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No One Likes to Look Stupid - Least of all Me

Sunday, August 21, 2011

To All My New Friends,
Many of you have come to be my friends after I posted the story of my most remarkable conversion from being a nonChristian who was pursuing Judaism to being a full-fledged Born Again Christian. I posted my baptism pictures and the whole 9 yards.
I was SO very sure I was RIGHT but I wasn't. I made the wrong decision and my conversion story was based on very little fact but on a whole lot of emotional-based experience. If I'd had just a little bit more wisdom, I'd have taken a few steps back and began to look at the differences between Judaism and Christianity because there are some very hard facts out there for anyone who is honest enough to search them out prayerfully while begging HaShem to guide one's footsteps into the Truth.
At this time, I can no longer call myself a Christian and I do not accept Jesus the so-called Christ as anything more than a man whose historicity is, at best questionable, and at worst was the one who was used by a corrupt governmental system to create a powerful religious system designed to control the masses.
SparkPeople is not a forum where I feel comfortable showing others the steps that led to the place I find myself today. I don't believe in proselytizing but I do believe in serving my G-d to the best that I am able.
I have gone back to my synagogue and have been counseling with my rabbi and will spend the better part of the next year continuing to immerse myself in Jewish life amidst the Jewish community among whom we live.
I have nothing against my Christian friends, though some of them have chosen to leave me. Some have warned me that I am "hell-bound" now but assured me they would continue to pray for me - I've graciously thanked them all for their prayers. I realize they only mean the absolute best for me and I continue to love each and every Christian friend I have made in the past 5 months. As one Christian acquaintance recently put it: "Things that happen are NOT by chance. . . " and I deeply believe that and would hope that those of you, my new Christian friends who I've met on this forum, would also bear that quote in mind. Ha Shem is in control and I am in Good Hands.
It is really difficult to come back and admit that one's extraordinary religious experience wasn't all that that one expected it was. I have struggled deeply with this issue all summer long and I have studied the scriptures and know because of a preponderance of the evidence, that Christianity is a false religion in that, everything about it stand or falls on who the person of Jesus Christ was. If he was not who he is purported to be, Christianity is built on a house of cards. I don't say these things to offend anyone - I say them only to explain why I've made the decision I have. As a result, I'm going to have to leave the leadership roles I have taken on with a couple groups. Please understand my reasoning and if one of you would like to take over leadership, please contact me.
Thank you for hearing me out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBBIENORTHERN1 8/24/2011 3:27PM

  I have been spending time reading your blogs.

You are a special love creation created by Love Himself to love.

You are unique and special and there never will be nor never have been another person like you.

You will be led to the truth by Truth Himself.

We are all hard wired to love and to respond to love.

Yes, people who call themselves Christians can be the very ones who leave us bloodied and beat up thinking and believing that they have done their Christian duty by tearing you apart.

You have the wisdom of God.

You are so loved.

Love Himself will lead you and inspire you.

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YATMAMA 8/22/2011 9:56PM

    You are obviously on a quest for truth and I trust that you will find that for which you seek. Friends are friends, regardless of (or maybe even BECAUSE of) differences. Anyone, of any faith or no faith, who ceases to be your friend because you've made decisions concerning your faith were probably not friends at all. I am a Christian and my opinion of Jesus is different from your own. My opinion of you, however, remains the same, that you are hungry for truth and spiritual fulfillment, that you are vocal and candid about your journey, and that you are genuine, sincere, and authentic. I like those things in a person, regardless of their faith or lack thereof. What a boring, bland world this would be if we all agreed on everything. I know you are seeking and I trust God to help you find what is right for you, according to His plan. I trust His love and goodness for you and yours toward Him. *hugs*

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WITCHYAMY 8/22/2011 3:16AM

    Deity will express Itself to each of us differently, in accordance with our own hearts and in a manner in which we can understand. It is not for me to say that my way is better for everyone than another way. Nor is it another's place to tell me what to believe. Just as it is nobody's place, here or outside of this site to tell others what to believe. To those who insist that their way is the Only Way, let me point out something else Yeshua said: "There are many mansions in my Father's House." John 14:2

Or, as the Dalai Lama once said: "All paths lead up the same mountain, we are merely riding different donkeys."

Live your faith, the faith of your heart, and let no one's words to the contrary force you off the path that the Divine has placed your feet on.


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JUDITH1654 8/21/2011 9:09PM

    I have taught how Jesus is shown in the Tabernacle and the Feasts and know how rich the Jewish faith is. I pray you will come to understand fully how Jesus completes the Old Testament, but it is not for any of us to be the Holy Spirit - only be here when you may have need. emoticon

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 8/21/2011 8:30PM

  Hi, it all stands on faith. Jesus is for the believer and the sick and the people in need of a doctor.

We have all been given the measure of faith and we all have the free will given to us by Father God to make a free will decision to believe and receive Jesus or not.

Our Father loves all of us and will stand up for all of our decisions right or wrong, it truly is all up to us.

Jesus is Jewish, Jesus was Jewish, Christianity comes from the Jews. If it were not for the Jews we would not have Jesus and the free gift of life by being born from above by His shed blood at His cross of grace and truth.

You alone will have to stand or fall on your own personal decision for Jesus as Savior and Lord or not.

No one goes to heaven to see the Father except by and through Jesus the Christ. Jesus is the door, the way and the life.

There is no way anyone can be made righteous by full filling every bit of the old covenant law and without doing that we miss righteousness and going to heaven.

If we do not go to heaven there is only one other place left open for us which is hell.

Jesus came and full filled every bit of the old covenant law by shedding His innocent blood.

But, we have to hear this, believe this and then receive this and then we are given the free gift of life ever lasting by then being given the free gift of righteousness which opens the throne room of grace to our Father God. We at that time are then given the nature of God replacing our old sin nature of Adam and Eve.

When He gave up His spirit and soul Jesus cried " it is finished " He then went to hell for us for three days and three nights and on the third morning was resurrected with the keys of death and death is the very last enemy to be defeated.

As He cried it is finished the curtain in the tabernacle was rent, torn from top to bottom and now we can boldly come into His throne room of grace.

We just have to believe and receive.

Jesus says fear not, believe only.

Nothing is impossible to him who believes.

You are greatly blessed, highly favored and deeply loved only if you choose it.

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Be Jesus' Hands and Feet in Your City

Thursday, July 07, 2011

I'd like to post an idea for helping the homeless across this country. We all see them everyday and honestly, most of us ignore those homeless we come across and even refuse to make contact with those holding signs begging for help. I know I can say this because I am guilty of it. But I'd like to see this change, not only in my life but in others' lives, too. I think most of us just feel that the problem is too big and overwhelming but we can all help in small ways that will reap huge dividends for the Kingdom of G-d. Remember how Jesus multiplied the little boy's loaves and fishes!
So how this? Set aside some of your tithe or offering money specifically for this ongoing project for you or your family and begin making up 5X7 envelopes that include a New Testament, tea bags, cocoa, candy, water flavoring packets, a few dollars and a one page resource list of the city you live in. Then you have something to pass on to any homeless person that you come across. This offers them a ďhand upĒ and not just a hand out. The resource list could give the names, addresses and phone numbers to your countyís services for free food, lodging, medical care, etc. Another page of church listings with phone numbers and addresses would be very helpful, too. Every time you create a new batch of these Gospel Envelopes to keep handy in all your vehicles, lay your hands upon them and pray for the recipient. That way, whenever you see someone holding a sign asking for work or money or that says they are hungry, you can get out one of these Bible packets and hand it to that person. This small yet enormously large gesture gives the recipient the very clear message that ďG-d loves you and we are praying for you, too!Ē Consider passing this idea onto your church as an ongoing project Ė the more we get involved in this better because then the more people there will be who will hear the message of G-dís love for them.
Thanks for listening and blessings!
Johannah Hosanna


My Most Recent Cancer Progress Report

Monday, July 04, 2011

Hi Everyone -
I guess this is about the easiest way to update you all as to my progress. A recent PET scan showed the cancer is going back into remission. Instead of 5 spots being "lit up" on the scan in April, now there are only 2 and those have also shrunk. My chemo regimen is now every Thursday for two weeks and then I get a two week break. Will continue with chemotherapy until sometime in October.
I'm on a fairly strict vegan diet but continue to gain weight. From what I understand now, it is not uncommon for breast cancer patients to put on weight during treatment. My optimum weight should be around 125 - 130 and it is now at 155 in spite of the fact that I continue to be active and faithful with daily exercise. Today, for example, I went out and jogged 5.5 miles in 91 min 41 sec. My doctors think I am amazing and well, modesty aside, they are right. But it's only because I refuse to simply lie down and succumb to this disease. L-rd willing I will die of something else but I beg the L-rd not to let cancer be the thing that takes me. I'm just too much of a fighter.
Even so, I daily fight fatigue but amazingly enough, the daily exercise (I run 5 days a week) does make me feel really good. When I'm really tired, I just take the time out for a 30 minute nap and that works wonders, too.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and your support. It has all been so appreciated by me and my husband Jim.
And for those of you who haven't heard yet, he became a follower of Jesus on May 15. He's planning on being baptized at the end of August.
I'm also planning on going back to college in the fall. I took this past spring semester off so I could recover from the cancer with as little stress as possible but I think I'm ready to tackle college on a half-time basis.
Take care, everyone.
I always look forward to reading your kind and thoughtful notes.
Johannah Hosanna

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YATMAMA 7/5/2011 4:13PM

    Thank you so much for updating us. You ARE amazing! You are created in the image and likeness of God, after all, spitting image of our Father! I ask His continued blessings upon you as you celebrate life with every single breath.



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BRAVEONE92 7/4/2011 7:56PM

    I am so glad that you are fighting the battle of
breast cancer. It is so good that you are keeping
up your exercise of walking 5 days a week. I
admire all that you're doing to stay healthy and
strong. Good news too, that your DH plans
to be baptised.

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    How wonderful! You are being blessed. I have a good friend who had cancer and was expected to die but went on a strict vegetarian diet and the cancer went into remission. Everyone was absolutely amazed. But I think she went back to her old way of eating and she did ultimately die of the throat cancer. We have a fantasic promise in what we call our Word of Wisdom (aka W.O.W.).

It is a revelation from God as to what not to take into the body and also what to take in. The promise at the end of it, if the W.O.W is lived along with keeping the commandments, goes like this. We will find health in the navel, marrow in the bones, run and not be weary, find hidden treasures of knowledge and the destroying angel will pass us by. Now that is a promise to live for. Of course it is all contingent upon whether or not it is our time to go. But we never know, so we must live as tho we want to live forever.

Best of blessings in your endeavours to live the directions the spirit directs.

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I Saw My Oncologist Today

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Thank you all so very much for your prayers and kind words. . . your responses have often brought tears to my eyes.

I just got home from the oncologistís office. He thinks we have a fair shot at beating this back with a different set of chemo drugs much longer period of time. Iíll be going in for weekly chemo beginning next Thursday and will continue for something like 6 to 9 months (based on what he said this is sort of a guesstimate). The doctor said I am unlikely to lose my hair or have a lot of trouble with nausea and vomiting. He said I may experience some problems with neuropathy (numbness in fingertips and soles of feet) during treatment but that side effect is usually not permanent. I asked how that would affect my ability to type and he said I should still be able to type for hours on end just fine. Sorry but you guys will just have to continue enduring my novel-length blog posts.

The relief on Jimís face, while we were in his office, is indescribable and he was clearly fighting back tears of relief and joy. I love him so much. Anyway, I have another shot at remaining here in the world for a while yet and Iím happy that Iíll get to spend yet more time getting to know you, my new family, better and better.

Blessings to all.
Prayers for all in need for whatever reasons.
And I send lots of thanksgiving and praise to G-d our Heavenly Father, and to our L-rd Jesus Christ, and to the Holy Spirit for answered prayer and for whatever else He has in store for me in however much time I have remaining. I may just make it into my 90s yet. . .

Please continue praying my husband into the Kingdom of His Glorious Light.

Love and Hugz!
Johannah Hosanna emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRITS46 7/4/2011 5:56PM

    Dear Johannah, it was so good to see that you'd posted today. And good to hear the news of your progress with treatments. It is a difficult road you travel, and I continue to pray for God's healing graces on your body and spirit. I'm glad you're continuing to exercise as you can, and equally sorry to hear of the weight gain. But being the fighter you are, that weight gain will disappear once chemo is finished.

I had read your news of Jim's decision to become a follower, and I'm so happy for you both. I am glad you have him by your side through this illness and treatment period.

Think of you often. Pray for you consistently.


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GINALAUGHED 5/9/2011 7:34AM


I just joined the Torah Keepers group and wanted to find out more about the leader. Wow! You've got a lot going on! Please know that I will keep you and your hubby in my prayers during this time. Blessing to you! emoticon

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CINDYCHARLENE 4/19/2011 12:45PM

    What wonderful new! We must fight to the end! Who knows but what your "healing" will be the means whereby your sweetheart accepts Christ. And regardless of the outcome of your illness just the fact that you remain true to trusting and having faith in Him will be a powerful witness to your husband of the truth that we have an awsome Savior. You are in my prayers.

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PAMNANGEL 4/18/2011 2:15AM

    WooHoo! Great news.

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TRACYZABELLE 4/18/2011 1:56AM

    We are all pulling for you Johannah

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LAURIES_PLACE 4/18/2011 12:47AM

  Praying for you both. If you need any help with the Messianic group.

Love to you both and chag sameach!

laurie emoticon

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JOHNWBROCKSR777 4/17/2011 6:29AM

    Standing by your side in prayer...God is able to do ANY thing..Stay the course!

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GRITS46 4/14/2011 10:07PM

    Johannah, this is good news indeed! I'm pleased that this new treatment has lessened side effects and I'm so thrilled that you plan on making it into your 90s. As for the novel-length blogs, I love them, almost as much as I love you. You and Jim are in my prayers, both for your healing and his steps toward the Kingdom of God! Keep us posted as you begin treatment.

Blessings and peace,

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CLAIRELINN 4/14/2011 9:01PM

    Your blog caught my eye and I almost passed it over...but then was drawn back to it. Glad I saw it. Just want you to know that I am praying for you and so glad to know that God our Healer is doing just that!

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ELSCO55 4/14/2011 8:47PM


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Is It Normal. . . ? (Update)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dear Church Family,

Well, it was a very long and difficult night. I finally went to bed around 3 AM and found Jim still awake. He knew something was wrong because heíd come into my office around midnight and found me in tears. I had just put him off though because I didnít want to talk about it. What could I tell him? Iím being bugged by the devil? Oh Puhlease! I can just see the look on his face now. I just told him I was struggling but didnít know with what or why and I just needed to be left alone until I got over whatever it was. I felt bad for him Ė he left my office looking a bit dejected.

So anyway, I crept into the bedroom around 3 AM and heís lying there wide awake. I commented that he needed to sleep and he remarked back that he couldnít sleep as long as he knew something was really bothering me. I climbed into bed and we just talked about not much of anything until I finally dropped off to sleep around 4 AM Iím guessing.

Itís almost 9:20 AM now and I woke up about 15 minutes ago and I feel like death warmed over. Iím still feeling yarked over from whatever I went through last night and Iím really tired. Itís going to be a day that I canít wait to be over. Cancer support group at 11:30 and chemo infusion (Herceptin) at Renown from 1:30 till about 4:30 PM today. Iíll bring my computer and write or work on one of my articles while there but man, Iím tired. And weepy. And irritable. And out of sorts (know where I can find some of those?). And donít like feeling this way at all.

I keep asking the L-rd where heís gone to and then I have to bring back the memory of me lying in the boat with Jesus while he sleeps. I can hear the scary sounds outside the boat and they are frightening but He is there with me so I just grasp His Hand a little tighter, I guess, and go ahead and cry if I need to. I just gotta keep remembering that He is the L-rd of Everything Going On Around Me and Heís in control. The ďfeelingsĒ I feel arenít dangerous Ė because they are only feelings and feelings change and pass and become different feelings eventually. A ďfeelingĒ isnít going to jump out and bite me, in other words.

Iíll just chalk this up to one of those Footprints in the Sand moments where I felt momentarily like I was walking alone while in reality the L-rd of All was carrying me in His very capable Arms. . .

Thank you all for your prayers and support.

Thank you Mary Lea, for posting that devotional thingy. It was a HUGE comfort to me.

Iím off to eat some breakfast and take a shower this morning. Jim Ė what a sweetie Ė said heíd skip his shower this morning so I could spend as much time as I wanted in there relaxing in the hot water (we have a rather small capacity hot water heater). What a blessing he is in my life. Now thatís the sort of thing the L-rd would do for me this morning: let me have all the hot water in the shower. . .

Love you all.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEASONS_CHANGE 4/8/2011 8:33PM

    Sending healthy, positive energy your way


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GRITS46 4/1/2011 1:09AM

    Johannah, what you've experienced isn't abnormal. There will always be forces trying to pull you away from the Lord. This is not an easy journey -- temptations come and they go! Just be strong and remember that His capable arms are always around you and His incredible love is always there to protect you!

Blessings on you my sister,

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