Friday, November 02, 2012
I was driving to work on Tuesday in the pre-dawn wet gloom after a ton of rain the night before, minding my own business. I'd just gotten off the phone with my brother, Edward, who lives in Texas and was contemplating the advice he'd given me. I'd failed to flip the brights back on after passing an oncoming car on the winding country road that I drive every day, and I was totally surprised by the tree that had suddenly appeared across the road in front of me. It had recently fallen. The tip was in the opposite lane, and the roots off the road to my left. The trunk was about 5 inches in diameter right in front of my windshield, and branches dangled to the ground. I didn't even have time to hit the brakes! Rather than decapitating me, however, the tree exploded when I hit it. It was rotten, thankfully, and pieces of it littered the area. I was shaken but not hurt, and I don't care what my bumper looks like.
Reflection: I guess work, landlord, arthritis, stepson, and dwelling issues aren't that bad; at least I'm still hear to face them. :)
Monday, October 29, 2012
It's time to come clean and account for my mental, emotional,and physical anguish over the last couple of months as well as how they've affected my healthy habits, so I can move on.
First, I've been stressed and depressed. Why? Several reasons. Mostly, it's been worry about the house I'm trying to buy. After being pre-approved for a loan, the underwriters put me through six weeks of documentation only to turn the loan down over a technicality. So, I had to put in a fresh offer to the buyers. Since my original one, the owning bank had sunk $30,000 into the property; I had no guarantees that they would accept my second offer for the same amount as the first, but, praise God, they did! I've also sunk $7,000 in the property prematurely, and that would have been lost had they turned my bid down. Right now, I'm in underwriting once more. While I was annoyed with the delay the first time I was in underwriting, now I'm terrified they'll turn me down again. I check my phone every hour at work to see if I have any news. As soon as I know, you'll know.
Second, my lease is up! I was supposed to be out of my rental house on September 30th. My landlords have been awesome, but I don't know how long I can count on their generosity in extending my time there. Besides, I'm a bit worried about the condition of the home. Rusty (my late dog) tore up the carpet in one room, Levi (my stepson) has spilled all over the cream colored carpet in the basement, and the baseboards are rotting in the downstairs bathroom. Yikes. I'm not worried about the deposit; rather, I want to be nice to the landlords who've been so nice to me.
Third, arthritis is kicking my butt! Really, it's kicking my knees, but every day has bunches of pain. The more active I am, the better it is. And, if I remembered to take my meds when I should, it would be better, yet, but each day hurts. I haven't been able to be in a water aerobics class since early this summer, and it has been the most effective relief I've had. Pain bites!
Fourth, my stepson is 19, unemployed, and playing video games in the basement. The amount of anger that I swallow each day is enough to give a rhino a heart attack. I don't understand a person who contributes so little. Yes, he's put in lots of applications, but he doesn't have good writing skills and hasn't gotten any call backs. And, he's NOT contacted the employment office or the special education case-worker assigned to him last year whose job it is to find Levi a job, despite my entreaties. So, since he's unemployed, that must give him plenty of time to help around the house, right? Wrong! Hence my anger. I'm still wiping counters in the kitchen, clearing clutter, picking up towels in the bathroom, and toting tufts of weeds outside that he's tracked in when I get home from a ten hour work day. I've not yelled at him because he is what we've created over the past four years by not holding him to some standards. My man can sense my rage, however, and used emotional blackmail a couple of weeks ago to try to get me over it. It didn't work. Levi will have his own apartment in the back of the shop at our new place, and my mantra has been, "Just a couple more weeks, just a couple more weeks," for months now.
Fifth, my job gets more and more challenging each year. This school year, more than ever before, I feel like a rotten teacher. I'm not connecting with the students the way I used to, I'm wasting time on administrative duties and meetings, the common core standards are not flying well with this year's freshmen, my kids are going to be part of a test group trying out the new standardized test, and I'm always behind correcting papers. I've lost 50 pounds since last year, and I feel like I gain it all back when I walk in the doors at school. My main motivation for losing weight and reaping the benefits of improved health was to give me more energy for my job, which is physically and emotionally draining, but I'm struggling daily, just to be ready for each class.
So, how am I responding to all these stressors (as well as some others not worth going into right now)? Poorly. I'd consider myself in the throes of a deep depression. I'm eating more unhealthy foods, and my portions are epic! I've accepted that this is a TEMPORARY setback, given myself permission to overeat, and kept up with my fitness program. So, despite renewing my friendship with Ben and Jerry and indulging in fall favorites, I've only gained one pound so far. Walking, cleaning house maniacally, and yoga are my current favorite ways to de-stress. I've not had a cigarette since the first week of January, but I've smoked a few cigars in the past weeks. Yeah, fitness program! It's keeping me sane, almost. I'm also not sleeping. Bring on the Sleepytime tea! It gives me a couple of hours a night. My self-talk also suffers incredibly during a bout of depression. I make sure to reverse it several times a day, but it is wearing and wearying. Sparkcheers to myself for keeping up my healthy efforts, and sparkspankings for my digressions. Lets move on.
Each day is a gift and an opportunity for new beginnings. Heck, each minute is a gift and an opportunity for new beginnings. Thanks to my sparkfamily for giving me this venue to vent!
Friday, October 26, 2012
My favorite thing about spark today, and my last blog in this series, is that it is mobile. I mean that in a couple of ways. One, with my smart phone, it's easy to track or read articles where ever I am. Two, it changes with me. It is mobile and empowering. It adapts to my changing goals, challenges, and the hurdles life sets in front of me. The more I use Sparkpeople.com, the more I feel in charge of my own life, in all areas: nutrition, fitness, emotional well-being, etc. Thanks, Spark!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
My favorite thing about Spark today is that it is not a person. I can't hurt its feelings, p!ss it off, or make it resentful just because I didn't blog for over two months.
However, I also love that Spark is personal, if not a person. And, unlike many people from my past, it won't let me down. Sure, a couple of times I've had a hard time with accessing what I needed to on Spark, but it always has had my best interest at heart. It educates me, inspires me, lets me use it as I see fit, introduces me to awesome people with the same healthful goals and challenging struggles that I have. It works for ME! Rock on Sparkpeople.com!
Friday, August 03, 2012
My favorite thing today is the numbers. Yes, weight loss is a simple matter of burn more calories than consumed. Spark supports that by offering a calorie and nutrition counter. Spark supports that by allowing Sparkers to set weight-loss and workout goals and providing appropriate caloric recommendations. However, Spark supports Sparkers beyond the numbers. It caters to the whole person by promoting health, health education, wellness, fitness, and positive change. With Spark behind us, those numbers on the scale no longer have a chance of holding us back!
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