KARENK63   46,428
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Discouraged, but not dead!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Wow, has it really been over a year since I updated?

My plans for last year did not pan out-- I didn't lose any weight before my sister's wedding, and in fact was the heaviest I've ever been (157.5) until hitting 158.5 after the Xmas holidays this year (2013).

This January, I went back to eliminating all sugar and got down to 151, with a dip to 149 or so, but haven't been able to progess much farther below. It's the late-night eating that's really killing my results, which is a combination of bingeing and also being ravenous (stupid hypoglycemia. All that exercise comes back to bite you).

However, I will be turning 50 in October, so I'd really like to get down to a lower weight, in stages if necessary. 145 is my next goal, aiming forend of May. I look better than I did at Xmas, but I still hate being photographed and in a sense... the record of my family's life in photos mostly does not include me! That's bad.

I soooo miss the old Dexatrim diet pills that were taken off the market about 12 years ago. They really helped with the appetite, and also did a darn fine job handling my chronic rhinusitis. I didn't even know I had that until the pills went away! (The ingredients' other use was as a decongestant)

I'm getting to bed a little earlier than two months ago, and I'm slowly trying to shift away from being so much of a night owl. That'll help, too.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINACHST 4/28/2013 8:25AM

    Sorry you did not meet your goal for last year. I hope you have better success this year.

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Return From Planet X

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Well, I disappeared for almost the entire month of December. I accomplished none of my weight-loss goals, but only gained 1-2 pounds (pretty good, with all the Christmas sweets on constant ambush).

I exercised really consistently, though I had a couple of wimpy days due to illness. Also not bad!

But... that's not good enough for the long-term.

I'm over 150 lbs now, which is where the self-loathing really takes over. I feel fat, I hate how I look (and usually, by extension, myself), and this isn't where I want to be.

Plus, I have a wedding to go to in a month, and do I want to show up looking like this? No. :0

So, I'm back to daily calorie tracking, and as of Monday (Jan 2nd) I'm once again at a point where I can give up sugar entirely. No temptations until Valentine's Day, and last year I made it through that utterly sugar-free.

Short-term, I'd like to lose 10 pounds and move out of the self-loathing zone. I'm avoiding overcommitting myself on hobbies that keep me up late (when I tend to binge/eat too much), and moving my sleep "schedule" back. I also need to do consistent weight-lifting again, though I failed at that yesterday (too tired after my workout).

I AM struggling to get my Doctor to prescribe a reasonable thyroid dose. He's been backing it down again and again, in response to some new thinking . The week before Christmas, the low-thyroid side-effects crossed the line when my (formerly oily) skin got so dry that I started getting itchy rashes. They will not go away, no matter what I do, because lotions/creams/special-soaps don't solve the underlying problem. But I foresee my doctor being very stubborn about this.

Wish me luck, please, on this and all fronts.

I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays, and Happy New Year to us all!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENK63 1/4/2012 3:20PM

    Thanks! It's hard not to be overwhelmed by _everything_ in December, especially if you have to devote a lot of time to Christmas-readiness for your kids/school/community/etc.

he time to log foods/etc. starts to become one more stressor when you're overwhelmed.

But now? New year, clean slate, ready for takeoff!

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MEETMYMIND 1/4/2012 3:02PM

    Welcome back to planet spark!

I "dropped out" thru Dec also, so here's to renewed efforts and a successful 2012!

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Overdue Vacation Post

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I meant to get this up right after our July vacation, and even loaded up the pictures... but lost traction. That pretty much sums up my summer, now into Fall.

We visited my family in Oregon over vacation, which always has its eating challenges. My parents eat pretty well, but now always have dessert (sweets are my weakness). My sister in Portland eats out a lot, and is still on this Atkins kick that hasn't helped her or her youngest daughter, but is probably putting her cholesterol through the roof. And in addition to the eating out, there's the eating dinner way later than my blood sugar will last.

I managed to gain only a pound during the vacation, though I've gained a few more since then, so that's something. I got a lot of exercise in, despite an unexpected assault of rain. We've never been hit with that in July before-- it rained every single one of the 4 days we were in Portland! Killed off a few plans, but we still had a good time.

At the end of our vacation, we added some sight-seeing, since the kids are older. So instead of hanging around Eugene (my parents' house) and then driving home for 8 straight hours, we went over to Crater Lake and visited that, then stayed in Klamath Falls.

And the next couple of days we visited Lassen, before coming home from there (4 hours' drive. Much better).

Lassen wasn't quite what we expected, thanks to the Winter That Would Not Leave. Our winter ran clear up to June in Northern California, including some late snow showers around June 24th. That cancelled out my son's July trip to camp, and it also changed the Lassen landscape a little.

Our plan, when we drove into Lassen the first day, was to hike Bumpass Hell (a volcanic wonderland) the following day, and then my son and I would hike Lassen peak the day after that.

Here's what Bumpass Hell (one of the highest points at Lassen) usually looks like in the summer:


Here's what it looked like on July 23rd this year:

That sure changed our plans! So instead, we hiked the Cinder Cone the following day. That was a surprisingly strenuous hike. Only 7 miles round trip, but the ascent up the side of the cone is steep, and the surface starts out being like deep sand and finishes with cinder rocks. Both are awful-- you can't push off, or you just slide backwards. You have to step forward and pull your weight up over the front leg instead. Incredible view from the top, though, in all directions.

The Cinder Cone (those antlike things are other hikers):

The top of the cone:

My son (he just turned 12 in August) is great at hiking, but not so much when there is climbing involved. Yikes. More on that in another entry...

The next day, we hiked to Devil's Kitchen. Most of the hike is meadow and forest, and then Devil's Kitchen (steam vents, mudpots, etc.) is at the end. All of Devil's Kitchen is right along a creek, and you have to wonder if anything survives downstream. It smells disgusting, and goo bleeds into the water from the geothermal emissions:

We added a spur over to Boiling Springs Lake at the end. The lake is a very placid green (except for the gray mudpots at the edges), and some areas DO boil. The trail goes all the way around the outside:

And then after that, it was into the car to go home.

I love the "getting away" part of vacations, and the lack of deadlines... but after awhile, I miss being able to have salad on demand, or eat something simple that does not come laden with a bazillion extra calories. I really envy people who don't have to worry about that, but that'll never be me...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENK63 10/12/2011 1:07PM

    Hi, Weezie! Lassen was beautiful, even with the surprise snow. Some parts (Emerald Lake) were even prettier than usual, because the lakes were still melting. This glacial blue would bleed through the snow-- just gorgeous.

My husband and I once hiked the South Sister in Oregon, which is the hardest hike I've ever done. Like the Cinder Cone, except much longer-- 11 miles, 5500 feet elevation gain. One of the things I really noticed was all of the locals from Bend breezing past those of us who lived at sea level. Altitude really takes it out of you!

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WEEZIE30 10/12/2011 9:27AM

    You're so lucky! I love Lassen. I've been dying to take my Husband up there but so far we haven't made it. I hiked Cinder Cone when I was a kid and I still remember how hard the hike was.

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Must find some self-discipline!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The exercise continues, the same as always. It's the sugar-binging and late-night eating that are killing me. I have small islands of control, but they don't last, and it gets very frustrating.

I'm so tired of this treadmill, you wouldn't believe.

It's been unusually hard to get motivated this year, because winter went on _forever_ here. It finally ended (*checks calendar*) June 7th. The whole mental component of "Shorts' weather is coming" got obliterated for months on end. It's hard to think about spring/summer when you have to turn the heat back on every week and the flannel sheets are still on the bed!

So, my short-term motivation is to at least be at my Christmas weight before we go visit my family in 3 1/2 weeks. That's about 5 lbs. And I'd _really_ like to be at 140 by the first weekend in August, so I can fit into the jeans I like to use for gardening in the winter and camping in the summer. But realistically, I need to stop gaining weight and even just stalling out.

Those late-night habits have got to change. I know they're a huge part of how I'm dealing with stress, but they're creating their own long-term stress on my self-image and happiness.

Wish me luck.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JESUSBRINGSJOY 6/24/2011 10:20AM

    One step at a time. It's good to have big goals, but think of the steps that will get you there. Is there a way that you can reward yourself for not giving in to the temptation to eat at night for one night? For three nights in a row?

Feel free to post at Hypoglycemia team - I expect that there will be other people who have dealt with the same struggles you're dealing with.

~Kimberly from Hypoglycemia team

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MAKI34 6/22/2011 7:52PM

    I so know what you mean. It's like lately I can't last more than a day being good. THen the next day I'm off and so on. I just can't seem to say no to anything. I just give in, I don't even think about it I just cave. And I hope you get those late night eatings under control cause that's how I gained my weight back, eating late at night!

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SMCKINNEY4 6/22/2011 5:33PM

  I hear you, I fell off the wagon for the last few weeks. Sugar is my weakness. I finally am treating it like a drug. There is a team for sugar addicts, you should try it.

Hang in there, it will get better.

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

After nearly two solid weeks of rain, we have almost a solid week of sunshine ahead. I hope we're out of the La Nina phase for good-- what a pain.

I biked along the American River bike path on Monday, for the first time in 3 weeks. The river is incredibly high right now. We used to have an escapee swan in one spot, between the river bank and an island/peninsula where the water was calmer. All of that IS the river right now - water is flowing through the branches of the "island" trees. Should die down within a week, and I'm hoping the swan will be back after that.

Lots of wildflowers where I bike near my office-- this is the prettiest season, with the flowers and green grass. By May or so, everything looks dead, and by summer _YOU_ feel dead. emoticon
Please let it be spring. And please let it last at least until mid-May... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENK63 4/4/2011 5:05PM

    I wish I lived where the background photo was taken, but no. That's Proxy Falls (the central Oregon Cascades), and I'd be happy with Portland too (which, I swear, does not rain as much as those two solid weeks in Sacramento). :D

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WINE4GIRL 4/2/2011 5:03PM

    If the background photo is where you live, it's beautiful for a while! That's gorgeous! Hoping your spring last a long time!

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KARENK63 3/30/2011 8:05PM

    I'm in Sacramento, and once the rainy season ends (usually March or April) there is no more rain until Fall. No intermittent showers, no thunderstorms (like the Midwest has).

Sometimes it's hard to spot Fall, too-- it tends to go Dead, Deader, Hey the leaves are changing!

I remember living in Illinois for 3 years, and thinking that you got about 2 weeks of Fall and 2 weeks of Spring, and the rest was either Summer (urg) or Winter (bleh). But it actually isn't much better in Sacramento! Though Spring seems longer because it's easier to detect. ;)

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MAKI34 3/30/2011 7:41PM

    Where do you live? I can't believe by summer everything looks dead. Atleast you have rain but descent degrees. Over here in Chicago it's still in the 40s!

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