KARSTASAURUS   9,168
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Persecution of my VLCD.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

So today for the first time, someone spoke negatively about my current program of weight loss. I knew it would come at some point - it always does! But I didn't expect it from this person and I certainly didn't expect the brutality of the comments either.

But it's okay. I knew it would happen because what I'm doing is on the extreme end but I need it.

I have a food addiction. I am an emotional eater. I comfort eat. I eat when I'm bored. That's how I got as large as I did.

And despite what a lot of people say, it's not just as easy as being more conscious of what you eat because guess what - by the time you gain the amount of weight I did - it's become habit.

Habits are not easy to get rid of. Like children who suck their thumbs - I still know adults that unconsciously do this to comfort themselves.

But here's the catch, other addictions or habits are not required on a daily basis to sustain yourself.

I can't just go cold turkey - which is what you're saying when you tell me to just eat protein and fruit and veg and stay away from the carbohydrates.

I've never eaten healthy because if I did I wouldn't be the size I am. I've never had a healthy relationship with food. I've never had the correct idea of portion control. I've never had a solid understanding of the nutritional components of everything I eat.

That's why I'm doing this.

The whole point of this system is to distance yourself from food. To completely disassociate yourself with it.

THIS is cold turkey in the only way possible.

The packs that I receive contain all of my daily nutritional requirements - including supplements so I don't even have to think about pills.

This allows me the time and the distance from food to both get healthy and also train my brain into thinking of anything I eat as being fuel. And looking to other things, like talking about my emotions instead of stuffing candy down my throat, in order to better myself physically emotionally.

And at the end, when I've lost all of my weight? I get counselling and guides on portion control and a mangement program that teaches me to eat healthy for life.

I wrote the following after the conversation - because I had to sort out my mindset as it really did throw me for a loop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will not be mad at her. She just doesn't understand. People who have never experienced food addiction just won't.

I cannot allow the uneducated opinions of other to sway my path or stall my success.

I am strong.

I am powerful.

But I do have weaknesses and I'm currently trying to strengthen those parts of me.

I will use your negativity towards my methods as fuel for the fire burning within me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEX_V 4/9/2014 8:58PM

    If this person has never had to deal with losing weight, then they do not understand the struggle you (and the rest of us) are going through. Every day is a battle. Every day, you have to choose between healthy and unhealthy. You are a strong, young woman, and you have come so far!

Just look at your pictures. Look at your weight loss ticker. Look at how much you have accomplished. That person had no right to say anything unkind to you. They are not as strong of a person as you are.

Keep pushing. Keep going strong.

Alex

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LUISE2512 4/4/2014 12:03PM

    You are strong. Actually very strong!!! I looked at your pics and I am very impressed. If people speak negative it's very often pure jealousy. Because you look stunning. I love your emoticon emoticon red hair

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TENNISJIM 4/4/2014 6:33AM

    You are so strong and you will continue to be strong

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MAERETH 4/3/2014 8:11AM

    You're right; people who have never gone through it will never understand it. Good for you for putting it in the right perspective. Keep it up!!

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RIDLEYRIDER 4/3/2014 7:09AM

  You are so much stronger than many, and I know that you are on the road to success. You are right, those without food addictions have no idea. It is a life-long struggle, but we can do this!


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You're not there yet!

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

My complacent and happy side is rearing its ugly head again!

I am happy with the results I have had so far - I am happy with who I am at the moment but I just want to be healthy.

But feeling that this is okay - is not healthy. I am on a journey and I am nowhere near done.

In fact I'm just about to start the worst part of all - striving for a toned and smaller body.

What started all of this?

I bought a bikini.

Because - as my page says - I've never had one! So I bought one that was on sale and thought that if I ever do get into it then yay and if it never suits me then whatever!

Well the top is quite tight - my chest is too big for it (so is my back fat! haha) but it's interesting the difference between a bikini and say a frilly bra and pants.

I feel sexy in underwear when I'm with my boyfriend but my god, I've never felt so much like a whale as when in that bikini.

But maybe that's a good thing? It's only going to spur me on. I'm not done yet. I have so much further to go. But I now have the tools I need to get there and a support network to spur me on.

I suppose the point here is that I have always been able to hide behind clothes and actually, they're starting to look rather good! But that's only half the battle!

Both of these pictures were taken today.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BATCHICK 4/2/2014 12:35PM

    I love your attitutde, you're headed in the right direction!

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JUST_BRENDA 4/2/2014 7:04AM

    What a cute bikini!
Healthy is an awesome goal!

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ALEX_V 4/1/2014 8:51PM

    Don't be discouraged. The fact that you didn't like the way you looked in your bikini is all the more reason to continue working for what you DO want!

You're definitely headed in the right direction, and just because you're not at your goal weight yet doesn't mean you have to avoid thinking you look good. Because you look AWESOME!!!

Keep up the good work. It will pay off!

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MTN_KITTEN 4/1/2014 3:59PM

    Looking good. Hmmm ... someone said...

Other Information:
I WILL make every day better than the last!
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Denial

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Well, I wouldn't say denial.... well maybe I would....

I've spent the last couple of weeks gaining weight back, around 20 lbs in total. It's pretty amazing just how much you can gain in a short amount of time! It also tells me that I haven't managed to change my lifestyle yet.

Old habits have come back with a vengeance: eating at my desk, binge eating at night, convenience foods, etc.

I had a job interview on Tuesday with an amazing company that has a gym in the building and is within walking/biking distance of my house which is perfect.

I currently work about 5-6 miles away from where I live and that's a bit far and also on very dangerous country roads. So no biking 'cause I don't want to get squished! :/

In any case, I think I just need a life overhaul. I think this happens to a lot of people, you see yourself heading for a slump and you reroute yourself! That's what I'm currently trying to do! :)

Should hear about this job either today or tomorrow. Exciting! :D

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HABROWN 10/28/2012 10:56PM

    I hope you get it and I hope you make the changes that are needed to get you back on the road to getting healthy in all aspects of your life. Best wishes.

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MELONSCALE 10/20/2012 1:12PM

    I know exactly what you mean...I gained about 4lbs in 2 weeks just by flying by the seat of my pants and eating comfort foods. The job sounds awesome. Keep looking forward and stay positive!

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GLC2009 10/18/2012 3:31PM

    they say you don`t gain weight overnight, but, like you, i can. it is frustrating isn`t it.

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NUTRON3 10/18/2012 7:58AM

    New day .......you can do it!

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SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 10/18/2012 7:38AM

    I know about gaining - I regained 10lbs over a few very stressful weeks and let myself do the 'emotional eating/drinking' thing. I'm back on track now and feeling much better.

The prospective job sounds great! Let us know how it goes.

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TATTER3 10/18/2012 6:12AM

    Just a thought...I don't know how old you are, but 20 lbs in 2 weeks is indicative of the ability to retain fluid...which is an issue in itself. Binge eating would normally be about 3-5 lbs/week gain. Stay alert to the gains and losses you experience...I'm a cardio pt and a small gain warns me that my meds aren't working. I like your plans ... it will work! Keep Sparkin'!!

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 10/18/2012 5:58AM

    Wishing you the best of luck on the chance of a new job position. Keep pushing onward with your goals to a healthier lifestyle! emoticon

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CAROL6X 10/18/2012 3:22AM

    You can do it!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LEELYN95 10/18/2012 2:44AM

  Reroute to a healthier you - you can do it!!! emoticon

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Coups and Milestones!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

I'm a member of the Aberdeen Opera Company. Since the economic downturn we have had some difficulties with money just like any other organization, however recent events showed that our committee had been dropping the ball due to their own personal commitments. This coupled with money issues meant that we had been stagnating.

So we had our AGM last night and after 3 and half hours emoticon we had finally elected a new committee and started a plan of action to reinvent the company and ourselves!

I am officially a committee member! And I am so excited. I know it could be horrific and there may be really tense and dramatic times but I'm really excited to try and help the company as a whole!

Anyway, during the re-election something akin to a coup happened, the chairman stepped down and a new one took his place. The new chairman then went on to begin the election of a vice chair, the current vice chair had not said that they were stepping down. However, the chairman didn't even question it and almost had one of his friends in the seat before the current stood up and explained that she was not stepping down. (DRAMAAAAA!) Anyway, it went to a vote and we kept the previous vice chair, this put the new chairman's friend in a bit of a pout!

Many other little controversies happened, but I just couldn't believe people could be so selfish AND ridiculous!

I don't ever have to deal with drama like that in my life, I purposefully steer myself away from that! So seeing something like that happen now that I have distanced myself from that type of behaviour was really shocking...

Hopefully we will have a fantastic year despite the drama!!!

I've also passed a milestone! I have officially lost more than 50 lbs since starting again in March this year! I am so proud of myself. I haven't been this weight since my first year of university and just can't wait until I'm below 200!

Onederland here I come!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HABROWN 6/24/2012 5:20AM

    You are so one your way to Onederland! No matter the struggle we may face the fact that we continue to turn it around and keep moving forward is a triumph of its very own. Keep up all your hard work and enjoy your journey Kristy! emoticon

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MEVILL 6/21/2012 8:58PM

    50 pounds since March?!?! emoticon You are an amazing woman and I'm sure your Opera Company will flourish in the upcoming months. Just keep your goals moving forward and you can accomplish anything! emoticon

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CLWALDRO 6/21/2012 11:34AM

    50 lbs now that is emoticon emoticon I am sorry you were caught up in the drama of your performing club but sometimes we all get caught in places we would rather not be.
I wish you well on your performances as well as your journey to better health.


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TATTER3 6/21/2012 6:32AM

    You are living days that will mold your life. Keep a journal and keep Sparkin'!!!

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Opera Concert + Holiday Preparations + My Band!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Well the opera concert was a hit! And both nights are now done!!! emoticon

The tons and tons of dress rehearsals really had me down and exhausted and I ate so many bad things from the stress in the lead up to it! But it's just made me realize that my issues with food will not go away over night! It will take many years to sort that out and until then I will just have to do damage control after it happens! emoticon

So now I'm trying to sort out everything for my trip to California in less than two weeks!!! My goodness, that's come around so quickly! I'm really excited to see all of my friends and the sun.... It's been the worst summer here in Scotland. It's a total disaster, last night it was like a monsoon and really overcast.

Anyway, so I'm booking all of my hotels and really excited that it's going to be a healthy holiday! I'm going on my own and then just meeting up with friends as I go around on my road trip so I'll have really good control over my nutrition. Lots of protein shakes and fruit and then a nice meal out at night. I've also made sure to book hotels that have a pool and a gym. I actually plan to LOSE weight while on holiday. Has that ever happened before???? Haha!

I had a practice with my band yesterday and it went so FREAKING well! I can't wait until we build up our repertoire and start playing gigs!!! We have a new bassist and he is just fantastic, he has picked up the songs really quickly and we have a new keyboardist starting next weekend! It went so well that it inspired me to start writing music again ( this band is a cover band but we've been considering doing some original stuff as well! ) and I haven't written in years so it's really feeling great at the moment!

Also, I'm .6 of a pound away from 50 lbs lost since March 22nd and 7.6 lbs away from 100lbs lost since I first started my journey 4 years ago!


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CERULEANSIN516 6/18/2012 2:23PM

    Can I just say, LOVE this blog.

I'm happy that your Opera was a hit and that your band is totally rockin it! Keep up that positive attitude while you are in Cali!

I haven't heard many people talk about losing while on Holidays but YOU can do it! I know you can. AND HOLY MOLY on the weight loss, that's awesome. Keep up the good work.

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Comment edited on: 6/18/2012 2:24:23 PM

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SATCHMO99 6/18/2012 2:54AM

    Wow, well done!

In terms of the stress-related eating, don't forget that you didn't form the bad habits overnight, so breaking them may take time. The difference is that you are now aware of why you sucked up those empty calories.

Your US friends will see SUCH a difference when you sashay in with your slimline figure, yay. Have a fabulous time.

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