KATRINIA17   39,387
SparkPoints
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints
 
 
KATRINIA17's Recent Blog Entries

Fragmented Evidence Ch. 1 Excerpt

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Okay, this is my original excerpt for this years NANO. I'm...okay with it...I guess that's the phrase. I really don't think that the scene gives the reader enough information about the book or a clue as to what the setting, tone, voice or anything for that matter is. I think that it's overly flowery, compared to the rest of the work. I seem to be pretty good with dialogue and not so much with setting so this was an early attempt at getting setting before I realized, "Hey, this is NANO, don't worry about editing and getting it right, just worry about getting it written." .

But, here is a section. I will try to shift through the chapters for better sections. Maybe some that give some of my favorite dialogue! Whoo Hoo!

Hope you enjoy!


(Fragmented Evidence-Chapter One-Last scene)


Tears trickled down her face, branching out across wet cheeks, running into smears of thickening blood and vomit before thinning out to the cracked corners of her mouth. Her jaw shook as her lips formed words, mouthing a cry for help. A wide streak of red made its way from her nose, stopping on the edge of her upper lip which quivered, splattering blood through the air.

What past her upper lip overlapped and swirled into clear saliva before dribbling, falling from her mouth, adding to the pool of slick vomit and coagulating blood. Arms stretched flailing about, finely mixing the salt, the sour and harsh liquor into a medium that her fingers, unknowingly painted circles in, as she desperately sought a way out. The fear of death, as cold as the winter wind gust of upstate New York, whipped through her body before the warmth of exhaustion proceeded to over whelm the dull pain that made its way through her.

Suddenly her attacker stood up, letting go of the grip, and sending her partially suspended body crashing, her chin smashing, point first, before her forehead bounced off the tile floor. Tighten skin from her previously distorted face splintered and exposed living tissue. She laid there, eyes closed, sprawled in the contents from her stomach, not wanting to move, waiting and listening to the sound of foot steps and a door as it closed, sending deafening echoes through the floor.

-Kat

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDNECKFEMINIST 11/27/2008 9:28PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLESSED3061 11/26/2008 9:38AM

    Sounds a good book in the making to me. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGKAT58 11/25/2008 10:41AM

    WOW!!! That was powerful! Great job. I really liked it!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONSTANCELG 11/25/2008 9:59AM

    what a visual!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JIBBIE49 11/25/2008 5:54AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


My Ode- (Monologue)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

This here is one of my favorite pieces I've done. It is my first attempt at a monologue and it is done in my favorite style, "First thought". It is an Ode, another first for me, to one of my favorite actors, Mr. Vincent D'Onofrio. I actually did this piece during an inspirational writing phase (some may remember that crazy time a couple of months ago.) and it means a lot to me and my NANO writing since my main male character has been inspired by Mr. Vincent D'Onofrio's Law and Order Criminal Intent character Detective Robert Goren and Mr. D'Onofrio himself (along with a bit of my own imagination...oooh la-la.). This piece also was done after stepping away from poetry and fiction and turning instead to non-fiction and inspirational pieces so this a re-entrance into what I normally find myself doing. At the same time, it is very different from my normal writing. While it is first thought and I do write what comes to mind (with no fear or shame), I do feel that this piece has more passion to it. The tone, voice and style of the piece seems more mature compared to my earlier pieces and I feel this shows my growth over the years as a writer. Though editing and revising is always needed, I am very happy with what I have here.

So here it is, a raw form, no fear and no shame... my ode.


Ode to
Vincent DíOnofrio


I love the fact that Vincent DíOnofrio is a man of intrigue and passion. The actors' actor, the theater actor, the character actor is what I call him, a man whose mind is always dissecting the inner emotions of mankind, eyes that not only see the emotion but give the emotion, feel the emotion. I love it when he looks at me with those, brown, brown eyes. I know you say, ďHe is not looking at you,Ē but he is. He is emotionally feeding me with those eyes, dissecting me with his mind, and when he moves his lips, he is reading me, the inner parts of me. Smiling with his eyes closed I am moved by Private Gomer Pyle and when Guy looks into the camera in pure orgasm, I can not help but to be intrigued by those eyes.

He is a man, six foot four, and it is all about his hands-- sizable and vigorous hands, libidinous and strong, hands that cause me to, in my mind, straddle this man who sits in the midst of embarrassment, humble and shy, each hand cupping my breasts as he speaks clearly in that oh-so-softened voice of his. And, though Iím intrigued by his mind, the knowledge of his fear of intolerance, his guilty pleasure of sex, the thought of spending an afternoon wrapped in his arms, cheek to cheek, reading, and listening to the "Sexual Healing" of Marvin Gaye, I still allow myself, a woman of intellect, to become womanized, intrigued by the passion of this man and the notion of the arrogance of his cock.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CONSTANCELG 11/25/2008 9:57AM

    speechless emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRECECOOKS 11/24/2008 6:33PM

    You are nothing if not articulate, Kat dear!! Well-written and evocative.

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDNECKFEMINIST 11/23/2008 8:52AM

    Very good

Report Inappropriate Comment
JIBBIE49 11/23/2008 1:35AM

    You are a very GOOD writer. A+

Report Inappropriate Comment


Lyrics-Just Another Road

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Just another road

Everyday's been so dreary
Everyday's been so blue
Everyday's been heart breaking
Ever since the day I left you

Donít know what I was thinkiní
When I walked out that door
Never thought that I be pickiní
Memories up off the floor

Iíve been kickiní myself day after day
Wondering why I had to treat you that way
Now youíre gone and thereís nothing I can say
You said we tried it now weíre going separate ways

Cus,
Itís just another road walked on
Just another topic talked on
Just another love song
Just another day gone

Itís just another sky thatís blue
Just another heart in two
Just another step in my shoes
Just another day without you

Iíve tried to run back
Iíve shed tears from my eyes
Iíve showered you with gifts
But you ainít dealin with lies

I wonít stop Iíll keep comin
You keep dodging and going
I know we could be something
In my heart I know it

Iím wondering day after day
What could have been just up a head
But you just keep on pushin me away
Sayin why walk down that path again

Cus,
Itís just another road walked on
Just another topic talked on
Just another love song
Just another day gone

Itís just another sky thatís blue
Just another heart in two
Just another step in my shoes
Just another day without you

I want you back
Our loves more than that
Oh baby canít you see
This is about you and me

Iíve seen all my errors
Just give me one more chance
But you say lets move forward
And leave the past in the past

Cus,
Itís just another road walked on
Just another topic talked on
Just another love song
Just another day gone

Itís just another sky thatís blue
Just another heart in two
Just another step in my shoes
Just another day without you

I wanna work this out
I wanna be your man
This is about our love
And we are much more than,

Just another road walked on
Just another topic talked on
Just another love song
Just another day gone

Just another sky thatís blue
Just another heart in two
Just another step in my shoes
Just another day without you

Just another road walked on
She said it was just another road walked on
Our love was just another road walked on
I was just another road walked on

Just another road walked on
Just another topic talked on
Just another love song
Just another day gone

Just another sky thatís blue
Just another heart in two
Just another step in my shoes
Just another day without you

Just another road walked on
Just another road walked on
Just another road walked on...(fade)

-Kat

Ps. I actually have sung this song (congested and all) and have it recorded (not to music). I want to redo it with a better mic and when I'm not so sick but my USB plug is not working. Until then, if you just can't wait to hear the tune and yada, let me know and I'll send you one of the two gasping and snorting versions...just so that you too can get it stuck in your head!

Love ya!-Kat

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDNECKFEMINIST 11/22/2008 9:32AM

    yOU ROCK!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRECECOOKS 11/21/2008 7:05PM

    My, my you've been busy!! Congrats on the NaNoWriMo progress!! Sorry hubby's deployed again; hopefully he'll be home for Christmas. . .

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONSTANCELG 11/19/2008 9:27AM

    Rock on sistah!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JIBBIE49 11/19/2008 1:51AM

    So pretty. Sing your heart out!!



Report Inappropriate Comment


Book 1...wait, book 2...no...make that book 1...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Book 1, Book 2, Book 1...wait...


Okay so here is the deal...the long story, not gonna lie, it's never short so I'm coming out with it...the long story.

One day decided to co-write with a buddy, wrote a scene, the project fell through, people said write more...I had a vision.

Some how the scene of a murder turned into a novel. The issue...

The novel turned into a series. The issue...

I've never done any of the above so I'm totally winging it.

Okay so it's all about this detective right, he's abused as a child, can't keep a relationship...yeah, same cliche story we all have heard...how does broken down so- and -so find love...gag!

But there's like huge twist in this...but it start's way in the middle...around book 3. So book one and 2 are like a reg. story...get to know the character and the plot...books 3 and 4 are a climax and book 5 is the resolution...

Issue.

Well, when broken down book by book like that...what keeps the reader reading...there's nothing really there. But I broke them down because I'm looking at 500+ pages if I start combining!...I mean already both book one and two are sitting around 300 pages and that's on a basic frame structure, none of those little details and what not. I'm guessing I can reach 350-400 easy! Yikes...put together that's almost 1,000 pages long. No one would read that unless it was SWEET!

But remember, it's the intro to a bigger story, not a lot going on to it so 850 pages of getting to know someone with no real major events is going to drag a reader down.

So, I'm thinking...I have to combine book 1 and 2 back together....

My combine total for both books could be between 150,000-160,000 words or could go over. Think...430-550 pages...

That...is ....a lot...of...editing.

On other news, I go to the doctor tomorrow! Just a normal exam. Hopefully I won't freak out.
The writing has been keeping my mind busy.

Ps. My water intake has increased! WOO HOO ME!

hugs and kisses-kat

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 11/18/2008 3:34PM

    I always think a book would be good if a person actually LEARNED something from the character. That is why I like the NATIONAL TREASURE movies with Nick Cage, because his character is smart.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BIGKAT58 11/18/2008 12:29PM

    In my books my characters grow with the story. the reader gets to know the character through what is happening as the story progresses. be it the character's nervous ticks like running his fingers through his hair or something or even his dialogue. But the character comes to life as the story grows. sounds to me like you got too much stuff happening all at once and some of your stuff may be just notes. time to reread it and see what works and what doesn't. You MAY have quite a series there if you work it right.
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CONSTANCELG 11/18/2008 12:11PM

    I have to say although I love flowery verbage if a book does not get to the guts of the matter and a plot is evolving you would lose me really quickly. Isn't there a way you could add the character background and so on as the story progresses? See, what do I know about writing. I am so excited that you are living your dream and writing. I expect to get a signed copy of the book when it is done. Of course after I buy it!!! hugs and lovies Constance
Great job on the water!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDNECKFEMINIST 11/18/2008 6:12AM

    Sounds great!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Poem#3 Little Pink Toes

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Little pink toes
sit in ice cold water
glistening and shining
in the sun light.

Swaying back and forth
in the clear sparkling streamlet
dancing near slimy scaly fish
and green glossy frogs.

Grabbing stringy plants
and the smooth wet pebbles below,
rubbing against the rough surface
of the sandy floor.

Lifted to the sky
towards the yellow glowing sun,
with its sweet warmth
dispelling water.

Little pink toes
drip little drops of rain
that scatter and splash
back down below.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 11/16/2008 1:45PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
REDNECKFEMINIST 11/16/2008 6:47AM

    I love your poetry, I used to write when I was younger but have not done so in so long! You inspire me to want to write again!

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 Last Page