KASDIRA   1,852
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I struggle...

Monday, November 16, 2009

It seems kind of funny. But the thing that I really dislike doing is entering in what I have eaten during the day. I mean if my nutrition sheet was available for public viewing, you would have a blank page for many of the days that have passed. I think I have been on here for 2+ years.

I am trying to enter my stuff - but I guess because I feel like it is such a chore - I hate it. But I know that I need to be doing it. While I know that my meal choices are healthier than the average person, I know that my issue is the quantity of food. I know I need to track so I can see how much of everything I am eating.

I am going to have a small challenge for myself - I will enter my food for this week. Some may think that is not such a challenge, but hey I need to start small =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIMBOUCHIE 11/16/2009 1:24PM

    Starting small is Great. I didn't like entering the food to begin with, it was slow and hard to find what I wanted to do. As time passed I got quicker and faster. I won't say I enter the food every day, there are some days I let it slide, but I probably do 9 out of ten days. That is the most important part of the spark site for me. If I know how much I'm eating I can make changes where I need to.

Good luck.

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I so slack off without discipline...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I am trying to figure out why I do not have that positive little voice inside me. Where is the woman within that should be encouraging me to exercise every morning, or to chose a better snacky in the evening, to make sure I have had all my water. I seem to always start off with such gusto that it is odd that I never follow through on things anymore. I think that woman within has been bound, gagged and thrown in a dark room, so that I enjoy life without consequences. That is the only conclusion I can gather at this point.

I need to find a way to get her out of there - because I know honestly I can still enjoy life, but with healthier choices. It came to my attention as I updated information either here or on the wii fit, that I have shrunk an inch and a half - and it's not anywhere I would have wished either! I am not sure when it started - but for the last 10 years I have been under the impression that I was 5'4.5" tall. Apparently I am only 5'3" now. I know we shrink with age eventually, just did not expect it to be so soon. So of course that changed my BMI as well.

According to my height I am suppose to be weighing in at 124lbs. That is a number I have not seen since HS graduation 15 years ago. Funny thing is, like most teenage girls - I thought my size 6/7 body was fat. I am so wishing I would have never thought that. l

I need to find that person to help me stay on track. If I do - maybe this time next year I will be there =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THECOZE 12/15/2009 1:01PM

    funny... mind isn't a female voice, but instead a male voice commanding me to stay on track. Sometimes He disappears though, and i have to conjure Him back up...

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I need to think about me.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I think when I have been planning meals I have sabotaged myself. I feel guilty buying the items I would like to utilize to keep my cravings under control all for the sake of saving money. It is a frustrating thing when you roommate, can go and buy whatever whenever in addition to what is planned. Because I am a SAHM, I do not have that disposable luxury. So when I meal plan I leaving myself out of the equation. I am going to prepare the next shopping list, and hope I remember me this time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOEGAIRE 10/21/2009 8:47PM

    Planning... I've always found that a fascinating idea...

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I must be a vampire....

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Well really I must be, because I cast no reflection in the mirror. I mean there is a person standing there - but that's not me, it couldn't be me. The person in that mirror looks unhappy; wearing clothes to hide her Willendorf shape. "I" don't feel unhappy - I tell myself that as I put away a pair of jeans that once again have shrunk in the dryer (but I've had them for months). When I got out of the shower this morning, I only put on the pajama bottoms and the old t-shirt, because it was a "lazy" day. That person I saw in the mirror, I think they are somewhere in the house. I need to find them and ask them to leave.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOEGAIRE 3/11/2009 4:05PM

    Just remember... You were at a thinner place before, you can get back there again!

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My Dirty Little Secret

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I have been getting lots of comments throughout the holidays about how good I am looking - I have a hard time accepting compliments. I some how manage to sabotage whatever is said to me. I am not sure why I have done this for many years.

Yesterday my boss commented on how much weight I've lost. Immediately my brain starts evaluating the statement - In my head things like "well duh, I was only carrying around a beach ball all summer - of course I've lost weight" or "well I am wearing a t-shirt that hides my over stretched tummy that is giving me the worst muffin top ever" or " you're just being nice and making conversation while you are trying to figure out what I need to work on next" and then reply with "well I am not sure where the weight loss is, cause I have gained 6 lbs in the last 2 weeks because of the holidays"

Yup - that did it, shot myself in the foot and rejected a compliment - did the same thing when I visited my parents. I have been my worst enemy for a very long time. I need to change bad habits like that one - those are the ones that attack you at your most vulnerable moment. Life throws enough obstacles in the way - it is unhealthy to contribute to that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAIWVYNN 1/4/2009 12:56AM

    Taking compliments can be sooo hard. Sometimes we just have to stop ourselves step back and say... thanks and smile and walk away. its hard though... my partner tells me I am beautiful every day.. and because I over heard him talking to a friend i know that he really thinks i am beautiful... but it is still hard to hear.. especially if i am having a "fat" day. Your honest and willingness to share that with us is a big step.. good work!

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DEE-CHAN 1/3/2009 8:58PM

    I got embarassed into learning how to do that about 15 years ago when I declined a compliment from someone and my at-the-time coven high priest said "The way to react to a compliment is to say 'Thank you very much.'" Yow. That was the hard way to learn!

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LOEGAIRE 12/30/2008 9:14AM

    I have trouble accepting compliments, too. Even after all the hard work and weight loss, I still deflect the nice things people say about how I'm looking. It's a hard, insidious habit to break!

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