KASTASTROPHY   2,414
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KASTASTROPHY's Recent Blog Entries

I feel worth it!!!

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Yesterday I was beyond miserable and felt like every muscle and joint was just going to give out on me and I seriously was wishing for a quick death!! Not in a suicidal way but in an overly dramatic flair that would just put me out of my sweet misery!!! But reading all the encouragement and talking to my sister-in-law really gave me my inner strength back!!! I also went and bought some thermacare back wraps at 2am on Amazon when I was lying in bed in too much pain to sleep!! I am hoping that that combined with my determination are enough to get enough weight off that it isn't soooo painful!! I got enough for 3 weeks and hope just for a little more then normal loss!!! Also the pool was mentioned and in one more week I will have saved enough money with watching an extra child to purchase our pool!! I plan to overuse and abuse that thing in a great great way!!!! I know that I am just climbing out of a little rut right now and hopefully these will give me the tools to propel myself out!!! I talked to Jeff a little about it and I was like "how do you feel after lugging around your 100+ pound ruck sack for a ten mile march (he is in the army) and he told me he felt like his back was splitting in agonizing pain... EXACTLY!!! Now just imagine you can't just set down the bag! It never goes away!!! .... So I think he finally understands what I am talking about which makes it so much easier to talk to him about it!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RISINGBLUESTAR 4/1/2012 8:59PM

    I am happy you feel worth it because YOU ARE WORTH IT. I feel so uncomfortable at this weight and I haven't been feeling the most motivated either, but I feel more determined now and I know we can do this!

I am sorry about your back pain. I get awful pain where my ribcage is and I know dealing with pain isn't easy and it makes reaching our goals more difficult. Hopefully the wraps will help.

I know with the determination, you will see success. :)

Good LUCK!!

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I feel worth it!!!

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Yesterday I was beyond miserable and felt like every muscle and joint was just going to give out on me and I seriously was wishing for a quick death!! Not in a suicidal way but in an overly dramatic flair that would just put me out of my sweet misery!!! But reading all the encouragement and talking to my sister-in-law really gave me my inner strength back!!! I also went and bought some thermacare back wraps at 2am on Amazon when I was lying in bed in too much pain to sleep!! I am hoping that that combined with my determination are enough to get enough weight off that it isn't soooo painful!! I got enough for 3 weeks and hope just for a little more then normal loss!!! Also the pool was mentioned and in one more week I will have saved enough money with watching an extra child to purchase our pool!! I plan to overuse and abuse that thing in a great great way!!!! I know that I am just climbing out of a little rut right now and hopefully these will give me the tools to propel myself out!!! I talked to Jeff a little about it and I was like "how do you feel after lugging around your 100+ pound ruck sack for a ten mile march (he is in the army) and he told me he felt like his back was splitting in agonizing pain... EXACTLY!!! Now just imagine you can't just set down the bag! It never goes away!!! .... So I think he finally understands what I am talking about which makes it so much easier to talk to him about it!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BGBEAR624 4/1/2012 8:21PM

    You absolutely are worth it! Glad you're feeling better sweets :) love you!

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PAIN!

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Been off of sparkpeople but not off from working towards a thinner me!!! I just hit a huge wall today and needed some encouragement!!! I am fat! I know that! I know that I don't want to be! So why does my body hate me so much!!! It hurts my back and hips to sit! It hurts my back and knees to stand! It hurts my arms to do anything with lifting them!!!! I KNOW the more weight I lose the easier it will get but what am I suppose to do until then!? I am losing barely any weight because it HURTS!!!! I wish I could just get up and run around but I can't!!! I walk 10 steps and my back literally starts hurting! And i can feel my boobs just pulling my back into a bad posture but what can i do about that when i can't find a single bra that fits me?! I am just so done with owning NO clothes that fit and being so frustrated! I want to not hurt for 5 minutes!!! I know for a fact that I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't take some type of pain reliever because I did my shake weight for all of a minute because that is all I can handle before I'm just done and in pain!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASTASTROPHY 4/1/2012 7:12PM

    Thank you everyone!!! It really means so much to me to have all this encouragement!!!

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CAROL- 4/1/2012 6:10PM

    Hang in there! We are here to encourage you along the way. Little changes will go a long way. Be patient with yourself. emoticon

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LALMEIDA 3/31/2012 9:14PM

  I suffer from pain too. I find that walking around in the pool helps. I will also put a heating pad (thermacare or similar) on my lower back so that I can walk around as much as I can. Most of the time this helps. I actually find that when my pain is bad walking around in small amounts keeps my from getting stiff. Standing up briefly helps too. My lupus is usually the source of my pain and it isn't all the time...so on my "good" days I will do a little more. Hope you feel better soon. emoticon

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BGBEAR624 3/31/2012 7:06PM

    Hey you...you know I'm here for you, you need to call me lady! We have the exact same frustrations and issues. I was just telling Dan this week that I just wish I could stop feeling like crap all the damn time. But I honestly think that the aches and pains are just part of the weight, and there's only one thing to do about it...we have to keep going! Love you, call me anytime you wanna talk emoticon

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SHANNENMARIE2 3/31/2012 6:47PM

    sorry you are feeling bad. I'm 150lbs over weight and enjoy swimming and water exercises. It feels good to be in the pool. i feel much lighter there. emoticon

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DRUIDPRINCESS 3/31/2012 6:40PM

    I can tell you are so focused on where you want to be - just keep that in mind. You shouldn't be in as much pain as you are in. I might be a wimp, but I'd be off to the doctor to ask for help. He/she can look at the total picture, putting you in contact with all sorts of people and organisations who can be at your side helping you. He/she can offer pain management, weight management, ... I wish I could be there with you. I am here, and I am so willing to help you in any way I can. You are a special, lovable and valuable person; you deserve a wonderful, enjoyable and pain-free life - just stay focussed on those goals and lean on us for strength and encouragement. Day at a time, inch at a time, ounce at a time... you're getting there!

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HEARTSTOPPER 3/31/2012 6:30PM

   
Oh girlie...once you lose some of your weight your pain should go away, if not then you need to go to a doctor and see whats up.

Message me if you wanna talk, for real I'm here for you...not just saying that, I mean it.

HS

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Dad

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

So apparently my dad was hospitalized with a blood pressure of 170 over 110 and they couldn't get it under control... he is out now and his blood pressure medicine is DOUBLED and he could care less.. he now doesn't drink pepsi after 2pm and he isn't allowed to drink red bull.. you know what he SHOULD do!? not eat fast food 5 times a day in portion sizes with enough to feed a football team!!! I wish I could smack the poo out of him and MAKE him change but I can't so until then I am literally watching my father eat himself into a heart attack...

it just gives me that much more a drive to WANT to change! I wish he would take the same initiative..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BGBEAR624 8/17/2011 1:22PM

    Oh Kassie, I'm so sorry! Praying for your dad that he comes to his senses and starts taking steps to better his health.

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MILESOFSMILES11 8/17/2011 12:29PM

    I wish your father well.

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ALICIA214 8/17/2011 10:52AM

 
It is sad but true no-one can be helped unless they want to be all we can do is be there for them and hope they do see the light. Prayer helps a lot too.I will keep you in mine.

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Public Enemy Number 1!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I am so sick of being the worst person in the world because I can't accept a compliment.. I'm sorry if at my weight right now I don't feel or think i am attractive and don't want Jeff hanging all over me poking me and harrassing me.. I had a really bad moment today where I saw a picture of me and it just brought me to a place where I hit rock bottom and I don't WANT to look like this.. which makes me a bad person because "well I don't think you look bad" and "nothing I say is ever good enough or believable"... YES you love me YES looks aren't the most important part of our relationship and YES i love that you are wise enough to look past it but i'm not stupid and i know at 300 pounds i'm NOT attractive.. you are attracted to your wife because of the package i come in.. not the box used for mailing..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASTASTROPHY 8/17/2011 10:38AM

    Brenda you couldn't have said it better!!!!

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BGBEAR624 8/12/2011 12:39AM

    OMG Kassie I know people say this all the time but I literally know EXACTLY what you mean. Maybe it's a Greer thing?

I KNOW Dan loves me no matter how much I weigh, and I KNOW he thinks I'm beautiful...and I appreciate that more than words can say. But sometimes it feels as though they just don't get it. I BELIEVE Dan when he says that HE thinks I'm beautiful...but I know that society as a whole doesn't agree with him. And more important, I don't agree with him. I can't be blamed because I don't think 215 lbs looks great on me.

They don't understand that not EVERYONE knows us the way they do, that so many people don't see the same person they do, because the fat is in the way!!

When Dan argues with me about stuff like this it makes me feel as though he doesn't EXPECT anything out of me, like he thinks this is as good as I'll ever be, even though I know deep down that's not what he's saying.

Anyhoo...sorry to add my rant to yours but it just hit a nerve LOL...tell Jeff that him and his brother are more alike than they realize.

I think we just have to try to understand it from their perspective...if some random person came up and started raggin' on you, Jeff wouldn't take that for one minute. So maybe he feels the same way when you start insulting yourself...? I know that's how Dan feels sometimes (we've had loooong discussions about this very thing).

In any case, try to be nicer to yourself honey. I know its not easy, but you need to focus on making yourself healthier every day, and it will pay off in the end, I promise!!!

Love you!

Comment edited on: 8/12/2011 12:43:04 AM

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CALUMLOVE 8/11/2011 9:07PM

    P.s...

Think about Jeff's feelings and how your outbursts are affecting him in the long run.

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CALUMLOVE 8/11/2011 9:05PM

    Feel better now having got it out? emoticon



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