Thursday, March 27, 2008
So, it has been nearly three months and I have nothing to show for the time being. I do really good, then something slows me down. Not that I have excuses but surgery, financial issues, changing jobs, holidays, and depression issues have all been part of my lack of success.
The good news is that through it all, I have come out of the cloud of depression that has haunted me for over a year and a half. The surgery mixed with life changes and medication has helped tremedously. Now that I have gotten this far, the weight should just come off, right?
Wishful thinking, I know. But I am ready and able finally to proritize better than I have in a long time. So, my goal will take longer than I had hoped but mentally, I am ready to set a revised gaol and stick with it.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through all of this, especially mom, dad, and Rick.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
So we are past a month, Scott won January's challenge. I may never actually win a challenge but I have lost 5 lbs. I feel like I am making progress, regardless of how slow.
I also seem to be facing some of the demons that are causing my depression and weight gain. I am feeling more like myself and less like a pathetic shadow of what I once was. You just watch, 6 months from now, I will be a force to be delt with again. (I hope.)
I have quit a job that I now see was not emotionally healthy for me. I am accepting that I need to sell my house, not only for the financial well being of my family, but for emotional as well.
I have approached my old boss and may be working on a project basis to help out, doing what I really was good at. And I am starting to believe in myself again.
I have a long way to go. I still haven't made a real sale through my new job, but I will. I am learning and I have to start pushing myself past my comfort zone. God has shown how amazing he really is when you ask for help rather than try to do it all on your own. My challenge is to continue leaning on Him, trusting that He will take care of me, my family and our future.
Thank you to all who have been encouraging me. Please continue, I need it and it really is helping. You will see it returned the more I return.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I am feeling a little less hungry. My worst time is still between dinner and bed, when Elyse is asleep and Rick isn't home yet. I sit and watch TV, all I want to do is snack. I am really hoping to accomplish exercise this week. 20 minutes, 3 times, I can do it. There is just so much else to do!!!
Monday, January 14, 2008
So a week has gone by, all that is holding me together at this point is knowing that we are all doing this together. I really appreciate my family's support.
Now, how do I get past the depression and the overwhelming sense that my life is falling apart around me. I know in my heart that God is on my side and will not let me fall beyond what I can handle. Now it is just a matter of applying that to my life on a daily basis.
So when the bills are coming in and there is not enough money to cover them all, it is time to to reevaluate the necessities, take a good hard look at our priorities and CHANGE.
So, how far of a leap am I willing to take? Guess we'll have to wait and see.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Okay, so I am near the end of day 3 and I am sooo hungry. And yet I am scared to eat for fear of going over on my calorie intake. I have been really depressed lately, which is making it hard to get out of bed each day and even get off the couch. I am doing it, but not accomplishing much of the things I need to do every day. All of which is adding to the depression. What a vicious cycle.
I feel like I am being short with my daughter, impatient in the right word I guess. It is usually times like these I eat a bag of chips or Moose Munch, neither of which I have in the house right now -- thank goodness.
Advice and support are all that is keeping me going at the moment. God please give me strength!
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