Wednesday, March 02, 2011
“Each of us has a unique combination of strengths and weaknesses. When struggling people become aware of a weakness, they typically blame the problem on others or they beat themselves up for not being perfect. Successful people, however, usually make a different choice: they acknowledge the weakness, accept it without self-judgment, and, when possible, take action to create positive changes. As always, the choices we make determine both where we are headed and the quality of the journey. Developing self-acceptance helps us to make choices wisely.” -Skip Downing’s On Course
I came across this quote as I was preparing my lesson for class tomorrow. My students will be working in success teams to evaluate their goals and their progress towards their goals. When I read this paragraph I had an epiphany. This is me. I can’t stop judging myself for the eating issues I have and the behaviors I exhibit. I can’t stop blaming others for why this weight gain happened in the first place. I am constantly disappointed in myself for not successfully losing weight, even though I know I am so strong, active, and relatively healthy in spite of being overweight.
Yesterday I clicked on the March calendar for Spark, and felt a jolt when I realized that last year I had downloaded it. Yes, everyone, I am still here a year later, in much better shape, but basically at the same weight.
I need to learn to accept my weakness of being overweight without self-judgment.
We are just watching the movie Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts. I read the book a long time ago and enjoyed it, but there was a scene in the movie last night where the Lizzie and Sophie are at a pizza parlor. They both have an entire small pizza in front of them. Lizzie is diving into her pizza and Sophie is holding back. Sophie eventually says she feels like she is gaining weight just looking at the pizza and Lizzie counters with something along the lines of how Sophie needs to enjoy it and stop worrying about what she looks like. A fun scene follows where they are shopping for larger jeans.
Putting this scene together with the quote makes me realize I have a long way to go to accepting my body and who I am. I want to be more like Lizzie and less like Sophie.
I have a favorite book I have read multiple times. I won’t loan it to anyone because I don’t want to lose it. It is a chick lit beach read, but I love it. It is called “Good in Bed” by Jennifer Weiner. It is all about a woman, Candace, who is overweight (we learn later in the book that means she is a size 16…I’d be quite happy to be a size 16!) and her ex-boyfriend writes a column about her in a fashion magazine. His column is entitled “Good in Bed” and he talks about “loving a larger woman” and how challenging it is in this world, primarily because of the head games “C” played with herself and her lack of acceptance of her body. This book is a must-read for anyone who has ever struggled with their body image.
Here are my thoughts about all this. I don’t want to go through my life being unhappy about my body or worried about how I look to others. I want to live life just loving my family, enjoying experiences, working hard, and living life the way it is meant to be lived- with love, energy, strength, and a sense of purpose and adventure. I want to stop worrying and concentrate on love and fun and living life to the fullest.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I was reading the above article and I started thinking about my own self control and that of my pre-school age girls. I wonder what I was like as a child and if I had good self-control or not. I remember being the peacemaker from an early age, but I can't really remember what I was like as a pre-schooler other than bing quiet and easily occupied. What I do know is that the first lines of the article hit home, "Self-control keeps us from eating a whole bag of chips or from running up the credit card. A new study says that self-control makes the difference between getting a good job or going to jail — and we learn it in preschool". My own habits and self-control are excellent in some arenas- I am a successful professor, I manage my home relatively effectively while being a working mom (with the blessing of a husband who works from home!), but not so great in others. While I may not eat an entire bag of chips at a time, I certainly can venture easily past the one serving point, even when I am full really. I like considering the concept of self-control versus will-power, because the idea of will-power makes me feel weak, but the idea of self-control makesme feel strong and empowered!
What do you all think?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Today I was thinking about the song I Believe I Can Fly and how I need to stay positive.
If I don't believe in myself, who will? Except for my sparkfriends of course...thanks guys!
If I don't take the action steps I need to be successful, I won't be, so today I believe I Can Fly!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Putting the package together
I am ready to change my body. I have the desire, the tools, and the motivation. What I seem to be missing is getting the whole package to work together…it is like a jigsaw puzzle missing a few pieces!
This morning was my weekly weigh-in. I tracked food and fitness all week and stayed in calorie range 6 out of 7 days, but I gained 1 pound. I am not going to get down or give up, but analyze the “whys”. I suspect the reasons are that I ate ham this week (the high salt usually bothers me, but I was trying for variety for the family), we had pizza (I ate two slices when one would have satisfied me) and cookies yesterday, and I missed two workout days, plus two days were lower calorie burn activities than normal. I did stay in calorie range 6 out of 7 days, so I had hoped I was doing okay, but obviously the results were not what I wanted.
This week's goals are:
1. Stick to tracking, keep calories around 1,750 (I know this is doable and is in Spark range for me)
2. Biggest Loser Boot Camp workout 3 times, ski/row/fast walk 3 times, sit-ups & push-ups daily
3. Meat this week: chicken and fish only
I am ready to change my body, but I don't seem to be able to put the package together that I need in order to make the changes. I absolutely do not want to be this size this summer. I refuse to be this size this summer. I am digging in my heels because I do not want another summer of fitting tightly in my kayaks. I have said this for the almost two years I have been on Spark, and at this point I have only kept off 10 pounds. An older work friend who is a new tracking buddy laughed at me last week when we talked about how hard it is to lose weight and she said, “wait until all your estrogen is gone!” My response, “what, you mean this can get even harder! Help!”
Here are my motivations:
1. My son’s 8th grade graduation in June…I want to be able to wear an old favorite dress and look good in it!
2. Comfortable summer in kayaks and shorts
3. Discovery Cove Orlando Fl in November and swimming with the dolphins…I want to be able to comfortably fit in the wetsuits they have.
4. I want to buy a beautiful dress from Title Nine... “Dream a little dream”
Saturday, January 29, 2011
I set them, I teach college students how to set them and when they achieve their goals they come to me bubbling over with excitement that they finally reached their goals. Unfortunately, I keep setting different weight loss goals and I don’t reach them- not because I am an up and down dieter, it is that the last six years I had two major life changes where I gained 20 pounds during each time. I have been on Spark for close to two years now I think and I have kept off about ten pounds and changed my body shape significantly, but I have not changed the number on the scale significantly. Well, I finally have a major goal that is really important to me and might be enough to get me to take this process more seriously in a holistic sense. We are planning a family vacation- a “real” one. We usually camp or do nature type activities, which are fantastic, but we are planning a trip to Florida. We are scrimping and saving to do an incredible day that includes a swim with the dolphins at a place called the Discovery Cove. It will be amazing, but as I have been researching it, I found that you are required to wear wetsuits- either a whole suit or a partial suit- so the lifeguards have an easier time seeing you in the water. Now, I have a long history of trauma with wetsuits. When I was 15 I was a solid healthy girl, a little overweight, but absolutely not obese. I needed a wetsuit for early season kayaking. My dad took me to a shop to get one and they did not have one that fit me. I was mortified and my dad was so kind. He had the guy make me a custom suit. I know now that I wasn’t that large and that the guy just happened to not have any suits there at the time that fit me (perhaps a man’s suit would have?), but still the story will stay in mind forever that I was too big to fit the women’s suits he had in stock. So, back to present time. I have to wear a wet suit! I need to fit in this wet suit! The largest they have is an 18/XL. I wear women’s sizes 18W now, and some 20W for pants, and the pants I accidentally bought that are regular 18s do not fit me because of my belly. I have my work cut out for me, but I know I can do it!
Eat healthy wholesome foods each day
Track foods (even though it is hard that is the only time I lost weight on Spark)
Balance my workouts with circuits and everything I love to do
Be ready for the Discovery Cove in November
Here is a link for where we are going:
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