Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Was it Einstein? Anyway, somebody said, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results." I did not have a good day yesterday, I was lazy and ate too much all day long. Today I am super moody, but so far have worked out and eaten properly for this time of day.
I need to "come clean" about my transgressions against my progress, because in the past I have simply withdrawn, gotten quiet on Spark until I can be upbeat about what I'm doing again. This must be partly hormonal, but I still need to do something different this time. If I am to keep from going down the same old path, I need to focus on a better destination. This is hard for me. I did my Harper video today, and I was miserable. I hated most every second of it, but it's done and we are going to the lake later today so that will be fun and exercise too.
I am hoping that writing this blog will get some of the angst out of my system, so I can pull out of this crappy mood by the time boyfriend gets back from the grocery store. I am NOT giving up! I just can't. I feel weak and dumb for falling into the same hole again. So, I need to shine some light on in there, and find my footing to get right out again. Today. Now. Ok. So far so good. Think I just felt some weight lift off my shoulders. Atta girl!
Sunday, July 08, 2012
My eating is crazy bad this weekend. Last night I was at a party, so I knew I was going to "mess up." I knew I didn't want to count calories for a night, and enjoy myself, and worry about consequences later. Ugh. Hungover this morning, first I didn't want to eat anything, then I had some fruit after my coffee, and I got home and I've just wanted to eat everything since I was so hungry. I ate up almost my whole day's limit of fat on a salad. For lunch. So, dinner time is a bust too, I figured I was already over for fats, so I succumbed to that faulty thinking that I'll just start fresh tomorrow, and do whatever today. Blech.
I know I will probably see a rude awakening on the scale tomorrow morning. But, these things happen. It is moving forward from it and not continuing the bad pattern that will count. For the rest of tonight, I'm not going to eat anymore, just drink a bunch of water, like I have been all day. I know I'll be going to bed early, I've been looking forward to it all day! So, I'll be rested and refreshed tomorrow I hope, and get right back to making the good choices.
Think I'll reconsider drinking so much the next time there's a party!
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Starting June 5, I pulled myself out of my unhealthy, lazy spiral. Today is July 5. I've been super-diligent on most days, and super-indulgent on others. I've pulled past that third week of early exuberance, and carried on making good choices.
Prior to June 5, I'd been deliberately over eating, whatever I felt like. I didn't give up on exercise entirely, but not enough to undo the damage my eating was doing. I had just stopped caring. I've no real clue how to stop caring again. I do know though, that I don't want to regain again. I know I can make a "bad" choice, and come back to healthy choices quickly. I've not been perfect over the past month. And that is 100% ok.
I've learned a whole lot about food, about eating, about over-eating, about being obese. About getting un-obese, and staying that way. I'll keep right on learning. This is a lifelong process, and that is a difficult realization to come to. There will be no easy fix. There will be no "finish line." I'm not on a diet, I'm on a mission to live a healthier life!
To that end, I racked up 1200 fitness minutes in June! I've barely gotten into July, and I'm already over 400. I've consistently come home from grocery shopping with too much fresh produce to fit into those piddly drawers at the bottom of my refrigerator. There is almost always a giant bowl of tossed salad in my fridge. I can't think I've got this down, that I'm winning or any such nonsense. I feel good with my healthier habits, but they are vulnerable to some bizarre self-sabotage when I think I'm "winning the battle." I'm not winning, I'm just continually fighting to feel good about my day when I go to bed at night.
I got on my scale this morning, and I'm 10 pounds down from where I was a month ago. Hooray! Just another 10 to go to get back to where I quit the last time. I'm not going to quit this time. Thanks so much for being here, whether I'M stumbling or striding.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
I'm sitting in my daughter's bedroom, waiting for her to settle down and go to sleep. We had a very fun, busy day at the beach, and she is over-tired. We read the stories. Said goodnight, love you, all that. She will not sleep. She will whine and cry, but not what she needs to do most. What will be most beneficial.
How often did, or do, we know just what we need to do in order to achieve our goals? The real trouble lies in the doing, settling into a new routine and getting comfortable with new priorities. Doing what will be most beneficial and helpful to us in the long run isn't REALLY that tough, once you make up your mind. Getting there though, to the final decision that changes are happening and that's that? Feels like climbing a mountain!
You can toss all the junk in your pantry, buy a gym-full of exercise equipment. It's not going to make a difference until you settle in and commit.
Monday, July 02, 2012
I have loved coca-cola from the time I was a child, starting around age 10 or so, I was allowed a can a day on weekends, and one everyday during the summer. In my early twenties, I was drinking as many as 3-4 cans per day. I lost 40 pounds at one point, and still had at least 2 cans a day. I don't think I love it anymore. Right now, sitting in my kitchen, is a 12-pack of Coke. I bought it for boyfriend's whiskey drinks, cans are most economical since bottles go flat too fast. I bought it last week sometime, and I have not had one. AT ALL. Not even tempted, whereas the last time I bought Coke for the same purpose, I kept drinking one each day, until they were gone. I know I could have one, if I really wanted to, but I don't!
Today, I went grocery shopping. We left the house after my daughter had her lunch, but I wasn't hungry yet. I got SO hungry over the course of the shopping trip, but I didn't buy junk as a result. I got a little impatient, but I checked out without even entertaining the thought of picking up a snack, or some little (or big) "secret treat" to eat on the way home. I didn't stop at any drive-thru for a monstrous "lunch" with 3 days' worth of fat in it. I went home, put the cold foods away, and prepared a nutritious, delicious meal in 5 minutes.
As I put the frozen stuff away, I came across leftover burger patties from last week's cookout. MMMM I thought, I could go for a burger! Then I looked at the label. I don't think I ever looked at the burger label before! HOly crap! 300 calories, and 28 grams of fat! 28! Then you add a bun, and cheese, and I used to put mayo on too! Eew. I could still go for a burger, but not today. :) I will definitely remember that though.
The 5% challenge's daily mileage limit for fitness minutes is 120. That's a lot! I kept seeing people posting that many, and imagining whether I could do that sometime. Well, I can. Yesterday, I did. I felt pretty good about it, and pretty sore come bedtime!
Little things are adding up!
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