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Video Blog Broken... Grr...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Anyone know how to upload the vlogs? I keep trying to upload my Quicktime video (from the iPhone) but it keeps saying "Hold on. Your video will load in a moment." And it won't load. It's a shame because it's a good video blog. Any tips?

Thanks everyone for the well wishes about my job, but it's just another contract job, albeit one that MIGHT pay overtime eventually. Which would be nice as I'd love to spend a month working til my eyes bug out and making a little moula before Christmas....

Nothing really new otherwise so I'm not sure what the point of this blog is other than to beg assistance with the vlog thing. I had a good 7-mile run on Monday and today, I did some circuit training and swimming. Feeling good and my eating has been decent this week so far!

Oh, here's something that happened today. The woman I sat next to at the training for this new job was a freak. She didn't want to move her backpack from the seat next to her so I could sit down. Then she was hopelessly lost throughout the training and couldn't find the right page in like the 20-page booklet and couldn't read the screen so was copying all my notes and then didn't even say thank you or acknowledge the fact that she was blatantly reading over my shoulder. Oh, and she had a mustache. Bleached, but still pretty long. Oh, and when I introduced myself she gave me the dead fish handshake. Ick. I hate a weak handshake.

Yep, that's my life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMSMILEY88 10/31/2010 9:54PM

    You are doing fanatastic. I'm at a plateau, too. I'm not complaining too much because I haven't been watching what I eat & I went on vacation. So, I'm just glad I didn't gain this month!

I hope you have a wonderful November! And, I won't give you a report on my candy eating tonight. emoticon I did give myself permission for this one night, though. Back on track tomorrow! Promise!

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4EVERADONEGIRL 10/28/2010 6:20PM

    Bwahahahahaha on the handshake! emoticon Hubs and I call that the "Chester Molester". Seriously, one time we were out furniture shopping, and were planning on furnishing three major rooms - so major $$$ was to be spent - and the salesman walked up and gave us the Chester. I turned around and walked out. CANNOT handle the dead fish at all! Who the hell shakes hands like that???? LOL Nobody I can trust, that's for sure...

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JENN26POINT2 10/28/2010 9:47AM

    Hi Kristina. I'm no help with the vlog... but then again, this post is kinda old, so maybe you've figured it out already...

That lady is totally rude... I hate rude people... I'm passive agressive, so I would have made it nearly impossible for her to copy my notes without asking... lol And the handshake would bother me too... I HATE a weak handshake!

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HEALTHYELEPHANT 10/27/2010 12:55PM

    Bahahaha....thank you for my noontime laugh!!!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/27/2010 10:24AM

    I couldn't get my last vlog (recorded on my droid) to work so I just took screen caps of it and wrote an entry instead emoticon

Lol! that lady needs some glasses, some wax and some tact. Jeeeze!

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/27/2010 9:41AM

    Girl it might be the actual interface of he camera phone? When I did it from my laptop it worked and it was like 8 minutes? Are you recording in really high resolution (dk what thats called) so it makes the file too big? I had made that mistake with my old laptop.


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CREATINGAMANDA 10/27/2010 9:00AM

    Ugh I hate the dead fish handshake! Honestly I think it leaves such a bad first impression. When I took co-op in high school, the teachers actually went around and taught us how to shake hands properly - and I think it's a great lesson!

Sorry, I'm no help on the vlog ... but I'm still excited about your new contract! Especially since "contract" beats "no contract" ... and if it offers overtime that's just even better!

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PINKCOCONUT 10/27/2010 7:59AM

    I don't know much about v-blogging (although I'm thinking of putting one up in the near future) but have you checked the size of the video? I wonder if it's too big?

Crazy lady! I hate it when people don't move their stuff off of seats, so rude!

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ATREAT4ME 10/26/2010 10:36PM

    Even when you blog about nothing in specific, your posts are funny. Love to read them.

Can you stand one more comment about the weak handshake? 'Nuff said.

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ABETTERBECKY 10/26/2010 9:06PM

    I got the dead fish handshake from a client today. Gave me the creeps. Seriously, do yourself a favor miss dead fish handshake, just don't do it. Ever. Thanks.

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MAIA2011 10/26/2010 7:46PM

    Mustachioed unethical freak! That's a triple threat.

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SRVFREAK176 10/26/2010 7:35PM


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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/26/2010 7:23PM

    I'm pretty sure that it has to be under 3mb, which for my recording technology, means under 1 minute. I don't know how people record longer ones and get them uploaded.

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/26/2010 7:21PM

    I hate weak handshakes!! The dead fish is the worst!! I'm sorry you ended up next to the odd ball! I haven't done a video-blog even though I have thought about it a couple of times so I can't help with that issue...I hope somebody does though-I want to see the vlog!!

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LAURIETAIT 10/26/2010 7:19PM

    I hope you aren't fated to wind up in (or worse yet sharing) a cubicle next to the freak, redirecting and correcting her all day! Yikes! emoticon

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GSCOTTC 10/26/2010 7:14PM

    A weak handshake can be a cultural thing as well. In our head office the hand shakes will break your fingers, but in the high arctic where I work the hand shake to the Inuit is a simple clasping of the hands, very little pressure at all. But I must admit it is not the wet fish handshake that you are talking about.


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IMSMILEY88 10/26/2010 7:08PM

    I hope you get the video to work! And, too bad about the lady next to you.

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LOREENYK 10/26/2010 7:02PM

    I have had the "hurry up and wait" message before when trying to load pictures. I think the website is just too busy sometimes. Try again later, I'm sure it will work when there's a little less traffic on the server.

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CARILOUIE 10/26/2010 6:54PM

    AAAAHHH I hate dead fish handshakes! I get it from a lot of parents when I meet them at Open House... the husbands have really strong handshakes, but the wives have limp hands. I say to those women, "BE STRONG!!!"

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GETFIT2LIVE 10/26/2010 6:46PM

    Contract jobs can be . . . interesting, especially the coworkers you end up with. Some make you glad it's not a 'permanent' gig! Weird; nothing like being made to feel welcome! Can't offer any suggestions about the vlog, that's something I haven't ventured into yet. Good luck getting it uploaded; maybe uploading to your computer first and then to here? Technology--love it.

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LIBBYFITZ 10/26/2010 6:39PM


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WISLNDR 10/26/2010 6:01PM

    Weird coworkers: another reason that there's got to be a better way to make money!!

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MANDA_MICHELLE 10/26/2010 5:56PM

  hah omg. strange woman. i hate limp handshakes! like, wtf do you think i want to just hold your slack hand? why? it actually gives me the heeby jeebys!

sorry about your vlog! i don't know how to help :(

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KITHKINCAID 10/26/2010 5:45PM

    HAHA! I love weird people. You have to wonder what their life is really life every day.

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MBSHAZZER 10/26/2010 5:43PM

    LOL at the woman at your training! HA!!! I sometimes love having encounters like that just so I can tell people about them!

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Monday, October 25, 2010

I had a good weekend that realy helped me to put everything into perspective. I feel good, I run hard, I do the best I can with the family drama, right? So I should be happy!

Nothing perks up a person like a mile-long (OK, maybe not a mile) sushi bar, amirite?

Last week was great for exercise with the exception of the absence of a long run which I'm going to rectify today... now that the weather's taken a turn for the warmer. I actually managed to sneak a little strength training everyday! That's huge because I've been majorly slacking on that front since the summer.

Went on a great hike with Lori (ENNAIROL) yesterday where a lot of CLIMBING was involved. Oof, climbing is tough!

Headed to NYC on Saturday to meet up with some AB gals and I'm excited! I always love heading into the city. I especially like that there will be no World Series going on in the city at the time like I was afraid there would be! Wheeeeeeeeeeeee....

I reset my ticker to 170 lbs as a goal. I'm still hanging around 180. I would like to see 170 by 2011. I'm trying to be realistic. 10 lbs by the end of the year seems like it would be easy, but the way I've been going, it really hasn't been.

Oh, I baked a lighter pumpkin pie and some banana bread this morning courtesy of some recipes from NOTABOUTTHEFACE. So yummy!

That's basically it in a nutshell. Oh, I start a new job tomorrow. Fun. Now to go clean up the kitchen (it always looks like a flour bomb went off when I bake), do laundry, and get mah run on. Make your Monday a good'n!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVERADONEGIRL 10/28/2010 6:17PM

    Glad I'm not the only one that flour bombs their kitchen when baking! LOL

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MAMADELIGHT 10/26/2010 7:44PM

    I love what a hike does mentally and physically! I felt it in my legs yesterday. Snapfish has some weird bug and it is not letting me upload pictures, but I will! Glad you had a good weekend... we need to plan a few more hikes.

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CHICAT63 10/26/2010 6:43PM

    Best luck on your new job today, I whipped up a pumpkin/carrott recipe myself ! I had to reset my ticker too so you are not alone, however, we can do this.

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CHANGINGMORGAN 10/26/2010 4:51PM

    Wow look at you go! I'm stoked to hear even more updates!!!

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TIME4AFITME 10/26/2010 4:32PM

    Congrats on the new job hope the day went well!

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CALLIKIA 10/26/2010 1:32PM

    Sounds like you're doing great! Have fun in NYC!

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LAURA2471 10/26/2010 10:34AM

    Love sushi, urite! Good luck with the new job and getting your runs in. (lol, that just sounds wrong...) Anyways...glad you got through the drama and keep hangin' in there!

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HARMONYBLUE 10/26/2010 10:22AM

    Good luck on the new job!

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MBSHAZZER 10/26/2010 9:10AM

    Good luck with the new gig and enjoy that lighter baking! Sounds YUM!

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FRIZGIRL 10/26/2010 8:40AM

    I think you can definitely get another 10 lbs by the end of the year! Keep up the good work and the sushi bar sounds yummmmmm.

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KATHLOW 10/26/2010 5:55AM

    have a good one!

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BECKSTEVENSON 10/26/2010 12:46AM

    Pretty sure I'm gonna need those recipes you tried! Look at you go! :)


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RUNNINGOLLIE 10/25/2010 11:16PM

    Best of luck on your first day at a new job! emoticon

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ABETTERBECKY 10/25/2010 11:09PM

    Hope the new job situation is a good one :) Best of luck....

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LIPSTICKMESSIAH 10/25/2010 10:59PM

    Aren't you a busy beaver! New job, exercising, being Betty Crocker, I'm jealous! lol Hope everything goes well for you!


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XHOOSIERLOSER 10/25/2010 9:42PM

    Nice update, and practical down-to-earth goals for the taking!

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TRAVELNISTA 10/25/2010 9:23PM

    I hope all goes well with the new job. Hope this is one you like and one that appreciates you. Lots of luck with the new job!

and mmmmmmmmm a mile long susi bar. I love my sushi!

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TIGERJANE 10/25/2010 8:20PM

    Hope you have a great first day on the new job!

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HOSTALADY 10/25/2010 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Yeah your house had great smells coming from your kitchen today!
So happy you are in a happy place right now and good luck with the new job. Hope you enjoy it.
Walking, running, hiking what ever always seems to clear the head and make us feel good. GOOD FOR YOU!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/25/2010 6:34PM

    Hope that run rocked!!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/25/2010 5:54PM

    Woo hoo :) have a fun run! Good job sneaking in some ST. I noticed that if I keep up with my ST, my weight manages better and my moods swing less. When I get in good cardio, I get the happy euphoria, but when I ST, I get longer lasting feelings of contented-ness.

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LAURIETAIT 10/25/2010 5:54PM

    Have a great run and a great week!

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FOXXYROXXYD 10/25/2010 5:34PM

    You got this! Good luck with the new job!

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SEAWAVE 10/25/2010 4:56PM

    I always find new jobs exciting. With your positive attitude, you'll knock their socks off!

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FREES1 10/25/2010 3:52PM

    happy cruisin'

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/25/2010 2:39PM


And hey, I wanna be under 200 for 2011... So if you wanna be 10 pound buddies, IM IN! :)


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PINKCOCONUT 10/25/2010 2:15PM

    Ohhh! A new job!! Fun!

Sounds like you're off to a great start in the week!

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HOPEFULHIPPO 10/25/2010 2:11PM

    woot woot! We call our kitchen "the monster".


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STORMTMB 10/25/2010 2:10PM

    You go, Girl! Great plan and great attitude. Hope you like the new job!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEEHOLZ 10/25/2010 1:53PM

    Wohoo! Awesome news on all fronts- glad you're happy.

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FUNFROG79 10/25/2010 1:44PM

    Love NYC! Have fun! emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 10/25/2010 1:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KITHKINCAID 10/25/2010 1:25PM

    Have a great run today! Enjoy the sunshine :)

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FRIZGIRL 10/25/2010 1:18PM

    Ohhh! I had sushi for the first time ever this week. I think I would definitely appreciate that sushi bar! Great job running that half marathon!

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ANNE7X7 10/25/2010 1:17PM

    Glad you had a good weekend, and it sounds like you have a great week planned! Enjoy the pie and banana bread, and good luck with the new job!!

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REDRUNNER82 10/25/2010 12:59PM

    Nothing like a little sushi to help you get perspective, right?

As a hybrid Red Sox-Phillies fan living in Brooklyn, I am SO happy there's no World Series in town this year!

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CREATINGAMANDA 10/25/2010 12:55PM

    Mmmmm ... sushi ... emoticon

Where were we? Wait ... you start a new job tomorrow? Where? What? How? That's awfully exciting! Wheeee! We all do the best we can with family drama, hon ... and you're doing very very well so don't worry. I can't wait to hear allllll about this AB! trip!

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RUNTRILAUGH 10/25/2010 12:54PM

    Sounds like a happy weekend, indeed!

Good luck tomorrow!!!!

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CUTIECAT1 10/25/2010 12:52PM

    Hey Karvy,

a mile long sushi bar puts a smile on my face every time!

Have a great week, kick a$$ on your run, and good luck with the new job!!!

emoticon emoticon

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Friday, October 22, 2010

Here's a view from today's run!

Brr... my chilliest run yet! I was hoping to do 6 or more miles but I only made it 4 before my fingers and feet were numb. Cold-weather running really is ... something else.

I'm looking forward to the weekend because I really think I need some time alone with my husband. It's been kind of a whirlwind lately with vacation, and long work hours and family stuff. So enjoy your weekend, everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRISTMASRAIN 10/26/2010 4:59PM

    What a beautiful view for a run:)

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JENELOPE 10/26/2010 11:29AM

    So pretty! I love the brisk fall weather and the gorgeous trees!

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ASIAMORA 10/25/2010 12:59PM

    I love cold weather running. Good gear is a must though. I can't wait to have the snow fly during a run. I love it!

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FOXXYROXXYD 10/25/2010 11:10AM

    Nice pic! I LOVE running in the cold! The colder the better! OK... maybe not in the teens but some of my best C25K training days were in January and February this year in 20-30 degrees. Windchill sucks though! Layers, baby, layers!

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CUTIECAT1 10/25/2010 9:40AM

    Beautiful pic!!! hope you had a great weekend! emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/25/2010 12:03AM

    Looks beautiful!! We don't get colors like that here!! I've been doing a mental pro/con list in case we do end up moving to Utah, the cold is a definate con (the kids think snow is a pro). I love running in the cold, but cold to me is somewhere in the low 40's and only for short runs at that (3 and under). Having REAL seasons is on the pro list though. Your pic is really gorgeous. Hope you have a great weekend of down time with hubs!!

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SKINNYROBIN100 10/24/2010 1:13PM

    It really has gotten cold!!! But it's gonna warm up for the middle of the week!!! Yeah!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FREES1 10/24/2010 11:24AM

    beautiful place! great place to relax and catch up with yourself... I hope you enjoyed your weekend!

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FLORIDASUN 10/24/2010 8:19AM

    Love this pic...you are doing so fantastic. Cold weather running is something I hope to never learn about...but I can tell you plenty about sweating buckets on walk/runs here in Florida! Enjoy your weekend...you SO deserve it! emoticon

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HOSTALADY 10/24/2010 2:13AM

    Beautiful view. I'm having trouble with the change of temps too this year. Not sure if it's really that for me or just an excuse I'm using sometimes. The treadmill is looking pretty inviting!
Wool running socks should help the toes stay toasty warm and I use those cheap stretchy knit gloves for this milder cool weather. When it gets really seriously cold I put a second pair over the first because believe it or not sometimes you just need the second pair for 15 minutes. a light weight stocking hat is a must. When you get to hot it tucks nicely into a pocket.

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ELAPOINTE 10/23/2010 11:35PM

    i experienced my first cold weather running in 15 years last night - and i can tell you're in new england too - and it was C-O-L-D out there! i run by the water as well and the wind coming off of it was biting! glad i brought a scarf, but wished i'd brought gloves and a hat! i too cut my run short - it was just too much! it was gorgeous - but i wasn't ready for the chill! do you ever get used to it? i want to keep it up in the late fall & winter but i wonder if boston + me will equal good winter running...

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LAURIETAIT 10/23/2010 11:23PM

    You have so many pretty runs in your neighbourhood. You need to invest in some cold weather clothes so you can continue to enjoy them. I know people who run here ( in Manitoba) all winter long when it's -30 C. That's when I'm heading for thr treadmill! You have a wonderful weekend too! emoticon

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BOOKSCATSTEA 10/23/2010 1:00PM

    Nice picture. I'm fortunate in that I LOVE being out in the cold weather. You have a great weekend too!

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JLITT62 10/23/2010 12:08PM

    Looks pretty! I am heading out in a few hours myself for what most likely promises to be a chilly run. It's supposed to get sunny, but no signs of that yet.

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MBSHAZZER 10/23/2010 8:22AM

    Looks beautiful!! I am impressed with you cold weather runners. I am a HUGE WIMP when it comes to that. You should have seen me running during our "cold snap" last winter... 45 degrees and I was bundled up in a winter parka! HA!!

Enjoy your weekend with your hubby. Down time is the best way to recharge!

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LIBBYFITZ 10/23/2010 7:25AM

    emoticonphoto. May need to rug up and wear gloves. emoticon

Have a lovely relaxed weekend with your husband. emoticon

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LINDAKAY228 10/23/2010 7:18AM

    Makes me jealous that I'm not there to see this beautiful place! Have a great time with your husband this weekend!

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 1:00AM

    Beautiful pic and enjoy your weekend!

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KITHKINCAID 10/23/2010 12:38AM

    Ah beautiful colours! I miss the colour change down here in the midwest :( Want to see more of my Canadian maples!

I ran this morning too though - totally freezing! I warmed up pretty quick though, but I think I need to invest in running gloves, cause my hands were still freezing.

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.TARA. 10/23/2010 12:09AM


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ABETTERBECKY 10/22/2010 10:44PM

    For shizzle - its frigid tonight!

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SPARKYCARLEY 10/22/2010 9:17PM

    Beautiful photo!

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  such pretty scenery! bundle up!! =)

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DMBEECHAM 10/22/2010 8:41PM

    I hear ya! I definitely need to invest in some cold-weather running gear. I is a wuss when it comes to running in the cold. It also doesn't help that the cold aggravates my asthma, but who am I to let a little thing like breathing to get in the way of running? emoticon

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CREATINGAMANDA 10/22/2010 8:29PM

    Pretty though!

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WISLNDR 10/22/2010 8:00PM

    Enjoy your down time; it's supposed to be rainy and cool here this weekend. I'm actually excited about the prospect of staying indoors this weekend!

Comment edited on: 10/22/2010 8:01:02 PM

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FUNFROG79 10/22/2010 7:01PM

    Great picture! Enjoy your time with your hubby! emoticon

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KSW1963 10/22/2010 6:19PM

    Wow...that is much more beautiful than the view from my treadmill in the basement. lol emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 10/22/2010 5:57PM

    I was thinking just the opposite on my run today... how much more I enjoyed it than 90 degrees blaring down on me. To each his own I suppose :)

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STORMTMB 10/22/2010 5:33PM

    Have a good weekend, yourself. Sounds like you need some down time.

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JENN26POINT2 10/22/2010 5:24PM

    Numb hands and feet are no fun! Stay warm!

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MAMADELIGHT 10/22/2010 5:22PM

    It snowed a little today!

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WATCHMEGO2 10/22/2010 5:22PM

    six degrees celsius today when I went out for mine, had my sleeves pulled down over my hands and my zipper pulled up to my chin!

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CLALIZ 10/22/2010 5:20PM

    that is definitely a nice place to run.... well it's just a tad cold but it certainly is beautiful :) I did have a cold run this morning too, it took a while to get warmed up!
Enjoy your weekend!!!

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CHANGINGMORGAN 10/22/2010 5:18PM

    I'm looking forward to buying cold weather running clothes... I am SUCH a dork! haha. Love the pic!

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MISSWINGS1 10/22/2010 5:18PM

    I am feeling very jealous of the weather!

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

It's been a good week for exercise so far, but I need to control my munching, my grazing, my carb intake.

It's 10:30 am and I've already had two breakfasts and started eating pretzels. They were healthy breakfasts (overnight oats and a slice of Ezekiel toast with an egg) but I know I'm slipping like I did yesterday and I'm determined to stop it.

I know all the tips and techniques to get my portions under control and to keep from grazing, but there's something in me that just wants to keep going. I hate to be at this point after over 100 lbs lost and so many accomplishments, but I feel like I'm back at square one even though I know I'm not.

I know it's boredom eating, anxiety eating, and not actual hunger and I know I need to stop it. I'm slipping into bad habits, bit by bit.

I know this is because I talk a good game about being OK with the scale bouncing around, but the number is pissing me off. I worked really hard to get to 179 back in August and to be hanging around in the 180s is such a bummer.

I know I'm just feeling more healthy lifestyle vigilance fatigue.

I was bored yesterday. I had stuff I could be doing, but I wasn't really feeling it. I was supposed to start work on a really interesting case that was assigned to me at the legal clinic, but they decided at last minute to assign it someone else with more experience.

I don't have the experience because I went to school and pay a hefty student loan bill each month but I was basically left to fend for myself. I haven't had a steady job in over six years.

I bounce back and forth between liking what I do and hating it. I feel like my right to be wishy washy about my career is ending. I'll be 30 in six weeks. I thought I'd be more settled awhile ago.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for, and I hate that I sound like I'm whining.

So I left the house. I went to the grocery store and I made some unwise purchases. I bought pecan rolls that were on sale, reasoning that they were only 230 calories each as opposed to the really bad ones at Panera Bread that are over 500 calories. I bought an apple pie (for my husband) and some more of that ice cream that I previously told myself I wouldn't buy because it's too good and I can't limit myself to a half cup serving. I conveniently forgot to buy the head of lettuce and egg whites that I had come in there for and I don't know why.

I ate pretzels and a pecan roll when I got home and felt guilty and went out for my scheduled run. It wasn't the best run in the world because while I certainly remembered to eat enough carbs, I realized I hadn't drunk much water. Duh.

I posted on my Spark status that the pecan roll was worth it. And it was good. But now I realize it wasn't really that good.

My grandmother told me the other day that I must be done losing weight because she hasn't seen any big changes recently. I told her there probably wouldn't be any more big changes since I have less to lose, but still... I wondered... am I looking bigger? Those 1-3 lb fluctuations felt like huge weights hanging off my body at that point.

I came back from my run and plugged in the vacuum and the circuit breaker went off and I felt like I somehow deserved the darkness. So I sat in the darkness with the cat and just sat. I didn't cry or anything. I just sat. Somehow the lack of technology was comforting.

Earlier that day, I sent an email to my aunt about a travel deal to a location where a family friend is having a destination wedding next May and she sent me a terse reply saying she can't plan such things when she doesn't know what will happen to my grandfather.

It's tougher, you know. When you're 29 and your grandfather seems invincible even at 87 years old and all of a sudden it's like wham, he can barely walk anymore. I think about all my friends who don't remember their grandparents because they died when they were so young. I know that the pain I'm experiencing is because I feel like he is more of a parent to me than my actual parents are. It is more like the pain of losing a mom or dad.

I feel bad typing this, but it's helping me. I try to be positive in my blogs, but I want to be honest too. I have my own struggles and this journey is not over for me yet, even when 100 lbs have been shed.

Off to read that "Read These 20 Things" blog.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVERADONEGIRL 10/28/2010 6:15PM

    I too am glad that you are honest. It would be absolutely lovely if our healthy journeys were all stuffed full of sunshine, rainbows and kittens but that is like catching a unicorn! Not gonna happen, sistah! I'd much rather realize that we are all here living a life that is not always easy, gets complicated sometimes, stalls out at other times, and then can just be whatever the rest of the time. That is REAL.

My Grandpa was the same - he truly was like a father. He helped raise us and I think back to how he was the one that was escorting me and my sis to Father-Daughter dances, drove me to LA so my twins could work and I needed someone to help with the non-working baby when the other was on set - heck sometimes he was the one on set while I waited in the trailer with the other one! LOL There were countless times he picked me up from work at midnight because I didn't have a car. In other words, he WAS the only father I ever had. He's been gone for a while now, but I still miss him all the time. So I guess I'm trying to say that I understand where you're at. It's tough. (((HUGS))) girl. Enjoy him now and be thankful for the time you've been given to have him as a blessing in your life! That is the greatest tribute we can give to those we love, right?

Love ya girl - I've missed ya while I've been busy chasing down unicorns!

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RUNBAREFOOTMAMA 10/25/2010 11:20PM

    Sorry about your Grampa. emoticon

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LILIVW 10/25/2010 10:23AM

    You are such an inspiration to others and I know you can get past this little bump in the road. Hang tight and be tough, YOU CAN DO IT!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/24/2010 11:57PM

    I think a lot of us suffer from "someday when" syndrome. "Someday when I am my perfect weight...fill in the blank". And I think some blogs do encourage that symdrome. It is nice that you are honest with us so that when we get there and encounter what you are we won't be saying "Wo is me. Karvy 09 did this and she doesn't suffer from munchie attacks anymore-what is wrong with me, wo, wo, wo." I think that your honesty is part of what makes your blogs so popular. Yes, your awesome success and your excelent writing skills have a part, but your honesty keeps us coming back over and over because we know we will get the straight scoop, not a bunch of cr@p dipped in honey. Thanks for the awesome blogs!!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 10/24/2010 7:42PM

    So glad you blogged.. wanted you to know your experiences touch people... and the "realness" of your experiences is refreshing!

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FLORIDASUN 10/24/2010 8:31AM

    It's soooo important to just let stuff out...I certainly seem to be a pro at it. My DH says to me...I can't believe you are writing THAT! emoticon But I tell him I have nothing to hide and no illusions to put on...I am what I am...and it's actually FREEING to just speak the truth...good, bad, or sometimes ugly. We are all human and you darling friend are what I call an enlightened human...the very best there can be in my book! At 29 you have the wisdom and beauty of a 60 year old...you are only going to get better and better and BEST!

Introspection is good, sitting in the dark with the cat is good. You are at the perfect place in your life that you need to be. Just keep those little ears perked up for the opportunities that abound around you...some day...I think VERY soon you are going to find a fantastic opportunity to follow your true life purpose...you've already found a part of it...by being such a beautiful healthy role model to so many.

I'm sorry about your grandpa...it is SO hard to lose someone you LOVE and are so connected to...but remember you will NEVER lose him...he'll ALWAYS be with you...as my Josher is with me...just in a different way.

So love yourself gently, and treat yourself with the same dignity and admiration we all have for you...every moment is a chance for a positive choice...I don't allow bad foods in my house...I know that I have a history of weakness with them..so if they aren't here...I can't be tempted. My guiltiest pleasure is now popcorn...and I justify that with no extra butter and tell myself that the fiber offsets the sin...hee...hee...sometimes we have to have a tiny bit of pleasure in our world...just make sure it stays TINY...love you darling girl...you KNOW I do! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/24/2010 8:32:26 AM

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HOSTALADY 10/24/2010 2:00AM

    My emoticongoes out to you. It is difficult. I too have had my share of set backs as many others have or are having too. It's the learning curve and letting ourselves and our body's change. We have come a long way and we will get to the finish line and when we do we will be better prepared to maintain when we get there because of what and how we work through these rough times.
We can and will work through this.
The sadness you are going through with your grandpa is huge and that is very emotional and rightfully so. It's hard and all I can do is pray and be here for you and I am.

So many emoticon emoticonyou are the emoticon

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SUSANISTHIN34 10/23/2010 11:51PM

    You did the right thing blogging about this!!! In some ways, I think it's comforting to others on this journey too--just because you've lost the 100 pounds doesn't mean you are magically cured of your old eating habits and that it is a constant battle--some days are easier than others. Always know that your fellow Sparkers, like me, are here for you and have a tremendous understanding of where you are coming from. Just take a deep breath and drink that water! Taking small steps will help you get back on track!!! emoticon

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BIGMAMAT 10/23/2010 1:19AM

    Sometimes it just feels good to get it all out. Feel better. Hugs. Tricia emoticon

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 1:12AM

    You've clearly got a lot going on. (Not to mention a veritable bevy of people in your life commenting on your weight past and present!) I'm sorry to hear about the stress and the anxiety eating. I hope it gets better for you soon.

Take care of yourself and your grandpa!


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CATHERINEL66 10/22/2010 5:36PM

    Hang in there. And I know you have the tools at hand to kick start the weight loss if you want to shrink some more. It's the 3-prong plan of fitness, nutrition and managing your head (sometimes the head is the hardest part).

Throw that sugar junk away, LOL! Not worth it!

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JCBRITT 10/22/2010 4:07PM

    It is a good sign that you are blogging and not sitting in the dark and turning inside yourself and staying silent... Make a small plan for the rest of the week to get yourself on track. If you're bored find something to keep your hands busy and away from the food..go buy some pumpkins and carve them out...decorate your front door...something to keep you busy...Glad you're blogging..you've come along way don't let comments from others tip you all the way over. emoticon

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NIGHTPOET00 10/22/2010 12:49PM

    You don't "deserve" the darkness. That's a lie from your doubt, from outside of you, or wherever...it's still NOT true. Keep on plugging (no pun intended!). You DO deserve life and light.


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THREADBENDER 10/22/2010 12:03PM

    emoticon Hope things are feeling more manageable today. It's a tough time with your gramps and your work and you do need some comfort. Times like this it can be hard to remember that sugary fatty foods really offer some cold comfort.

HappyPatty1 is right....the older you get the more you realized you are never really settled. You hit spots in life where things coast for awhile, but they never last for a really long time. The only constant is change. And you demonstrate an amazing capacity to deal with change as well as changing things up yourself. emoticon

Glad you could just sit in the dark for a few minutes....a little quiet time for yourself to just settle in the moment is a good daily practice. Sending you lots of hugs!

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HAPPYPATTY1 10/22/2010 10:05AM

    You're a good egg. Good to take a few moments to sit in the dark. Good to love your gramps...

I just turned 50, and I feel the same as you - shouldn't I "have it together" by now? The only difference between 30 and 50 is that I just realized that the sense of NOT having it together is a life-long feeling. It will never go away. Because if it did, then for what would we strive?

And girl, just quit weighing yourself for awhile. Don't give a machine the power. Eat right, exercise, but give that thing a break!

Take good care of yourself...

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SEEHOLZ 10/22/2010 9:53AM

    I felt that same way about my grandma when she had her accident in 2005 and went from a vibrant, invincible person to a 2 yr old with Alzheimers. She's still amazing, yet so unreachable with some tiny glimses and she lives 5 K miles away and I don't get to see her but once a year. It's like I lost her that long ago, because she was always the one person who believed in me. The one, who was there for me and I feel like all those years I took her for granted-- I don't know. Can you tell I got a lot of guilt?
I can also identifiy with the eating and job thing... and I don't have the answer, but I think that the answer is a combination of things and getting in touch with all those things will help you get through this.

You are an incredibly strong person ( hello, you lost 100 lbs) you got a lot of passion ( I like readin your blogs) and you will get back to you--- just keep digging and trying to find you... aside from what anyone or anything ( grandma/scale) tell you!

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KATHLOW 10/22/2010 5:08AM

    hey K,

First off: you don't sound like you're whining. i can totaly agree that job directionless can be really frustrating (i turned 30 in february, so am in pretty much the same boat). It's normal to worry sometimes, and unfortunately sometimes that leads to less than stellar choices. Don't beat yourself up over it...we're here for you.

love, K

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LAURIETAIT 10/22/2010 1:10AM

    Please don't feel you have to be positive all the time. You're responsible for inspiring,supporting and encouraging all of us. The least we can do is return the favour. Life is a mixed bag it can't all be wonderful and none of us should feel we have to bear the down times alone. The real strength of Sparkpeople is in the people with whom we care to share our journies. Losing a beloved grandparent is among the toughest things I've ever had to face. I'm thinking of you and wishing you the strength to get through this difficult time. emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/22/2010 12:50AM

    Glykia mou, I could kind of tell something was up from your blogs leading up to this. I'm sorry its a rough time right now.... Actually, it SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When things are screwy, it makes us raw emotionally... and lets face it, the fat was our SHIELD it protected us, so when things get rough we feel like we need the thing that protected us most. So, we self sabotage without even knowing it. A doughnut here, a pizza there. Those things AREN'T bad AT ALL. It's when we KNOW we're eating emotionally and we have an inkling that we're hurting ourselves more than we're helping that they're NOT good, not even in moderation. I think it is fab that you're here blogging. I wish when I had my downward spiral last January that I had been more faithful to spark.... You're awesome Kristina mou, and I want you to know that we are all here to catch you when you fall. You don't need the food to make you feel safe. You might get a little bruised but you will bounce back. Let yourself ride through this without the food. If you need ANYTHING, sparkmail me. OTI THES, i'm here for you.


(finishing a half marathon is an AMAZING feeling. look forward to your next one - it's . going. to . be. GREAT )



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RUNNINGOLLIE 10/21/2010 11:10PM

    The aftermath of finishing one goal usually leaves me floundering....you will get better because you have learned some great skills that you can practice to be healthy and being healthy is the most important thing in life.

I'm sorry that your Aunt was less then considerate when discussing your grandfather- I'm sure with how much he means to you -he's knows it!

Hope you have a better day tomorrow! emoticon

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NIELSENSLADY 10/21/2010 10:07PM

    I agree with what one woman wrote when she said....what happens when you've reached that big goal. For me this really hits home because I have no answer. I've been maintaining my general weight for weeks. I still have weight to lose but I'm just in limbo right now and I do wonder what I can do to keep motivated afterwards.

I hate that I don't have an answer but I can relate to what you're going through. You seem to be a great fitness leader! Why don't you look into leading a fitness class once or twice per week? I think you'd be great at it! You can work and get your fitness in!

Comment edited on: 10/21/2010 10:13:43 PM

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SPARKYCARLEY 10/21/2010 8:50PM

    I didn't read through all the comments that others have left here, but I just want to tell you don't ever apologize for feeling what you're feeling... good or bad. We are here for support. The support that SP has given me through all my bad times is the one big thing that got me through it the most. Lean on us as much as you need to. Write as much as you need to. You're doing well. You will never fail until you give up. So don't ever quit trying!

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XHOOSIERLOSER 10/21/2010 7:46PM

    Ditto to all that's been said before here.

The only thing I can possibly add, and someone may have already said this too, is: You have accomplished some really major goals (REALLY MAJOR!) in the course of your journey, and that has to be a major rush.

On the other hand, maybe there's kind of a feeling of 'what's left?' or that what's left is kind of the clean-up-after-the-party... I dont' know, cause I'm not there yet! I think maintenance will feel a bit that way, though. People won't be in awe that I've lost a ton of weight after being obese for 50 years; my clothes won't be a baggy advertisement for my accomplishment. People will be used to seeing the new me. You won't be running while chunky... cause you won't BE chunky!

It isn't a lowering of expectations or anything, so much as a change in the texture of the journey. It's down to the nitty-gritty, and because of that it may seem harder to get psyched up about it.

I think you are in a perfect storm right now and will work your way through a lot of this in a short time. It's okay to take a breath, take a look around and regroup a bit. Hey, you've probably already done it!

Hang on, nothing stays the same for long.

Love ya,

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LIBBYFITZ 10/21/2010 7:29PM

    emoticonSpecial thoughts for your grand dad. It must be very hard as we all think we are going to be here forever! But we are'nt so you have the right to be unhappy and we don't mind. We are here to support through the plusses and the minuses! emoticon

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LISAW/3 10/21/2010 6:43PM

    Thank you for sharing. You do such a wonderful job of motivating so many of us and posting uplifting messages on our blogs and status updates, I hope we can offer you the same support! I still have both of my maternal grandparents and they are celebrating the 60th wedding anniversary today. I try to remember how fortunate I am to have them in my (and my childrens') lives.
I hope everything settles down for you and you can get back into your ass kicking routine!

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FITMAMA1984 10/21/2010 6:18PM

    I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know when I lost my papaw a few years ago I was devastated.. there's not much you can say or do to make it better, either. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you can find some sort of peace with the situation. emoticon

You shouldn't beat yourself up so much about overindulging lately. We all do it. Its just being human. Sometimes you just get sick of being on "the machine" and sometimes, losing weight isn't (and shouldn't be) the primary focus in life.. especially when you have come so far! Yeah, you still have some weight to lose, but reality is its not going to just come right off anymore and that gets frustrating. No matter what, it seems most of us manage to get into that "all or nothing" mentality at some point.. I know I did. When I think of losing weight after the baby, I know it will be MUCH more relaxed than before and I honestly think that is BETTER. Having a 1lb or so fluctuation really isn't a lot and I highly doubt you are looking "bigger." A lot of stuff is just in your head.. losing weight is so much more mental than physical in my opinion.

Bottom line: You have done a great job. You are STILL doing a great job.. whether you are on your A or B game day to day.. you are doing something SO many people can't. You are NOT going to go back to your old ways. You are beautiful, girl.. both outside and in. Believe it.

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KSW1963 10/21/2010 5:27PM

    I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I pray that you feel encouraged by all of your spark friends, just as you have encouraged so many of us! I know you will do this...step away from the pecan rolls! 10 weeks left in this year. emoticon

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    emoticon I, too, am going through something very similar as far as the eating part is concerned and just feeling unsettled and overall anxious and bored and restless...and all of that at once sometimes. I'm not sure why and I am trying to pinpoint why so that I can stop it but it is hard.

These days, I'm taking it one small, tiny victory at a time and one day at a time. It is hard though and I am scared to death I am falling back into my old habits again. Because even though I'm aware of what I need to do to stop it, I just don't have the will to implement those actions. And even as I eat two slices of pizza, I tell myself, "you're going to regret this..think of all the (insert various foods that I shouldn't have eaten earlier in the week here) you consumed on (insert day of the week)," I still seem to stuff my face with the pizza.

I seem to have lost my superdrive. I think I'm dealing with the fatigue of having a super strict willpower for so long...just as you described.

We'll get through this but the sheer fact that you're owning up to it, blogging about it, and describing your true feelings really will help you!

Plus, you have all of us here. Keep up the great work and you'll get back on track. I just know it. I have faith in you and your abilities.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 10/21/2010 4:21PM

    We all feel like this sometimes. It is part of the process. My grandmother is in the same place your grandfather is and it is very tough and draining emotionally. Even my mom who is so strong was diagnosed with high blood pressure because she is so stressed out over all of it. Hugs, I wish I could help.

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JLITT62 10/21/2010 4:16PM

    Whining can be a really good thing sometimes. Getting it off your chest rather than putting food in your mouth is good!

I think the real question isn't what you're eating, but what's eating you, and you've hit on some of it.

Only other suggestion I have is how are you rewarding yourself? Are you rewarding yourself for non weight stuff that will lead to weight loss? Like if you don't buy the junk, or if you eat your freggies, or you exercise, etc. etc. etc.

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BTINTERNET 10/21/2010 4:16PM

    Good thoughtful stuff here. Thanks for sharing it - you've had changes, and sometimes we don't always adapt at the same pace.... (Different parts of us/our lives, etc.)

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AHEALTHIERJESS 10/21/2010 4:10PM

    I feel like I am in the EXACT same place as you with the eating. I have been going overboard lately and I hate it. I ate like 3 servings of baked cheetos last night when I wasn't even hungry. I had two cookies and peanut m&m's throughout the day too. I totally hear where you're coming from. But we can do it! I have faith in us that we can get back on board and keep doing what we know how. We are all allowed to falter and mess up and indulge. That's life.

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TRAVELNISTA 10/21/2010 3:58PM

    Kristina we can not be perfect all of the time. You have done such a wonderful job and I know you will continue to do so. Little slip ups here and there are OK and I know you will not go back to your old ways.

1st of all the weather has made a major change to cold all of a sudden. I know when it gets cold, I want to eat more or heavier foods, that is just nature.

I am also quite sure the job issue has a lot to do with it too. I am an emotional eater and although I know what to do and what not to do doesn't mean it makes it any easier. Just because one loses all that weight doesn't make the reasons that got us there in the 1st place disappeared as well. It is something we will always have to work at. You are such a role model and motivator because of who you are and what you have accomplished. A few slip ups does not change that. You will stop feeling this way soon and get back to your program with a vengeance. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEGSFITNESS 10/21/2010 2:22PM

    I feel like it's a scape goat to say "what they said" but I really couldn't say it any better than your established friends/readers have already said. emoticon

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RHONDA_11 10/21/2010 2:05PM


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TEAM-SARAH 10/21/2010 1:46PM

    It's good that you are openly sharing all of this in the blog. Sounds like you definitely have some of that vigilante fatigue... I get that all too often. You know that this "journey" isnt over just because you haven't' seen the scale budge in a while. You're still making good choices most of the time and working out regularly. You're healthy, and awesome! Things will fall into place again. Just don't let the holidays really get the best of you. It's a dangerous time of year to be happening upon a lack of motivation. Stay strong lady, you have got this.

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KAISERSOZE 10/21/2010 1:41PM

    No one's life is puppies and rainbows every day. You should never feel bad for sharing your feelings on here, even if they aren't peppy and optimistic. We're all human and as such we have a wide range of emotions. It happens.

I do understand what you're going through with your grandfather. It's hard for me to watch my grandfather get more frail by the minute. It's even harder to be around him because he's more than ready to go. He's had a long life and he feels fulfilled. He's ready to be at peace. As hard as it is for me, I know I need to be there for him and I am. I just wish it were easier.

As far as your career, I'm big believer in things happening for a reason. I think that you didn't get this case because there's something really great coming up for you down the pipeline. Waiting for it is hard, but I think in time you'll be glad of what has transpired.

Hang in there, however I doubt you need to be told that. You are a strong and courageous woman and I know that no matter what happens you will always come out sparkling.

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NEWNOEMI 10/21/2010 1:09PM

    Karvy you are such an inspiration and have accomplished so much. I am a huge fan. However, you are only human. Remember to show yor weaknesses too. I think sometimes its intimidating for those just starting to see how far others have gone and we start to think there is no way we can do it. We forget you were once here with the same struggles. You pioneers sometimes look so disciplined that it seems unreachable. You just let us know that you struggle too. Thanks.

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SEAWAVE 10/21/2010 1:06PM

    You're expressing very human feelings here, and I'm glad you're not artificially posting sunshiny thoughts, or just not posting at all. We all go through difficult times, and it's important to acknowledge those and have support then too. I do encourage you to try to find an alternative to so much emotional eating. You're reaching for comfort foods - totally understandable given what you're going through - but you won't like yourself later on if you eat too much of it. Meanwhile, I'm sending you positive vibes and virtual strength to help you through this!

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NEWYORKORCHIDS 10/21/2010 12:42PM

  You know, I felt the same way when my grandmother got cancer. She was my rock - everything in the world to me. More of a parent than mine ever were - and when I realized that she was human, well, let's just say it was a sad day and a rough time. I never took her for granted, ever. And I miss her more than words can say - just thinking about her is making me cry.

Whatever you do - don't pull away. I did for a bit, because I was selfish and couldn't handle seeing her so frail and weak and I regret it every day.

As for weightloss - sometimes life gets in the way. Is it right? No, but it happens. It's not a race, but I will see you at the finish line.

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CALLIKIA 10/21/2010 12:38PM

    It sounds like you're struggling with a lot of emotional baggage right now and, while that's difficult, it's important too. I have to say that my only advice for the munching is to make yourself earn your snacks with water. The past few days I've been so bored I drank over 10 glasses of water just because I decided not to eat when I'm bored, but to drink water instead. *lol* I tell you what, I've spent more trips to the bathroom this week than any other, but somehow my body keeps telling me DRINK MORE! As far as the emotional stuff...part of that comes with facing our grandparents mortality, and that's to be expected, and the other part is the big 3-0 looming over you. It's strange, isn't it? We hit 30 and think, "I haven't done 1/2 of the things I should have done by now!" and suddenly we feel like a failure. I'm here to tell you, you've done 100 things right, so the 10 or so you haven't accomplished yet don't matter as much. You are an inspiration to many, you run like most always-skinny people dare not to, and you are a great support. Chin up, girl. This too shall pass...

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FREES1 10/21/2010 12:29PM

    sometimes you just gotta wallow around in the feelings and let them happen. Its scary to know something precious to you may be about to change... at least you have some time to prepare!
You've made some big changes in a short amount of time ... 100 pounds in a year is fast.. and sometimes you just have to pause and let your body catch up. boredom or emotional eating isn't great - make sure its that an not your body craving something because it needs it. and know too that you will adjust to this stage too as you pass through it. You did good by running and you'll get back on track with the food - and breathe, relax - you'll be fine in the long run

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MERAINA 10/21/2010 12:26PM

Fighting for what we want with determination! emoticon

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GRACEISENUF 10/21/2010 11:51AM

    Kristina right now I wish I was there to just give you a big 'ole hug....I know that may sound silly but I just wanna hug you.

So many of the food struggles you describe I can totally relate too and especially the weight fluctuation. This morning I weighed and I had lost 2 pounds but I can't record it as I am finally back to where my weight ticker says. I was tired of adjusting my ticker so I left it without recording the last several pound gain. Finally I am back to square one.

Square "one" is in fact a good place to be because it took "digging in my heals" and re-committing myself and that determination is paying off. I decided to go sugar free for a few days to "knock out" the stupid cravings I was having for massive carbs...UGH! Today is day five and seeing the scale move has made a HUGE difference in my attitude.

So sorry your Grandpa is going through his health problems it's obvious you "cherish" him.

You are a strong young woman and I know you will get back on track with your eating. I truly believe you will reach the finish line!

love and hugs

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FUNFROG79 10/21/2010 11:51AM

    I feel ya! Hang in there! YOU CAN DO THIS! emoticon

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CHICAT63 10/21/2010 11:48AM

    Thanks for sharing, stress is never good, venting, blogging does help. We all have our ups & downs, at this time you might be struggling but give it time. Your career will unfold I am sure, I am having a hard time too (hence my weight + now having a 20yr friendship end) life is never ending cycle. As for your Grand-papa, spend time with him and your family. I know it is difficult, we are here for you !

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LALAFLOWERS 10/21/2010 11:41AM

    Must be the change in the seasons... too many folks are feeling similar feelings. Love that you're honest. With yourself and with us. I love knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with staying the course. With making good choices. With dealing with emotions.

As to your career... decide to give it a go, or not. But either way, jump in with both feet, and find a way to get what you want and need. It will be hard putting yourself out there.. but it will be worth it!


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40PLUSANDFIT 10/21/2010 11:40AM

    Honesty is always a good thing, because always being up can lead people to believe it was just truly easy for you and that they don't stand a chance.

You are doing okay. You're probably going through that I look okay right now stage and like you said, the healthy lifestyle vigilance fatigue... I like that. I feel like maybe I'm doing that although I haven't accomplished nearly what you've done.

You do look amazing and you are doing great. Don't beat yourself up, but work on getting back on track. You know we are all pulling for you. You ARE a success story.

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LILMYSTERY 10/21/2010 11:39AM

    Everyone here seems to have the same thought: you're human. While I agree with them, I have to say that going through these things is what makes you the super-hero you are. Some people find their way without a bump in the road, and lucky them! But the things that make us stronger are the things that made us weak. What kind of success would it be to coast through this experience without setbacks or doubts or daily life getting in the way? That doesn't make you stronger. And it doesn't help anyone else who might be inspired by your story either. Every bad day that shows your humanity makes you that much more of an inspiration. And every time you work through it - and we all know you will - your super hero powers get that much stronger. :)

So embrace it all. And then kick some butt. ;)

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CINCYDORA 10/21/2010 11:37AM

    I'm glad blogging made you feel better. Sometimes you just have to set everything out, take a look at it, then pick which piece to deal with first. I love blogging for that reason. I work so many things out and sometimes even find answers.

You've been doing this for a long time and have seen great success. You will find your answers. Maybe it will help to just spend 10 minutes each night, sitting in the dark with all the electronics turned off, stroking your cat. I know when things get rough for me a brief yoga session can be very cleansing.

Hang in there. You are strong and you WILL make it through.

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Am I a Filly, Superfilly, Athena or Something Else?

Monday, October 18, 2010

STORMTMB sent me a dailySpark blog discussing whether runners should be classified according to weight www.dailyspark.com/blog.asp?post=sho
and asked me what I thought. Basically, adding weight categories of Clydesdale for men and Filly or Athena for women who have more weight on them. The Spark article references this NY Times blog: well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/04/we

I've been thinking about this recently since I'm signing up for a Jingle Bell run that allows you to run as a Clydesdale/Filly if you choose to do so.

I guess my initial thought on weight classification and races is that I don't mind people running in weight categories if they want to see how they stack up to someone of a similar build, but I don't think "weighing in" should be mandatory, nor do I feel that some of the weight categories are quite fair or that it really narrows the field all that much.

A Filly for this race is 140+ lbs. I might never ever NOT be a filly and I'm 5'6". I know plenty of taller women who shouldn't weigh under 140 lbs because they'd look unhealthy and too skinny if they did. But they also have long legs and are FAST. Should they be in the same weight category as me? How about the me from last year?

What's crazy is that I could have been considered a filly when I started running last year, but technically I was TWO FILLIES. Seriously. I was twice the size of what is considered a bigger runner in running circles. NO LIE, when I started running, I weighed 275 lbs. Yep, I guess I was a Superfilly? An Uberfilly? A Doublefilly? A Two Horse Wonder? Should that be a separate category too?

I dunno. I just don't feel that categorizing really solves much of anything or would give me that much extra validation.

Honestly, I know I'll probably never win a prize for running. And that's OK with me. I don't enter races in order to win a prize for being the best "big" runner. I race to beat myself. I race for the camraderie and the adrenaline. I race for the joy of it!

I ain't no horse. I'm a runner.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4EVERADONEGIRL 10/28/2010 6:08PM

    Darn straight girl! You're a runner and honestly, you just can't be shoved into a general classification because if you were, you would have to be a Wonder Woman, or Super Girl or some other freaking amazingly powerful super woman! Because you ROCK!

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HOSTALADY 10/24/2010 1:24AM

    emoticon emoticon
You go girlfriend!

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 1:06AM

    I read the article, too, and you hit the nail on the head. I found it a little patronizing, too, the idea of weight classes. I kind of think the split by ages is kind of goofy, too, but I am only competitive about important things like Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit.

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HEALTH-E-CLARE 10/20/2010 10:02AM

    I actually read the NY Times article over the weekend and thought it wasn't a great idea. At 5'7" and 140, I'm a filly but can you compare me to someone who is 5'10" and 140 or 5'1" and 140, so people might not be comparing themselves to people simlar to themselves. Since it's not a mandatory thing, I say more power to people if they choose to run in a weight class, I just hope it doesn't deter people from running if they are a filly or a clydesdale. Like you I run for myself, and no matter my size or age, I'll most likely never win a race... do they have a turtle division?

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MARLIMOO 10/19/2010 7:19PM

    The categories I think were originally designed for men. They added women and classify a "heavier" runner as 140 plus for all the descriptions you listed. I am just like Mica- at 5'9 and 155- I am in that category. They make me weigh in which I think is laughable. I enter the category because I figure- why not? I am apart of it so why not? I am not ashamed of my weight and figure why not win something while I am out there having fun. Realistically I could care less. I run for me. I run for fitness, for my health, for my own growth and progress as a runner. I hear you- big picture- kind of silly, but I think they do it as the "typical" runner- elite is like what 5 lbs? I am proud of how far I have come as a runner but now a little older- in the 40-49 age bracket there are times I am killing it speed wise, but do not place. If they have the weight categories- I typically will win- even mixed with the men - I am in the top ten. It feels nice to win and it's encouragement to keep on trucking and keep on trying to improve. Bottom line- racing is you against the clock and trying to improve and at the same time- HAVE FUN! I love it. I guess I am indifferent with it but hear you.

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CUTIECAT1 10/19/2010 7:19PM


TOTALLY agree with you - its bad enough everyone gets to see how old I am, I certainly don't want to be categorized by weight also!!! WTH - let's run cuz its fun and it keeps ya fit!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WYND10 10/19/2010 4:34PM

    Love it! :D

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ANEPANALIPTI 10/19/2010 4:09PM


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ASHARON 10/19/2010 3:17PM

    I agree as a "big" runner I compete against myself and to see if I can ....well just do it.
Labels are all around us. Yuck.

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KIMMAS82 10/19/2010 2:11PM

    I agree with you 100%. I don't really race to win. Instead I race to have a goal. I don't need a seperate weight class. And unless there are multiple weight classes it doesn't really add much value.

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MICA1971 10/19/2010 2:01PM

    I am with you on this one - according to those categories, I will never "fall out" of the heavy runner echelon. I am 5'9" and even at my goal weight I will not go below 155 or 160 lbs. If I weighed anywhere near 140, I would look so awful that they would likely not let me race at all : ) I run because I love it and because it's a source of joy and fun for me that I can hold to myself and share with my friends. If it ever stops being that, I will stop running and look for something else (between us, though, I don't think that day will ever come emoticon)

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TEAM-SARAH 10/19/2010 1:54PM

    I've seen some of these classifications before too (not at a race I've ever personally entered) but I've thought, as a 5'11 female, man... at 140 I would be nearly UNDER weight. I see them more commonly at 160, which is an incredibly healthy weight for me. Someone shorter could very well be obese at that weight.... so is that fair? I think not.

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LEONALIONESS 10/19/2010 1:34PM

    I really don't mind the categories. The fact that weight isn't an indicator of speed is true but, keep in mind, the current division breakdowns are just based on gender and age. There is some correlation between age and speed and there is some correlation on weight and speed. Neither are perfect. Regardless of height, more weight on your body = more pounding on the joints. Even thin runners who are heavier due to muscle aren't able to get around that fact. A fit 3% body fat body builder who weighs 220 is going to have more pressure and pounding on his body than a 3% body fat whippet of a runner who weighs 115 lb. soaking wet.

Honestly, if I were still an Athena or Filly runner, I'd race in that category 'cause I'd freaking rock it. And it'd be nice to place high. ;) As it is, I DO look at how I place in my division (F - 30-34, usually) and look forward to eventually running as a Master and older runner where the division gets smaller and I have a chance to actually win a race. LOL. Maybe I'll qualify for Boston when I'm 70, eh? I'm too slow to do it now. Hah.

I really don't get the ire about the names in the spark blog comments, either. I don't mind being called a horse. Would we be upset if we, as fast runners, were called "Thoroughbreds"? I think horses are strong, beautiful and graceful creatures. I have no problem being called a horse name. It's not insulting, IMO. Clydesdales are amazing - so strong and big but still graceful and powerful. I do wonder why the ladies get a generic "Fillies" rather than a specific breed but eh. Fillies does sound cuter and more ladylike I guess.

It's just one more option for racing. It's not mandatory and folks can choose to run in the general division or the Athena/Filly and Clydesdale divisions based on what they are more comfortable doing. Seems fine to me, didn't bug me as a heavier runner, either. I just wish I'd run a race with that option before I hit goal. I could have won something. Hah.

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YOOVIE 10/19/2010 1:18PM

    classified by weight? wouldn't that mess everything up? that's just like the BMI :(:(:(

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WISLNDR 10/19/2010 11:24AM

    I loved your blog! I've always thought that the weight classifications aren't necessary. Just being able to run is reward enough.

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TWALKER0475 10/19/2010 10:44AM

    As others have pointed out, weight is not necessarily a predictor of speed, and 140 lbs at 5'1 is a far cry from 140 lbs at 5'10. How would it even the playing field to put those two individuals in the same category? It would seem more fair to base it on body fat % - but again, doesn't a taller person with longer legs still have an advantage over a shorter person at the same body fat %? So do we need to base it on height, too? Really the whole thing becomes a little ridiculous. Unless you are an elite, you should be running to beat yourself each race - if you happen to place along the way, great! If not, you are still a winner when you can improve upon a previous time, finish a longer distance than you have before, or any other goal you set out to accomplish

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BUTTERFLYBLUE67 10/19/2010 10:12AM

    I compete against myself also. To win a prize is just a plus for me.

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ESBELL 10/19/2010 10:07AM

    I think John Lennon said it best:

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

weight,smeight - just run for the sake of running!

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JGARYP 10/19/2010 10:03AM

Uberfilly! I love it!
Another case of labels being wrong, period.

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JENN26POINT2 10/19/2010 9:51AM

    I run to beat myself too, but have toyed with the idea of entering in the weight categories... but like you and Amanda said... it doesn't really matter how I stack up with people who weigh the same... if they've trained longer or less than me, the results won't mean anything... if anything, they should categorize based on goal time... for instance, my goal is to finish between 2:00 and 2:30 hours when I do my half... If that's my goal, and 20 other have the same goal, then categorize us that way and see who wins that class... something like that... by ability, not age or weight.

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    I'm going to go with you being a superheroine. :)

This whole thing kinda sticks in my craw....

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PHDMAMA06 10/19/2010 9:49AM

    I saw the blog too and just don't like the idea of weight classifications. There are so many factors besides weight that influence how fast you run, and I've seen bigger runners BY FAR outrun smaller ones many times! I dunno, it just seems like if we keep trying to group runners into all of these different classes for the sake of awards, it will just get ridiculous and pointless. And I figured whatever they do with these classes, I'll never be fast enough to win awards anyway! I just run races for the fun of it, and try to improve my own personal best, so it doesn't matter so much to me how other people do.

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RUNTRILAUGH 10/19/2010 9:34AM

    They've done that in Triathlons for a long time and although I qualify, I've never signed up as one.... Never really stopped to question it, but hey, if it floats your boat...

For me, no thanks, keep me with the gen pop! LOL

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CREATINGAMANDA 10/19/2010 9:09AM

    I think that also you can say that skinny does not a runner make. I know women who weigh more than I do who can run way faster and way further simply because they've been training longer. That said, I also know women who weigh less than I do who wouldn't be able to keep up with me.

I kinda get where they're coming from, but I can tell you without a doubt that I wouldn't participate in a race where weighing in was mandatory - it would deter me for sure, no matter what I weighed. Even when the day comes that I'm at my goal weight I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable with everybody else knowing what I weigh.

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BTINTERNET 10/19/2010 8:51AM

    Yeah, a friend of mine sent me that NYTimes article and I pointed out to her I haven't not-been-a-filly since freshman year of college, which was a (long) while ago. I sympathize with the concept of wanting classes for racing runners (and at least in one place where I looked at it, they don't weigh, just take your word for it), but I don't think their classifications are realistic At All. Your blog pretty much says it all! :-)

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MEL_UNRAU 10/19/2010 8:31AM

    Yeah-- I'm no longer a horse of any kind, but I'll still never win any prizes for running. I kind of like the idea of weight classing runners, but it isn't exactly right. There is something off about it. Because of the idea of 5'10 runner weighing under 140 is CRAZY talk!

I'd like to be classed by experience personally. I'm running my first half marathon this Nov. I'd love the opportunity to run "against" any one else who has been running less than a year. I'd like to know how I stack up against those folks, rather than the ones that are in my "weight class".

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GAELENEC 10/19/2010 8:17AM

    I think.... a race is a race is a race. You can add categories and break down the groups until nearly EVERYONE gets a prize; doesn't matter as much then, really.

I'm like you, I'll never win on speed. That's okay, I'm not there to win. The whole atmosphere, meeting new people and sharing an activity we enjoy, pushing myself.... that's why I go.

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PINKCOCONUT 10/19/2010 7:49AM

    Yeah, I understand where race officials are coming from but I don't think it's an entirely accurate categorization at all.

I'm not too worried about it, I know I won't be winning any age categories anytime soon anyway!

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JUST_SIMONE 10/18/2010 10:48PM

    I saw that Daily Spark Blog as well. I don't think much of extra categories. I'll never be below 140 (nor do I want to be) so it would just be a silly classification for me. I'm content competing against myself.

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RUNNINGOLLIE 10/18/2010 10:27PM

    I think initially I was like...wait I could one day place in a category and then on second thought I just don't care enough about it.

I run because it gives me time to relax and think about what's going on in my life, I run to feel myself doing something and I run to be closer too nature and all the lovely and not so lovely seasons the East coast gives me!

So while it would be great to one day place in a race....I'm content to walk away with my finisher medal, banana and free t-shirt! emoticon emoticon

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IMSMILEY88 10/18/2010 10:26PM

    Love your post! And, I am just trying to beat myself, too. I don't think I'll ever be winning age brackets or whatever. Well, maybe if I keep running until I'm 80 or something. emoticon

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SLEEPYDEAN 10/18/2010 10:07PM

    I saw the article too, and it was all new to me, because I'd never seen races with those classifications. (And I've run at least 2 dozen 5Ks - maybe it just hasn't hit Southern California races yet.)

I was kind of alarmed when I saw that 140lbs would qualify for that other category because, like you, I realized how low of a weight that is for a taller woman.

I can't help but thinking how long the medal ceremonies will be for races with all these extra categories. Oy!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 10/18/2010 9:50PM

    I saw that dailyspark too and was a little confused by people's reactions to it. I just recently saw some races that offer those classifications and thought "okay, cool. I will probably never sign up as a filly, but cool for those who want it". I will never win any awards for running either. I run to beat myself not anyone else. But, as long as it is optional and people are interested then hey, why not. I do think that the weight bar is set a little low if they are really trying to narrow the field to be more fair to "larger" runners.

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REDRUNNER82 10/18/2010 9:24PM

    Girl, you're a runner, and that's all that matters.

I don't believe in any grouping in races besides grouping based on pace.

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LADYSNOWFALL 10/18/2010 9:05PM

    Beings how a filly is a young, female horse or pony under the age of 4 who has never had a foal. The term "Filly" is a bit of a misnomer, isn't it? The term alone denotes youth and lack of sexual experience, so perhaps it's more inappropriate than most people realize.

Wouldn't "Amazon" perhaps be more appropriate? Or something along those lines?

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LEAN-N-LEXY 10/18/2010 7:50PM

    I haven't read the article, but just reading the headline brought to mind all the issues you've raised. Much than weight can "class" a runner.

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MOMONTHERUN1 10/18/2010 7:43PM

    I also agree with you.

However there are races out there that people do participate in that are categorized by weight. Obviously those people think that there is nothing wrong with it.

I do think that there should be mandatory physicals before running in a 5K, 10K, Half or Full Marathon. I know that you are signing a waiver to say that you are in good health and able to participate, but after you see a runner down on the pavement (like I did yesterday) and them performing CPR on the runner who has collapsed it really hits home.

Comment edited on: 10/18/2010 7:44:21 PM

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LIBBYFITZ 10/18/2010 6:35PM

    emoticonWhat next! What a laugh! you are right you are a running woman, not a horse! emoticon

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ANNE7X7 10/18/2010 6:22PM

    "I'm not a horse. I'm a runner" LOVE IT! You are hilarious!

I kind of don't know what to think on this issue either. I am 4-5 pounds away from "goal", which is 150. Which means that I would likely weigh in (with clothes on) at over 150 pounds, and therefore be eligible for the athena category. It's frustrating in a way because like you said, I'll likely never be not an athena, so their categorization is BS in my books. That being said, had I signed up for the athena category at my HM, I would have won first place. LOL

I think that at the end of the day, we run because we love it and we want to beat our own times, not everyone else's. So really, what does it matter!!

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STORMTMB 10/18/2010 5:58PM

    I loved your blog - and all of the comments. I laughed out loud at the uber, superfilly idea!! Thanks for sharing.

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SUGIRL06 10/18/2010 5:57PM

    I think its silly to have weight classes honestly because you can find a 5'10 tall girl that is a lean mean running machine at 140lbs whereas a girl who is 5'2 and 140lbs is definitely NOT the same build! That is clearly unfair competition. Of course, if we are talking about "pro" runners, then you would assume they would be pretty lean anyway. But for every day 5Ks and such, I don't think weight should factor in. Interesting articles and thanks for bringing it up!

PS. And I agree, those who would think maybe it was more "fair" to have weight classes probably also know they aren't going to win any races any time soon. I'm not going to win a marathon any time in the near future (or probably ever) and I'm fine with that! That's not why I run!

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SEAWAVE 10/18/2010 5:53PM

    I think a category for large women, deemed to be over 140 lbs, would be more discouraging to me than anything else. At 240+ lbs. If 140 lbs is large for them, then it's not a race for people my size. Unless you're actually racing to win (which I wouldn't be), I don't see the point of weight categories.

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LAURIETAIT 10/18/2010 5:51PM

    At this point in my life I don't care how I stack up against other runners my size. I just care that I finish!

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GETFIT2LIVE 10/18/2010 5:36PM

    Well said. I have mixed feelings about the weight divisions--I think the 'filly' or 'athena' division is WAY too low, quite honestly, especially if you don't take height into consideration as wll. Doesn't matter to me ultimately because I do not run to 'win' a race; I do it for the same reasons you do. And I'm with you--I ain't no horse, I'm a runner!

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MEGSFITNESS 10/18/2010 5:23PM

    I participated in a triathalon relay team once where they referred to some of the men as Clydesdales and I wasn't sure whether it was insulting or a matter of pride that they were out there doing what they were doing at "their weight." To me, it's just another way to seperate 'certain people' from certain other people and whether it's a good thing or not, I guess, depends on your level of self-confidence.

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JENELOPE 10/18/2010 5:23PM

    I've seen this before and thought the same thing you did. I can't see the point of special categories for larger runners if the weight is going to be so low. At my height and build, 140 pounds is the low end of normal. That's only 20 pounds heavier than Kara Goucher! And I also questioned the reasons for having the category. Are we running a race within a race? Or is it separate but equal? On the other hand, is it something akin to age categories, which I think are both valid and valuable? Anyway, I prefer Athena to Filly because I like horses and I may be a bit of a hoss, but I don't want people to see me and think "horse."

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MBSHAZZER 10/18/2010 5:21PM

    Totally agree with you... and LMAO at your classifications!

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SASSAGAIN 10/18/2010 5:20PM

    I totally agree. Weight categories?? not good. Cot cool. Not fun.

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MMS354 10/18/2010 5:19PM

    I registered as 'athena' in my first tri this summer and liked the fact that I was starting in a heat with other bigger girls (and some not big at all) - I'll always be 'athena' even when I hit my goal weight of 160 lbs at 5'8". I have a feeling the fitter I get the more comfortable I'll feel being out there amongst the elites and less likely to register under anything other than age group.

The names don't bother me as I don't really identify with them. Although 'Athena' does sound kinda cool in a mythological kinda way.... It's better than 'Wide Load!'

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CALLIKIA 10/18/2010 5:17PM

    It's not so much the competing according to size that I have a problem with, it's the categories. OVER 140? That's it. That's all you got? What about over 200? 250? 300! 350? Yes, there are people out there at this weight running. Not many, I give you that, but they are out there. And everytime one of us Super-Uber-Phillies choose to run and get our big behinds out there, we have just the slightest chance of giving someone else the push to run they would've never considered before. But, let's face it, in running, it's not about what you weigh (like it is in wrestling), it's about how fast you are. Why change an entire sport? Just make running fun! Or give out more finisher medals! Or do it for good causes, like a race I saw a pamphlet for that's funds go to stop the childhood obesity epidemic. That'll draw in the Phillies+!

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