Tuesday, December 09, 2008
This year, I'm not sure I can prevent the weight gain. I'm so far off the program that I can't seem to find my way back. I still visit nearly every day and try to log my food consistently but my focus has been on trying to get pregnant for so long that it's hard for me to think about what I'm eating. It's just been very depressing and I hope that I'm able to get back on track soon.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Exercise...not my best subject. I love to exercise but I never seem to find time for myself. I know I should and I know I'm supposed to but there's always something going on - work, school (for me), emails, making dinner, grocery shopping, laundry, family, animals, and just a bit of R&R built in for me. All that and I usually don't get to bed until 11 or 12 every night (and up at 6:00). It's exhausting! I haven't completely quit trying to fit exercise in but it's a struggle. "Tomorrow is always a better day", but tomorrow never comes and I keep putting it off. I need a buddy to keep me on track!
Thursday, October 02, 2008
It was brought to my attention that I hadn't posted in a while. I guess it has been over 2 months now. Where does the time go?
My last classes were super tough and took the majority of my time. I'm lucky I even had time to log my food. But I managed to pass with a 94% in both classes!
Ah, baby update. Still not pregnant. But I did get in to see my OB/GYN on September 30th for my "if you're not pregnant by this date, come see me" appointment. It was tough but not as bad as I thought it would be. Thankfully, Jason went with me and it helped me keep a stiff upper lip.
My doctor sent me to the lab yesterday to check my estrogen, I have to go back on October 15th for her to check my progesterone. She said if my levels are not right, she'll put me on Clomid, which is a fertility drug. There is a 10% chance of twins but hardly any chance of multiples more than that. I think I'll be fine, heck, if I get pregnant at all. At least I have a little hope now.
Next semester of school starts on Monday, I'm excited for it to start, the last three weeks have made me feel very unproductive.
Jason is 4 months smoke-free again (yea!) and seems to be holding strong. I try to help him as much as possible.
Jennifer is in the 10th grade! Where is my little girl? She's been going to modeling classes this year and they have taught her so much about etiquette...now if I can only get her to USE it at home!
Not much more is new for now. I'm up 13 pounds to 137 and am STILL trying to lower those numbers. Since the surgery in April, that number continues to creep up. It's so frustrating. I have begun exercising more, now if I can stay within my calorie range regularly, I should be okay...but then I think, if I get pregnant this year, I'll have to stop trying to lose. But no harm in continuing to try as long as I'm not pregnant I guess. If I use the excuse that I'm waiting to get pregnant, then I'll continue to gain before I even get pregnant!
Best of luck. Take care.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
UPDATE: January 23, 2008 - We're pregnant!! You'll see my weight increase over the next several months. But I know SparkPeople will be here after I have the baby and help me lose it again.
UPDATE: January 29, 2008 - It was a great feeling while it lasted. I lost the baby but we will try again in 3 months. Right now I need to take care of me so I can heal to make a safe environment for a future pregnancy.
UPDATE: March 18, 2008 - My doctor had reclassified my miscarriage to ectopic early February and gave me an injection of Methotrexate.
It has taken my body this long to reduce the hCG in my system. I have what will hopefully be my last blood draw tomorrow to confirm the negative hCG. Then we'll be jumping back on the proverbial horse to try again. Wish us luck!
UPDATE: April 17, 2008 - With all the changes my body has endured this year, a cyst of some sort was found next to my right ovary. I know it was not an "ovarian cyst" but will find out more in 2 weeks. I had to have surgery on Monday to remove the cyst. While there, the doctor ran an HSG test and gave me an "all clear" on my tubes!
That was a huge relief.
UPDATE: May 7, 2008 - I visited my doctor yesterday for a follow-up to my surgery. She said again that my tubes are clear and that she drained the cyst. She said the name of the cyst again but I didn't retain the name, some sort of tubal cyst. Either way, she said it's not cancerous, not that I expected it to be. She said if I'm not pregnant by the end of September, to come see her and we'll take it to the next step. I went ahead and made an appointment for September 30th. She also said that since the surgery she is convinced that it was not ectopic after all but simply a non-viable pregnancy and that it could have been a chromosomal deficiency or something of that nature. Here's hoping that I can get a positive test before September.
UPDATE: July 31, 2008 - I haven't posted in a while so thought I would make a post.
Baby-wise this has been a horrible year. I've missed yet another baby-boom. My oldest girlfriend is now three months pregnant. It hurts my heart so much to talk to her but I can't abandon her. I know if the situation were reversed, she would be there for me. Every time I talk to her, I want to cry when I get off the phone.
I told my husband last month that I'm tired of hurting and tired of this running my life. I don't want it to run my life. I want to be free and happy. Since last month, I have been trying to focus on anything BUT baby. I'm focusing on school, raising my 15-year-old, and trying to plan a vacation for December.
But today, my heart breaks.
I've gained 10 pounds of all the weight I lost, even though I am still logging all of my food every day, I don't have the drive to stick to my calorie range. I KNOW why I've gained based on my logging, but have a difficult time caring in the evening. The last week I have done a little better, and I'm not done trying to get back on track, but I'm having more bad days than good. I'll get there. I did it once before and I'll do it again.
Thanks for listening!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
What you really learn from hardships
"Perhaps you think this isn't very ‘positive' sounding, but I find it helps people (patients and friends) put hardship, which is inevitable, to good use," says Richard. "People can use their suffering either to gain character or become bitter. The ones who choose bitterness live a long, slow death. The ones who choose character truly live." Richard is right on the money. Happiness and sadness don't happen to us--they come from within. The story of your life will be written with or without your help. The next chapter is happening while you read this. Will you wait to see what it says later, or will you help write it?
I can really relate to this subject. My life has definitely not been easy. From a childhood of constantly being uprooted from one state to another, my father being abusive to my mom and then my step-mom, parents drinking all the time, molestation, lost dreams, to living for 12 years with a husband that didn't know what love was, and finally divorce. That's the short story. But I can honestly say that I do not allow my past to run my life. At times, it likes to rear it's ugly head and makes me feel sorry for myself, but mostly, I live in the present.
I do believe that the hardships in my have made me who I am. I am a strong person. I am very adaptable to my surroundings, I'm not afraid of change, I know now what I want and need in a husband and finally have found that man (who knew he was under my nose since I was 18?). I have a beautiful 14-year-old daughter and I just started College. I have a very bright future and am excited about each new day. I can finally say I am happy.
I wish happiness to all of you that have had rough lives. I know how tough it is. With a little perseverance, you'll get through it. Best of luck.
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