Saturday, September 27, 2008
Today I bring you your daily dosage of creepy stalker like chic.
Okay, it's been a while since I've blogged and yet I'm telling people daily "I'm gonna blog! PROMISE!!!" Well here's the issue, I got things running through my head that I've been wanting to say and was a bit afraid to say.
But, I've decided that I'm gonna say it and either you will understand or you will totally freak out. Either way, it's off MY chest. If at any point you are too freaked out about the subject below, just send me an email and let me know. I understand that some people just aren't on that level.
So I'm a lovable, likable person who never, NEVER understood "chatting, internet relationships, flirting and such." and how people could get wrapped up in them. But, I've noticed my internet friendships and views have changed in the past year. I've had friends pass away, lose their children and spouses, jobs and homes. I've also had people who have inspired me to make changes in my life.
They say that communication is the key to any relationship. Can you communicate any better than this? We write all our thoughts down for the world to see and share just about everything. I mean it's love at first sight-wait, make that love at first site. First word, thread, chat?(I've had this convo. before...)
Look at us...White, black, thin, fat, young, old...our looks don't matter, nothing matters. I'm out here making friends and chatting away and no one cares. No one cares because they only have the choice to talk and learn and get to know us and then decide.
I LOVE MY INTERNET FRIENDS!
Like totally in love with you all and that sounds a bit creepy and all but it's true.I'm not talking about "Hey wanna see my boobs? " I love you. I'm talking about...
Everyday I wake up and look at myself in the mirror and want to give up...
And everyday I come on here and one of you are here for me and I knew all along that you would be. And I've never met you...and you never met me...not in person at least. But I know you or at least I know who you want to be, who you wish to be. I know you on an emotional and mental level.
I'm not talking "in love" as in "sexual/romance" I'm talking about "in love"....
A love that honestly makes you cry when your team mate says that she was in tears because someone made a comment about her weight in public.The love that makes you realize that if you could, you would be there in a heart beat to comfort her.
I believe you when you say that you are depressed when those numbers go up and I can actually feel that, imagine that because I've been there too.
I believe you when you say you got into those jeans and the "whoo hoo" is loud and clear to me.
I love who you are, who you say you are because I believe that even if it's not true, it's still who you want to be. You could photo shop your picture or put up one of a model and I wouldn't care because I believe that it's your way of saying "this is who I really am once you get past all the superficial crap." Maybe it's your way of saying "this is who I want to be or know I can be."
And even if it's not the true you...I still love you...I love the fact that you want to be that beautiful person, that you believe and know you are. I love the fact that you are such a great person that even when you don't know someone "in person", you still support them and tell them that you care. How can I not love that about you? How can anyone not love that about you?
I've met many internet friends and it's amazing...I learned so much about them that nothing changed once we met in person. I didn't care about their looks, clothes...nothing. Those little things, well when you learn to love someone for who they are, those little things don't even matter.
You don't have to love me back, you can just like me. I understand that I'm one of those people who loves to love and not everyone is that way. I want you to know that I'm not gonna flash you my boob or ask for your number...street address and where you keep your undies. But, I will tell you that you've changed my life. I've learned to live away from friends and family and I've learned that communication is key.
Know that I really do mean it when I say that I love you. When things hit the fan I'm thinking of you and wishing that I could be there to support you. Yes, I would totally hug you and hold you and cry myself silly. And the whole while I would tell you that it's okay, I know the mental and emotional you, who you want to be and know you can be. I will tell you that, that person I know is truly beautiful, utterly amazing and inspires me everyday to change and become the person I want to be and know I truly am.
I'm totally loving you all right now! Completely in tears!
I love you, you are beautiful and amazing and every time we chat you make me feel the same. It's a feeling we all deserve.