012 8:55AM

120 minutes really is not hard - I usually go over with out really trying - you are doing great! Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSY455 7/3/2012 12:38AM

I don't think your victories are small at all! I have been attempting (admittedly half-hearted at times) to break my addiction to Coke Zero. I actually stopped completely a few years ago, but as soon as I started again, it's all over. I was down to one every other day, and wasn't keeping any in the house. Gave in too my craving last week, and bought a 24 case at the store. Now I will have to go through the headaches all over again...ugghhh. I agree with Jenny, in that you don't want to push yourself to do 120 minutes of exercise and burn out (or get injured) but as a goal you did it! I do 120 minutes 3x a week because I walk for an hour, usually 15 min miles, and then go to Curves for an hour those same days. Yesterday I walked vigorously for an hour, but wanted to get in some strength training last night, so instead of doing just one 10 minutes video, I did an extra 10 minute one too. I think it is important to stretch yourself physically, but you have to find a routine you can live with and maintain! I think you are doing an amazing job and you should be very proud of yourself! Report Inappropriate Comment

HJFOGARTY 7/2/2012 11:32PM

you are so amazing! doing a great job and making awesome choices for yourself! continue to inspire! you are awesome! thanks for sharing Report Inappropriate Comment

YUMYUMJENNY 7/2/2012 4:27PM

Awesome job! I feel bad sometimes too that I rarely ever meet the 120 minutes/day for mileage, but I've found what works for me (a workout schedule!) and as long as I follow it I am perfectly content in entering 45-60 minutes instead. Besides, a 60 minute and a 120 minute workout can be equal if the 60 minute is pushing hard and the 120 minute is merely walking. It's great to push yourself of course, but don't get burned out and end up giving up. Same goes for the soda and any other "bad" craving; it's wonderful to limit those things as best as we can, but don't deprive yourself of it unless you know you won't end up binging. In high school I gave up soda for four to five years, but now I allow myself one every few months and I absolutely don't feel guilty about it. You're doing greeeat! Thanks for the goodie, by the way. :) Report Inappropriate Comment