Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I am feeling so out of control and overwhelmed. I've come back here for support, I'm not sure where else to turn. I think I'm going to find a therapist to visit for a few months. So what's going on? I'm really not sure. I've been adjusting to my hubby's new job (gone for 25 days, then 14, then 4, then 8, he's now home for a week) and taking care of everything when he's gone. His 19 yr old sister came to stay with us for a few weeks and drove us insane - he was gone all but 3 days for that. We all breathed a sigh of relief when she left - the first few days were good, then she started all of her drama and trying to complain and make people mad at each other. Anyway, we got through that too. Then I got in a car accident. I'm still not quite sure how, and I did get a ticket. I cried for two days in a row... my 3 month old car is in the shop with $3200 worth of damage. Thank goodness for insurance! But since my accident Thursday I've been eating non-stop and on the verge of tears! I am feeling so much anxiety and stress. I feel like a failure, like I am a bad person for getting in a car accident and I have been stuffing my face to ignore those feelings as much as possible. I feel jumpy and skiddish and just like a failure. SO I'm writing about it and hoping this will help. Plus I need to start holding myself accountable. I think I gained 8 lbs this week.. and of course that makes me feel even more miserable. So I'm trying to find something good. I'm pushing myself to make sure I do laundry, dishes, help with homework, give the dog his meds & walk him, and get all my work done at work. I also went and spent more money on credit than I should have this month, so I'm stressed about paying that off. I really feel like a basket case. I know it will get better, I just can't allow myself to gain more weight back on top of everything.
Monday, August 15, 2011
So I made it to a place where my daughter and I are within a pant size of each other. She's about 1/2 pant size smaller than me - mostly the thigh area is smaller on her than me. Well, I bought her a bunch of clothes for school, and found four pairs of jeans in our size that were marked down to $1.96 at JC Penny, so I bought all of them. I also picked up two pairs of really nice name brand pants at the reuse store for $2 each. I bought her 3 pairs of brand new pants since I just bought her five pairs of jeans over the summer. Well, first she saw the way the JCPenny pants fit and wanted to try them on too - so I gave her 3 of the 4 pairs and of course they fit her perfect. Then she saw the two pants I bought at the reuse center hanging (in the laundry room) and she thought, oh those are nice, and claimed them too. I looked in my closet for pants that fit me now, and learned that I'm down to only three pairs of pants! LOL. She just said she has no pants to wear on Saturday, Wait.. really? So I need to go through her room and see what she's doing with all these pants! In the mean time, I now have motivation to lose more weight - so she can't fit into my pants anymore. Until then I think I'm going to write my initials on the tag inside the pants that are MINE. Of course, she doesn't want me to borrow two new shirts I bought her (and love/wanted for myself). lol. I don't want to wear my teens clothing, these two shirts were misses and my style. Oh well.. I started a new workout series last year using the Wii & fitness equipment for the EA Active Sports 2 (I think?). For something that looked low impact, it sure made me feel it. .haha ha..
Monday, August 01, 2011
So my hubby has been gone for 2 weeks with his new job, and it's running over, so he's gone for at least one more week. In the mean time my daughter is driving me insane. There's the usual 16 year old grumpy complaining girl, and of course don't forget when she has to tell me what to do in her rude voice. . which makes me want to backhand her (but I don't). I haven't been exercising. I've been doing a lot of cleaning, some wall pushups & squats here and there, but nothing regular. I'm going insane. It's either too hot or too rainy, and the bugs are just horrible! Even with bug spray on I'm getting bitten. I can't ride my bike cuz the bugs are so horrible! ugh. So Thursday or Friday on my lunch break I'm going to Snap Fitness and talking to them about renewing our family membership. I'm going to have to commit to this for myself, and I keep letting myself down. I am feeling a bit lonely with him gone, frustrated with my daughter's attitude & laziness & constant complaining, & tired of this weather & bugs! UGH!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Starting this morning I decided I really need to start everything over fresh. I know I lost 60 lbs, but now I need to lose 50 more, so no more procrastinating or maintaining. Time to whip myself into shape! the next six months will be more challenging than the first six. I am going to face new challenges, feelings, fears, emotions. I haven't been this weight/size since I was a teenager, and a lot of those insecure feelings are coming up. I'm scared of losing more weight and having to maintain. What if I were to gain some back? How much more do I need to change about my lifestyle? Will I still enjoy life the same without the love of food? I'm still struggling with my love of tastes, smells, mostly when I'm stressed. Oh, the comfort of food. What types of things can I do when I'm stressed that will give the same satisfaction of a full belly without the repercussions? I haven't been drinking enough water this week, there's one thing. Drink more water. Snack on veggies not chips or unhealthy foods. There's two. Clean! I love a clean house and have been doing this since hubby is in South Carolina working. It also gives me a sense of satisfaction to have a clean kitchen. If you have any other ideas about how to combat stress eating and comfort eating, please let me know! I have to get over this emotional mountain I put in front of myself in order to get to the next stage in my healthy life style changes. I will do this, and I've already shrunk that mountain down to more of a large hill.. Along with food, I'm redoing my financial strategies too. Most of my stress comes from when I spend money incorrectly. I want to be the best person I can be. Honest, caring, loving, laughing, fun, sweet, smart, sensitive, and a bunch more good things. I want to be the best wife, best mom, best friend, best employee, best teacher, best student, the best me. I forget that includes my health - sleep, exercise, food. I've evolved so much in the past 10 years, and I love who I am, and I am happy with me and my life. I think it will be even better as I accomplish these new goals.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Well, my hubby quit his job almost 2 weeks ago - about 3 days after we got back from vacation. He then headed out to upstate NY & VT to work with his step-fathers friends businesses just to have extra income. Right before he left he had a job interview. Well, on Wednesday they called him and asked if he'd come in for a follow up interview on Friday, so he drove back home from upstate NY (around 800ish miles). He interviewed for 1 hr 45 minutes. an hour after the interview he received the call that he had the job. So happy. So now he will be doing two different things for this company. First he will be bringing equipment and shelving to different businesses in other states and assembling/installing them on site. When he's not busy traveling he will be working in the shop, normal business days, weekends off. YEAH! so much better than his last job, soooo much better! so happy for him! Today was the first "normal" day. He got up first, got ready, took care of the dog & left for work. I got up late, took care of myself and left for work. LOL. So, tomorrow I am going to try to start a new routine - get up with him, do my workout video while he's getting ready - and not go back to sleep. :) I have to stop at the store and get fruit, melon, healthy foods on the way home. I'm so happy! I think I'm going to start my tickers & stuff over. My body is finally "reset" from the maintenance of 2 months, so I think that it's time to Reboot & start over! :) :) I was so happy yesterday, when my hubby told me not to stretch out my teeshirt and make it baggy, that it looked really good the way it fit, and he loves my new curves/body shape. What a confidence booster! I have to think of some new goals for the future, and maybe join some team challenges. I'm going to attempt to visit here steady for a week or two first to make myself commit and be in the routine before joining though. I figure by then I'll be ready for August challenges. August - already? almost back to school shopping time, i gotta save some money! yikes!
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