Thursday, May 17, 2012
Yep, I actually did have that ice cream sandwich after I posted my blog. It added another 130 calories to the day, so I was at 1,407 for the day, which was still the low end of my range. And I woke up today feeling really hungry for the first time in awhile. I actually like that feeling because in the past it made me feel as though I was doing something right, and I usually ended up losing weight.
You're gonna hate me, but I didn't get a pic of my awesome dinner. My phone died and I was over my grandmother's house. But trust and believe, it was colorful and supremely yummy.
Peanut butter banana roll-ups: My ubiquitous flatbread with natural PB and half a banana
2 cups of coffee with half and half
I had to go to court today, so I ended up getting my lunch from the very yummy Vietnamese food truck ( www.bonmetruck.com ) that I miss so much. I estimated the calories, but they're probably pretty close, given that I know they don't use oils in their food. I didn't use the dressing that came with.
Soba noodle "salad" with grilled chicken, carrots, daikon, bean sprouts, greens and cilantro
Iced green tea
(Sorry, no pic)
Roast beef dinner (4 oz top round roast); cup of carrots, 2 cups of green beans, 2/3 cup mashed potatoes, 4 tbsp homemade beef gravy
4 oz Glass of wine
1/2 cup Greek yogurt with a tsp of raspberry jam
Large DD iced coffee with skim milk
60 minute leisurely walk
Sodium: 916 (probably off because I don't know how much salt was in the lunch)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
So, I had to laugh when everyone lauded my meals yesterday. My freezer is always full so I always have a protein handy even when I haven't been to the supermarket, but I am literally running on fumes in my fridge. I had a bunch of hummus and stuff I needed to use before it spoils. I go food shopping every two weeks these days and supplement with a trip to Aldi or Target if I have to.
Jacked up oatmeal: Thick cut oats with currants, unsweetened coconut, cinnamon and pecans and a splash of almond milk. (The key to this is to be very exacting with portions. With the pecans and currants, it's very easy to make it a high-cal breakfast.)
2 cups of coffee with half and half
Roasted red pepper and tomato soup (with a dollop of Greek yogurt and crushed pepper) and grilled flatbread with fresh mozzarella and tomato
It drives me nuts that I recommend these pitas and flatbreads to everyone and nobody can find him. For those who can't, the Fiber One tortillas aren't bad, but these Joseph's ones are the bomb. These new honey wheat ones are so good that I bought a ton when they were on sale for 2/$3 and froze them. This sandwich is HALF a flatbread, so it's only 50 calories and 4 grams of protein. For those in the New England area, I shop exclusively at Market Basket, and they have their own aisle end-cap there. Here's a pic so you can hunt them:
Oh and while shaking the carton of soup, it went flying everywhere. So soup in my bra. Yep.
Eggs, bacon, tomatoes and sweet potato fries
Low on snacks today, just wasn't that hungry.
A Godiva truffle (OMG)
Cup of Newman's diet lemonade
As my grandfather used to say, a-glass-a-Shaddanay!
50 minute walk at 3.5 mph
Hmmm, that's kinda low. I might go have an ice cream sandwich now...
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Breakfast Sandwich: egg, tomato and fresh mozzarella on honey wheat flatbread
2 cups coffee with half and half
Veggie Mediterranean Platter: Baby carrots, tomato basil hummus, grape leaves, tabouleh and cucumber slices with flatbread
Lemon pepper chicken breast with onions, yellow peppers, and avocado with steamed rice
Half pint of ale
Zone Perfect Perfectly Simple Toasted Coconut (These are like Lara bars with whey protein added. I really like them!)
Granny apple slices with 1 tbsp natural peanut butter
50 minutes kickboxing
15 minutes yoga/stretchiing
4 sets of 15 crunches
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
I skipped my race on Sunday morning. I wish I had a good excuse. I was sick, Keira was sick, blah blah. But the truth is, I just didn't feel like it. I wanted to sleep in and take a long bath. As someone told me on Facebook when I revealed it "No bueno. Bad excuse." (Which I was like, yeah, true, but I was confessing it to you... I know that! That really isn't the kind of feedback I was hoping for, but ah well. I know people expect me to be their dose of inspiration for the day, but I'm a real person who experiences setbacks as well as success.)
I got new running shoes, but I haven't broken them in yet. Just from the last week of less exercise and lax eating, I feel my rings getting tighter, feeling more fatigued. I did go back to kickboxing last Thursday. I hoped to be reignited. The instructor showed up 10 minutes late, started futzing with some music that kept stopping in the middle, and then switched to a godawful 80s CD finally. So it wasn't the most inspiring session.
I'm going back tonight and hopefully it'll be a new instructor. I've also decided to do a photo blog of my food this week to keep myself accountable regarding portion size and choices. My good friend Tori (PAPER_WINGS18) wrote a fabulous list of the reasons why she's doing this despite it taking a long long long long time. (For anyone on SparkPeople for the quick fix and the happy stories, I'll save you the heartbreak... the quick fix doesn't exist and you don't know the full stories. Many an amazing motivator's weight has crept up and she's left the site because she's afraid of admitting it.)
But I'm admitting it.
From June 2009 to November 2010, I lost 110 lbs. I gained about 15 during the winter and holiday season, and despite trying my best not to, I gained another 50 during pregnancy. I'm not back at square one, and yes, pregnancy (unlike my race one) is a better excuse, but sh*t if it doesn't feel like I'm back at square one in so many ways.
But as embarrassed as I am to still be 40 lbs heavier than I was in 2010, I'm still here. I hate going through this again, and I know it's never going to end, this struggle with food and how it immediately causes me to gain weight unless I exercise my ass off. But I'm admitting it to you. I'm not vanishing.
Why, well, a few reasons...
I have a back rack in my closet full of "skinny" clothes that I slipped on with glee in autumn 2010 and taunts me now. I want to wear them.
Two summers ago, I was able to wear a bikini. I won't be there this year, but I want to do it again!
My daughter looks strikingly like me. More than I imagined she could. And it scares the sh*t out of me that she will share my struggles with food and obesity. I need to set a good example. I need not to be the nagging mother who makes food more important than it is by restricting it. But I also need to show her that supper doesn't need to be followed by something sweet every single night.
I want to continue to have excellent health. Thankfully, despite the extra weight, I'm still incredibly healthy. I don't want that to change.
I want that feeling of success knowing I've run as fast as possible at the end of a race. Maybe I didn't go on Sunday because I knew I wouldn't get that payoff at the finish line. I crave it. And I knew after a week of not running, I wasn't going to achieve that.
I want to feel sexy again. Because despite my new role, there were three blissful months of my life where I felt sexy and on top of everything (literally and figuratively) and I want that back). I have a bag full of lingerie that used to fit, and I want to wear it again without having that fat roll pop out over the top of my undies.
I want to ache after a good workout again.
I need that confidence back. I'm sick of wearing black. I'm sick of wearing yoga pants every effin' day.
There was a wonderful period when people didn't look at me as the fat girl and I want that back so badly I can taste it. It tastes way better than the crap I've been eating and drinking.
I want to stop feeling guilty that I've done it before and know how. I need to be stricter in order to make those results happen.
I want to prove those bitches wrong who think I'm keeping this baby weight on for life. And I KNOW who they are.
So, stay tuned for some food blogs and hopefully some more positive thinking in the future.
I'm not 5 months old, so not everything I see has to go in my mouth.
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