KAMINEKO   16,542
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Ups and downs

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Well, today is the first day of my classes. I finally received the syllabus for one of them and it looks completely do-able. Not too bad. Just have to wait and see how the other one shapes up.

I had a rough start to the morning which has had me down. I got mad and yelled at my daughter because I caught her lying to me. She told me she made her lunch, I asked follow up questions about it, she lied some more, and then it turns out she didn't make it, she was going to buy it despite there being a house full of groceries. I don't know how long she's been doing this. Part of her retort was that her dad gave her money for Christmas to spend anyway she wanted to without being judged. There's a lot of things I don't like about the situation and the lesson that message imparts. I guess it's not worth hashing out here but needless to say, I wasn't happy about her response and deflection away from the initial issue of lying and I wasn't happy about it being inferred that I was judgmental about the way she wants to spend money by my co-parent. My job is to teach her to act responsibly and I am failing. I cried a bit on the way to work. Some days I really hate being a parent. That may be awful to say, but sometimes I just feel so ill-equipped.

Otherwise, my week is going well enough. I've been eating well. On Monday I did a zumba class plus a C25K run and my old leg injury flared up. Yikes! I told myself to dial it back. The last thing I need is another 2 months off. Yesterday the leg was still aching a small bit (dully) and so I did NOTHING, other than my walks across campus (job related). Today I have no pain at all. I won't have time to exercise today because of my classes after work but I will be doing more walking around campus. Tomorrow I'll hit the gym again and see what happens. No more doubling up on high impact, though. Hopefully as my muscles grow stronger, this will become less of an issue.

It's hump day. Hoping the rest of the week is a little sunnier.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARBANNA 1/31/2014 4:23PM

    Hope like is being kind to you, your classes are okay, leg pain is gone and your DD is doing great! Have a good weekend! emoticon emoticon Love ya!

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BARBANNA 1/18/2014 3:26PM

    Good afternoon Holley, I hope the bad experience is now just a lesson learned by your DD and not a sore spot between you. Life has a lot of ups and downs. My Horn Tooting was a part of my ups but there have been many downs as well. We learn from all the life occurances and it's better it happen now, so someone does not end up in a bad situation. Some of our major political leaders have been caugoht in some serious lies. so it's not surprising our youth do some of the same. We have all had a time when the truth was hard to convey without serious consequences. I have taken some hard blows for being honest but it would do it all over again.

I hope your leg is getting better and you are returning to your exercise routine! Don't sweat the new classes! Thanks for your precious comments! emoticon emoticon

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ONTHEPATH2 1/16/2014 2:22PM

    Ahhhh parenting - none of us really know what we are doing! We learn from our parents, from others, we read books from experts, but in the end no matter what we do, what we say, how we show them by our example - the decisions are theirs to make. All we can ask of ourselves is to the best we can with what we have. And yes, we all have those moments when we don't like being a parent! You are not alone!!! :-)

Yep - dial out that leg pounding cardio for a bit and pick it up in some other area of the gym! Lots of intense upper body workouts that won't harm your leg! Nothing is more frustrating than sidelining yourself!!! Take it easy!!!


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GIRLONFIRE1979 1/16/2014 9:44AM

    just wanted to say I feel your pain, and you are not alone.

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BARBANNA 1/15/2014 3:06PM

    They don't issue degrees in parenting, if they did a lot of people would fail. I think our children need to see our anger, so they understand the levity of the situation. You are not a robot, you are her parent and she needs to be put in her place as a child. My daughter has lied to me to test the water and the punishment was severe. She has since talked about how she is unable to lie because of conscious bothers too much and I am glad. You are not ill prepared but just feeling the lack of control that comes with the co-parenting situation. I am married and often deal with the same circumstances. Kids know how to get what they want and how to minpulate the circumstances to make it possible. They will play one parent against the other or ask the one they know will give them the correct answer. I hope you are not trying to be her friend because it will not work with discipline. When I am angry with my DD that is discipline by itself. She wants my approval for everything.
Sorry you had to deal with this at the same time you are returning to class and your leg is hurting. Try wrapping it with an ace bandage to get it support while you exercise.
Thanks for your boost of confidence on my interview. I went extremely well! emoticon emoticon

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STEFIGURL 1/15/2014 3:06PM

    I'm not a parent, but I will share this...

NO ONE is well equipped for parenthood. If only the well equipped had children, there would be no people on the earth. Everyone of us winds up on the couch over something from our background.

You are here to 'show' her...not 'make' her...

She is her own person, Holley.

never forget that!

wipe the tears and pick that chin back up...

I love you so! You are AMAZING, Mama!!! :-)

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NHES220 1/15/2014 12:13PM

    The co-parent thing is tough, I have 2 step-daughters and all I can tell you is do not compromise your values. Eventually you will have an impact. We could not influence their mom, but we could stand by our values and not compromise and now that they are 21 and 27 they totally appreciate the things we have done. I know it is a long time to wait for it and we weathered some storms. The integrity of a person is so important and we could not tolerate when one of them lied to us either. I think that is the issue more than how she wanted to spend the money.

Go easy on the leg, do not double up and you will be OK.

Hope the day goes better!


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SUMMER2203 1/15/2014 12:09PM

    ugh i completely understand where you're coming from...but don't put too much blame on yourself!!! you are not failing! keep doing what you're doing, and your kid will turn out just fine :) good luck with the leg, i hope it's back to normal tomorrow!!!

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VEROISME 1/15/2014 11:29AM

    co-parenting is so difficult... I have found that not sweating the small stuff and negating damage as best as I can when they are with me can have a great impact, but in the end, we are not the only influence in our children's lives and this can be REALLY frustrating.

I think we all lose patience and it's normal. If you feel bad about it, then talk to her about it again later when you are calm. this gives you a great opportunity to teach a valuable lesson not only about the lying, about responsibly spending money, etc, but also about dealing with anger... and it's all so much easier to do after you've both had the time for a little perspective...

I often feel very ill equiped for being a parent, especially when dealing with things in the heat of the moment, when I have a little time to rumminate, the solutions often present themselves...

Good Luk! It's not easy but it's worth it!

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DAWNSJOURNEY 1/15/2014 11:23AM

being a parent is never easy .. no book ever written covers it all or is 100 % on.. each of us is different and every child has different needs..

You care about your daughter , your teaching her lessons , Don't be to hard on you .. I have yelled also.. forgive yourself .. Can you talk to Dad ? I don't know how that relationship stands and I won't give advice .

But know .. every parent feels that way at one point or another. Pick your battles , and address the lying.. You will figure it out..

Keep taking care of you and listen to that body of yours..

love and light ,

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Friday, January 10, 2014

The picky part of me doesn't like some of the wording on this picture but I appreciate the essence of what it says. Thank you, Spark Friends for lighting the spark in me.

It's been a pretty successful week. I didn't go out of calorie range once since my last post and I exercised every day. One of those days the exercise was via "Just Dance" on Wii with my daughter so it was kind of a light day but still, I got myself moving and this week was a big improvement over the previous week.

I've been doing C25K except for one day at the Y when I did 1/4 mile length walk/run intervals instead of timed intervals. The reason for this is because I got a new waterproof phone case and my headphone jack couldn't fit without an adaptor, so there was no way to listen to music and the C25K app's little timer to tell me "begin running/start walking". I've since located the adaptor emoticon

Last night, I went to hip hop class at the Y. The regular teacher was sick so we had a Zumba teacher substitute. This is one of the teachers I avoid because she moves way too fast and her routines are very hard to follow. Don't get me wrong, she's a nice lady. She's very friendly, smiles and is energetic, but instead of constructing the routines to her songs with repeated sections of the same movements she always switches moves up every couple of seconds at a very high pace and it's difficult to discern a pattern to the movements. You'd have to be a regular and go to her class a few times to know what to do. A lot of the people actually quit the class partway through but I just kept in place and tried to keep moving, even though I might not have been following her exact moves. She was downright frenetic . I really didn't feel like I got a good workout since most of the time I was just half-a$#ing it while trying to figure out what the heck she was doing. So afterwards I went to the indoor track to walk a bit and then ran a half mile. I wanted to try for the full mile but my will power and steam just were not there.

Tonight my daughter and I will have to figure out a way to get some exercise in. She usually goes swimming while I go to a class/weights/track. However, something is going on with the pool. She swam 5 days in a row this week (which she's done before) and twice she came home with her skin inflamed and red. I think it's because of the pool chemicals. I told her she has to scale back to every other day because her skin gets dried and painful to the touch. We'll have to see how this plays out. Chlorine isn't the best thing to be exposed to but I hope she isn't developing a sensitivity. It would really be a disappointment to her if she couldn't swim often.

I will be taking 2 classes this semester and they start in a week and a half. I'm just hoping and praying that once they start I can "keep it together" with all the other stuff going on. After this semester, I'll be halfway done with the degree. At that point I can be on the lookout for other job opportunities. I like my current job, can't complain, but I definitely am stuck in the chain without upward movement in a town this size. In the meantime, my current boss is a good mentor and when I am ready to move on, I'll be sitting pretty. Just gotta keep chipping away at this degree---even if I really hate school (don't tell my daughter I said that).

This weekend, I will hopefully be delivering the last remaining hamster (woohoo!). What an adventure that has been! Besides a bit of housecleaning I need to take care of, it should remain a relaxing couple of days. Hope everyone has a good one!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEFIGURL 1/10/2014 6:32PM

    You ROCK, Holley!!! What an inspiration you are!!!

love you so!

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BARBANNA 1/10/2014 4:43PM

    I have a real hard time with exercises that require I follow another person. That's why I love the elliptical. Sorry about your phone case and the Y pool. I hope they get the pool working again and your daughter is okay with the chlorine. You are doing outstanding! I understand the frustration of class as well as all the other worldly responsibilities. It's a lot to keep up!
I have been blessed in one way and not in another. The PRN contract work is at a stand still with the AFCA admissions are down, so I have had ample time to study. No money but plenty of time. Like you I will be in a tizzy when more work is available. emoticon

Have a great weekend and enjoy your free time! Keep up your good progress! emoticon emoticon

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SUMMER2203 1/10/2014 3:46PM

    good for you for continuing your workout after the class! it's those little bits that add up!!! could it be the cold weather that's irritating your daughter's skin in combination with the chlorine? there's gotta be some sort of swimmer's cure! i hope you guys are able to figure something otu!!!

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BONOLICIOUS2 1/10/2014 1:30PM

    Awww your poor daughter!

You are selling me on the Y though! Since we moved, there are 2 really close by and I have been tossing around the idea of joining. It sounds like you have a ton of great options, especially with the weather being bad!

You're rockin' and rolling and thanks for sparking all of us with this post!

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NHES220 1/10/2014 12:01PM

    Wow, too bad about the chlorine sensitivity. Maybe with the dry air combined with the chemicals it is just worse in the winter. Hope it is just seasonal. Congrats on delivery of the last hamster! Lesson learned on that one! Congrats on hitting the halfway mark with school. I am not a fan either and my husband starts back full-time on Monday - he LOVES school and when he is a HS History teacher he'll get to go every day! I have a waterproof case on my phone and I have to make sure I bring the headphones with the adaptor too. It is warm enough to run outside here today, but way too messy, so treadmill again today. Have a great weekend!

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ROCKPORT9 1/10/2014 10:40AM

    You are doing wonderfully!

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DAWNSJOURNEY 1/10/2014 9:54AM

    talking about helping light someones spark.. right back at you sister... grateful for your love and support..

does your daughter shower at the Y ? or wait until she comes home to shower.. if she does wait .. it might be worth it to buy some cheap flip flops and have her rinse off really well there.here is a web site one Chlorine Rash.. what your daughter might have

g/chlorine-rash/ .hope this helps .. it also has a link to some soap that might help.

Way to shake and fake it.. sorry your instructor was sick .. hopefully she will be back soon.

So proud of you working on your degree, working, being a mom and tackling this journey.. none of it easy and doing it all. Remember to prioritize and how import you are. Spark when you can .. we understand LIFE first .. but take care of you while living it.

WOO HOO for hamster delivery .. and have a relaxing moment for you !!

love you HOlls ,

Comment edited on: 1/10/2014 9:55:54 AM

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VEROISME 1/10/2014 9:34AM

    wow sounds like you've got things under control right now. I think I need to take a page from your book and let you inspire me!

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Just For Today

Friday, January 03, 2014

Yesterday I read the following piece somewhere online. I honestly can't remember where I read it but I copied and pasted in an email to myself. I apologize if I ripped it off anyone on this site--please take credit if so. I am pasting it here so I know where it is and can come back to it periodically. I think it's good to be reminded every so often to take baby steps and remain in the moment so as to not get discouraged in my quest for self-improvement.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take the responsibility for my own actions.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNSJOURNEY 1/9/2014 12:00PM

    Thanks for for posting it .. and Sharing it .. I will put it in my planner for those days I need it also.. Great reminders .... I might even print it out and hang this bad boy up ...

love you so much,

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LORI2562 1/8/2014 8:10AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MATTEROFHEART 1/4/2014 12:16PM

    I love this! I'm going to print it off and save it! Thanks for sharing!

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JULIEPIZZ 1/3/2014 8:10PM

    emoticon emoticon Thank you! With the flood of resolutions flying around....something I wont buy into...I really needed this!
A mini life motto- just like SP told us, a slow steady change will ensure real success!
Wow it is the recipe to be the best you can, not perfect!

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BARBANNA 1/3/2014 3:42PM

    WOW this is so good, I love the lack of pressure, the lack of high expectations and best of all the notion that we can only do things one day at a time. I am guilty of looking too far ahead and feeling like a failure if I am not at that point.

Thanks for sharing!!! I need to make these part of my New Years Resolutions. I have not made any but my DH would love all of these! I am sharing these with my DH & DD as my entire family needs to abide by these!

If we use these while we stick with our journey we will be so much better in the end. I will stick with mine! Love ya! emoticon emoticon

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 1/3/2014 3:21PM

    oooh, oooh, oooh! I love, love, love this!
I needed this right now!
thank you!! emoticon emoticon

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VEROISME 1/3/2014 3:09PM

    love this!

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2014 Here I Come

Thursday, January 02, 2014

Since Thanksgiving, I can term the last month or so as nothing less than self abuse with the amount and quality of food I've eaten. I've gained back some weight, but so what. I'm back on track again and eager to see how this year pans out for me. I have a friend's wedding at the end of May and a cruise in July so I have some firm mini-goals/deadlines for weight loss already.

After being off exercise due to my leg, I decided to re-start the C25K program to slowly build back up my endurance again. So far so good. This injury was a real learning opportunity about not pushing so hard. So far, running again has been a real breeze, aerobically speaking. These first couple of weeks have been really really easy to breath through. My worry has been more about wear and tear on the legs. Instead of my usual running at the indoor track at the YMCA, I am bracing against the cold and running in my neighborhood. The last time I did that, I was already well into my injury and it HURT. Since taking two months off to heal, I have been shocked that I don't hurt at ALL after running outdoors on the pavement!!! This is so very encouraging. I'm very very pleased. I remember well last year and then two years before that when I began C25K and even running 60 second spurts was just intolerable! It makes me happy to look back and really realize the difference in my ability and outlook on running. Every time I think about "pushing it", I keep telling myself "slow and steady". I am so very very grateful to be back at it and able to move again.

The holidays are over. It's back to spinach smoothies and tracking calories. All is well and looking up!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 1/5/2014 9:41PM


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BARBANNA 1/3/2014 3:34PM

    I am sooooooo happy for you and love the excitment in your words. Really delighted you got off the hamster wheel emoticon. You deserve a good year and I am sure this will be one. emoticon I am also jealous of your cruise plans. I will trade my trip to Turkey for your cruise, LOL! I was shocked when a friend let the cat out of the bag at a Christmas Party that we were going to Turkey. emoticon My initial response was not very good, but I will go with the flow.When I asked my DH why Turkey he said it was a good deal emoticon????? If it was somewhere out of dangers way I would be much more receptive to this trip. This message is supposed to be about you and all your great plans this year. emoticon I am going to be on you like ticks on a dog, to stick to your goals. I hope you will reciprocate, I have 7 lbs to loose. I did not gain any weight over the holidays but have a notion that I would be at my best at 110, I am currently 117. It's outstanding that your leg is doing great and you can run outside. The long term benefits of your temporary hiatus is a much better condition over all. That makes it so much more convenient and effective for getting some exercise at a moments notice. The calorie burn is greater for running than most cardio and it uses less time. You can run at any hour and it makes you feel so good, can you tell I miss my running. emoticon I love ya girl!

Good luck and keep us informed Ms Holley! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CARMRUN 1/3/2014 10:41AM

    emoticon Yes, put the past in the past! Here's to 2014! It's going to be a good year for us. How exciting to look forward to going on a cruise. jealous! I bought a Nutri Bullet for my daughter for Christmas and she made me one of those spinach smoothies. Never in a million would I have thought it would be good, but it was delicious! My husband even liked it and wants a nutri bullet now. We'll see!

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JULIEPIZZ 1/2/2014 9:34PM

    Bravo! Encouraging about your healing! and lots of positive energy coming from you! I had weight gain over the holidays too. It bothered me but I learned a lot about myself. When I realized I have SP and a plan to get me through this rough spot I felt better. Be well! Baby steps!

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FELINEBETTER 1/2/2014 7:46PM

    Atta Girl, Holley! You can't keep a good woman down!!!!

This is going to be a GREAT year! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUEPERWOMAN 1/2/2014 5:30PM

Yes, self abuse! Been there, done that. Happy you're back and ready to kick some butt.

Love, Ginger

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    Glad you are back! I checked your page yesterday, but didn't see any activity. Good luck with your running!

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POOKASLUAGH 1/2/2014 1:26PM

    Woohoo! I'm so glad to hear the injury isn't bothering you anymore. That is awesome!

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NHES220 1/2/2014 1:16PM

    Glad you are back running! I remember after my hamstring injury it felt so good to be able to run again, I found I actually missed it. Sounds like you have some targets to shoot for with the wedding and the trip!

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SUMMER2203 1/2/2014 12:36PM

    woo-hoo!!!! so good to see you back at it!!!!

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ONTHEPATH2 1/2/2014 11:02AM

    Yep, slow and steady!!! You can do it!!! emoticon

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BONOLICIOUS2 1/2/2014 10:29AM

    Happy New Year! Slow & steady will carry you farther in the end, but it is so easy to forget! Just remember the tortoise!!!!

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Running on a hamster wheel

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Just blogging to make an effort to keep updated. This is my life right now while finding homes for these critters. About half have been spoken for.

Trying to make time for any exercise at all has been extremely challenging lately, as well as been eating properly. I've been eating the right foods, but really having troubles with amounts. I've been tracking just fine, but I've been feeling much hungrier. So I'll have a second helping of nuts, or a third helping of squash or brussel sprouts. Even go for a peanut butter sandwich. Half the prob is my mind, but the other half feels like a rebound effect after being so strict for so long. Part of me also knows that once I've been cleared for full exercise, it will be easier. Not going to blow the calories I've worked off by eating. Fingers crossed, will get full clearance in two weeks!!! Hooray! I managed to get out to the Y and swim some during this down time. One night I was lucky enough to get there just in time for a water aerobics class! It was a good class. The structure of it was certainly welcome but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss my zumba.

My goal to hit before the end of the year is to get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning and get out in the pitch dark cold. Next semester will be a bear and this will be integral to fitting my running time into my day. The time of reckoning has come. Even if I can't make myself exercise during it, at first, I need to form the habit. I need to get up, put my clothes on and go out. Once used to it, exercise will be the easier part of it (for me). Struggling against the desire to hibernate under the covers is the main challenge for me :) My doc cleared me for walking, as long as I keep it under two miles so this is what my plan is for the next little bit.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LDAVIS829 12/13/2013 1:06AM

good for you making a plan! emoticon I myself would have to have some super motivation to get up early in the am to go walking in this weather we have been having. If your still interested in hitting the Y together sometime I would love to start going to some classes!
hope to hear from you soon
emoticon emoticon

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CARMRUN 12/11/2013 5:50PM

    Ok my friend. Don't beat yourself up. Remember just 10 minutes of exercise is awesomeness! You can lay in bed and exercise. I do sometimes. Do leg lifts or Pilates, crunches, butt lifts, etc. ha ha ha. It's more cushiony. Put your feet on your daughter's belly, hold her hands, lift her up and fly her. She'll love it! Mommy daughter time and exercise.

Those hamsters are too cute, but I have to admit that I've had them before and the mess overrides the cuteness. Never gain. I feel your pain and wish you the best of luck, especially with a daughter who must LOVE them. So hard.

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BARBANNA 12/4/2013 6:42PM

    I would love to help with the hamsters but we have 2 gerbals and 2 HUNGRY dogs so I can't. I am sorry you are having such a rough way to go with the food. I have the same issues but I have been lucky to avoid issues. I often get concerned when the scale shows a gain but it usually levels out after a day or two. It's really hard when you have several schedules such as you, your DD, work and school. I have done the early AM schedule for exercise but my alertness and stiffness first thing in the morning is bad. I would be exhausted at 8 pm Soooo GOOD LUCK. hOPE ALL GOES WELL! Don't give up! Love ya! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUEPERWOMAN 12/4/2013 4:03PM

I know that those two weeks can't come quickly enough for you!! Hang in there, darlin'.

Oh my gosh, those hamsters are too cute!
And small enough to just flush down the toilet.
I KID, I KID !!!!!!!!

Love, Ginger

Comment edited on: 12/4/2013 4:03:46 PM

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MINIMOE1 12/4/2013 3:33PM

    Hamsters are toooo cute for words!
emoticon for the exercise planning.

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ADAPTOR 12/4/2013 2:36PM

    Hang tough, you are doing great. I bet it hasn't been easy but you have handled yourself so well through it. Way to go Starfish. emoticon

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NHES220 12/4/2013 1:28PM

    Glad you checked in and glad you are finding homes for the hamsters! I know what you mean about the eating, I always do better when I'm working out - I don't want to undo the good I've done. I have trouble getting out of bed to exercise too in the cold weather. Come on Spring!

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ROCKPORT9 12/4/2013 1:27PM

    Keep fighting for your health! Hugs, Laurel

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BUGQUEEN01 12/4/2013 12:55PM

    Sounds like a great plan - emoticon

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MATTEROFHEART 12/4/2013 12:18PM

    Sounds like a great plan! I admire your dedication...don't think I could do the morning thing! I've always exercised at night!
Your hamsters are adorable!!!
So glad you checked in!

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STEFIGURL 12/4/2013 11:06AM

    Thanks for sharing your struggle! I too am finding it difficult to get in my activity with the darkness coming so early. Smokey and I are VERY disappointed that we cannot walk at night when Mommy gets home!!! lololol

But we have to roll with the punches, do we not? :-). This too shall pass and we will get back to what we were doing before, as soon as time and space permit. I have faith in that...and I have the UTMOST faith in you, Beautiful!! :-)

love you SO!

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 12/4/2013 10:27AM

    Love your hamsters! What sweet little faces!

Good for you for planning how to get back into things - getting up early when it's dark this time of year is not easy. Sounds like you have a plan to overcome it - well done!
emoticon emoticon

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ALHOOVER81 12/4/2013 10:08AM


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