Friday, July 16, 2010
I'm looking as this as moving forward. I'm really trying here. Last night it was so difficult to get my 30 minutes in on the elliptical. I am not sure whether it was my MS, or taking a day off, or what was going on. I know we ate about 45 minutes before we went to the gym and that didn't help either. I ended up with a horrible migraine, but I pushed through and got my 30 minutes in. I notice that I'm walking better, my pace, my gait, it's improving. My shoulders are achy, which is funny to me, because I didn't think I really used my arms that much on the elliptical, but if I think about it, I usually don't use my arms for much. I just really really really hope that I continue to see progress. I need to see progress so I don't get discouraged. I'm so worried about hitting that 20 lb plateau. I lose 20 lbs, go down a half a size, and not one person can tell, and I feel frustrated.. and the next month I don't lose anything and give up. I'm not going to let that happen this time. Nope. I realized that is what I did last time, and the time before my ankle surgery too. But I got my daughter to go to the gym with us last night, and I think I bribed her well. I told her if she goes the next two weeks I will order more contacts for her, and two weeks will equal 2 more weeks of contacts. LOL. So she said sure. We shall see. I want to motivate her enough to get her to want to go because she enjoys it.
Well, back to work I go..
Thursday, July 15, 2010
37 days until the wedding. I didn't lose weight for my wedding in May, but I AM losing weight for my brother-in-laws wedding. No stopping us! We both want to drop a size by then, and i would love to drop more, but we shall see. We took yesterday off for rest, and boy did my body need it!!! Off to the gym again tonight. Logging my food is helping me make better decisions. It's hard though. I got mad last night and told the hubby to turn off the dam food network. I told him every time we watch food network at night I want to eat, and I dream about food!! It makes me crave things so badly - both healthy and non-healthy, but it makes me want to EAT!!! I don't know if other people have this problem, but on the way home I was daydreaming about what food I would eat for dinner, and how i can fit a cupcake in my plan, and how I'd love to just eat all this junk, and I get it out of my mind, and then he turns on the food network. Cupcake challenges, cake challenges, food cook offs, chopping blocks. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching these shows.. but right now I'm TOO vulnerable. instead of appreciating them, I CRAVE the food... It's so strange. It's like an addiction for me! Last night my mom called (we haven't spoken in six months or so) and it prompted me to sit there and eat some chips and start drinking soda.. AHHHH! but I stopped myself before I went overboard!!! SO that was good, that I was able to stop, and I felt full, which is awesome, normally I have to overeat to feel full. SO all-in-all I did good, but wow was yesterday challenging. And I think I need to buy a mini-cupcake somewhere or something in order to get rid of the craving, and add it into my plan. My fear is that I will continue wanting more and more and more. How do people get over their food addictions? Their cravings? Their wantings? What do I do with this feeling???? Thank anyone who has read this far into my blog!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
last night at the gym I did the interval program for the second time on the elliptical. What a workout! I listened to music, which made me increase my pace up to a 4.5!! I had to be careful though since my heart rate is elevated so easy. It's sooo frustrating. It went up to 189 so I had to slow down, but I was really in a rhythm. I don't know how to fix that, but I do come back down quick, so my past two trainers said it was ok, to just try to stay below 180. I've been like this since a kid though. Since Chris was over on the dead weights I went to four of the arm machines and did two sets on each one. It felt great. Not really sore, was a bit tired, and my arms were tired, but I'm not sore, so I think I am ok to go! I just really want to lose weight, especially before the wedding on august 21st for my brother in law. I want to buy a new dress just for that wedding, so I have to have a reason to - such as smaller size.. LOL. I'm craving cupcakes and frosting and sugary stuff. I'm so tired of my hubby watching cake boss and cupcake challenges and bake offs.. ugh.. It's making me want sweet treats!!! Every time he turns it on I want to eat eat eat.. So I need to cut some celery up or something to eat when he watches those shows. But I'm hoping this change sticks with me. I'm making myself go at least five of seven days. Never 2 days off in a row. That's my first goal.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Two weeks ago we decided as a couple, as a family, that we were going to start exercising. My daughter still isn't on-board yet, but that will happen soon. We've gone to the gym five out of seven days so far the past week and a half, and it's feeling good. Right now I'm only using the elliptical. Chris tried to get me to do some lat pulls but he put the machine on 115. I haven't done weights in 8 months - there was no way I was starting out at that weight, but I pulled two down, and told him I needed to start at 75 and 90. Of course I could feel it was too much on those two pull downs, and I gave him a little lecture that night - how he's the reason why I wanted to stop weights in the first reason - because he kept trying to push me too much. I'm a strong girl, but I can injure easily. He listened to me this time, I think. So in another week I'm going to add in weight training too, but starting at my pace. I started tracking my food this week - just tracking what I normally eat, and not really watching what I eat, just to get an idea of what I need to increase, and what is ok. I've stayed in my calorie range, but I haven't eaten the healthiest of foods. Here's to New Start.. Journal Day 1
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I rammed into that stupid wall, flung myself backwards. Now I weigh more than I did before i started losing weigh. The highest in my life. I'm depressed, I know that. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. I'm not the wanna killmyself depressed, or weepy depressed. I'm the unmotivated tired of stupid paid depressed. I'm sick of everything hurting no matter what I don't do. Soooo now that I learned that even if I take 2 months off from the gym and let myself go to hell, I still have pain - not nearly as bad as pain, but still discomfort, I guess I'm going to start going again. I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to take a bunch of pain meds, and I work full time, so no time to meet with a physical therapist and all that garbage. I'm fat. I'm getting older. I'm feeling like crap. So I will push myself to do something I guess before I do end up in a worse depression.. I'm just sooo frustrated and sick of being in pain. I want a day where I have nothing to complain about dammit.
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