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Can't get here enough :(

Thursday, October 29, 2009

So I decided that I am going to start keeping track of my food on a printed food journal and enter it in once a week on this site (maybe more, but at least once) so that way I am still holding myself accountable, but if I don't log in I won't lose all the information for the day. I rolled my ankle last Saturday - the one I had surgery on - which caused a domino affect on my lower back (injury 10yrs ago) soo I've been lovely this past week. But I gotta keep going.. I'm feeling rather lonely and wish I had some decent friends to hang out with once in a while. I didn't realize the hardest part about moving to a new state was going to be making new friends. Friends have always come naturally wherever I've lived. But Michigan is a bit different, and I think I'm a bit different too. But I'll keep looking, meeting people, hopefully there is another couple or a few girls that I can find to hang out with once in a while. Online is fun, but it gets lonely.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEELY128 10/29/2009 10:47AM

    Hang in there, just journaling is a start.

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depression doesn't want to let up

Monday, October 12, 2009

well, it's been a horrible week. I'm trying to get back on the horse again. Really trying. It's so difficult. It started with a friend's dad passing away unexpectedly. Then I aggravated my back and made it worse during my assessment with the trainer. then work gave me some news of changes that are scaring me. I was told it would not affect my pay or pay range or anything like that, but i'm worried anyway. Then our male cat is sick again, back on steroids. If this keeps up he will need to be put down. Then, to make matters worse, I took my dog to the vet on Friday and found out he is totally blind in one eye with glaucoma. I have to bring him back to test the other eye and if it's in the early stanges too1!!! :( :( this put me over the edge. I spent the whole weekend in bed or cleaning. I'm so sad it's horrible. I can't bear to write this without tearing up, so i have to end this so I dont end up cryin at work. So I'm trying really hard to just get through each day. I'm not good with death as it is, and now it's just overwhelming me. Death and uncertantiy. Trying not to drive myself insane.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAX-PACIS 10/12/2009 11:09PM

    I'm sorry for what you are going through. I can relate...you know what...life just doesn't let up. I was feeling down today, all day. Luckily this time I caught myself (instead of sinking into a destructive day of binge eating) but I've had to battle it all day. It's exhausting, especially if you don't have a support system(I don't). Reach out to friends. Talking to them might put a smile on your face to lighten the mood.

When I'm overwhelmed and bombarded with things, like you are right now...try to deal with them one at a time. Give each situation some time, but you can only give so much of yourself at one time.

Hope this helps. I you need to just talk, drop a line. emoticon

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152PEARLS 10/12/2009 1:07PM

    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I don;t know if it will be of any help, but consider that life goes on. It marches up and down and often there isn't a thing you can do about most of it but hang on. There is, however one thing you have absolute control over and that is what you put in your mouth. I try to separate what is happening in my life from my self preservation tactics. If I am having a really sad, bad or frightening day, I tell myself that caring for me is at least something I can do. In fact, there is a sort of comfort in preparing a cup of hot tea, taking a hot bubble bath, or putting lotion on (a sort of gentle message). I can eat on plan. At least the good feelings that go along with staying on plan and taking care of myself help me cope with whatever else I need to be dealing with. What definitely does work is going through the bad times AND dealing with overeating and neglect of my sense of self.

emoticon emoticon

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JETERTONI 10/12/2009 1:06PM

    Just remember "This too shall pass" Keep your head up. Be strong. This time next year this will be a fleeting memeory.

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CHRISTINA217 10/12/2009 1:03PM

    I'm so sorry. I can relate. I've been dealing with depression and today all I want to do is sleep. Hang in there! We are here for you! Just know that you are not alone.


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SABRINAIS30IN09 10/12/2009 12:58PM

    Oh Hun! I can sympathize with you. I am so sorry you have to deal with all this. I know life is hard enough without the added stress of death and sickness of loved ones. I really hope cat gets better for you and your dogs eye test brings some better news. My prayers are with you!

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Friday, October 02, 2009

This week by far was the hardest. Monday I worked, went to the gym, worked more. Tuesday I worked from 8am to 7pm and then went to the gym. Wednesday I didn't go to the gym. I worked until 5:30 and got home and realized my home needed me. My daughter was starting to feel left out since I wasn't home enough, the house is getting trashed since no one knows how to pick up after themselves. Everyone asking me, Where are the cups? Why aren't there any forks. Why do you think ppl? duh.. If you don't wash them and you use them all they aren't going to appear in the cabinet or drawer by themselves nice and clean... This week is month end at work. That means all my financial reports are due. I spend the week contacting people to tell them what mistakes they made that impact my reports, and how they need to fix them asap. Fun times. I create multiple reports on all the different aspects of the company and provide them for management review. It can be tiring some times, rewardnig other times. But boy is my life suffering from it. Yesterday I ate too much! I LOVE the taste of food. Hmm...


Week 2 - Stablizing

Monday, September 21, 2009

Sept 21, Monday - Condensing long post: Skipped Saturday, worked out good Sunday. Working on organizing the house in the spare time. Starting to feel a little more energy at night, but mornings are still an issue. BF has been helping, Daughter is trying but up/down. I hope I'm showing her a better example now. Think I'm going to invest in 100 cal snack packs for her for after school - she must eat one frut or veggie serving to have one serving of chips. I'm scared of the future and really hope that I make enough progress to have a healthy future. I have Multiple Sclerosis so future is always uncertain, but I want to enjoy life and just have fun.

Sept 22, Tuesday - Got a good workout yesterday. Did lower half, and pushed myself. I did 160lbs on the leg press with two legs, and 130 with each leg by itself. I decided I'm going to hire the trainer for the initial 5 visits, getting 2 good workout routines & lil advice. I want to be pushed. I'm going to keep watching the biggest loser as inspiration. I want to go to the gym tonight, even though this would be our off day. Maybe to just do cardio? I am starting to really enjoy going after work.

Sept 23, Weds - Well I didn't work out Tues like I wanted to. I'm not sure if it was MS or the jump-roping he day before, but my right leg was in too much pain. On the way to the gym we decided not to go, and instead went to dairy queen. Yeah, great choice.. lol. Good news I stayed in my point range. Bad news I went overboard at DQ. Good news, I feel better today since I took medicine last night and slept. I'm doing good this morning, so here is to a successfull day!

Thurs, Sept 24 - I didn't work out yesterday again. Ankle was super swollen and had shin pain. Just when I thought I was healed for surgery - I guess I still can't jumprope without consequences. I plan to go to the gym directly after work today and do the upper body work out with a little cardio on the bike. I've got so much work to do for reporting week next week, it's not funny. I'm going to make it a goal to get on here at least once mon, tues, & weds even with the reporting chaos.

Fri - Sept 25 - I messed up huge. Those nachos were sooo good.. yummm... Yesterday I had a great workout, today i was down two pounds and a few inches here and there. So that was good, but today.. ooops.. we ate out twice!!! yikes!!! not good... I didn't get a chance to workout today. We wanted to but the day got away due to work and errands. Tomorrow we will though!!


Tracking... Week 1

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Sept 13 - day 1 - did pretty good. I think the food was a little high. The exercise was really good. Didn't want to go, but once we went it felt really good to be there.

Sept 14 - Monday, day 2 - bombed! Calorie intake through the roof! My daughter had a mental breakdown so we ended up staying home and not going to the gym. We also ended up ordering food at 8pm for dinner due to the crises. Frustrating day

Sept 15 - Tuesday, day 3 - I cheated and snuck a look at the scale. I want to start weighing myself again on friday mornings, but I was pleasantly surprised. Even though I sabotaged things yesterday I still lost weight. Down 10 lbs total in the past 2 weeks of going to the gym. I don't think my breakfast choice was the healthiest though. I really wanted the watermelon, then I ended up having bacon too. The thing that put me over the top was the apple juice and man the carb/sugar in that is outrageous!! I was able to get the cardio and strength training in at the gym. And I stayed in my calorie range. Getting there. The biggest loser made tears come to my eyes.

Sept 16 - Weds, day 3 - I stayed in my point range. I decided to have three pieces of bacon with watermelon for breakfast to try and get extra protien. I know it's fattening, but as long as I stay in my point range, I guess it's ok until I find something healthier. We had too many errands and things to do, so we skipped the gym tonight. I don't like skipping a day at all.

Sept 17 - Thurs - day 4 - I'm not quite to my point range today, but I'm over in fat and sodium. My fiber is severly lacking. Starting to think about what changes I can make to switch this around.

Sept 18 - Friday - Weigh In - Day 5 - This is going to conclude week 1 since I want to weigh in friday to friday. I did good. I did lose that 10 lbs rather quickly. I didn't really lose many inches though. My newest resolutions - No soda at all, No fruity drinks either. I'm also thinking about substituting hard boiled egg for bacon for breakfast. So I did that, which is less fat and carbs, but now higher in cholesterol! So I added cholesterol and calcium to track as well. I need to scour the recipes and stuff for breakfast ideas that are simple, healthy and filling.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOOTIEBAT 9/16/2009 9:05PM

    Your blog is pure honesty & enjoyable :) Keep blogging....

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VEUVEGIRL 9/15/2009 9:31AM

    Great job! 10 lbs in two weeks??? Fantastic! Sounds like you are on your way to a healthy lifestyle.

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