KAYAKKIM   23,426
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Self-Acceptance/Eat pray love/Good in Bed!

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

“Each of us has a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses. When struggling people become aware of a weakness, they typically blame the problem on others or they beat themselves up for not being perfect. Successful people, however, usually make a different choice: they acknowledge the weakness, accept it without self-judgment, and, when possible, take action to create positive changes. As always, the choices we make determine both where we are headed and the quality of the journey. Developing self-acceptance helps us to make choices wisely.” -Skip Downing’s On Course

I came across this quote as I was preparing my lesson for class tomorrow. My students will be working in success teams to evaluate their goals and their progress towards their goals. When I read this paragraph I had an epiphany. This is me. I can’t stop judging myself for the eating issues I have and the behaviors I exhibit. I can’t stop blaming others for why this weight gain happened in the first place. I am constantly disappointed in myself for not successfully losing weight, even though I know I am so strong, active, and relatively healthy in spite of being overweight.
Yesterday I clicked on the March calendar for Spark, and felt a jolt when I realized that last year I had downloaded it. Yes, everyone, I am still here a year later, in much better shape, but basically at the same weight.

I need to learn to accept my weakness of being overweight without self-judgment.

We are just watching the movie Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts. I read the book a long time ago and enjoyed it, but there was a scene in the movie last night where the Lizzie and Sophie are at a pizza parlor. They both have an entire small pizza in front of them. Lizzie is diving into her pizza and Sophie is holding back. Sophie eventually says she feels like she is gaining weight just looking at the pizza and Lizzie counters with something along the lines of how Sophie needs to enjoy it and stop worrying about what she looks like. A fun scene follows where they are shopping for larger jeans.

Putting this scene together with the quote makes me realize I have a long way to go to accepting my body and who I am. I want to be more like Lizzie and less like Sophie.

I have a favorite book I have read multiple times. I won’t loan it to anyone because I don’t want to lose it. It is a chick lit beach read, but I love it. It is called “Good in Bed” by Jennifer Weiner. It is all about a woman, Candace, who is overweight (we learn later in the book that means she is a size 16…I’d be quite happy to be a size 16!) and her ex-boyfriend writes a column about her in a fashion magazine. His column is entitled “Good in Bed” and he talks about “loving a larger woman” and how challenging it is in this world, primarily because of the head games “C” played with herself and her lack of acceptance of her body. This book is a must-read for anyone who has ever struggled with their body image.

Here are my thoughts about all this. I don’t want to go through my life being unhappy about my body or worried about how I look to others. I want to live life just loving my family, enjoying experiences, working hard, and living life the way it is meant to be lived- with love, energy, strength, and a sense of purpose and adventure. I want to stop worrying and concentrate on love and fun and living life to the fullest.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 3/7/2011 3:47AM

    I love this blog, Kim. It is awesome. I challenge myself always to love myself the way I am. Sometimes this is hard but loving myself unconditionally, generally has become easier and easier. Self acceptance becomes a learned behavior in my estimation. I have had to train myself to get rid of old tapes in my head and replace them with new vibes. It is like retraces your steps and building them over again with new and better mortar. I wish you great success on this wonderful journey. I think you this could be fantastic for you! I am so grateful that you are my sister. You go for it, girl! I know you can do it! I love you!
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Love, Karena emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/7/2011 3:49:15 AM

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KAYAKKIM 3/4/2011 8:12AM

    Ijust want to say that yesterday I didn't worry about food or body image. I ate to be satisfied and I did track. In the end, I ate cookies yesterday and stayed in my new lower calorie range without feeling stressed at all. I am hoping I have turned a corner.

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SOKKERNUT 3/3/2011 9:43PM

    WOW Kim great blog! The quote I am little of both, is that possible?

OMGosh on the Eat Pray Love I just watched the movie today while sick in bed, I loved the scene with the pizza! I would have been cracking up but it hurt too bad.

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    Kim, that's an excellent blog! Self-acceptance is what has put me in the shape I'm in. I love who I am and am not motivated to change. I think we all need to love our bodies and love who we are regardless of what our size is. You are a strong, active, intelligent, healthy beautiful woman! Be proud of who you are! Although you want to be smaller, you can still love and accept who you are right now! Good for you for this epiphany, and thank you for sharing it!

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CAROLYN_ROSE 3/2/2011 2:57PM

    I loved the book Good in Bed!! You should check out her follow up book called Certain Girls. It's also pretty good!!!

I struggle with how I look daily. I need to learn how to love myself no matter what size I am. But it's really hard to get to that place!!

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Self-Control vs Will-Power

Sunday, February 20, 2011


I was reading the above article and I started thinking about my own self control and that of my pre-school age girls. I wonder what I was like as a child and if I had good self-control or not. I remember being the peacemaker from an early age, but I can't really remember what I was like as a pre-schooler other than bing quiet and easily occupied. What I do know is that the first lines of the article hit home, "Self-control keeps us from eating a whole bag of chips or from running up the credit card. A new study says that self-control makes the difference between getting a good job or going to jail — and we learn it in preschool". My own habits and self-control are excellent in some arenas- I am a successful professor, I manage my home relatively effectively while being a working mom (with the blessing of a husband who works from home!), but not so great in others. While I may not eat an entire bag of chips at a time, I certainly can venture easily past the one serving point, even when I am full really. I like considering the concept of self-control versus will-power, because the idea of will-power makes me feel weak, but the idea of self-control makesme feel strong and empowered!

What do you all think?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 2/24/2011 5:36AM

    To me self will implies moral implications while self control implies management. I think management is more successful though I have to, myself, realize that sometimes, I am being willful, personally. I do things which are counterproductive because I want to or feel I deserve to or I feel sour and I want to feel better or other reasons. I could be using a myriad of other coping skills I have but why is the food so easy? I kind of agree with Gale. In childhood food was always a reward, a celebration, an integral part of daily emotions. I can not imagine fully separating food from form. Though, I am moving in that direction. I do things like allow myself a lollipop for a sweet so I won't binge later. But, then when I am melancholy or upset, I do tend to eat a bit more even if I utilize my supports. I think I need to make my own rules around food and rewards and food and comforts. Thanks for the good thoughts. Very provoking information.

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SOKKERNUT 2/21/2011 4:39PM

Great article, thanks for sharing!

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SUCCESSFUL-GALE 2/20/2011 11:42PM

    Kim, that's a powerful concept! I totally agree that self-control is more about being a strong person. I have self-control in some areas of my life but not in others. That's intriguing. Like you, I'm successful in so many ways, so I wonder why we have such a difficult time in some areas. I love eating out which is why I tend to consume too many calories. I was pondering this the other day, and realized that for me, eating out is comfort. It's how my mom used to take care of me. Going out with her was one of the few times I felt special. I need to realize that that was in the past, and I can find comfort elsewhere. That's just one example of how I don't have self-control in some areas. I'll have to think about this some more.

Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate you!

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AYAMMAYA 2/20/2011 10:56PM

    Kim that is an excellent link and this is an awesome blog. I have never liked the phrase will power because it makes me think, "Maybe I will, maybe I won't." As a child, I tended to do what I was told and did what was expected. I do remember seething inwardly sometimes at the injustice of me following rules and other kids not doing so. Part of this stems from the fact that I was raised very closely with a male cousin who is two years older than me and he was my older brother from the time I was a baby until I started preschool, when he and family moved away. Then I was an only child until my first of six siblings was born when I was almost 3. So that whole childhood order psychology stuff is messed up.

Since my mom was finishing her Bachelor's degree (kind of rare for women to do back in the 1960's, especially in Hawaii), I was the only one of all seven children to be cared for by nannies and later preschool. Thanks to this amazing blog of yours, I have just discovered that a lot of buried anger is because I followed the rules and did what was expected of me until after college when I first broke out of the mold. Now I am back to that mindset of not being a robot, but actually thinking for myself...controlling myself...

Thank you Kimme!!! You totally rock girlfriend!!!
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Comment edited on: 2/20/2011 10:57:28 PM

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MINUS25X3 2/20/2011 6:52AM

    Now you are on the right track. I have read that it is our own self talk that influences our behaviors. It works better when the self talk is positive. We all have excellent self control, we just have to find a reason to tap into it. You ARE strong and empowered!

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MINUS25X3 2/20/2011 6:48AM

    Now you are on the right track. I have read that it is our own self talk that influences our behaviors. It works better when the self talk is positive. We all have excellent self control, we just have to find a reason to tap into it. You ARE strong and empowered!

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I Believe I can fly

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Today I was thinking about the song I Believe I Can Fly and how I need to stay positive.


If I don't believe in myself, who will? Except for my sparkfriends of course...thanks guys!

If I don't take the action steps I need to be successful, I won't be, so today I believe I Can Fly!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUCCESSFUL-GALE 2/23/2011 10:45PM

    Wonderful! You can fly! Always believe in yourself!

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SOKKERNUT 2/23/2011 8:20AM

    emoticon U CAN FLY! We are right here with you cheering you on.

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AYAMMAYA 2/17/2011 8:59PM

    Whassup My Kayak Champion!!! Awesome Blog and Remember that Although People mean well, only you can motivate you!!! You are doin' a rockin' awesome job of balancing all your hats and living the healthy lifestyle of fitness and nutrition!!!
Luv & Alohaz ~ Maya
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Fly High ~ Soar Free
Tell Yourself ~ Time to be Me!!!
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EAGLES_WINGS 2/17/2011 8:30AM

    Love it! One of my personal favorites! Keep on sparking, girl!

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BILL60 2/17/2011 6:45AM

    Great song.

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Putting the package together

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Putting the package together

I am ready to change my body. I have the desire, the tools, and the motivation. What I seem to be missing is getting the whole package to work together…it is like a jigsaw puzzle missing a few pieces!

This morning was my weekly weigh-in. I tracked food and fitness all week and stayed in calorie range 6 out of 7 days, but I gained 1 pound. I am not going to get down or give up, but analyze the “whys”. I suspect the reasons are that I ate ham this week (the high salt usually bothers me, but I was trying for variety for the family), we had pizza (I ate two slices when one would have satisfied me) and cookies yesterday, and I missed two workout days, plus two days were lower calorie burn activities than normal. I did stay in calorie range 6 out of 7 days, so I had hoped I was doing okay, but obviously the results were not what I wanted.

This week's goals are:
1. Stick to tracking, keep calories around 1,750 (I know this is doable and is in Spark range for me)
2. Biggest Loser Boot Camp workout 3 times, ski/row/fast walk 3 times, sit-ups & push-ups daily
3. Meat this week: chicken and fish only

I am ready to change my body, but I don't seem to be able to put the package together that I need in order to make the changes. I absolutely do not want to be this size this summer. I refuse to be this size this summer. I am digging in my heels because I do not want another summer of fitting tightly in my kayaks. I have said this for the almost two years I have been on Spark, and at this point I have only kept off 10 pounds. An older work friend who is a new tracking buddy laughed at me last week when we talked about how hard it is to lose weight and she said, “wait until all your estrogen is gone!” My response, “what, you mean this can get even harder! Help!”

Here are my motivations:
1. My son’s 8th grade graduation in June…I want to be able to wear an old favorite dress and look good in it!
2. Comfortable summer in kayaks and shorts
3. Discovery Cove Orlando Fl in November and swimming with the dolphins…I want to be able to comfortably fit in the wetsuits they have.
4. I want to buy a beautiful dress from Title Nine... “Dream a little dream”

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AYAMMAYA 2/15/2011 6:05PM

    What a fantastic blog Kimme! You have the focus, determination and the plan. I love the goals you have and the rewards to. When you can picture an outcome, you can make it happen. You certainly have done so and I love your focused fitness plan!
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SOKKERNUT 2/14/2011 8:36AM

    emoticon goals and plans Kim! emoticon you are strong.

The fav dress you want to wear to your son's graduation, take it out and place it to where you can see it everyday, just a little hint that might work.


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SUCCESSFUL-GALE 2/13/2011 11:12AM

    Woohoo! Great plans, great motivation! You can do it! Stick with your plan!

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EAGLES_WINGS 2/13/2011 11:07AM

    Time for a motivation collage! I have been looking at my list for things on my motivations collage list. And I have been thinking off and on the last few weeks I need to do this motivations collage!

Cut out a picture of that dream dress, Kimme! And of a wetsuit and the dolphin trip! Cut out pictures of those gorgeous kayaks and copy a few of those articles of Oneonta's "Golden Girl" with a few pictures of you on the stadium with medals on you!!! You can do it! And then cut out a picture of a dreamy bathing suit for the summer! And then kick butt!

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I was looking at a cute picture of me from Christmas and then looking at the size of my arms and I was saying this will be a great before picture because I like myself now but when I lose 50 pounds or so, I will be so psyched!

And you will be psyched when you take off that gnawing ten or twenty!
So you go girl!
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I will see you soon, sister! You are going to do great! Stick to the plan, Stan!

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Dolphin Swim!

Saturday, January 29, 2011


I set them, I teach college students how to set them and when they achieve their goals they come to me bubbling over with excitement that they finally reached their goals. Unfortunately, I keep setting different weight loss goals and I don’t reach them- not because I am an up and down dieter, it is that the last six years I had two major life changes where I gained 20 pounds during each time. I have been on Spark for close to two years now I think and I have kept off about ten pounds and changed my body shape significantly, but I have not changed the number on the scale significantly. Well, I finally have a major goal that is really important to me and might be enough to get me to take this process more seriously in a holistic sense. We are planning a family vacation- a “real” one. We usually camp or do nature type activities, which are fantastic, but we are planning a trip to Florida. We are scrimping and saving to do an incredible day that includes a swim with the dolphins at a place called the Discovery Cove. It will be amazing, but as I have been researching it, I found that you are required to wear wetsuits- either a whole suit or a partial suit- so the lifeguards have an easier time seeing you in the water. Now, I have a long history of trauma with wetsuits. When I was 15 I was a solid healthy girl, a little overweight, but absolutely not obese. I needed a wetsuit for early season kayaking. My dad took me to a shop to get one and they did not have one that fit me. I was mortified and my dad was so kind. He had the guy make me a custom suit. I know now that I wasn’t that large and that the guy just happened to not have any suits there at the time that fit me (perhaps a man’s suit would have?), but still the story will stay in mind forever that I was too big to fit the women’s suits he had in stock. So, back to present time. I have to wear a wet suit! I need to fit in this wet suit! The largest they have is an 18/XL. I wear women’s sizes 18W now, and some 20W for pants, and the pants I accidentally bought that are regular 18s do not fit me because of my belly. I have my work cut out for me, but I know I can do it!

Eat healthy wholesome foods each day
Track foods (even though it is hard that is the only time I lost weight on Spark)
Balance my workouts with circuits and everything I love to do
Be ready for the Discovery Cove in November

Here is a link for where we are going:


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EAGLES_WINGS 2/4/2011 8:20AM

    BTW: this is so cool. You will have the most fun ever!

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SOKKERNUT 1/31/2011 7:56AM

    emoticon U R STRONG!

That sounds like a wonderful trip. You are going to have so much fun.

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EAGLES_WINGS 1/29/2011 11:28PM





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BEFIT014 1/29/2011 9:10PM

    You can ABSOLUTELY do it! And what an awesome goal/reward! I swam with the dolphins at SeaWorld & the stingrays in Jamaica. It's something you will NEVER forget!

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SUCCESSFUL-GALE 1/29/2011 3:11PM

    Kim, that sounds awesome! You can do it, girl! We're here to help!

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