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Paradox 46: "Work it in to work it out"

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Peter takes the title from Michael W. Smith's song to talk about how we need to use love to 'work out' our conflicts. I read this last night after a long day @ work and was tempted not to write about it. This morning, I saw the 'light'.
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While his emphasis is again on adding love to our (spiritual) live, the words are perfect for our physical healthy journeys.
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If we don't 'work in' TIME to take care of ourselves, we will amass any number of problems, the least of which is conflict.
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We will eat mindlessly or emotionally and with the food industry's emphasis of fat, sugar and salt, pollute our bodies.
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We will flop on the couch after work (my personal favorite) and veg our bodies and brains in front of the TV.
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We will not HONOR our true selves and overwork, overeat, overspend, you get the drift.
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We do indeed need to work LOVE of OURSELVES"in" to work whatever is standing in our way of a healthy life "out".

Here's to all of us discovering what's holding us back, bringing it into the light with love and starting (or restarting) our quest for health.

Namaste my friends.
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from Peter Allman’s book, "Little Me Can Live a Big Life: Integrating Paradoxes for Change"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 2/3/2011 9:30PM

    Love is essential to work out our conflicts, but internal and external: because without it, it's about "winning" rather than about "growing" and "connecting". I think so. Thank you!

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NANCITA10 2/3/2011 9:28AM

    Thank you!! emoticon

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JHADZHIA 2/3/2011 9:20AM

    I certainly appreciate the time you are taking to improve yourself and us along the way in this enlightening journey :))

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SLENDERELLA61 2/3/2011 8:55AM

    I'm glad you wrote about it. To work out conflicts means working love into your life. Good!! I think I can apply that concept in my life today.

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PEACEFULONE 2/3/2011 8:30AM

    Thank you for working in time to write these blogs! Makes me think of the necessity of working in time to meditate. It really helps work it out when I do.
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Paradox 45: “What hurts also can heal”

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Peter talks about how “conflict is a normal part of being in a relationship.” He goes on to talk about how the “world we live in seems to bipolar; the good and the bad, the yin and the yang, the hurts and the pleasures.”

He suggests we will get stuck on one side or the other unless we “embrace both poles”. To do so involves some pain.

While not dealing with relationships with others, we sparkers can relate to the pain we go through to change our lives. We review years of habits, we learn new ways to think and live, we ‘try’ to stay on track and we finally develop new habits, new lifestyles.

Here’s to learning to deal with our disappointments, setbacks, plateaus and individual expectations. May we come through our personal pain to find healthy healing.

Namaste my friends.
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from Peter Allman’s book, "Little Me Can Live a Big Life: Integrating Paradoxes for Change"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AZURELITE 2/3/2011 6:06AM

    Very well said. Thanks for taking the time to share this!
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SUNNY2DAY2 2/2/2011 4:44PM

    emoticon

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CRYSTALJEM 2/2/2011 11:58AM

    I have found everything in the end has a valid purpose, I just have to be patient enough to recognize it.

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WATERMELLEN 2/2/2011 7:07AM

    It IS painful to embrace conflict as inevitable. To accept disappointment.

And at the core of the pain, I suppose, is my sense of betrayal: wasn't I entitled to a conflict-free life? Without any disappointments at all? And wasn't that person with whom I'm now in conflict supposed to be the guarantor of my conflict-free life?

Well, no, when I put it that way, my pain seems almost a little ridiculous. Self-regardingly precoius. Of course there will be conflict, but the pain is less when I don't compound it by permitting myself to feel betrayed as well. And when I don't personalize the pain by ascribing its source to the failure of another to protect me from it.

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JHADZHIA 2/2/2011 12:27AM

    That which doesn't kill us will make us stronger. Its no picnic developing a healthy lifestyle and keeping it..

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BESTSUSIEYET 2/1/2011 10:08PM

    Yes, we can learn to be thankful for the trials which bring about growth! The old story of the butterfly emerging from it's cocoon comes to mind. Without the struggle to get free, it doesn't have strength to live, much less fly. Not looking for trials, but I won't say they are all bad, either! May your trials bring growth and thus, Joy!

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Paradox 44: To 'kiss the sky' , learn to kneel

Monday, January 31, 2011

Peter talks about transcending our humanness in this chapter. He suggests we can reach great heights by praying and meditating.

While this is another spiritual chapter, I believe it has relevance to our healthy journeys. As Peter notes in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, the 5th and final level is self-actualization (SA). He describes two types of SA people; emotionally healthy and spiritually oriented. His chapter is focused on the second group, but I'd like to center on the emotionally healthy.

We sparkers have to deal daily with our individual emotional issues: our fear of being different if we are just starting (or continuing) on our journey and our friends and family are not joining us; our apprehension of failing along the way; our constant worry of regressing once we've achieved our goal; our dread of not living up to our expectations - the list goes on and on.

To achieve the highest level; to 'kiss the sky' of healthy self-actualization is no small feat. Just as the spiritually oriented need to find time to reflect and let go of uncertainty, so too do the emotionally healthy among us.

Here's to all of us, no matter our spiritual or emotional orientation, finding time and space to expand ourselves, find meaning in our journeys and a path to 'kiss the sky' of health.

Namaste my friends
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from Peter Allman’s book, "Little Me Can Live a Big Life: Integrating Paradoxes for Change"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEISAJOURNEY 2/1/2011 6:03PM

  As you indicate, we often speak of "making" time, "finding" time, "setting aside some" time.... Perhaps what we need to do (what I need to do) is simply be in the moment, to be in the NOW. I know NOW is the only time that is really available to us. When I think I "need" to meditate, and I realize the time is NOW, I usually go into "MINDFULNESS" mode and focus on what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and how I'm doing it. I am doing it because it is there to do and being mindful of it makes (or can make) it special.

I'm certainly not always in the present moment. I'm good at serendipity (some call it procrastination, but I like the sound of "serendipity" better! :-) I've learned to not try for perfection, but I AM looking for progress. Will I self-actualize; will I transcend my humanness? Not really, but I'll continue to work toward serenity ~ which is my definition of what I think you mean when you use the phrase "kiss the sky."

Namaste,
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Lucille

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SILLYHP1953 2/1/2011 8:42AM

    "Kiss the sky" always makes me think of Jimi Hendrix. He was trying to take the shortcut.

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ONEKIDSMOM 2/1/2011 5:54AM

    Well stated. As a young person I thought I was the spiritually oriented. Only later in life did I accept the reality of who I am... and begin to address the emotional issues. To peace: inner leads to outer.

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JHADZHIA 2/1/2011 12:40AM

    That certainly would be Nirvanna, but we do carry a lot of emotional baggage around.. I sometimes think the only way to achieve such inner peace would be to live in a monastery, free from all distraction..
Here is to finding a peaceful place in our hectic lives..

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Paradox 43: We discover our higher selves by exploring our depths

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Paradox 42 talked about bringing our shadow (anger, past hurts, demons, etc.) into the light to lessen its power. In this chapter, Peter first talks about children’s fears with the dark and monsters lurking in closets or under beds. He ends by talking about how as adults we must “claim and HONOR what is found”.

I was confused, until I read further and found myself. I’m a talkative introvert. I’d actually never heard the term until I read KARENA-G's blog tonight. My folks did and my DH does misinterpret my verbal interchange as extroversion as opposed to a way to deal with discomfort in social situations. In attempting to fulfill ‘their’ expectations, I found myself often exhausted and less than a pleasant person to be around.

In my healthy journey, I’ve found myself trying to fulfill my own expectations. My depths are part of my introversion. Give me a good book, a fire, some dark chocolate bon-bons and red wine and I’m in heaven. Ask me to exercise, particularly with others and I’m not a happy camper. I’ve mediated one demon by exercising @ home, but still need to HONOR what I’ve found, to get back on track…

Here’s to all of us finding our triggers, personalities, demons and depths and turning them into our higher selves as we progress along our healthy journeys.

Namaste.
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from Peter Allman’s book, "Little Me Can Live a Big Life: Integrating Paradoxes for Change"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 2/1/2011 8:48AM

    Your blogs about this book could be made into another book! One I would buy...and read. I do have a tendency to collect books and take a long time getting around to reading them. But I like to think of myself as helping support the book writers. I, too, really like that term "talkative introvert", I'll have to check out KARENA-G's blog.

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LIFEISAJOURNEY 1/31/2011 10:00PM

  ".....we must “claim and HONOR what is found”. What an interesting 'truth' you've learned about yourself. "Embracing it" is often used, but I especially like the term "HONOR what is found".

This paradox is SO like Taoist philosophy. If we cannot embrace who we are, we cannot grow. Without growth, our changes (and we are ALWAYS changing) may not be beneficial. If not beneficial, our karma (okay, karma is Buddhist, not Taoist ~ but they do meld together) is less than positive. ~ that's not so good ~

The joy lies in finding ourselves and loving ourselves, warts and all. And, many warts are actually character building aspects of our persona once respected as part of who we are. From this respect, we can move toward finding empathy, love, peace and serenity. If I had to name the ONE sense/feeling I aspire to, it is SERENITY.

Your paradox blogs are wonderful. Thank you again.

Namaste,
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Lucille

Comment edited on: 1/31/2011 10:30:18 PM

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WATERMELLEN 1/31/2011 7:26PM

    Hmmm. I definitely relate to this talkative introverted thang !! Need time alone too. (Except: in your case, I seriously doubt that you ever are "less than a pleasant person to be around"!!)

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ONEKIDSMOM 1/31/2011 6:57AM

    Oh... my... goodness!! Spark point! You have identified a term I had not heard before but it soooo fits ME! "talkative introvert"...

You a spreading the word... "a way to deal with discomfort in social situations" is a great description of much of my "bubbly" public persona. But the part about it being exhausting is also right on target.

Now THIS is why I keep blogging and reading blogs... for the insights that help me both to grow and to understand and nurture the me within. It's selfish, but not... because others are reading and hopefully benefiting as well!

emoticon emoticon emoticon my sister from another mister!

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JHADZHIA 1/30/2011 11:54PM

    In today's bitterly cold temperatures, it would have be so easy to cave and stay huddled up in blankets and a heating pad on the couch, but I know its better for me to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. But for two days, I didn't exercise and that isn't good. I am trying to rest and heal, but its a fine between that and slipping into couch potato mode..
Good luck with this paradox!

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LILMISSRED79 1/30/2011 10:45PM

    Namaste! It's great that you're honoring yourself and understanding your personality in new ways.

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Paradox 42: In living we sometimes forget to live

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Peter talks about busynesss and all the things we let get in the way of living our life. He also talks about holding onto the past or projecting ourselves into the future. He gives us great ways to live “fully in whatever (we) do”; take a new route to work or school, experience the earth beneath our feet, smile at a stranger. He urges us to be present in everything we do.
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This paradox rings true to me. Since the beginning of December I have been too ‘busy’ to fit in my morning meditation and exercise routine.
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Have I been living life? Yes. Have I been living my previously calm yet energy filled (love the paradox) life? No.
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While I love the meditation (I also hot wax my old hands before I sit), I just do not want to exercise and as I have not been able to get to bed @ a decent hour, chose to stay in bed (excuse, excuse, excuse).
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So, my sparkfriends, here’s to not only me, but you finding a way to overcome whatever is keeping you in the past, the future, or just plain standing in your way of living a healthy, happy life.

Namaste.
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from Peter Allman’s book, "Little Me Can Live a Big Life: Integrating Paradoxes for Change"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEISAJOURNEY 1/30/2011 6:18PM

  I enjoy exercise so much that its not difficult for me to fit it in on most days ~ enough days so that I feel I'm getting its benefits.

However, when it comes to meditation, I don't know which of the wonderful "mm's" is more important to me, mindfulness or meditation. Mindfulness is always possible so, as you know, I've created "mindfultation" for days that seem like they're flitting away. I can do a combination when I can't do a regular meditation session. Doing neither always seems to lead to my feeling 'the wrong kind of' empty.

I like the idea of life = paradox. I'm a work in progress.... Sometimes my progress seems to be really progressing, sometimes not. Remembering "this too shall pass" allows me to keep on trying. Somehow that balance also allows me a sense of inner balance. Helpful when juggling my paradoxes.

Namaste, Lucille



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PENNYAN45 1/30/2011 12:53PM

    Being present in everything we do is similar to the mindfulness message I have heard here also --and it is one of the most helpful ideas I have learned here at Spark People!

How did it ever happen that we stopped being present in our lives? I don't know - but I do know that it happened to me. And I am working on changing that.

This is such a great message for all of us. Thank you!


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SILLYHP1953 1/30/2011 12:38PM

    It is so easy to tap dance around our lives instead of leaping into the middle of them. I'm going to try more leaping.

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ITSAWRAP_DIMI 1/30/2011 10:50AM

    emoticon

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RAVENSTORM27 1/30/2011 9:26AM

    I completely empathize with this; for me the key is making my sleep a priority. As long as I do that, getting up at 6 am for my morning routine is not difficult and I rather enjoy that quiet time in the morning. Exercise, with the snowy weather, continues to be a challenge but at a minimum I am doing some strength training. Just keep trying; sometimes that balance between "busyness" and the rest of life is a day by day challenge but it can be found. emoticon

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PEACEFULONE 1/30/2011 1:33AM

    Take care, but not too much care. Do not trade living today for worries about tomorrow. I tend to worry too much so this is a good reminder.
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JHADZHIA 1/29/2011 11:36PM

    I can identify with this right now. I haven't exercised in two days as I have fallen into a couch potato mode due to the freezing rain we had overnight making the walks dangerous and then the temperature dropping in one day to dangerous freezing temperatures with high windchills. I don't have an excuse as I do have an elliptical here to work out on. My eating is way over the calories I am not burning and I only just started tracking it the last two days, but not accurately, just guessing. I am treating it more like a vacation here then getting back into my healthy routines..This elbow was in bad shape and it will take 5 months to get the green light to go back to my resistance training and full workouts...
Thanks as always for giving us this..

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NLS2013 1/29/2011 9:22PM

    Very good reminder! emoticon emoticon

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