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random thoughts for today

Thursday, January 27, 2011

so little time! story of all our lives. or is the story just one of bad management of our resources? hmm.... that's a challenging thought. that maybe i'm just wasting time and energy instead of actually not having enough. in many ways.

crap, another heavy thing to work through. lol. i'm doing that a lot these days, and it's ok. i have work to do. i have time for that- theoretically.
i plan on living a lot while i'm here, for however long that is. and assuming nothing happens, i have time.

what matters more is what you do with the time you have, and as long as i'm always moving forward, that's success.

onward and upward. great little run this morning. feeling super pumped about my marathon training program starting up next week. the real work begins. i'm even going to incorporate some speedwork and tempo running into my routine, which will be totally new to me. but i think it will seriously improve my running, too. mix it up, you know?

coworker was saying i must be really motivated-- didn't know how to respond. i'm not that motivated-- i'm just committed. that's what i should have said. there are days when i lack motivation, but i don't run because i'm motivated to. i run because it makes sense, because it feels good, because i feel strong and powerful and victorious, because i get stronger and faster, and because i just plain love it. not because i'm motivated. i might NOT run because i'm NOT motivated to on a given day, but it doesn't work in the reverse.

anyway, makes sense to me. it's internalized, it's crystallized, it's rock-solid and the foundation of my newfound identity. i'm shaping myself around this running thing, and i like myself more and more each day. seriously. i'm beginning to love me. that's worth it all. screw motivation, or lack thereof.


Me vs. Myself- The Never-Ending Battle

Friday, January 21, 2011

I can have a good day today. It's up to me. No matter how bad yesterday was, today doesn't have to follow its lead- NO. I can turn this ship around, and make today what I want it to be.

So here goes. I will not let my bad choices from yesterday give me leave to keep making bad choices. Yeah, that's usually what happens. I rationalize the continuation of misery. Stupidest logic ever, that starts that downward spinning cycle.

Instead, I will focus on how much glycogen must be zooming to my muscles to help me be awesome and fast in my half-marathon tomorrow morning. Yeah... I was just carb-loading, right?

I will focus on how to prepare mentally and physically for that difficult 8-mile climb from 0-1600 feet elevation, because Lord knows I will need some kind of fortitude to make it up that mountain. And when I get there, the 5.1 remaining miles will be a delicious, downhil-ish reward. That I earned. Because we gotta work for our rewards. They don't fall into our laps, and we don't just deserve them on some kind of special, pretty, skinny merit. No, we can fight to take our happiness from the world. The silly thing is, the fight isn't actually with the world itself, or even with other people. It's all within ourselves.

I'm going to fight that fight today, and let myself know that I am determined to take my happiness back. I won't let myself be miserable just because it's what is so familiar and safe. I will conquer my demons, and I will affirm my strengths by practicing them.

I would say wish me luck for my race tomorrow, but I don't need it. emoticon

I have something even better: determination.