Wednesday, March 05, 2014
On Monday, March 3rd, my ex husband passed away. We'd been divorced for almost 20 years. But we were always on friendly terms.
We were a united front for our kids. We went Christmas & birthday shopping together and a couple times he brought me with on vacations, with the kids. We attended all functions for the kids together & would sit together. Our relationship, after our divorce was like good friends, and I guess we were.
He had always been fairly healthy, except for the occasional cold. Until the summer of 2011, when he was diagnosed with diabetes. He got that under control, but then had a shoulder problem, that needed surgery in mid 2012. We all went out for our sons birthday, in mid Dec. 2012. He was telling us how he was having his tonsils out the following week. I was concerned because that's not an easy surgery for an adult. Three days later that surgery was cancelled & he was diagnosed with leukemia and immediately hospitalized.
He spent the next 8 months hospitalized. I'm not sure how he was able to do it, I think I might have gone crazy, being hospitalized for so long. He had a bone marrow transplant and he seemed to be going into remission. He was released in Aug. 2013 and was very weak. But he went on a few trips, during the next 4 months. His bucket list.
But in Nov. 2013 he was hospitalized with cirrhosis of he liver. He kept deteriorating and the kids and I were all distressed. I still was upbeat & hopeful that he would recover. Then his kidneys started failing.
On Monday night, he passed away. He had his best friends and our oldest daughter by his side.
The kids are a wreck over losing their father. Their still reeling from Michael's death in 2011. Mike was their bonus brother. (my boyfriends son)
Goodbye Rick, you were a good guy. A good friend and of course, a great father. We're broken hearted. You'll be missed by so many. But I am glad that your pain & suffering is over. Say hi to Mike for us.
Monday, February 03, 2014
Yup, I've broken two rocking chairs now.
I am overweight, about 40 pounds overweight. But really, is 158 pounds enough to break two wooden rocking chairs, in the span of 2 months? Yeah, I guess it is.
I like to sit in a rocking chair because my sofa is too soft for my back. The last time I sat on the sofa I had to go see the chiropractor.
So, the 1st chair I broke was an older bentwood rocker. The cane seat started coming lose & then the wood that held the seat down, split. A bought more caning, to repair it. Unfortunately, the wood is cracked so badly, that I'm not sure it's repairable. So it's sitting out in the garage.
We brought the hardwood rocker down from the bedroom, to replace the broken chair. My parent bought me that rocker, 25 years ago. I've used it on & off through the years, but never really on a daily basis.
A few weeks into having it in the living room, I noticed the spindles were coming out. We glued & clamped them & everything seemed fine. Last night, I noticed the chair seemed uneven.
This morning I leaned back in the rocking chair and it completely flipped backwards. There I was, sprawled out on the floor, on my back, with another busted chair. The runner on the bottom, completely broken off.
I couldn't help but laugh, as I crawled out of the chair. After all, it's funny & ridiculous.
My BF saw the whole thing, so there was a humiliation factor of me falling. And of me busting another chair. He knows I'm trying to lose weight...again.
But really, is that what I am now, the fat girl who has to worry about where I sit! OMG, I'm horrified! I was laughing on the outside, because that is my personality. "I'm fine, ha ha ha, silly me". Inside I was just devastated.
Monday, January 06, 2014
Where to begin?
The good, the bad or the ugly...
I guess where I left off.
Early 2013 I was at my wits end about everything. Work, family, moving, being stuck at a plateau, with my weight.
The little seasonal job was awful & I gave my 2 week notice. My supervisor did everything she could, to get me to stay & I'm still there.
In February I had a car accident & totaled my car. It was really terrifying. I was bruised up and the airbag broke my nose. Buying another car was a huge expense I hadn't planned on.
In the mean time, my full time job took an unbearable turn for the worse & I quit. From 56 hours a week to 16 was a big change. Of course, the lack of pay was the hardest part to get used to.
My ex husband had been diagnosed with leukemia, in Dec. 2012 and the kids were taking it very hard.
My son has been in a downward spiral, since Michael died. He'd gone from full time college student, on the Deans list, and 3 part time jobs to being kicked out of school and unemployed. His fathers illness was another emotional blow. We spent a whole day together and discussed everything. We came up with a plan for him to get back on track and then he did a 180. He left in the middle of the night & would not return my calls or texts for weeks. He communicated to me through his sister. The only help he wanted from me was money, which I refused to provide. I had two different, guaranteed job options for him, but he was not interested. He then cut off all contact with the family, including his father, who was hospitalized for 9 months. We went months without speaking, but by the end of 2013 he was starting to come around.
In the meantime, he alienated his 2 sisters & I'm not sure they will ever forgive him.
While my ex was hospitalized, his brother passed away unexpectedly. It fell to me to try & make the arrangements. Not easy, since we've been divorced for 19 years. And I never really knew his brother very well, to start with. My son didn't attend the funeral & that just added to the family being unhappy with his decisions.
We moved in March. Not the house I wanted, but my boyfriend loved the place. It's a cute cabin in the woods, by a popular lake. Unfortunately, the house turned out to be a nonstop money pit. He finally admitted if he'd know how bad it was, we would have never bought it.
The only good thing was during the record breaking floods, in the spring, we were far enough away from the lake that the water never got close to our house. Almost every house we'd considered buying was 4 feet under water. So we lucked out there.
I cancelled my gym membership, in early 2013. The closest gym was now 20+ miles away. I also knew I would not have any free time to workout. I was right.
We worked on the house from sun up until late at night, everyday. Tearing out floors, walls, cabinets. Moving walls, drywall, painting, tiling. We had no kitchen for almost 8 months. We ate out every night. I didn't have a pot, pan, plate...nothing. Everything was packed in boxes.
On top of everything, I reinjured a back injury 3 different times. The first time I couldn't even walk. Had to find a new Dr. near the new house. Again, I lucked out & found a great Dr. But I've had more visits than I care to.
I'd lost interest in SparkPeople before we'd moved. So there was no accountability at all. And no exercise either. It was no surprise that I started to put the weight back on.
I do not own a scale & had not weighed myself in over a year. But it was obvious I had gained weight. All of my clothes are super tight, and I'm winded climbing even one flight of stairs. Still, I didn't know how bad it was. I weighed my self last week, at work & was shocked to see that I had gained back the 40+ pounds that I had worked so hard to lose.
The good news is: The house is finally coming together. I have a kitchen! I unpacked my little kitchen scale 3 days ago. Now I am back to weighing & logging every bite. And, obviously, I've come back to SP. I really had great success on SP. It seems so silly to have been upset about being at a plateau.
Maybe this huge setback is what I needed. A wake up call, that I must stay committed.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Thank you Pink, I can actually apply those lyrics to my seasonal job.
I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of $h!t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)
Just when it can't get worse, I've had a $h!t day (NO!)
Have you had a $h!t day? (NO!), we've had a $h!t day (NO!)
I think that life's too short for this, I want back my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss.
So, to cut to the chase, I work several jobs at the airport. But my seasonal job is the worst. Today was the last straw.
I can not stand the passengers. The passengers are regulars that we see year after year, most several times a year. They are so rude, condescending and arrogant. Because they travel with us so often, they feel like they are above rules & regulations. We've been told to treat our passengers like royalty and we do. But there are still some basic things that are required, like weighing your luggage and providing specific documents. These requests are met with indignation and outright refusal. Today, I was told I was rude to require them to weigh their items, because they travel all the time & they know the rules. I had to have a supervisor come out, to insist that the passengers item MUST be weighed. What The Flip!
We gently try to get them to comply, but they feel compelled to drop a list of who they know & how they've never had to be inconvenienced before. And how so & so is going to be contacted immediately as to how we've ruined their trip. And then they write scathing letters, filled with inaccuracies and outright lies.
As a side note, our check-in system is horrendous. We struggle to do our best to make check in run smooth. But the hostility directed at us, due to a situation beyond our control, is unbearable.
The one and only upside is my coworkers, I adore them. But I will still see them, at the airport. I used to think my travel benefits were important. I did some quick math and figured out if I quit I will have Sat. Sun. Monday & Wed. off. I'll add an 8 hour shift to Wed. from my new job, and end up making $2000+ more a year, then I make if I stay. If I ever want to travel to our destination, I'll just buy a full fare ticket. I'll still be ahead financially. But to be honest, I've vacationed there and really, it's much ado about nothing. All the hype about it being a destination for the rich just baffled me. I've been to third world countries that blow this place away.
My shift ended at 1PM today. I waited over 9 hours to write this. But honestly, I'm still as livid as I was when I left work. I don't need this aggravation, there is no real upside to this job and life is just too short to put up with this crap. I am done!
This line, in the song, really sums it up: I think I've had enough of this, blow me one last kiss!
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tomorrow, Dec 19th, is the 1st anniversary of my bonus boys death.
As the months have gone by, it has seemed impossible that so much time could possibly have gone by, without him.
So we braced for the one year anniversary & our 2nd Christmas without him. The grief is still so sharp and we feel like we are just barely surviving each day.
Then more bad news.
A very dear childhood friend of mine's daughter has been very ill. For about 6 years she's been fighting off an undiagnosed disease. They took her everywhere, to no avail, for a cure or even a diagnosis. They watched her slowly deteriorate. Friday, Dec. 14th, she passed away at home. Today is her 23rd birthday.
We are all heartbroken over the loss of this beautiful, intelligent, kind, sweet girl. She was an honor roll student with such a bright future. Who became so ill, she couldn't even finish high school and never made it to college. College had been her dream. She was an inspiration. She had such faith that she would be cured, that she would get better. She never gave up.
She fought long and hard. At least now, there is no more pain and suffering.
Rest in Peace, beautiful Kate.
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