Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I drove home from work late into the evening and I was just felt overwhelmed. I was thinking to myself how did I end up in Kansas??? What a difference a year makes. A year ago, I was battling layoff and flying home to Michigan to move my Mom into assistant living. Here I am in Kansas now, downsizing and trying to make sense of life.
A co-worker just lost her Mom last week, suddenly without any warning. I don't know if I can muster up the words to encourage and uplift her at this time, because I feel that I am still going through. I sigh a lot, and just move along. I know my feelings are normal and that I am still raw, but I asked God tonight when will I truly, truly be happy again. I know I serve a sovereign God, that God is omnipotent, omnipresence, all knowing and all comforting. God has a plan and a purpose for my life and if I have said it once, I will say it again that I will not let my Mom's death be in vain.
Sometimes I want to cry and sometimes I want laugh. I do not like being in between. My dogs are having a time adjusting to living in small quarters and I am trying to be patient with them. My baby girl poodle ate something that she had no business eating and yakked it all up on me early this morning. Oh the joys of motherhood. I am glad to report she is doing better now.
It has been thirteen weeks since I laid Moma to rest and has been a rollercoaster ride. I do not want to just survive, I want to live life to the fullest, like she wants me to and be a doer of God's word-through and through. I want to do my very best this day and each day afterward. I want to get beyond this season of my life. I pray that my journey will become a little more bearable.