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The battle of the body or your "will" to keep on going.......

Saturday, July 31, 2010

This last month has been an incredible month for me. Just adding adding adding in the miles to get ready for this amazing 3 day walk I'll be doing in 9 weeks.....

What is a trip is watching how my body is adjusting to the massive miles I'm doing. I'm amazed at how much the human body can do sometimes....my body....the body of a fabulous 51 year old woman :)))) that still has a good 40-50 pounds to lose is walking between 25-30 miles A WEEK !

What I'm enduring through this last month physically, to put it mildly, is challenging me. From a scary chest pain episode, so ongoing leg swelling and now back spasms...Trying to figure out what to eat, how much to eat, to continue to fuel my body to handle the huge amount of exercise I'm doing.

The one thing I do know is that I also have an incredible sense of "will" to continue forward. Once I've made my mind up to do something, I will get it done. I just now need "my body" to be in sync with my mind....hmmmmmm trying to find out how to do that HA HA HA

I also have the wonderful sense of being optomistic and positive..it has been challenging me......I have laid in bed the last two nights and wondering why the hell all these things are happening to my body....you all know how things can be worse at night right? Then I turn it around in my head....remember my strong will...and I know I can't put any "negative" energy into what's happening right now....I NEED TO STAY POSITIVE.....that will only help to make things better.

So today is Saturday July 31,2010....today I will let my body rest....it's what it's telling me I need to do....tomorrow is another day.....

I will accomplish this goal just as I will accomplish all of my other goals....one step at a time!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POWER2DOIT 7/31/2010 8:48PM

    I'm proud of you for setting goals and doing everything you can to reach those goals. I am also very proud of you for listening to your body. You will reach your goals one day at a time because you are staying positive and doing the right thing. You are an amazing woman. Your body will catch up with your heart and mind. Look at how far you have come. Take this time to bask in your accomplishments.

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MASTERCARE 7/31/2010 8:00PM

    Kay...you are probably the most ambitious...motivating...positive person I know on sparks. I sometimes worry about you however. You push so hard and you have to listen to your body. You want things now. I totally get that. I am so proud of you my friend. You have gotten me to walk. I will NEVER forget the rush I had when the Vixens all walked together. I was doing it alone and you not only joined me, but got the others to follow you. I could have never done that.

Yes...listen to your body....not your heart and mind.

You are truly a good person. I mean that. I am proud to call you FRIEND.



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Life and it's little curve balls

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Last night.....shall we say was just a bit more interesting than I would like life to be sometimes. Let me preface this by saying that I am fine.

As all my Lovelies know, I suffer from horrible migraines...so I had one this past Tuesday..but goes with the menopause now...hormones, you get the drift.

Back to last night...so I had just gotten into bed and was reading and I had and extreme pain in between my breast and mirrored in my back...on a scale of 1-10 it was a 9, and needless to say scared the HECK out of me. I can have problems with my stomach, I take prilosec daily and ran out and hadn't taken it for 2 days, so finally got some and so I initially thought "Wow this is some really nasty heartburn" but the back pain was something I hadn't ever dealt with and I don't have acid reflux either.

Got up, took some tums and called my hubby at work to come right home as I really thought I needed to check it out...it was so painful and wasn't letting up. I thought I was having a heart attack. Called the advice and they agreed that I should go to the ER.

I arrived there and they got me right in....took and EKG, blood work and was on a heart monitor for 6 hours. In that time the blood work all looked good except for one that was really elavated and good indicate a blood clot....I did tell them the issue with my left leg. They then took a chest xray and proceeded on with a CT scan using contrast dye to check for a blood clot in my lungs....that can also produce the symptoms I was having. I've had CT scans before and they don't freak me out...the dye does as I very allergice to topical iodine and the contrast dye is 100% iodine. So let's just say I had a little breakdown....crying...just really scared in the CT dept....just thinking I had a blood clot and this whole ordeal was just a bit much. they hd to pre-med with benadryl and also a sterioid for my lungs to keep them open in case of allergic reaction....scary!!

I didn't react to the dye THANK GOD. they re-did my EKG and heart bloodwork one more time and finally thought it was all GI stuff....thought that perhaps I had a a severe esophgeal spasm....very very painful....didn't like it but so glad it wasn't my heart or a clot.

So you can be damn sure I'll be having them check my leg with a doplar scan asap to make sure there's no clot there.

So the moral of the story is yes life does throw us curve balls, but we can stand up and hit that curve out of the park right? I just thank god daily that I am the person INSIDE that I am today....strong in mind,spirit and body and ever so positive. I know that we all are faced with so many challenges....physical things for me have always been there...why I don't know. What I've learned from these experiences is that yes I am a very strong 51yr old women and as I said above thank god I do the things for myself that I do, such as exercising and always continuing to get and keep this weight off.

Another positive thing that I do for myself is ALL OF YOU!!!!

Thanks for always being her.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAY185 7/8/2010 11:27AM

    Thank you also Lisa....keep the prayers coming!

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PURPLE1ROSE 7/8/2010 2:43AM

    Hello Kay!!

I hope everything goes okay! Let us know about the leg situation!! I am so glad that it is not a clot to the heart! It is scary and I hope everything works out! I agree with everyone!! Make sure you get your leg checked out! You are a inspirational person and I hope everything works out!!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers!!!

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KAY185 7/7/2010 10:28PM

    Mary,Dot and Rita,

Thank you,thank you thank you my friends. You all are truly so important to me. All of your concerns are so true and so very valid and I can't put into words how much you all mean to me.

You know when I was waiting for Art to come home I was actually thinking the same thing. I had asked my doctor about 1 1/2 wks ago if the walking could be causing this and she didn't think so, but believe me after this and after I have my scan I will bring in my actual training schedule so they really have a true idea how much training I am doing.

Thanks again for all of your input Lovelies....you truly are the best and you're very dear to me.

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DOT121 7/7/2010 9:58PM

  I am so gald to hear that there was nothikng serioud wrong. You had a real scare last night. When this happens to us it not only puts a scare in you but it makes you realize how precious life is ........... Sometimes we tak our health for granted. We all try to live a healthy lifestyle and when you have a problem of a possible problem you then know that it is important to continue to live a healthy lifestyle and always cherish what we have and be grateful for all our blessings.

Every day think about how lucky we are and appreciate those who are important to us. Always remember to take it 1 day at a time.

Good health, good friends and family make it easier to stay strong and be the best that we can be.

You are doing so well and should be proud of all you are accomplishing and all that you will continue to accomplish.

I am glad you are ok my friend. emoticon emoticon

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ITALY67 7/7/2010 9:56PM

    Kay I agree with Mary. Take care of yourself, go and get your leg checked out and talk to your doctor about your training schedule. I do not think that is the problem but it is better let them know.
So glad you are doing ok, now just take some deeeeeeeep breath and RELAX!!!!

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MASTERCARE 7/7/2010 9:39PM

    First of all Kay....let me say that I am glad you are alright....for now.....and so sorry you had so much pain.

I don't understand medical issues all that much.......but yes...get your leg checked out asap.

I guess I am a bit in shock right now. I am so glad that Art was able to come home and take you so you weren't alone.

You are such a go getter....especially with training for the 3 day walk. Please...please...please let your doctors know you are training for it. Let them know your schedule. I am not sure if that has any bearing on the matter......but maybe you are training to hard?

I know that is not the cause of your issues...but maybe they aren't helping either right now.

I care deeply.......and only want you feeling well.

You are such an inspiring and caring person.....I just want you to take care of Kay. I know you are trying to do so, but your body is not co-operating.

What a scare. Sometimes not knowing can make the fear grow. Once you know for sure....you know what you are dealing with and how to combat it.

Always know......that I .....all of us....care so deeply about you.

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Too many things going on

Friday, November 06, 2009

11/6/09

Kind of in a weird space. Not sure I should be blogging all of this but I need to go somewhere with all these feelings.
As many of you know my best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Still going through tests, needs an MRI and then a lumpectomy with 6 wks readiation. That is the best case scenario.
My co-workers partner has been battling bone cancer for almost a year now. She has had breast cancer twice and is now all over her bones. Just talked with my co=worker and they had an appt to get current results on the CT scan....it's spread and her last ditch effort was to have chemo.....she's had 3 rounds of radiation and can't have anymore. She's on massive morphine and vicodin.

I know that I'm personally not going through these events but they are both so so close to me....I just feel like I'm spiraling out of control. My food is whacked....been binging.....which of course is so hurtful emotionally and physically....I feel like ill from it...I know you all can comprehend. I have to say it though....can't hide behind the food anymore.

I need to get control......What happened to the last two months? Heck what happened to the last 10 months????

So in the state I'm in......as I cry as I'm writing this.....I will yet again begin again....I have too....I know I need to be strong for both of these dear women in my life.....

I have had so many people with cancer in my life that have died. I feel that my best friend will be fine....is it still shocking....yes! I know that my co-workers partner is in her process of dying....and yes that's devastating......

I need to get control of my food because I know this shall we say journey is going to get rougher and harder and I can't continue to hurt myself as I go through it with these wonderful people in my life. They are the ones going through the cancer.....I need to control my compulsive eating and handle myself.

I know this is intense but I just needed to write about it.....I don't know where to go with these feelings.....it's just so so sad............just so sad...........

Tomorrow is Saturday November 7, 2009. It will be a new day.....I need to be strong......I need to not use food to medicate......I need to "feel" the scary, sad feelings that areinside of me instead of "stuffing" them with food. Tomorrow is a new day......I'm trying again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PARROTHEAD411 11/11/2009 9:29PM

    My god Kay,
I'm so sorry I hav'nt read this blog sooner. I wish life was easy. I wish life was fair.....It's not. It sucks. You are such an amazing person. I know you will be there for these friends, and it's hard to suggest what to do. But please take care of you. Please
Hugs
Wendy

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NUDAY4DEB 11/9/2009 10:12AM

    I'm thinking of you, Kay. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

emoticon emoticon


Debbie

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PURPLE1ROSE 11/8/2009 2:53PM

    I feel for you Kay! You are a very good friend and many things can get us down. A lot of what everyone said above I agree with! Take it one step at a time and don't forget to breathe! We are always here for you, when you need us!! I love you girl!!

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MASTERCARE 11/7/2009 7:56PM

    Actually.....I am crying for you Kay.

Life certainly is NOT fair. I am so sorry.

It is important you take care of yourself. You have been hit with too much and I wish I could help you in this burden.

Know that you are loved.

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QUILTINGJANNA 11/7/2009 7:42PM

    HI Kay - So hard reading about your friends, but the truth is you can't control cancer, so don't let it control you. Meaning, don't let cancer bring you to over eating. Sounds so easy, and yet it is so hard. I know you have to grieve, but then you will get up, brush yourself off and get down to the business of getting KAY healthy. That is something YOU can control!!!!! Love to you, my dear friend.

chat later
Janna

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CHANGESFORGOOD 11/7/2009 1:40PM

    Your such a good friend that you take on their pain and hardships. Kay leave room for you too. The more good things you do for yourself the more you help your friends in the long run........Hugs........... emoticon

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KATE294 11/7/2009 11:18AM

    Hugs to you. It is very hard when we feel as if there is nothing we can do to help those we care about. These are things out of your control. But you can send them all of your love and good energy. Be there for any type of support even if it is just sitting with them. Make them laugh. And appreciate every moment of your day. emoticon Kate

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PATRICIAAK 11/6/2009 11:26PM

    One step backward, two steps forward.
How is you becoming obese helping them?
Obesity is related to some cancers.
Write down a list of healthier choices and choose from these.

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BLCTLEW 11/6/2009 11:01PM

    take care of yourself first or you will not be able to handle this, go for a stomp or run or dance, before you go with them, while you wait, after you return, it really does help, i have to too, this is our life - taking care of others, we need to be strong for it emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Sunday 8/30/09

Sunday, August 30, 2009

So I was just sitting here reflecting on the past couple of days and I think that these days that are difficult, are getting fewer and and getting shorter and shorter. There is always a light at the end of every tunnel.
This tunnel is part of my journey and the one thing I know is that the distance is getting shorter and shorter and I'm really happy about that.
I was also just sitting here remembering that at exactly this time last year give or take a day, was when I started my last and final weight loss/exercising regime.
I think that's really a sign for me that even though it's been a really challenging summer for me, it's truly now time to get through this final stage....and it is time now.
So for me.....here I go.....final phase in this process, and again I want to thank all of you...my friends.... you all know who you are....for being there for me....I feel truly blessed in my life and you all are such a huge huge part of the blessings.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MASTERCARE 8/31/2009 5:51AM

    Good for you!

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8/29/09 Wondering why the constant never ending struggle

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I have such a weird and hard day today. I was supposed to see my cousin today, the one who had the back surgery and she over did it yesterday and she wasn't feeling well so we had to cancel.
I was sad I couldn't see her but I totally understood. So I was trying to figure out what to do with myself.
I've had some days this past week of just feeling so sad. I think a large part of it was because I'm missing Julia....I mean like overwhelming saddness.....just wanting to cry. I'm thinking that some of this might also be some menopausal stuff...who knows?
So I decided to drive today...hot hot hot here....sometimes that helps to settle me....but it didn't. I came home and I had gone way too long for eating and came home and fell into the crackers and bread.
Why does this struggle continue? Why can't I ever overcome this emotional eating? It's so frustrating and I feel like the last couple of weeks I've been sturggling so much on a day to day level. I don't want to gain this weight back.
I wanted to be honest that I had a shall we say falling off the wagon day? I will not make it a falling off the wagon weekend though.
So worried....really need some help to try and gain control over my momentum again. I will climb back on the wagon again tomorrow. Good thing I had already cleaned out my frig and cupboards. :(

Kay

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MASTERCARE 8/30/2009 5:51AM

    you had several things up against you ....

You miss your daughter and you were bored. That made you restless and ...mindless eating transpired.

I know you miss Julia...but remember..she is living her life and this is a good time period for her.

I think you were lonely today and you were trying to keep busy.

You have a lot of friends here.....me included.

Hang in there....and don't beat yourself up......too badly!

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MASTERCARE 8/30/2009 5:51AM

    you had several things up against you ....

You miss your daughter and you were bored. That made you restless and ...mindless eating transpired.

I know you miss Julia...but remember..she is living her life and this is a good time period for her.

I think you were lonely today and you were trying to keep busy.

You have a lot of friends here.....me included.

Hang in there....and don't beat yourself up......too badly!

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DOT121 8/30/2009 12:58AM

  Kay,

Sometimes it is hard to avoid that off the wagon episode. You have a few things going on right now and maybe it isn't the best thing to do but we turn to what we know for comfort and relief from what is bothering us. The problem with that is the thing that is bothering us is usually still there and all we got was a feeling that we failed and are miserable.

Hey, life has it ups and downs. Today was one of those days. It is over and you are moving on to a new day and a new attitude.

When we go through changes in our lives it is hard to accept even though in the end we do and move on. what we have to do is know that we need to deal with what ever is going on without adding food to the mix. For you and me turning to food is our downfall. We need to put an end to the food being our save all.

Clear you mind of negative feelling as well as clean out the foods that cause you to fall off the wagon.

We will do this even if it seems like it will take forever. We are not quitters. We are strong, smart and will achieve our goals. We need to fight for what we want......the battle is food to replace all our feelings and emotions. It is a hard battle but we are half way through the war.

REMEMBER....take it 1 day at a time. emoticon
emoticon emoticonDot

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