KASHII   8,452
7,000-8,499 SparkPoints
KASHII's Recent Blog Entries

Hard Comments x9 -- thank you, Sparkies, for your support.

Monday, July 01, 2013

My last blog post was on May 6th (Pushing Past the Hard Comments www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_pu
), and received wonderful supportive comments from many Sparkies. I want to thank those of you who read and commented on that post, because it didn't ease up after those 2 weeks.

It took 9 entire weeks, with new people commenting every week about my weight gain. From the concerned friend giving me the sympathetic squeeze and "looks like you've put on a few" to the shocked co-worker stopping me in the hall to say "oh! You've gotten bigger!" Or the friend who grabs my thigh and goes "Kate! I remember when I met you last year - boy we've both got some to lose!" (at least she included herself in the struggle) to the co-worker who goes "did you gain weight? Oh, maybe it's just your new hair cut..." to the grocer miming with his arms and saying in his broken English "you...ah, bigger."

It's the culture here, I know -- they don't see it as an insult, just a comment, like "hey, your hair is brown." Why yes, yes it is. Or even some who hold extra weight in higher esteem, for it means you are successful at providing for your family and you are not starving.

But that does not make it easier to hear. A crushing series, nine straight weeks in a row, from over nine different people.

There were so many days I wanted to just cry and give up; to revert back to my old eating disorder habits; to binge and never go outside again; to starve and become a gym-addict. But I kept reading over the comments you guys made on my last post, and I keep looking at the motivational quotes and posters people share here and on facebook. And I really - REALLY - tried to listen to and believe my husband when he says he thinks I am beautiful no matter what.

And so on week 10 of my workout program and HEALTHY eating habits, I finally went my first week without having anyone comment about my weight. Maybe it was a "lucky" week, or maybe the workout is finally starting to show the progress -- but I NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT to week 10 if it hadn't been for the encouragement from friends and Sparkies cheering me on.

And in the 10 weeks, though perhaps the fat hasn't melted away I as expected, there were many other things learned and seen:

1. I can actually do a real push up instead of girly ones! In fact, I can do almost 8 continuously, and given some rest time, I can do multiple set!

2. I can see definition in my arms, even when not intentionally flexing

3. My back hurts less than it used to as my core is getting stronger

4. I have managed to get off of coffee because of natural energy

5. Hiking up our hill yesterday, I was startled to see we'd made it to our normal turn-around point, and I wasn't out of breath or tired and wanted to keep going!

6. My arms aren't QUITE as floppy as they used to be (you know, that underarm wave that keeps flopping and waving even when you're done waving good-bye)

7. I may not be as slim as some of my coworkers, but at least I am strong enough to lift a fire extinguisher with one hand, and not have to waddle trying to hold it up between my legs because the arms can't lift it (that was a sight to see) I realized that I'd rather be strong with some extra fat than slim without the muscle to do life-saving acts, or even day to day acts. I like feeling more "durable" in life. I like not having to ask my husband to open jars all the time! Haha!

8. I have managed to motivate my husband who has started joining me on more walks and hikes and caving adventures, and he's giving up his junk food more and more often, too!

9. As one who counsels and coaches others in their steps towards a healthier life, I can now better grasp the pain and frustrations of working your butt off, and just not seeing the results you expect. I can better empathize, and will eventually be able to say "I was where you are, here's what I did, and here's where I am now -- we're going to get you through it too."

10. While it will still be a battle, I am working more and more on remembering: I AM MORE THAN A NUMBER ON THE SCALE. I am a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a teacher, a writer, a dreamer, a hiker, an adventurer.

Thank you, Sparkies, for helping me persevere long enough to learn all of that. I can't wait to see what I keep learning as I keep persisting and keep moving forward in health and in life!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WEEPINGANGEL74 8/24/2013 10:47AM

    Blooper post.... sorry@

Comment edited on: 8/24/2013 2:14:14 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
WEEPINGANGEL74 8/24/2013 10:45AM

    Fantastic blog! Some people can be so cruel but you're pushing through it!


Report Inappropriate Comment
NEWMOM20121 8/24/2013 10:09AM

    Great job.

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME2BLOOM4ME 8/24/2013 9:35AM

    Your doing very well. Keep up the great work. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KSNANA2 7/3/2013 10:14PM

    I loved reading about the things you have learned. I'm afraid some of those comments would have crushed me! You have proved how strong you are by not letting those people set you back. Unbelievable how tactless some people can be. I am glad to see you are sticking with it for all the right reasons!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARTHROID 7/2/2013 11:12AM

    I get your struggle. I am gaining weight for no apparent reason. But it sounds like you ARE getting stronger and that's a good thing. I need to do that. Take care (and I really can't believe the comments that people around you make...I was expecting my family to react after they hadn't seen me in awhile...luckily, they didn't comment, but they have in the past...these are my in-laws that I am referring to).

I used to have an eating disorder to and I understand the bingeing/hiding and I understand the ultra exercising dichotomy. I've lived that too. Health is what we both want, not just thinness.

Best to you!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
POPSY190 7/2/2013 4:01AM

    Great blog. I admire your determination and positive approach.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JENNYLT1 7/1/2013 7:20PM

    AWESOME!!! Love it girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Pushing Past the Hard Comments

Monday, May 06, 2013

"Wow, you've gained some weight, haven't you??!" That was my comment this morning from a co-worker.

I started the P90X program about two weeks ago, after a rapid weight gain. I let work stress me out, keep me late, and stopped all my healthy habits. I stopped my 3-5 days a week of soccer/ultimate frisbee, and I stopped my yoga. I worked late, so couldn't make these. I was too tired to get up before work for my normal power yoga home workouts. And I turned to fatty foods to deal with the stress.

This all lead to a 20 pound weight gain in a matter of a few months.

I knew it, it was obvious in how I looked. A few people, when I mentioned it, would sympathetically nod. So, I finally decided to take back control: not let my job destroy my health, my routine, and thus my self-esteem.

I have now done 16 days of healthy eating, and working out intensely an average of 5 days per week.

And the weight hasn't budged. But I keep going - knowing it's good for me.

But today, it was a blow to my self confidence and self image. Two co-workers, within 2 hours of showing up at work, made comments on my weight gain.

I can tell myself it's that i'm wearing a less flattering blouse today - perhaps it doesn't hide the gain as well, but I know that's not true. The truth is simply that: I have gained weight. It is in my hips, my stomach, my arms, and my face.

It is hard to hear the truth so bluntly, but it would be harder still to let this get me down and give up. I need to use this, instead, to continue my momentum.

yes, I have gained weigh - BUT JUST YOU WATCH! I will get it back off! I will show you IT CAN BE DONE! It takes discipline, it takes time, but it is possible, and IT IS WORTH IT!

Push past those hard comments, push past the self doubt and self pity, and claim your body! Claim your health!

I Will Succeed! I AM Succeeding -- every day, by taking steps forward. By not giving up. By hanging in there, even when it's difficult.

And you will succeed, too! You likely ARE succeeding already, just in the fact that you're HERE with Spark people!

How are you taking steps to keep succeeding day after day, or even just minute by minute?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASHII 7/1/2013 6:09PM

    last week was the first week no one said anything!!! It only took 9 weeks of weekly reminders. Lord, help my crushed self-confidence rebound. Thanks.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MZZCHIEF 6/30/2013 11:00AM

    I don't know you well, but from what I've read of your postings, you seem to be a very health conscious, centered person with a sense of fun.

When people like you gain, its surprising... so best prepare yourself for their surprised comments!

Have you considered getting your thyroid checked?
I had the same problem... weight gain despite lowering my calories and adding additional work outs to my usual routine.

Take care, be good to you...
: )

Report Inappropriate Comment
TOPSBEAR 5/30/2013 11:44AM

    I followed a friend to your blog, as the title caught my attention.

All I can say... Good for you for lifting your sword and slaying that dragon as his head rises! Your willpower is your virtue, and will in good time redeem yourself. be strong1 You can and will succeed! Just as all of us shall do in our own time. It takes time gain weight, so it will take time to safely take it off. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STRONGCOURAGE 5/25/2013 5:37PM

    thanks for sharing!! your pushing through the hard stuff while doing good is encouraging to me....I'll keep at it, even through the rough patches! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNMACP0212 5/25/2013 5:09PM

    You're a better person than me! I'd have a few choice words for folks who say nasty things... Good for you for sticking with it, working hard to change things. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CAMAEL100 5/25/2013 4:59PM

    Wow, you have some very RUDE co-workers!! But well done for you to push past it. Also you are right to keep going and the scale will budge eventually. It is said that we often stop just as we were about to win!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DSBRIDE 5/25/2013 4:38PM

    How I know the feeling, like today when I went to a baby shower and overheard someone talking about me looking like the pregnant women. How it hurt and yes it was true. I put on weight and its all in my stomach. Yes I am trying to take it off but spot reducing is just not happening. Is there a corner I can go cry in? All I can do is my best and work thru this but I wish I could bury myself in the sand till I get there!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TIME2BLOOM4ME 5/25/2013 3:08PM

    Gosh what mean words.

Be strong. Show them what great things you can and will do.

Thank goodness for your training in eating the right things.



Report Inappropriate Comment
KASHII 5/12/2013 7:20PM

    Honestly, I don't think these people were saying it maliciously - just as something they noticed and maybe were a little shocked. Afterall, I'm the one that is usually promoting all the healthy lifestyles and activities. So, I don't think it was meant to be harmful - just a different culture here, and just a statement of note on their part. With one person, I could maybe even convince myself that she was saying it out of sympathy noting that it is because of all my stress at work - like "sorry work is rough, I can see you've been having a rough time and not able to take care of yourself the way you normally would like to."

Now, the RUDE time was several years back at a different job, when a woman asked if I was pregnant. To try to brush it off in a semi joking manner, I said "no, but I guess it's time to kick the diet and exercise up a notch!" and instead of the back-peddling apology I was expecting, she instead gave me this judging look and said, "mmmmm-hmmmm!"

WTH!? And She was even heavier than me!! Hahaha! It hurt a LOT at the time, but now I find it to be a most entertaining story :) And it SURE motivated me to start working out again at that time! (But I did let myself dwell in self pity for the rest of the day at work, before finally finding my fire to get back to it.)

Report Inappropriate Comment
BREW99 5/11/2013 9:13PM

    oh my! I'm guessing those people aren't happy with their own weight to mention someone else? Completely uncalled for... emoticon So sorry. emoticon At least you are doing yoga and working towards something that is good for your body. Health is the most important thing. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CENTURYFLOWER 5/9/2013 12:00PM

    Yes! Yes! Yes! And sometimes it takes a few weeks of being intensely patient to see it budge. My body takes a few weeks of me working hard before it decides... and I'm in week 2 and I need to be patient and along with keeping my goals to have faith! I'm with you on this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEBOP4ME 5/8/2013 7:26PM

    Good job pushing past the hurtful comments. You are doing the right things! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KASHII 5/8/2013 2:14AM

    You guys are awesome and amazing for you support :) I love sparkies!!


Did my workout this morning, tracking calories, and getting in an extra bit of exercise tonight!


Report Inappropriate Comment
MATTEROFHEART 5/7/2013 10:04AM

    How rude! I am absolutely shocked by how insensitive people can be! I never had any comment on weight gain, but I had several ask when I was due...
You can do this and you will show them! You go girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PMRUNNER 5/7/2013 9:22AM

    One day at a time! You can do it, no, you will do it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MAGGIEMAGGIE5 5/7/2013 9:18AM

    I hate when people are rude and/or hurtful. It's miserable to deal with.
Good for you that you don't let their thoughtless remarks defeat you. You know the truth, and you know what to do. You will do it for YOU because YOU ARE WORTH IT.
Onward!!! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

    It's always strange to me that some people think they have a right to make negative comments about other people's appearance! Good for you that you don't let it get you down but instead are using it to make them eat their words! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DWSCHUYLER 5/7/2013 6:37AM

    I will never understand people that comment on things that might hurt people, but good for you. Ignore it or embrace it, and keep moving on with what you know is right for you! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TERRY0217 5/7/2013 6:36AM

    There is nothing like harsh words from co workers or family...you sounds like you got fired up and you WILL conquer this again...you are a strong determined person who will reach your goals...
Get out of my way world...I'm going to win this battle! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BROOKLYN_BORN 5/7/2013 6:15AM

    You've got the right attitude about it. "You just watch!" I love that.

Hard as it is to hear the mean spirited words, even if they are true, it's just as damaging to hear:
Oh good, you're putting some meat on your bones
Don't worry about the weight. You can "carry it"
Or similar comments which may be well intentioned but often are thinly veiled "welcome back to the majority" club.

You know what you have to do and you have the determination to do it.
Hang in there.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MARYJOANNA 5/7/2013 5:51AM

  Some people don't know when to keep their mouth shut!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JSTETSER 5/7/2013 5:49AM

    Every day, I set my plan. I work to control the binge eating.
Try my "one kiss a day" plan!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    I do understand where you are coming from. I had lost 70 pounds a couple of years ago and put it back on for multiple reasons. My broken ankle has kept me from exercising as I once did and with the stress my thyroid has acted up... I now have Hashimoto Thyroiditis that I did not have when I lost the weight. I am eating a lot more fruit and vegetables than when I first started with SP but it has not off set the not such good for me things I have eaten also.

Don't quite on yourself.


Report Inappropriate Comment
MADLYINLOVE 5/6/2013 8:13PM

    It sure comes on a LOT faster than it left!


Day by Day -- you got it!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PARKERB2 5/6/2013 7:34PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 15, and still P90X-ing!

Monday, May 06, 2013

I have been doing well with my workout and diet -- not seeing much change on the scale or feeling much of a change in my clothing; but I know this is good for me regardless, so I'm sticking to it!

Just finished my 3rd cycle of the Chest&Back video, and then had my protein drink, showered, and had dinner of sesame lentils, Almond veggies, and a salad. So tired, and so loving the program!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MADLYINLOVE 5/6/2013 8:13PM

    A great photo, sweaty and all!

Report Inappropriate Comment

    Good for you!

You are doing great!


Report Inappropriate Comment

One week in to butt-kickin'!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Week two has begun! I have more energy and have lost 3 lbs. Woohoo!!!!

I am feeling stiff and sore - but in good ways! (mostly) Keepin' it up!

Went to a girls night party last night, and was so proud of myself :) Portion control, lots of veggies and little junk, and then even bowed out early so that I could get home and get some good sleep to let my body keep healing.

Keep at it!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JSTETSER 4/30/2013 5:42AM

    Go girl, go!
I'll be volunteering at the AMC Highland Center and Joe Dodge Lodge here in NH. Look for me!

Report Inappropriate Comment
YIGOBUTTERFLY 4/29/2013 5:28PM

    Glad you have more energy! Way to go.

Sleep is really important so knowing you need to go to work bowing out early was a wise idea.


Report Inappropriate Comment

Butt-kickin' Day three, and still goin'!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Taking mini break at work - so don't have much time. But a goal of mine is to record what I do to help me stick with it!!

Oh so early, that alarm went off at 4:30am, got up and did the P90X Shoulders and Arms routine (my least favorite so far...) but I'm glad to know that tomorrow is Power Yoga. Not easy, but at least it's nice and slow :) It'll be a good change!

Had my healthy breakfast, packed a big salad for lunch, and will do either a hemp salad and/or veggie juice with dinner!

Having a dinner plan is key for me -- I have the motivation to be healthy in the mornings, but when I get home from work, that's when the munchies set it, and it's SO easy to just start grabbing snacks when I walk in the door. So, knowing what i'm going to make - and looking forward to it! - helps control that!

What sort of dinners do you look forward to?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CENTURYFLOWER 4/29/2013 1:39PM

    Good going! I also just saw that you lost 3 lbs! Way to go!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MADLYINLOVE 4/24/2013 12:05PM

    Look at you go!


Good luck with your meal planning! I thrive with a plan too -- and for dinner tend to gravitate toward hearty salads, roasted vegetables, and frozen batch-cooked meals!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JSTETSER 4/24/2013 7:04AM

    I'm making a Kaale Salad with some avacado dressing. I'm heading out for my run right now!
Have an amazing day. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p

Report Inappropriate Comment

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Last Page