Thursday, September 10, 2009
For as long as I can remember, I have had a distorted vision of myself. When I was younger, especially in those teenage years, I would look in the mirror and think to myself, "Gosh, I'm really overweight." or "I need to lose some weight." I fell victim to comparing myself and body type to others around me. It wasn't until many years later that I could look back at pictures of myself and see that I was perfectly fine. I may have even longed for those smaller sized jeans, but at that moment I couldn't "see" what others saw.
After many years of marriage, 2 children, and even more late nights enjoying a pint of Ben n' Jerry's Fudge Brownie, I could easily look at my reflection, turn to the side, suck in my gut and think, "See, it's not that bad..." or "I'm not near as big as so & so." I realize now that I was compensating for something else. And still falling victim to comparison. It wasn't until Summer 2006 that the light bulb went off. I changed my perspective, goals, and expectations. Once and for all I stop comparing myself, my eating habits, my height or weight to anyone else. I started to lose the weight for me....not anyone else.
Most recently, the last 8 weeks have been life altering for me. I have broken through those last few brick walls that have kept me from my goals. I have been able to overcome the voices of guilt when I don't make the choices I should. I have been able to finally see the person in the mirror for who she is and love her no matter what. These days, the scale reflects all the hard work, determination, and will power I have put into my goals. I can't complain and have been happier with my accomplishments than I have been in a long time. By no means do I feel that the battle is won, for I know it's a day to day fight. The war within myself is a life long one. It's one that I have to prepare for every morning and decide before hand the choices that I'm going to make in the day ahead. I have to decide that the scale is no longer my enemy, but a useful tool to help me measure my progress and setbacks each day. I welcome the time I get to spend with my scale now, instead of running from it or pretending it's not there ;)