Friday, July 24, 2009
This is a tantrum day. Even though I know that things are going in a positive direction I am like a dog with a bone knawing away at the things that bother me. I know that attitude is important. I know that a heart of gratitude is a happy one. Yet.... am I tired? I feel overwhelmed. I feel scared. I feel like I want to give myself permission to have an anxiety attack... but I am the mom and I can't.
I have had some really good things happen this week. My weight loss, my tax return, nice guests, my daughter having a really good for her friend over. The weather has not been great but I have managed to keep working away at the garden and things look really good outside. I have an appointment to have my ganglions looked at. I have read some really good blogs today that made me smile and think... wow things are not that bad.... I even think I feel happy.
But I have not stuck to swimming every day. I have felt like the house is too full of people and I have to be on my best behaviour all the time. I had an argument with my sister on the phone. I have not eaten really well (although in honesty today has been really good so I don't know what I am beating myself up about). If I had a uterus I would say I am PMS but I don't have that excuse. So why is today so hard? I am sitting in my bathing suit as I write and I KNOW as soon as I start walking in the pool I will feel better. Aaaaaaaah!
OK, so my mental image today is going to be planting a seed of hope. Keep acting as if I am happy because I know I am even if I won't admit it. And this will pass. I just have to not eat over it. Blog yes, eat - no. I can have tea and meditate and go for a walk in the rain. I can get a small popcorn at the movie tonight to share. I can drink a lot of water and imagine it cleaning away these bad feelings.