Thursday, July 12, 2012
So many of my blog entries lack real reflection. Several sound kinda like a teenager's whiny diary entries (not that that's a bad thing!). ;) However, I'd like to challenge myself here and now to write at least one blog weekly that has merit. I've been blogging regularly to get into the habit, but now I'm ready for the next step . . . analyzing my journey toward better health honestly, so these words might actually benefit me or one of my sparkfriends!
Here's my first baby step: I've always been emotionally closed off. Only in the last year have I really faced it, tried to figure out why, and taken concrete steps toward change. Sure, I've seen the effects: failed relationships, overeating, hiding in books, distancing myself from loved ones, and wallowing in hedonism. If I didn't have some really stellar, patient, loving, forgiving friends and family I'd be alone because I've neglected so many relationships.
A little counseling, some soul searching, and bunches of internet research have led me to the conclusion that many of my behaviors are shared by other adoptees. I was adopted into a family when I was 11 months old and grew up with loving parents and three older siblings. However, none of the love I received could take away the terror of being torn from my birth mother and then my foster mom. I functioned fairly well until Mom (my adoptive mother) died when I was 23. Within the year my closest sibling got married and moved away, and Dad remarried and sold my childhood home. Yeah, I seemed okay, but years of unhealthy choices followed. To end on a positive note, I'm learning too forgive myself and, thanks to sparkpeople, learning to live healthier in body and mind daily!