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Spiriling Outta Control - Help Needed!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I am feeling so out of control and overwhelmed. I've come back here for support, I'm not sure where else to turn. I think I'm going to find a therapist to visit for a few months. So what's going on? I'm really not sure. I've been adjusting to my hubby's new job (gone for 25 days, then 14, then 4, then 8, he's now home for a week) and taking care of everything when he's gone. His 19 yr old sister came to stay with us for a few weeks and drove us insane - he was gone all but 3 days for that. We all breathed a sigh of relief when she left - the first few days were good, then she started all of her drama and trying to complain and make people mad at each other. Anyway, we got through that too. Then I got in a car accident. I'm still not quite sure how, and I did get a ticket. I cried for two days in a row... my 3 month old car is in the shop with $3200 worth of damage. Thank goodness for insurance! But since my accident Thursday I've been eating non-stop and on the verge of tears! I am feeling so much anxiety and stress. I feel like a failure, like I am a bad person for getting in a car accident and I have been stuffing my face to ignore those feelings as much as possible. I feel jumpy and skiddish and just like a failure. SO I'm writing about it and hoping this will help. Plus I need to start holding myself accountable. I think I gained 8 lbs this week.. and of course that makes me feel even more miserable. So I'm trying to find something good. I'm pushing myself to make sure I do laundry, dishes, help with homework, give the dog his meds & walk him, and get all my work done at work. I also went and spent more money on credit than I should have this month, so I'm stressed about paying that off. I really feel like a basket case. I know it will get better, I just can't allow myself to gain more weight back on top of everything.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSKIPPY7811 9/18/2011 2:38PM

    Good to see you again! Glad you're ok even if your car is not. Maybe you're too close to it now, but I bet in time you'll look back on the 19-year-old drama and laugh


Glad you're back!

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CHUBBY_MOM 9/14/2011 9:52PM

    Oh my! You have had a rotten few days (weeks) but you are strong, just look how far you have come! You can fix a car and it is called an accident for a reason...it's an accident. You are whats important, don't forget that! Hope things turn around for you soon!!!!

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KENLY80 9/14/2011 6:56PM


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ELLEYKAT 9/14/2011 5:39PM

    *hugs and love* Hang in there, kitten.

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PSALM31-2 9/14/2011 5:27PM

    You are strong and you will make it through this. I am sorry that things have been so rough. Don't let your mind play tricks on you and get you in that crazy pessimistic and guilty attitude. Things have been rough and if you went to food or some other crutch it is ok. You have realized that you did it and the circumstances that lead to using that crutch. Take everything in small steps. If you think about everything you will make yourself crazy. I know because I catch myself doing it as well. emoticon I agree with MMCGWIRE going for a walk and just enjoying something relaxing will help. So when you go on that walk do not let your mind dwell on the chaos of life..... Enjoy the exercise and the calm of just being by yourself and only allow positive thoughts. We have to make sure that we intentionally remove negative static from our minds. I think that the therapy is a wonderful idea. I went to 3 sessions myself fairly recently and it really helped me and certain weights have been lifted. Well I am going to be praying for you! I hope the anxiety will get better soon!!! emoticon

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 9/14/2011 4:58PM

    Well, you made the first step by writing this blog! It sounds like you've been dealing with several stressful situations and the car accident certainly didn't help.

I know we can all tell you that the car accident, was just that, an "accident" but right now you are probably dealing with the guilt and the "what ifs". Even if there were no injuries to yourself and no damage to your car the very suddenness would shake you up.

I think it is the combination of all the stress that is getting to you and not so much one individual thing. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug so I'm sending you a virtual one instead! emoticon


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MAMABUGAZ 9/14/2011 4:35PM

    Wow. Sorry life's been tough. Dunno what to say, other than -- hang in there, and use whatever healthy stress management techniques work for you.

~ Faith

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    Wow you've had a rought time , dont be so hard on yourself. Do you run? Try to do something active when you're feeling anxious to help get those endorphins flowing. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. If you feel the urge to start emotional eating then grab a bottle of water and go for a long walk or run. Hope you're feeling better soon, its just a car, accidents happen , at least you're alive :)

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Daughter's stealing my new Pants!

Monday, August 15, 2011

So I made it to a place where my daughter and I are within a pant size of each other. She's about 1/2 pant size smaller than me - mostly the thigh area is smaller on her than me. Well, I bought her a bunch of clothes for school, and found four pairs of jeans in our size that were marked down to $1.96 at JC Penny, so I bought all of them. I also picked up two pairs of really nice name brand pants at the reuse store for $2 each. I bought her 3 pairs of brand new pants since I just bought her five pairs of jeans over the summer. Well, first she saw the way the JCPenny pants fit and wanted to try them on too - so I gave her 3 of the 4 pairs and of course they fit her perfect. Then she saw the two pants I bought at the reuse center hanging (in the laundry room) and she thought, oh those are nice, and claimed them too. I looked in my closet for pants that fit me now, and learned that I'm down to only three pairs of pants! LOL. She just said she has no pants to wear on Saturday, Wait.. really? So I need to go through her room and see what she's doing with all these pants! In the mean time, I now have motivation to lose more weight - so she can't fit into my pants anymore. Until then I think I'm going to write my initials on the tag inside the pants that are MINE. Of course, she doesn't want me to borrow two new shirts I bought her (and love/wanted for myself). lol. I don't want to wear my teens clothing, these two shirts were misses and my style. Oh well.. I started a new workout series last year using the Wii & fitness equipment for the EA Active Sports 2 (I think?). For something that looked low impact, it sure made me feel it. .haha ha..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PSKIPPY7811 8/21/2011 7:24AM

    That's a great motivator!

Never heard that one before

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DDOORN 8/16/2011 11:48AM

    Savor that flattering PITA! :-)


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CHUBBY_MOM 8/15/2011 9:09PM

    How wonderful for you!! It's just to bad that you had to give up your new clothes....LOL....but what a great feeling!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Monday, August 01, 2011

So my hubby has been gone for 2 weeks with his new job, and it's running over, so he's gone for at least one more week. In the mean time my daughter is driving me insane. There's the usual 16 year old grumpy complaining girl, and of course don't forget when she has to tell me what to do in her rude voice. . which makes me want to backhand her (but I don't). I haven't been exercising. I've been doing a lot of cleaning, some wall pushups & squats here and there, but nothing regular. I'm going insane. It's either too hot or too rainy, and the bugs are just horrible! Even with bug spray on I'm getting bitten. I can't ride my bike cuz the bugs are so horrible! ugh. So Thursday or Friday on my lunch break I'm going to Snap Fitness and talking to them about renewing our family membership. I'm going to have to commit to this for myself, and I keep letting myself down. I am feeling a bit lonely with him gone, frustrated with my daughter's attitude & laziness & constant complaining, & tired of this weather & bugs! UGH!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Sorry you are having trouble with your teen. They are a handful. I survived as best as I could given their father's constant interference and sabotage. I turned to literature a great deal. This is none little fact that made a HUGE difference for me.

Dealing Effectively with Moody Teenagers

   "  Often teenagers become introspective and moody around the ages of 15. It is a time when they begin to look at themselves and think about how they view themselves and how this perception may match or mismatch with how others see them. They are building a self-image and will often work through this by 16 or 17 years of age.

     Confidence is the key to dealing with these ups and downs. A child who has been confident for their earlier lives will come out of this process just fine. It is important however, for parents to pay attention to their teen's mood."

Now me talking. Confidence comes through accomplishment. So a lot of encouragement to do anything at all that gives them a sense of accomplishment will go a long way to helping their issues. They have it so rough, don't you think? I always tried to build them up as much as possible, if not me then who would? Do you know what I mean?

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DDOORN 8/2/2011 3:54PM

    I know from my visits back home to my parents how bad those bugs can be out there...whew! Hard to imagine them keeping me off the bike!

Hang in there and keep an eye out for an opportunity to get out and FLY! They can't get you if they can't CATCH YOU! :-)


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DOGMOMMA2THREE 8/2/2011 8:15AM

    I just read over your last few blogs and I think you are doing great! Having your husband gone is a big adjustment for all of you so maybe, it is harder on you than you would like to think?

Good idea about re-joining the gym. I joined on Sunday and today have an appointment with somebody to show me around.

We don't have any children so I can't help you with your daughter. I remember being that age though and full of angst.

Keep your chin up! emoticon

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Starting Over - Phase 2 - Goals Reset!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Starting this morning I decided I really need to start everything over fresh. I know I lost 60 lbs, but now I need to lose 50 more, so no more procrastinating or maintaining. Time to whip myself into shape! the next six months will be more challenging than the first six. I am going to face new challenges, feelings, fears, emotions. I haven't been this weight/size since I was a teenager, and a lot of those insecure feelings are coming up. I'm scared of losing more weight and having to maintain. What if I were to gain some back? How much more do I need to change about my lifestyle? Will I still enjoy life the same without the love of food? I'm still struggling with my love of tastes, smells, mostly when I'm stressed. Oh, the comfort of food. What types of things can I do when I'm stressed that will give the same satisfaction of a full belly without the repercussions? I haven't been drinking enough water this week, there's one thing. Drink more water. Snack on veggies not chips or unhealthy foods. There's two. Clean! I love a clean house and have been doing this since hubby is in South Carolina working. It also gives me a sense of satisfaction to have a clean kitchen. If you have any other ideas about how to combat stress eating and comfort eating, please let me know! I have to get over this emotional mountain I put in front of myself in order to get to the next stage in my healthy life style changes. I will do this, and I've already shrunk that mountain down to more of a large hill.. Along with food, I'm redoing my financial strategies too. Most of my stress comes from when I spend money incorrectly. I want to be the best person I can be. Honest, caring, loving, laughing, fun, sweet, smart, sensitive, and a bunch more good things. I want to be the best wife, best mom, best friend, best employee, best teacher, best student, the best me. I forget that includes my health - sleep, exercise, food. I've evolved so much in the past 10 years, and I love who I am, and I am happy with me and my life. I think it will be even better as I accomplish these new goals.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 7/19/2011 9:04AM

    Love your question: "What types of things can I do when I'm stressed that will give the same satisfaction of a full belly without the repercussions?" Great way to think, plan and prepare!


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HIKETOHEIGHTS 7/18/2011 2:18PM

    That is quite the tall order! But hey nothing wrong with going for the gold. I think the mere fact that you are aiming to be so great for everything and everyone is an indication of your sweet soul. That can only lead to good things. More power to you in reaching your goals.

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CHEETARA79 7/18/2011 2:06PM

    Awww.. you are wonderful, no matter what weight you're at. Congratulations on losing 60 pounds!!! THAT IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

Dealing with stress: Come up with a list of 10 things you can do that relieve stress. For example:
1. Phone a friend and vent to them about what is stressing you out
2. Put on some good music and DANCE!
3. Write in your diary.
4. Get in your car and go for a short drive and SCREAM at the top of your lungs if you need to.
5. Break stuff. Grab a glass jar from your recycling bin, take it out to the street and SMASH IT against the asphalt. (Ok, this one is kind of destructive, maybe not such a good idea.)

Anyways, that should give you a start for your list. Once you come up with 10 things, write them out nicely on a piece of paper or index card. Then stash that list in your purse or somewhere else so you'll always have it handy. If you find yourself stressed out and reaching for food, grab that list and make yourself do one thing off of it before putting anything in your mouth. HTH

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Hubby has New Job - Finally some Normal Routine!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Well, my hubby quit his job almost 2 weeks ago - about 3 days after we got back from vacation. He then headed out to upstate NY & VT to work with his step-fathers friends businesses just to have extra income. Right before he left he had a job interview. Well, on Wednesday they called him and asked if he'd come in for a follow up interview on Friday, so he drove back home from upstate NY (around 800ish miles). He interviewed for 1 hr 45 minutes. an hour after the interview he received the call that he had the job. So happy. So now he will be doing two different things for this company. First he will be bringing equipment and shelving to different businesses in other states and assembling/installing them on site. When he's not busy traveling he will be working in the shop, normal business days, weekends off. YEAH! so much better than his last job, soooo much better! so happy for him! Today was the first "normal" day. He got up first, got ready, took care of the dog & left for work. I got up late, took care of myself and left for work. LOL. So, tomorrow I am going to try to start a new routine - get up with him, do my workout video while he's getting ready - and not go back to sleep. :) I have to stop at the store and get fruit, melon, healthy foods on the way home. I'm so happy! I think I'm going to start my tickers & stuff over. My body is finally "reset" from the maintenance of 2 months, so I think that it's time to Reboot & start over! :) :) I was so happy yesterday, when my hubby told me not to stretch out my teeshirt and make it baggy, that it looked really good the way it fit, and he loves my new curves/body shape. What a confidence booster! I have to think of some new goals for the future, and maybe join some team challenges. I'm going to attempt to visit here steady for a week or two first to make myself commit and be in the routine before joining though. I figure by then I'll be ready for August challenges. August - already? almost back to school shopping time, i gotta save some money! yikes!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAKAPES 7/17/2011 6:15AM

    That must be a relief, new job! Hope it turns out really good, and your exercise will rock, too!

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DOGMOMMA2THREE 7/11/2011 3:47PM

    Awe, that is great that your husband is noticing and appreciating the hard work you are doing. Oh, and it is fantastic that he got a job. My husband is not really looking at the moment but things are getting tight financially so he will have to take something soon! ha! Good idea about getting up with him although I've been sleeping in a lot lately!

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DDOORN 7/11/2011 3:05PM

    Long drive from upstate NY to MI...as I well know from having been to our family reunion over the July 4th weekend!

Sounds like you've held your own nicely during the tough times....now? Cheers to some "coasting" during quieter, more predictable times! :-)


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HIKETOHEIGHTS 7/11/2011 11:24AM

    Woo Hoo for you on the new bod. I hope DH does well in the new job, if it makes him happier it is well worth it. Nothing worse than a grumpy, tired male! I am hearing good things about the 5% challenge though I have never tried it.

I like do the spark videos too. Especially the stretching ones. Have a good week, Victoria

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