JYOTI68   11,374
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On this Mother's day

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Life is very short and unpredictable. On this mothers day I am wishing all the mothers out there a very Happy Mothers day!!! I spent my day with my mother in my house. I had never been able to do that in a long time since I was married in 1997.

Earlier this year my dad came to stay with me to take care of my kids in the end of Feb when my husband had to go to India.He did not look good physically and had lost a lot of weight and slept a lot all day. I called my mom and she said that since he retired he is always like this but I was uncomfortable and it did not seem normal to me. I took him to be checked up at the hospital and 4 days later we found out that he has stage 4 cancer. Most likely from Pancreas but its already spread to the liver and lungs. The prognosis was very bad. In exactly 7 weeks from March 8th my dad was gone from our lives. There was nothing anyone could do to save him. My heart cries a lot. Life can be so unpredictable.

But as I am trying to recover from his great loss, I am trying to keep my mom close to me. I bring her to my house on the weekends to spend some time with her as she stays with my brother. Who knows who will go and when. I realize there is no perfect time to do things in life. There is no money or exotic food or big house or better car or better clothes that can make me happier than spending time with my loved ones. My kids and husband missed me a lot while I was gone from the house to take care of my father in the hospital. Atleast I have no regrets that way that I could not be there for him. But while he was living, most of the times I had avoided him then because he was a tough man and did not express his feelings very much. He never showed his insecurities to us that he needed help.

I am trying hard to break my cycle of being busy all the time. We get so busy doing something all the time, running after things to catch them that we do not enjoy our present...TODAY...NOW...

I am not going to run after things. I have decided that I am not going to work any extra hours to make that extra money which keeps me away from my kids. In the end my father left us on that hospital bed, in that hospital gown and not being able to eat or drink anything. The car, money, clothes, jewelry..everything stayed behind. While I cried in the hospital many times because I knew his end was near, he would ask me, why do I cry and then I would go hug him and say, "nothing dad" and he would hug me back.... I miss him a lot. I had never hugged him in my life before and realize that today I have more to be thankful to him than things about him to complain about. I was not able to see it this way when he was alive.

I want to enjoy my mother just not on the Mother's Day but everyday of her time until she is still alive. I want to be a good mother to my kids and be with them as much as possible to give quality time to them.

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers out there. Please enjoy your day today and everyday!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNEEMAKER 5/11/2014 10:41PM

  I wish I could go back 23 years and enjoy Mother's Day with my precious mom. I sure would make the most of it. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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MCFITZ2 5/11/2014 9:44PM

    So sorry about your dad. You are right. You just never know so everyday is a day to do something good. Regrets of things you should have said or done are very difficult to deal with. You show great wisdom.

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USMAWIFE 5/11/2014 9:42PM

    So sorry about your Dad's passing

Both my parents are no longer on this earth which is hard.. Enjoy your Mom all you can emoticon

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Reconsidering my efforts and choices

Friday, February 21, 2014

So, I have been thinking about what I want to achieve in life for my weight goal and what am I doing to achieve those wishes. I thought about all those efforts that helped me last time I lost weight. I remember all the changes I made in regards to diet and exercise. I need to do that one more time. I succeeded then and if I focus I can do it again. I wanted to post the pics in my blog of my success that time

This was me in August 2006 at 175. (Arjun was 6months old)

This was me in summer of 2009. Lost 40lbs.. (Arjun was 3 yrs old)

Me at a colleagues wedding recently. (Gained 40lbs that I lost). Back to almost same weight as August 2006.





  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETURTLEBEAR 2/21/2014 7:11PM

    You are beautiful and I know you'll have success at anything you put your mind to!

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Its been a very long time..

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Hello to all my friends. I feel little funny writing this after such a long time. I have been gone for a while from Sparkpeople. I peeked here and there but had no time for anything. Since January a lot of time has gone by in family sickness. First my sister in law became sick and had tripple bypass. Then in February and March my mother was critically ill and I was involved with her to the extent that I did not even focus on me and my family. My mothers sister diagnosed with bresat cancer. Beginning Apri, I really needed to take care of me with my GYN problems that I had been dealing with since the beginning of this year. Constantly becoming anemic from my problem.

I just recently had abdominal hysterectomy and now I am home on disability until September. Its frustating that I can not really do much. I am at my heaviest weight of my life and although I feel very depressed, I do not want to give up hope. I am trying to tackle my habits which is a somewhat difficult job to do right now. Tryng my best to move around as much as I can.

I will try to come to sparkpeople regularly for motivation..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THETURTLEBEAR 8/1/2013 11:02PM

    The first half of 2013 was very stressful for me too - some of the same issues you've mentioned with family, illnesses, etc. I totally understand what you are saying about being unable to focus on yourself. Take care of YOU and recover well.

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XXMILAXX 8/1/2013 1:41AM

    Hopefully things will be better for you soon as you heal. In the meantime work on eating healthier foods, that's a major help. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/1/2013 1:41:36 AM

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KOMAL53 8/1/2013 12:17AM

    Sorry to hear about all that happened with you but I guess that is Life!!For you I will only say that please concentrate on healing completely first----you can deal with the weight later.Hysterectomy if not given the proper rest and relaxation can cause other problems like Hernia and Back ache--both extremely unwelcome guests!!So let the healing process be completed and then you can slowly resume your normal routine.Check with your Doctor before lifting heavy weights and do so only after the recuperative period is over.Meanwhile try to eat small meals every 2 hours so as not to gorge at the one sitting.Eat healthy Food and try to limit your intake of heavy stuff.Till then just lie back and relax with your Laptop or some really good Books that you've never had the time to read earlier.This too will soon be over and you'll be as good as new!!Take Care and God Bless!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I did very well this week

Sunday, January 13, 2013

This past week has been great for me. I got to exercise a lot and I kept my food intake under control. I am not on any diet but I am trying to cut back on the bad stuff. sugar and snacking. So I was very successful. I have stopped using splenda and its more than a month now since I last used it. I do not want any more artificial stuff. if I crave for it, I am going to have it a small portion of it.

It really makes a big difference when you have a buddy. SO I am so glad that my sister is trying to work at her weight now too. We text each other daily and encourage and compliment each other. I motivate her and she motivates me. We had lost each other for very long time. Just learned how I can face time her so this coming week we will be doing workouts together on the facetime. Or may be play the xbox fitness games together.

I went to the hospital to see my sister in law and she is really getting better fast. I hope I can continue this and be able to go to each others house without any tags. My husband feels good when I go with him to his family. He could have gone to see them without me but he did not. I do not know why? But I feel that this year I am going to not bring my pride in between matters. I will just try to be me and be upfront about things if I did not like them but not carry on and complain about them.

I went to my per-diem job this week and more than two people told me including the director and my manager that they would love to have me full time. That they love working with me. I am flattered but I told my director that I love my current full time job and I am very happy there. He said that its nice to hear someone say that their job is nice and they love it. I really do love my job. If it was not for my job and the flexibility and my coworkers during my worst time of despair, I do not know how would I have handled all the stress that was in my life. I have to work hard now too but atleast its not mental stress.

SO I am working this whole weekend and I will be off monday, tuesday and wednesday. I have to target more strength training and build up my stamina.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NINASHARMA1 1/14/2013 2:41PM

  emoticon .yes sometimes family relationships become too hectic, but what to do. You just have to try to do your best. Do your karma and leave everything on god. Feel happy, you have a wonderful family..be fit for them.. emoticon

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XXMILAXX 1/14/2013 8:52AM

    Glad to hear your making progress!! Stay positIve and of let go of past feelings in all ways to make room for new and better feelings.

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SAASHA17 1/14/2013 7:47AM

    way to go...Well yeah it can be hard to stay in touch and sometimes to stay away too,...glad ur taking the time to know them again..good luck


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MIRFA71 1/13/2013 1:22PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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*MADHU* 1/13/2013 12:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WOUBBIE 1/13/2013 11:41AM

    I'm so glad to hear that you're making peace with your in-laws and with yourself! Family relationships can be so challenging!

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DRASADAF 1/13/2013 11:17AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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week one recap

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

So my week #1 went very good. I kept my spirits up and every moment I thought, how can I do better. I sought 30 min in a day and I did find them. I missed a couple but did not dwell on it. I did well with my diet too. If I craved little sugar rush, I did have a tiny bite of sweet stuff but did not binge.

Most of all I have to say that it was because I so do not want to complain anymore. I just want to do things. I am just tired of complaining. I just want to keep moving even if my today was not the best.

I also did well with my relationships. I went to the hospital 3-4 times to see my sister-in-law. I did tell her that I would like for her to get better because my kids so need their aunt in their life. I told her that I am ready for a new relationship. I am sure my husband felt better with me talking to his sister. I still have not faced my mother-in-law yet but I am ready to face her too. I am not going to hide in the closet anymore. You know, part of me was so afraid to see people because I was afraid that they would tell me that I gained so much weight. But no one told me that and so I feel much better now. I feel slightly free in my heart. This was a big burden on my shoulders, as stupid as it may sound. I feel I can be anywhere, in front of anyone while still focusing on my goal of weight loss.
I have a wedding june 23rd of this year in Canada to attend. My husband's cousin visited from Canada to tell me that I have to go to their son's wedding. And that they want me to be there as a family. I first thought that I would not go as I would have to face all my in-law family but then I thought I must go as this would be the time when I can really bridge the gaps together. I just want my distance but I want to be a part of their life. I think with the distance of 2 yrs they also have learned to give me my space.
I have lots of work to do. I have 22 weeks to this occasion and I want to look good. I meant sharp and toned. I do not look bad now either.

Not only I motivated myself but I am also pushing my sister who just joined Sparkpeole. I am hoping that I could help motivate her to exercie and watch what she eats,. Other peoles exercise regimen motivates me a lot. I look at other people exercise log to tell myself that I need to work harder and push myself more. And I so lover to get people motivated as it gives me a satisfaction that i could help someone.

SO my friends if you want to help me or even be a partner in my struggle, please join me on the january exercie log, I soooo want more people to join and do this fitness quest together.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAIN454 1/9/2013 10:29AM

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NMSUSTUDENT 1/8/2013 6:46AM

    Quote: "To seek one's goals and to drive toward it, steeling one's heart, is most uplifting!"-- Henrik Ibsen

Continue your efforts!

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