Monday, June 07, 2010
I didn't think that I would ever see this day... The day that I realize that I am depression free. If you have ever been depressed, then you know the feeling it causes and the chains that hold on to you. I didn't have the ability to be happy. Yesterday I saw the pictures of when I was born for the very first time in my 24 years of life. They were pictures that my birth mother had. I was born c-section. She looked so happy, yet what she was about to do was the hardest thing a mother could do... she gave me a better life through adoption. When I saw those pictures, I just cried and cried and cried. I had never heard the story of my birth, and here it was in color. The phrases that I thought were: "I'm a person; I am normal; I am loved." Those were phrases that didn't exist in my depression. I have now found a new perception on life. I have a future to look forward to instead of waiting for the day that I get to leave this earth. There are places I want to go, things I want to see, and dreams I want to achieve. This new open book in my life is helping me to reach those things. I am preparing my life for each day and each day to come. I am making new habits, I am taking things one decision at a time, and I am learning to love myself. I am so glad to share this with all of you and I hope it SPARKS hope for someone else!!! God Bless!!!
Saturday, June 05, 2010
So today is Saturday. I have to work every saturday but one a month. I work from 8-12. So I got up this morning and normally on Saturdays I like to "cheat" on what I eat just because it's Saturday, but today was different. I thought to myself, what am I going to have for breakfast? I could go to McDonalds and get a hash brown and frappe... but then I realized.. I don't want one! I don't want anything bad for me! I want to eat a healthy breakfast! Just because it's saturday doesn't mean anything! And then I was wondering where is this coming from?? Spark People! I'm starting new habits and keeping them! I slept in a little bit, so I didn't get up in time to go for a walk, but my dog Talula sure did give me this look like, "aren't we going for a walk???" I felt bad! I should have gotten up to go on a walk. My goal has been to get up early at least 1 day a week to go on a walk... this week I did it twice! I figured I'd start out small and work my way up.. I'm ready for monday to get here so I can get my new habit (routine) going of waking up, going for a walk, getting ready for work, and get my day going. I really didn't know if i'd get to this point, but I am here! I came in early to work so that I could eat my breakfast of my healthy oatmeal with flax seed. I didn't go get any bad sugary coffee drinks, I drank my bolthouse farms protein mocha cappuccino instead! I feel so proud of my decisions and now my decisionas are becoming a habit!!!!!
Thursday, June 03, 2010
I'm so glad to read other Sparker's blogs and how they are doing well. It may be as small as resisting a temptation or as big as losing 5 lbs that week. Either way it is all contributed to making one decision at a time. That is what I am learning. It's hard for me to say, "I'm going to cut out blizzards from DQ" or "I will get up early 3 times a week to go on a walk before work". What is getting easier is taking it one step at a time. When my alarm goes off that i set early, I have to make the decision to either push snooze, or get up and go for a walk. Lately I have been doing good at making the positive decision to get up. I may be half asleep while I walk, but I always feel good that I make that decision. And those small decisions are and will be turning into new habits! Healthy habits that I didn't think I could push myself to do... the awesome thing is that it doesn't feel like I'm pushing myself, it's a positive decision that I want to make!! I've been working on resisting too much sweet stuff aka extra bad calories. I take it one decision at a time. The other night after I did water aerobics I wanted a blizzard, but i knew that if I gave in, I'd ruin all those calories I just burned... so I made the decision to go home and make a fresh strawberry smoothie instead and got in another serving of fruit! Awesome!!! This morning I was feeling kind of crappy from a conversation I had with my husband. I really wanted a carmel frappe from mcdonalds. I couldn't resist that temptation and got one. BUT!! -> I made the decision to include that into my calories (even though they weren't good calories) for breakfast. So instead of eating more, I ate different than normal so that I would stay in my calorie range. It just makes sense! So... My motto for this month is "One Decision at a Time"!!! Love It!!!
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