KARLEIGH66   24,354
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Relatively beautiful

Sunday, July 15, 2012

I've noticed a change in my perception of my looks.

As the scale was climbing, I hated the way I looked. By the time I hit 215 pounds, I was absolutely disgusted. "Look at those rolls! Your back and your legs are especially gross. The cellulite is taking over your whole body! Grab some compression underwear to squeeze all that goo in to and pray no one realizes the awful truth underneath." Quite frankly, if a crazy lunatic had taken me hostage and required me to undress in front of the public, I may have opted to have him shoot me instead. I would have been mortified.

The scale eventually went all the way up to 229 pounds before I started to do something about it. I've been a member of Sparkpeople for years and years. I know the program works, but consistency (and a desire to be perfect) has always been my issue. So I've really made a concerted effort to keep things in proportion this time. Yes, I have days where I eat more than I'm supposed to. But this time, I don't just throw my hands in the air, say I've blown it and keep eating. I just own my poor choices and move on. No one's perfect and if this is going to be a lifetime change, I have to accept that. Perfection for a whole lifetime isn't an attainable goal, nor should it be. Some days, I really do need more to eat. Some days, having a little something sweet, even if it puts me over on calories, is worth it because I'm craving it.

Another change this time has been that I've begun the 5K Rookie Running Program. I've tried running in the past. In 2009, I signed up for a 5K and did the Couch to 5K running program and successfully completed it. I ran a 5K race (my first ever) - and finished dead last. My time was 41:08. Compared to others on the message boards, not exceptionally slow. The race was small (less than 100 people) and logic told me that I shouldn't worry about it. But I used it as an excuse to quit. I was running for the wrong reasons.

This time, I refuse to worry about time. I run as fast as is comfortable. I relish the feeling I have when I complete another training day. I'm proud of my accomplishment and I'm taking the time to enjoy being outside. I've found music that motivates me and makes me smile while I run. I really look forward to the next workout and I have to make myself take those mandatory rest days that are so important for beginning runners. I did sign up to do another 5K. This time around, the 5K is several months after I complete the training program. Plenty of time to prepare without stress. And it is taking place in a large city - they are allowing up to 3700 people to sign up! I know the race this time will be different - not because I could run it better, but because my only goal is to have a good time and enjoy the camaraderie of other runners.

Which gets back to the point of this blog entry - relatively beautiful. I find it amazing the change in the perception of my appearance now. Once again, I am seeing 215 pounds register on the scale. But when I look in the mirror, I'm happy with what I see. My legs aren't small, but to me they look fabulous. Perhaps it's because I know those legs are giving me such enjoyment as they take me on runs. I don't stuff myself in to girdles - they aren't comfortable and I'm not going to be miserable all day. I deserve to feel good, and I do! And perhaps the most beautiful thing about me is the fact that I'm laughing and smiling all the time. My life is great! So I guess the old adage that "beauty is on the inside" is really true - and the best part is that even though it is on the inside, it has a way of showing on the outside, too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OBNURSE3 7/29/2012 9:57AM

The power of attraction at its finest!!! Your thoughts and words are just as powerful as any muscle in your body! I am so happy and proud of your progress. We should all be so kind to ourselves! emoticon

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DFOLKARD 7/23/2012 6:36AM

    emoticon You are doing great! And so happy it "shows"!

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MOTTAMAMALOU 7/15/2012 6:22PM

    Terrific attitude! I'm very happy for you.
I did a 5K on my treadmill and it took over an hour. emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 7/15/2012 3:12PM

    emoticon I am sooo happy for you. You have found the magic "zone". This is after all a journey and it is the journey, not the destination that counts, because I keep finding the destination changes as I go. Good for you! And BTW, my best 5 k is 50 minutes.

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Mixed feelings

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I've been doing Zumba for about 6 months now. With just the exercise, I didn't lose anything. It wasn't until I got serious about my diet that the weight started to go down.

Tonight, the girl who leads my Zumba class announced that she was going to stop teaching until October. Apparently, one of the people in our class has decided to get certified and is going to be taking the class over. I'm not very happy about it. I don't have anything against this other woman; she just isn't 'my cup of tea.' Now I have to decide what I want to do.

In addition to doing the Zumba, I've been doing the Rookie 5K running program. I've really enjoyed this. I feel that it compliments the Zumba and I like the time alone. But one of the biggest things I like about Zumba was that there were scheduled classes. I'm afraid if I drop these classes, I won't be as dedicated to my workouts.

I guess I'll just wait and see how it all works out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

P0KERS0PH 6/29/2012 4:54PM

    Diet is definitely the main part of losing weight, the exercise just helps things along and good for toning and health benefits.
Keep up the Zumba, you've been doing it for a long time now and you obviously enjoy it! x

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A week's worth of ATTABOYs.

Saturday, June 09, 2012

I've done exercise 5 days this week and it wasn't a struggle. - YAHHHH!
I've stayed within my nutrition limits and I wasn't hungry. - OUTSTANDING!
I accomplished everything I wanted to at work this week. - WELL DONE!
I'm doing volunteer work this weekend with the Humane Society. - NICE!
My husband and I had a really enjoyable night out and are going to do more things together (just the two of us) this weekend. - I CAN'T WAIT!
I am up-to-date on my Accounting homework. - GOOD JOB!
I joined a Biggest Loser weight loss team to help keep me motivated. - WAY TO GO!

All in all - it has been a pretty fantastic week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSTYNA7 6/15/2012 8:05PM

    Lots to be grateful for, you are on a roll!

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DFOLKARD 6/12/2012 6:56AM

    Another rock star on my team? I love it!

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P0KERS0PH 6/11/2012 4:55PM

    Fantastic! Keep up the good work emoticon

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JOURNEY-2-JOY 6/11/2012 6:49AM

    emoticonKeep it up!! emoticon

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WELLNESSME09 6/9/2012 8:45AM

    emoticon keep up the good work! emoticon

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Right now

Friday, June 08, 2012

How many times do I need to start over? At least one more.

I've been on and off the program for years, but this time is going to be different. I'm going to lose this weight and I'm going to get in shape. Maybe not athlete shape, but at least 'I feel good about myself' shape.

I need to put from my mind the number of times I've lost weight and then gained it back. Those weren't failures. This isn't a journey with a start and a finish. The gaining and losing were just a small part of the path on a permanent trip that I am undertaking. I need to celebrate the moment and right now the moment is great! I've been doing Zumba three times a week for several months now. I haven't lost any weight just doing the Zumba, but now that I am thinking about what I am eating, the weight is dropping. I can't have control in just one part of my life for everything to turn out the way I want it - I need control through my whole life. And if there is something going on in my life that I can't control, I can still control my reaction to it. I am in charge.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DFOLKARD 6/11/2012 8:14AM

    Sounds like you are gaining the control you need! Let's all lose on the Yellow Team!

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JLMALLETTE 6/8/2012 8:58AM

    So true- sounds like you are really on the right track. Keep it up!

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Trying. . . . again

Monday, March 09, 2009

Well another year has gone by and guess what - I still am overweight. I am so tired of this. I get motivated for a while, lose a few pounds, and then I lose all motivation. And needless to say, back comes the weight. Sparkpeople seems to help keep me going, so I'm back to try again.

Is this horrible cycle ever going to end?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TESS504 3/9/2009 1:52PM

    Welcome back!! My I suggest to get a partner. I find that when I'm not motivated my partner will be. And even when neither of us are motivated I feel as thought I let him down if I don't follow through with our routine. emoticon

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NANCYB. 3/9/2009 11:24AM

    It will - have faith. If you change your nutrition around and add some moderate exercise to your program you are going to do great. You are going to feel better than you have ever felt before. Trust that. Trust yourself that you can do it! All the best.

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