Sunday, August 21, 2011
To All My New Friends,
Many of you have come to be my friends after I posted the story of my most remarkable conversion from being a nonChristian who was pursuing Judaism to being a full-fledged Born Again Christian. I posted my baptism pictures and the whole 9 yards.
I was SO very sure I was RIGHT but I wasn't. I made the wrong decision and my conversion story was based on very little fact but on a whole lot of emotional-based experience. If I'd had just a little bit more wisdom, I'd have taken a few steps back and began to look at the differences between Judaism and Christianity because there are some very hard facts out there for anyone who is honest enough to search them out prayerfully while begging HaShem to guide one's footsteps into the Truth.
At this time, I can no longer call myself a Christian and I do not accept Jesus the so-called Christ as anything more than a man whose historicity is, at best questionable, and at worst was the one who was used by a corrupt governmental system to create a powerful religious system designed to control the masses.
SparkPeople is not a forum where I feel comfortable showing others the steps that led to the place I find myself today. I don't believe in proselytizing but I do believe in serving my G-d to the best that I am able.
I have gone back to my synagogue and have been counseling with my rabbi and will spend the better part of the next year continuing to immerse myself in Jewish life amidst the Jewish community among whom we live.
I have nothing against my Christian friends, though some of them have chosen to leave me. Some have warned me that I am "hell-bound" now but assured me they would continue to pray for me - I've graciously thanked them all for their prayers. I realize they only mean the absolute best for me and I continue to love each and every Christian friend I have made in the past 5 months. As one Christian acquaintance recently put it: "Things that happen are NOT by chance. . . " and I deeply believe that and would hope that those of you, my new Christian friends who I've met on this forum, would also bear that quote in mind. Ha Shem is in control and I am in Good Hands.
It is really difficult to come back and admit that one's extraordinary religious experience wasn't all that that one expected it was. I have struggled deeply with this issue all summer long and I have studied the scriptures and know because of a preponderance of the evidence, that Christianity is a false religion in that, everything about it stand or falls on who the person of Jesus Christ was. If he was not who he is purported to be, Christianity is built on a house of cards. I don't say these things to offend anyone - I say them only to explain why I've made the decision I have. As a result, I'm going to have to leave the leadership roles I have taken on with a couple groups. Please understand my reasoning and if one of you would like to take over leadership, please contact me.
Thank you for hearing me out.
Thursday, July 07, 2011
I'd like to post an idea for helping the homeless across this country. We all see them everyday and honestly, most of us ignore those homeless we come across and even refuse to make contact with those holding signs begging for help. I know I can say this because I am guilty of it. But I'd like to see this change, not only in my life but in others' lives, too. I think most of us just feel that the problem is too big and overwhelming but we can all help in small ways that will reap huge dividends for the Kingdom of G-d. Remember how Jesus multiplied the little boy's loaves and fishes!
So how this? Set aside some of your tithe or offering money specifically for this ongoing project for you or your family and begin making up 5X7 envelopes that include a New Testament, tea bags, cocoa, candy, water flavoring packets, a few dollars and a one page resource list of the city you live in. Then you have something to pass on to any homeless person that you come across. This offers them a ďhand upĒ and not just a hand out. The resource list could give the names, addresses and phone numbers to your countyís services for free food, lodging, medical care, etc. Another page of church listings with phone numbers and addresses would be very helpful, too. Every time you create a new batch of these Gospel Envelopes to keep handy in all your vehicles, lay your hands upon them and pray for the recipient. That way, whenever you see someone holding a sign asking for work or money or that says they are hungry, you can get out one of these Bible packets and hand it to that person. This small yet enormously large gesture gives the recipient the very clear message that ďG-d loves you and we are praying for you, too!Ē Consider passing this idea onto your church as an ongoing project Ė the more we get involved in this better because then the more people there will be who will hear the message of G-dís love for them.
Thanks for listening and blessings!
Monday, July 04, 2011
Hi Everyone -
I guess this is about the easiest way to update you all as to my progress. A recent PET scan showed the cancer is going back into remission. Instead of 5 spots being "lit up" on the scan in April, now there are only 2 and those have also shrunk. My chemo regimen is now every Thursday for two weeks and then I get a two week break. Will continue with chemotherapy until sometime in October.
I'm on a fairly strict vegan diet but continue to gain weight. From what I understand now, it is not uncommon for breast cancer patients to put on weight during treatment. My optimum weight should be around 125 - 130 and it is now at 155 in spite of the fact that I continue to be active and faithful with daily exercise. Today, for example, I went out and jogged 5.5 miles in 91 min 41 sec. My doctors think I am amazing and well, modesty aside, they are right. But it's only because I refuse to simply lie down and succumb to this disease. L-rd willing I will die of something else but I beg the L-rd not to let cancer be the thing that takes me. I'm just too much of a fighter.
Even so, I daily fight fatigue but amazingly enough, the daily exercise (I run 5 days a week) does make me feel really good. When I'm really tired, I just take the time out for a 30 minute nap and that works wonders, too.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and your support. It has all been so appreciated by me and my husband Jim.
And for those of you who haven't heard yet, he became a follower of Jesus on May 15. He's planning on being baptized at the end of August.
I'm also planning on going back to college in the fall. I took this past spring semester off so I could recover from the cancer with as little stress as possible but I think I'm ready to tackle college on a half-time basis.
Take care, everyone.
I always look forward to reading your kind and thoughtful notes.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Dear Church Family,
Well, it was a very long and difficult night. I finally went to bed around 3 AM and found Jim still awake. He knew something was wrong because heíd come into my office around midnight and found me in tears. I had just put him off though because I didnít want to talk about it. What could I tell him? Iím being bugged by the devil? Oh Puhlease! I can just see the look on his face now. I just told him I was struggling but didnít know with what or why and I just needed to be left alone until I got over whatever it was. I felt bad for him Ė he left my office looking a bit dejected.
So anyway, I crept into the bedroom around 3 AM and heís lying there wide awake. I commented that he needed to sleep and he remarked back that he couldnít sleep as long as he knew something was really bothering me. I climbed into bed and we just talked about not much of anything until I finally dropped off to sleep around 4 AM Iím guessing.
Itís almost 9:20 AM now and I woke up about 15 minutes ago and I feel like death warmed over. Iím still feeling yarked over from whatever I went through last night and Iím really tired. Itís going to be a day that I canít wait to be over. Cancer support group at 11:30 and chemo infusion (Herceptin) at Renown from 1:30 till about 4:30 PM today. Iíll bring my computer and write or work on one of my articles while there but man, Iím tired. And weepy. And irritable. And out of sorts (know where I can find some of those?). And donít like feeling this way at all.
I keep asking the L-rd where heís gone to and then I have to bring back the memory of me lying in the boat with Jesus while he sleeps. I can hear the scary sounds outside the boat and they are frightening but He is there with me so I just grasp His Hand a little tighter, I guess, and go ahead and cry if I need to. I just gotta keep remembering that He is the L-rd of Everything Going On Around Me and Heís in control. The ďfeelingsĒ I feel arenít dangerous Ė because they are only feelings and feelings change and pass and become different feelings eventually. A ďfeelingĒ isnít going to jump out and bite me, in other words.
Iíll just chalk this up to one of those Footprints in the Sand moments where I felt momentarily like I was walking alone while in reality the L-rd of All was carrying me in His very capable Arms. . .
Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Thank you Mary Lea, for posting that devotional thingy. It was a HUGE comfort to me.
Iím off to eat some breakfast and take a shower this morning. Jim Ė what a sweetie Ė said heíd skip his shower this morning so I could spend as much time as I wanted in there relaxing in the hot water (we have a rather small capacity hot water heater). What a blessing he is in my life. Now thatís the sort of thing the L-rd would do for me this morning: let me have all the hot water in the shower. . .
Love you all.
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