Day 84 - Monday's notes (no computer)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

When was I happiest yesterday?
When did I feel the best?

Definitely happiest listening to everyone laughing, getting hugs, and knowing there was enough food. You know when I said I was waiting for everyone to arrive? I few extras came so 19 in all. LOL it was wonderful. Not enough of everything... but lots of leftovers. I had to laugh because the foods I was worried about for ME ran out before I got there, so I ate very well.

Felt best... when the kids were here early and I got to go in the pool with them. I was in a bathing suit and felt really good. I got to show off my stork move to lots of people and be really grateful for how good I am feeling.

  

Day 85 I am here!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Thanksgiving dinner is cooking and poeple arriving any moment... but I am here. I learned some bad news about my sisterinlaw and am digesting it still. Served up anoter salad dinner last night which was very healthy and everyone loved it but this morning have eaten "weirdly".

When was I happiest yesterday? When my kids were all talking and crawling all over each other and then studying. I kept thinking of things to tell them or ask and they would all talk talk talk and then back to the lull of studying. I was listening to my Barbershop music on ear phones and bopping around while cleaning and cooking and they laughed and I think felt like they were really home. I felt best in the morning. I did not have a formal exercise time last night. I am going to count my bopping to music yesterday but that is pretty lame.

Today I don't have a ton of bad foods planned. Many people have special needs coming so it's just nicer to keep the Thanksgiving meal simple.

I will be in the pool for a bit with everyone before we eat. There is stress underlying as we have not discussed everything going on with my sisterinlaw and they are opting NOT to come eat with us but my brother may bring his kids over to swim. One moment at a time. Can we be grateful while we know other people are suffering? Yes, of course. Time will help figure this out.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEAWAVE 10/10/2010 10:26PM

As you know, the difficult things in life often bring us closer together. I hope that the situation with your SIL, whatever it may be, is manageable and that all your family members know to draw strength from eachother. We're always stronger together than we are apart. I know you are appreciative of the blessings you do have in life and that you share so much with so many. Enjoy your Thanksgiving celebration tomorrow with your family! Report Inappropriate Comment

148WANNABE 10/10/2010 6:46PM

You are present in their lives and care about them. They are not alone at this difficult time... Whatever the news or condition for your sister-in-law, this Thanksgiving, as you said, can still be a time of thanks, support and gratitude. Giving thanks for all that we have, and also, for all that we are and can be for ourselves and each other. Your brother, sister-in-law and nieces/nephews will have new needs to which you and your family may be able to contribute. Blah-blah-blah... Let us be thankful for our strengths and love... and for my belated awareness of my preachyness. Sorry. :p :) Hugs to you. I am thankful to have met you. Thank you Ottawa Sparks Group. Diane Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 86

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Plugging away and getting some things done.

When was I happiest yesterday?
When did I feel the best?

I was happiest the moment a DH walked in the door. They are all home now and it feels marvelous. Talking, crawling all over each other on the bed, stealing bites of each other's food, comparing notes for how life is going. Listening to each other. They are blessed. So am I.
I felt best... I can tell you I had some terrible moments yesterday physically but best??? maybe blogging here. Mmm.

So, guests are gone and were great, interesting and not too difficult. I picked up my DD and we managed to get in before midnight but she had preparation to do for her interview. Even after she had got to bed I could not sleep. You get to a point where all you can do is not enough and there is nothing more you can do. But I got up and emailed info to her computer so it would be ready. Tossed and turned and thought of something else and got up and emailed her. This morning discussing the emails en route to her interview I realized we really are different people and MY WAY which may have worked great for me is not her way. She will find her own way. After the interview that became even clearer. She said a wise thing. "The interviewer really can't know your personality in just half an hour. That is what the references are for". It made me breath. Yup, I know that this DD is not good at "selling herself" so she probably came across not so different from everyone else. But when they call the references... I know every one of them believe in her as much as I do and have seen how amazing she is. THAT will come across. So... on to food preparation, cleaning, and getting some exercise! I am sure I cannot be down on the scale. I did not have time to check this morning but my foods, although within my calory range, have been carb heavy. Tonight grilled thin slices of steak on a bed of salad with grilled vegetables. A good balance. I also have done the minimum of exercising for most of this week. But I will keep going. I also need a nap if I am going to be able to drive Monday. My head was so thick this morning I had to go back to bed briefly after setting the table and getting the coffee on! Then a mad shower as the guests were all up by 7:00 am... which meant they were gone early so I could go to the interview. All good.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEAWAVE 10/9/2010 5:50PM

The gang's all there and you're surrounded by love - what a wonderful place to be! It's true that your DD has to find her own way - I feel the same with my DS. He's always said he wouldn't want a 9-5 desk job, and that was difficult as his talents seem to lead to that type of thing. But this term, he's found something he absolutely loves that keeps him very active and happy. I'm sure your DD will do the same. Report Inappropriate Comment

LISAWILLBEFIT 10/9/2010 1:01PM

I am glad your DH is home and your Dd.I know how you feel and how stressed you are about her.I am the same ...my kids are still young but i stress about school for them.I guess it never stops.Have a great weekend i know its sressfull but find moments to enjoy it.Lisa Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 87 - What the heck I am afraid of?

Friday, October 08, 2010

I read yesterday's blog. The fear is there. The fear that this weekend somehow I am going to fail. Hmmm.

When was I happiest yesterday? All day.
When did I feel best? All day.

So why the fear? I read on a friend's page that she felt she had tied a knot in the end of her thread and was hanging on for dear life (paraphrased I think). I sort of feel that way too. Sort of giggly and silly and hahaha... but I know I'm going to fall any minute feeling. It is not true. I am not going to fall or fail.

I am what I am today. It is a good place. I'm just not used to being here.

I am auditioning for a chorus. I got the 2 songs I am supposed to learn and after hearing them a few times tried to walk around the house recalling as much as I could. Nothing. Mental blank. I went back and listened a few more times. One stuck a bit more but I was off in left field and humming the wrong tune in no time. Then I thought about it. I am listening to all 4 parts and don't have the music in front of me, nor the words. I am NOT an auditory person. So I wrote the words out and started there. Over and over again. I don't have the memory I used to so at first I felt paniced because the words still weren't sticking. I was looking them over and muttering while DH sat down beside me and I said I was too old to do this. He asked how long I had been trying. I said a few hours. He looked at me in an odd way and said I was not giving myself a chance. I thought about that. I will have more tools next week. The actual part I have to learn on CD and the written music. This morning I noticed that listening to the songs I could predict most of the words and the breathing spots. I now have the tunes on my i-pod so I will continue to listen to them. By next week I will be better. But it occured to me I probably don't have to have the song off the page. Why did I think I would have to? That will come too.

So. Here I am at 214 and being active and eating well. A lot of it is becoming automatic but no, I'm not used to feeling so well, having so much energy, feeling so happy. The thought that no one would have any pity for my current state makes me laugh. What on earth am I afraid of? I just don't want to go back.... to the way I was. And it's not ALL automatic. But just like the music I just have to keep doing it. I don't have to expect to have it all memorized. I can keep coming back to baby steps if I need them. Ahh.. and people are going to SEE me this weekend. Hmmm. I guess I had not thought of that. People who have not seen me for a while. Maybe I think they will react more than they will. Hmmm. It is not a race. Not a competition. I am just on a journey. One foot in front on the other. I aknowledge my discomfort but.... Justyna, get over yourself!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEAWAVE 10/8/2010 9:46PM

It's ironic, isn't it, that we strive so hard to be healthier and happier, and when it starts happening we don't know what to do with it? I figure that it's like a muscle - the more you use it, the more comfortable you'll be with it and the more you'll know how to use it. Continue to take things one step, one moment at a time, and take the time to appreciate the wonderful things about yourself. You're such a strong person, and your willingness to share with others is inspiring us. Have a good week-end, and enjoy your happiness! P.S. Thanks for sending me the map to help me find my way! Comment edited on: 10/8/2010 9:52:19 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

148WANNABE 10/8/2010 9:26PM

Sorry about all the type-os. The edit post and spell chek weren't cooporating. :) Report Inappropriate Comment

148WANNABE 10/8/2010 9:09PM

You are an amazing communicator. Can you hear your wisdom? I only hear it and the fear is normal in challenging situations. That's what drives us to continue... To cocour... To acheve. You are ramping up your challenges and I admire you. And yes, yet again, I am inspired by you. Thank you for posting soo candidly. You know not how many you've touhed. Keep on keepn' on. You'll feel better for it. Diane Ferrier Comment edited on: 10/8/2010 9:17:45 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

Day 88

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Changes over the past 2 months:
-better balance
-better mood
-lost weight
-no illnesses or colds
-less "hump" on my neck
-no pain
-less numbness and tingling in my hands
-lower blood pressure
-lower blood sugars

I am making progress! So yesterday I was happiest at my chiropractic review. I get the results next week but I can't believe how much better I am feeling regardless of the X-ray results. I felt great all day. I got a lot day and even more done today. It is a combination of many things, I know but I am going to run with it for now.

I have the busiest weekend I can imagine ahead so tomorrow is preparation and putting everything into place. I have done 13 days of sticking to my countdown goals. Last night I was frustrated because the internet crashed while I was leaving thread messages. I have spent less time on the computer out of need so I want to keep up on all my spark friends' progress but time right now is at a premium and when the computer goes down... I go to bed! I am squeeking in exercise. Yesterday worked on the ball watching TV. I took the weights in with me. Today I am going to count washing windows because it was in the pool room that was hot and humid! I can't believe how much I got done today! I have eaten quite a few carbs today but the planner says I am OK. I have some good plans for Thanksgiving. We have several family members with special needs so I have asked some people to bring foods they can eat while I do the main turkey meal. My kids may not be able to help out much... nor DH as my brother is doing house renos and the kids have homework. So... PLAN PLAN PLAN! Tomorrow will really count!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LINJEN48 10/8/2010 12:36PM

Planing is the key! We have a 3 day Harvest Fair in our town this weekend and I have a booth (tent) with my daughter ~ she sells home spa supplies ~ on the town green for all 3 days. Fair food is going to be difficult. So planning is the key! Report Inappropriate Comment

FRANCLYN 10/8/2010 12:11PM

Geez. I feel tired just reading everything you've got going. I agree with Michelle. Report Inappropriate Comment

SEAWAVE 10/8/2010 10:37AM

Sounds like you're on top of things, and it's so nice to see progress and improvement after all you hard work. Keep it up! Report Inappropriate Comment

1888MICHELLE 10/8/2010 10:14AM

You are amazing!!! Report Inappropriate Comment