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You Know You've Had Too Much Christmas Cheer When...

Friday, December 25, 2009




1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly.
2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster.
3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier.
5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
6. You strike a match and light your nose.
7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
8. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
9. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
10. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
11. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
12. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
13. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
14. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
15. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
16. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
17. You're at the dinner table and you ask the hostess to pass a bedpan.
18. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
19. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
20. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET24 12/28/2009 6:34PM

    That's adorable, hugssssssssssssssssssssss

Ha
ppy Monday sis

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AHEALTHIERME9 12/26/2009 11:27PM

    Funny!

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SUNSET24 12/26/2009 12:06PM

    Keep up the good work! yahoooo!!! emoticon

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GRANNY1972 12/26/2009 11:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Loved this!!

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DEBBIEKAY1 12/26/2009 10:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

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FITKAT2010 12/26/2009 5:20AM

    emoticon

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GODZDESIGN95 12/25/2009 11:45PM

    emoticon

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 12/25/2009 11:30PM

    I loved this. Where ever did you find it?
Erin

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NERVOUSWRECKIAM 12/25/2009 11:20PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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'tis the season to be …

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

jolly, merry and happy but as the holiday frenzy inches closer to its peak there are sure signs that, rather than being jolly, merry and happy its quickly getting to be the season of frustration, pressure and stress! I like to keep a positive outlook on everything so in an effort to keep the lighter and brighter side of the holidays alive this blog is meant to bring a smile to the face. After all, humor is one of the very best stress-relievers! So, here goes:

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Did Santa Give You That Present?
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the stupidity in the horse's brain instead of on his back."

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You Need to Join the Lord's Army
Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'
Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'
Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?'
He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.'

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The Joy of Cooking for the Holidays

Twas the night afore X-mas and all thru the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest.
This rooms a disaster, just look at this mess !

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need !
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

A knock at the door and the telephones ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I cant take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.

He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready !"
He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long..arent you through in here yet ??"

As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life !
He flees from the room, in terror and pain
and screams "My God Woman, You're Going Insane!!"

Now what was I doing, and what is that smell ?
Oh damn, it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell.
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead??
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise one thing, If I live till next year,
You wont find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'll Have It All Catered!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIZIDOG 12/23/2009 4:49PM

    Love the humor. Had to share with my daughter as dinner is at her place this year. She always goes a little crazy when all those people come around. But it is only once a year and the whole family enjoys being there with the kids (she is the only one around with young ones anymore.)
Have a great Christmas and thanks for the humor. Star emoticon

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MSWEEZER 12/23/2009 7:22AM

    Always enjoy your blogs. Thanks for the smiles.

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FITKAT2010 12/23/2009 5:34AM

    Thanks for the humor.

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FRAN0426 12/23/2009 2:14AM

    Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading and and laughing at each and every one. It's nice to have a good laugh when we are all so busy this time of year. Happy holidays to you.

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FRAN0426 12/23/2009 2:14AM

    Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading and and laughing at each and every one. It's nice to have a good laugh when we are all so busy this time of year. Happy holidays to you.

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Strengths and Weaknesses .....

Monday, December 21, 2009



Came across the following and had to share it with you my friends!

Enjoy this inspirational short story which offers words of wisdom about our strengths and weaknesses. We sometimes allow our weaknesses to be our downfall rather than using them to our advantage. We tell ourselves we cannot do something because we do not feel it is our strength. But, if we didn't dwell on our weaknesses, we may find that we could succeed. The story reminds me of the quote by Thomas Edison, "Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." We tend to give up rather than persevere. We all need to be reminded that sometimes what we perceive as our weakness could actually turn out to be our strength.


Your Weakness
By Author Unknown
This is a story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.
The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move. "Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"
"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the Sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the Sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the Sensei intervened. "No," the Sensei insisted, "Let him continue."
Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.
On the way home, the boy and Sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind. "Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the Sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's greatest weakness had become his greatest strength.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET24 12/22/2009 7:06PM

    you are wonderful for sharing so touching and loving stories my friend.

Hope you had a wonderful day emoticon

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FITKAT2010 12/21/2009 7:33PM

    Everything contains it's opposite.

Thanks for sharing.

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MBSKIT 12/21/2009 7:32PM

    Thank you for sharing that story.

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SLIMMERJESSE 12/21/2009 6:28PM

    Wonderful. Thank you!

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KIZIDOG 12/21/2009 6:23PM

    Wonderful story, reminds us to be thankful for what we have and to use what we have as a strength, not a weakness. Thanks for sharing. Star emoticon

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LINDA25427 12/21/2009 6:19PM

    Great story I love the way he uses his weaknees for his strength thanks for sharing .
Merry Christmas Happy New Year .
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MSWEEZER 12/21/2009 5:46PM

    Great story and great thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

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Making Time For Me!!!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009



One of the teams I'm on - 10,000 Steps Per Day - have a three day weekend challenge each week. This weekend the challenge is to take time out for “me” … it has to be for me and only me. The reasoning behind this challenge is that we spend so much of our time doing for everyone else and so little time on ourselves, we need to be encouraged to take a break, slow down and think about ourselves especially during this hectic and super busy time of the year! When I saw this challenge my first thoughts were that I would have to forego this one! This week, of all the weeks, I need like two more hours in each day, to get through all that I have on my to-do list, so how am I going to “get” me time? There is just not enough time!!!

I had made up my mind not to do the challenge but, being someone who doesn’t like to pass on a challenge without giving it a good “run” , I came to a compromise with myself … instead of doing the challenge I would read (as part of my planned daily motivational reading) an article about time management. So I did exactly that and whether you want to call it fate, divine intervention, luck or whatever you will, I came across an article ( forgot to make a note of the source) from which I excerpted the following …
“Making time for yourself is an art. Like every art, it requires practice. But if you don't captain your own ship, someone else will. Don't let others determine the quality of your life; take charge yourself. Remember, nobody is looking out for you—except you.”

Needless to say, this got me thinking! Among the thoughts that ran through my mind were - if a doctor had prescribed that I should get some rest I would not tell him I can’t, I don‘t have the time! I would make myself do it. Therefore, just like I would do with the doctor’s prescription … I made myself take time for me this weekend! This is what I did for me -

Friday ~ I spent two whole hours on me! After I put down my grand daughter for her midday nap, I spent that hour doing my crossword puzzles and watching Comedy Central. Normally while she is sleeping I would be doing some household chores. Later that night after hubby and my grand daughter’s mom got home, I took a long, aromatic soak for an hour or so. This is something I haven’t done in a while!
Saturday ~ I spent forty five “time-out” minutes in my room! Usually we associate the words time-out and “your room” together in the same sentence to be a connotation for punishment. Not so this time lol! This time being banished to my room was a self reward!
Sunday ~ Thanks to the snow storm I was able to declare today as JENETE’S DAY OFF FROM BEING SUPERMOM! As a result today, instead of me making and serving breakfast, hubby did while I relaxed and had fun with my grand daughter. The afternoon was designated to my daughter who prepared lunch and dinner. Later on tonight I will be entertained with some live carol singing family style lol!

After all is said and done, I am so glad that I made myself did this challenge! Yes, many of the things I had on my to-do list did not get done but no one is worse off because they were not done! On the other hand, I am feeling revitalized and more ready to take on the next few days!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET24 12/21/2009 8:27AM

    sis, I am sooooooooooooooooo PROUD of you!

Taking out time for YOU is the best thing you can do because so many times we are serving others.

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MBSKIT 12/20/2009 8:50PM

    GOOD FOR YOU!!! I'm glad that you did the challenge and got in your me time!!

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LINDAKAY228 12/20/2009 8:40PM

    So glad you did this! If we don't find time out to take care of ourselves we get burnt out or sick and then we can't help anyone! Believe me I've done that often enough in my life before I finally just recently started learning to to this.

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RAINTHIEF 12/20/2009 7:57PM

    emoticon Good for you!

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JEN40311 12/20/2009 7:28PM

    I'm proud of you. I'm glad that you were able to take time out for yourself. I know it's difficult to do at times but its so necessary. emoticon

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ALMMOM 12/20/2009 7:24PM

    You have accomplished what most people can't (or won't). Deliberateness in your time out - cool. Sounds so healthy for you!!!!

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IFDEEVARUNS2 12/20/2009 7:18PM

    I love seeing how different 'me' time is for each of us! Job well done. emoticon

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FITKAT2010 12/20/2009 7:09PM

    Absolutely perfect.

Isn't it amazing how easily we are ready to say we can't and actually all it takes is no other option. Hmmmmmmm

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ALEXSGIRL1 12/20/2009 7:04PM

    it is one of the hardest but best thing any women can do . me time. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MSWEEZER 12/20/2009 7:00PM

    Exactly. An art indeed and one we all need to work on I'm sure. I know I am guilty as well. Thanks for sharing and thanks for giving 'you' time to enjoy a little bit of time each day this weekend.

Happy Holidays!

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Got Stress? ……..Q-TIP It!!!

Friday, December 18, 2009



Last night while at the mall I could not help but noticed how haggard and frustrated looking many of the faces that I observed seemed to be! The sad thing about it was that this look of anxiety was not age biased … there were babies crying, toddlers throwing tantrums, older children pouting, parents reprimanding, and adults in general looking tired. Then as we headed home my daughter (adult) who was with me turned and said “Oh my gosh everyone seems to be going crazy!” She was referring to the traffic. This got me thinking that how can something so joyous caused so much frustration and anxiety? There is a million and one answer to this question so I won’t even attempt to go there in this blog … maybe in another blog. Anyways, its clear that the frustration and stress leading up to the “joyous” events are adding to an already stressed life for many. To say we are in need of some serious de-stressing solution is an understatement! So, me being me lol, this morning I went surfing for stress reduction techniques and came across an article in which the author, Maureen Killoran, a Life Coach and Unitarian minister, makes the connection between those little white cotton-tipped tools and a quick-and-easy stress reduction technique! Her advise - when faced with a stressful situation … Q-Tip It! Quit Taking It Personally!

The traffic jam or the flat tire, or the keys that get locked in the car are not part of a plan to ruin your day. Q-Tip It - Quit Taking It Personally!
· The keys that can never be found are just inanimate objects, and there is no moral value attributable to being able to find everything anyway. Q-Tip It!
· The computer that freezes just when you've got an important report to print really IS just a stupid machine. Take a deep breath and repeat the maxim about accepting the things you cannot change. Above all -- Q-Tip It!
· The supervisor who wants everything done yesterday has a problem with time management and scheduling. You're more likely to find a constructive way to deal with this of persistent stress situation if you Q-Tip It!
· The 5 pounds you can't seem to lose are just a ball of fat . . . not a moral failure. You know what to do - eat less, move more. So get moving . . . and Q-Tip It!
· The kids who don't call often enough probably really ARE busy (and didn't you raise them to be independent?). Q-Tip It!
· The colleague who consistently says you're doing something all wrong is telling you more about her needs than about your way of doing things. Q-Tip It!
· Got a spouse (or friend, or child) who seems always to ignore things you say? Odds are she/he is hard of hearing, forgetful, or caught up in her own priorities rather than trying to drive you nuts. Q-Tip It!
· __________________________________________
____ (fill in your own stressors - and Q-Tip It! )
You get the picture . . . and the image, too. Stress is not what happens to us. It's our response TO what happens. And RESPONSE is something we can choose.
So - Q-Tip It! Let [the inventor] Mr. Gerstenzang's little white-tipped tool be a memory-hook, a way to ease the your personal stress reactions, the way YOU choose to respond to the happenings of your days.

AUTHOR ~ Maureen Killoran a Life Coach and Unitarian minister.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET24 12/20/2009 11:19AM

    THank you Kayala, hugsssssssssssssssssssss

>YES TODAY is a new beginning for us!!!! NOT new years resolutions...



but TODAY! emoticon

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ANGIE_1230 12/19/2009 7:28PM

    Awesome blog! I love it!

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ANAKALIA1 12/19/2009 8:16AM

    Thanks for sharing the Q-TIP! A great way to remind myself of something that is so true and, also, eseentially, very liberating! Happy Holidays!

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ALOHAEV1 12/19/2009 7:17AM

    A great use of Q-Tips!
Thanks for sharing and hope a lot of folks see this.


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MJLUVSANIMALS 12/18/2009 7:52PM

    I am so impressed, and I have a new venture Q tip it! Love it, chicken soup for the soul, couldn't have said it better. Besides, when I read their verses, for some reason I get hungry! Happy Holidays to you!!!

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FITKAT2010 12/18/2009 7:44PM

    Great suggestion

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 12/18/2009 4:17PM

    Great blog! Thanks for sharing!!

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ANGEL_NOOK 12/18/2009 3:04PM

  So.... I guess I can QTIP this weekend's weather! 6-12 inches of snow. BAAHUMBA!

Great blog lady! Have a wonderful weekend!

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MUSYCLAU 12/18/2009 12:34PM

    Very astute! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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