Sunday, May 11, 2014
Life is very short and unpredictable. On this mothers day I am wishing all the mothers out there a very Happy Mothers day!!! I spent my day with my mother in my house. I had never been able to do that in a long time since I was married in 1997.
Earlier this year my dad came to stay with me to take care of my kids in the end of Feb when my husband had to go to India.He did not look good physically and had lost a lot of weight and slept a lot all day. I called my mom and she said that since he retired he is always like this but I was uncomfortable and it did not seem normal to me. I took him to be checked up at the hospital and 4 days later we found out that he has stage 4 cancer. Most likely from Pancreas but its already spread to the liver and lungs. The prognosis was very bad. In exactly 7 weeks from March 8th my dad was gone from our lives. There was nothing anyone could do to save him. My heart cries a lot. Life can be so unpredictable.
But as I am trying to recover from his great loss, I am trying to keep my mom close to me. I bring her to my house on the weekends to spend some time with her as she stays with my brother. Who knows who will go and when. I realize there is no perfect time to do things in life. There is no money or exotic food or big house or better car or better clothes that can make me happier than spending time with my loved ones. My kids and husband missed me a lot while I was gone from the house to take care of my father in the hospital. Atleast I have no regrets that way that I could not be there for him. But while he was living, most of the times I had avoided him then because he was a tough man and did not express his feelings very much. He never showed his insecurities to us that he needed help.
I am trying hard to break my cycle of being busy all the time. We get so busy doing something all the time, running after things to catch them that we do not enjoy our present...TODAY...NOW...
I am not going to run after things. I have decided that I am not going to work any extra hours to make that extra money which keeps me away from my kids. In the end my father left us on that hospital bed, in that hospital gown and not being able to eat or drink anything. The car, money, clothes, jewelry..everything stayed behind. While I cried in the hospital many times because I knew his end was near, he would ask me, why do I cry and then I would go hug him and say, "nothing dad" and he would hug me back.... I miss him a lot. I had never hugged him in my life before and realize that today I have more to be thankful to him than things about him to complain about. I was not able to see it this way when he was alive.
I want to enjoy my mother just not on the Mother's Day but everyday of her time until she is still alive. I want to be a good mother to my kids and be with them as much as possible to give quality time to them.
Happy Mother's day to all the mothers out there. Please enjoy your day today and everyday!!!