Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I did something big for me. I was at a meeting last night and told several people I am on a diet, counting calories, exercising every day.
Why is this big? Because I am afraid of being judged. Because of the number of times I have failed... or succeeded and gained the weight back.
And why is this different? Because it is not about a quick fix. It is a change in lifestyle. I have lost 4 pounds but. No matter how much I lose from now on I am treasuring this. I had truly lost hope and it marks the beginning of a new relationship with myself. I have been honest with myself. Wow. I have been kind to myself (thank you so much self, I appreciate it alot... sniff, hug). I am being patient with myself so I am not so afraid. So far I have only asked myself to do what I could AND I also backed off. This when I was crying about my abs exercises. I really could not do some of them so I looked back, realized I had added one that was at the challenge level and removed it from the list. ????? Really? I don't have to do that one? Nope. So sorry about that. And all of a sudden the abs exercises are so much easier. Same with the food. I didn't have all the food I wanted in the house so instead I made the best choice with what I had at the time and added the food onto my shopping list for next time. ????? For real? I don't have to beat myself up for eating what is here? Nope. So sorry about that. And so like a little kid when I have been shopping I have seen something healthy, read the label to make sure and asked if I could please have that in the cart to have for next time.
Who knew? With my kids I learned that praise went way further than critisism. How come I never learned to do that for myself? It is building trust with myself. And that gives me confidence. And then I am able to say out loud what I am doing. And that makes me proud. (sniff, hug... I knew you could do it)