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JUSTMYSELF333's Recent Blog Entries

Again and Again

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Well here I am again. I have an appointment with my doctor on April 4th to check the progress I have made health wise. The nurse called me yesterday and asked what time was best. April 4th....

Went to class #3 /12 about weight loss surgery. This one was taught by a marriage family therapist (MFT). I think her stories gave me some hope and encouragement. She discussed about negative self talk / being to critical, how NOT everyone tends to get sick when they eat junk after surgery and it makes them mad and she went over a few other topics.

So April 4th...I know the doctor won't do the surgery unless they see life style changes. I'm pretty sure weight gain of 7 lbs. in ONE week isn't the type of change they are looking for. So I know I have to step it up.

I found the Whey protein powder my husband previously used. I'm going to down load the SP app on my phone and once a sore clears up on my arm I'm going to be using the body media again.


Been Trying. Baby Steps.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

So after learning that WLS does require a lifestyle change, I decided I should start with that now. I have an appointment to see a dietitian on the 29? I'm scared and excited. The past 2 or 3 days I have been monitoring my calories and using my body-media fit arm band. It's really nice to know how many calories I have burned. I let my kids have some ice-cream today. Instead of saying no or eating a huge bowl (like I normally would) I measured the amount and logged my calories.

I have been at this point many times thinking it was possible. Then about 3 weeks maybe a month I stop logging the food. Then the weight comes back and comes back hard. I'm not trying a diet this time. I'm just trying to get food in my body, log it and see what my calorie deficent is.

I'm not to the point where I think I CAN'T DO IT but I'm not at the point where I think I CAN do it. I take it one step at a time. I know myself and instead of telling myself "You can lose +100 lbs." I simply tell myself not to eat so much.

No, I'm not starving myself. I am not Pro Anna or whatever the other one is called. I make sure to get a decent amount of calories in. For right now, I'm happy where I am at. Ask me a week from now and I might change my mind.

It really is about a life style change. I am not exercising yet but I plan to get their, eventually. Can I lose 100 lbs? I don't know. Can I lose another 2? You betcha. Now, can I go without gaining weight back after I lose it? Only time will tell.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORELYNNMES 1/20/2014 9:14AM

    I LOVE baby steps. Like when a baby takes its first steps, we are all CHEERING you on!

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PJ2222 1/19/2014 9:38PM


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Weight Loss Surgery?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I've been seriously contemplating WLS. I feel like I just can't do this without extra help. It's really hard - my husband is also overweight and I just feel like we are each others poison sometimes.

I want so badly to lose the weight and I feel like I can't do it alone. It's a battle. I've even tried Over-eaters Anonymous (didn't help considering I'm not a big "religious" person). I know I am the only one that can decided for myself.

I wish I could tell myself I can just do it but I can't. emoticon I know WLS require a lot of follow up but it would be nice to have the sleeve in me to help me feel full. Yes, I have looked it up. No, I don't have anything at all again people who have had WLS.

So now what? I don't know. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to have the consult. I'll admit it, the thought does both scare and excite me. It would be nice to have the other person off of my body.

I wake up almost everyday stating it will be different. Then it's not. I get involved in helping each one of my kids with their school work. The virtual schooling is kicking my butt but with no good schools near us this feels like the right choice. My husband and I have seen great progress in each of them since I started them on the program. I get up about 6 AM then go to about 6 or 7 at night (that's on a good day), sometimes it's later than that. Each of them have a daily plan to follow.

So I guess another question would be how do I do the virtual schooling AND take of myself??? I don't know.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIACOLO 1/15/2014 10:09PM

    Remember that wls is not a magic fix. You will have to work at being healthy. And make sure you educate yourself to the pros and cons. Not everyone has been successful with it. Good luck!

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Vacation...The downs of being FAT

Sunday, June 30, 2013

So...I went to a major tourism spot this past week. I had my cousin with me who is in shape and me who is plumper than plump. I went to a bar only to be passed up when I patiently waited (not the first time this happened) and my cousin got to see a part of my world.

The world where people are mean to a FAT woman. I got the stares, the snickers and yes people even the oink noises. I got to hear "THE BIG LADY" as I was making my way from point A to point B. And while my cousin often thought I exgerrated how mean people are to me because I'm FAT she said by the second night "OMG you are right, I always thought you were exgerrating".

A week and half into our trip I got to hear how she should have dated more because "RICH MEN, VERY RICH MEN" would ask her out because of her looks. Okay, fine. I can deal with that. Then it went on and on and on...No, she doesn't live in poverty and we both have nice families.

One night I got drunk. She made it a point to tell me each and every man that hit on her before me (trust me, not many hit on me maybe 2 at the most). I feel as if she couldn't even let me have that. Am I wrong?

I don't know. I cried privately, sometimes in the shower. By the end of our stay (even before that) I was ready to go home and take a guess...That's right! HIDE IN MY HOUSE AWAY FROM EVERYONE!

I wasn't always overweight. I have realized how much different it is getting treated by people when I'm normal weight vs. morbidly obese. I'm sure you can guess one I prefer.

I know that NOT everyone...
1) Is a bartender that passes up a fat person when they have been waiting. No, I'm not mistaking. All sitting at a bar. Bartender saw my cousin and I talking and literrally walked right passed us to see what the pretty girls wanted that JUST WALKED UP. (THEY CAME UP RIGHT BY US)

2) Will make a FAT person wait forever to be seated when going to a sit down restraunt. Yes, oh yes (Not the good kind of Oh Yes either). At some point and time I just told her to go ahead of me and Ill come in a few minutes --so we would get seated faster. This wasn't only with sit down restraunts but also GETTING DIRECTIONS.

3) Will stare, snicker and make rude comments. EXAMPLE: BY THE BIG LADY.


So other then the mean people it was fine. But then my cousin started to make me feel bad. I was like WTH?! I got to hear this and that. I got to hear how she doesn't get enough of whatever..she is able to do so much more than me (money wise). As I think about it now, it makes me not want to go again. I don't know if I am overreacting.

I got filled with feeling a elephant, being criticized then wondering if my cousin and I are close as I thought. I don't have any friends, I never go out and I am miserable.

Since I came home things have got better for me health wise. I still feel anxiety and I have always been shy. It's not easy for me to make friends or to get to know other people. I wish it was different. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LALATIDAH 6/30/2013 4:36PM

    I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that! People can be so mean and hurtful! If Perhaps you should sit down and write a letter to your cousin letting her know that she unknowingly hurt you. She may not realize that her bragging caused you to feel badly.
I hope things get better for you. emoticon

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AZMOMXTWO 6/30/2013 4:28PM

  you are not the only one who has that happen to them and yes people are just plane mean
I am fat I admit it but I am clean and honest I do not smoke ,drink,or abuse others so what is wrong with me oh yeah I forgot I am fat

society sees fat as something contagious not just a size I often wished that the "snobs" would get a deformity that never went away and could feel the way that they treated others

try to remember that you are a child of God and that God does not make junk


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I need to blog more

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Lol, the only form of inspiration I have in the morning (for losing weight) are the emails I get about the articles on SP. I had just about all given up, hadn't logged on SP for who know how long, then I saw the blog with the "Fat Girl" link. The inspiring story about the Fat Girl running and how she is truly an inspiration. Today, I checked my email on my phone and found another inspiring link. So I guess it's time to put change my mind set, work on my self-esteem and remember I am worth it.

I have tried many things - except for the few things that will actually work. Working out x 3 times a week, etc. etc. I think we all know what I am talking about. I need to work on my mind set more than anything. I believe I am my biggest enemy (was that a SP article?) when it comes to losing weight. So, yes, I do need to work on my workouts, my rountines, etc. etc.; however, I also need to work on how I view myself (other than weight). emoticon

So now, I will get off the computer and do some stuff that needs to get done. I will start to like myself, because in 3 or 5 years from now I don't want to be the same weight, have the low self esteem, and keep from finishing things because I am to scared - or lazy

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAUDIEBIRD 9/5/2012 3:01PM

    You are worth it! Changing habits takes time and taking baby steps is the best way to go about it. Use the tools here at sparkpeople, they do work. emoticon

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