Monday, April 23, 2012
My left knee is still very swollen and sore, so I am very careful with it. I can walk all day on it as long as I don't bend deeply. Stairs, sidewalk curbs and sitting down present opportunities for a very sharp pain right behind the knee cap. I know it will help when I lose some tonnage. Note that I said "when" not "if".
A coworker gave me a discount card for Kohls so I went there yesterday. I needed and found a pair of jeans. I dreaded going to the dressing room, but I took 3 different sizes because I am never sure and it has been nearly 5 years since I have bought any clothes. Unfortunately, I am the same size as I was back in 2005. Womens (Petite) XL. I had gotten down to a 4 and was about 15 pounds away from my goal when my dad died in 2007. The weight came back on. I joined SP in January 2010 and lost about 20 pounds that first year. Some of that has found me again. Not happy but I am not looking backwards and blaming myself either.
In my true stubborn Norwegian fashion, I am looking forward.
Today, several coworkers commented about my amazing positive attitude. They do not know about the various issues in my life. All they see is my smile and my genuine joy of being at work. I LOVE being a paralegal, I love working for my company and I truly cannot wait to get to work in the morning. Some of that attitude is also choice and "act as if until it is".
For many years, I pretended to be happy and then, over time, I became happy and more content with my present situation. Yes, I can still be envious of someone who has more money, a newer car, a nice home, children, a loving spouse, etc., but I remind myself that envy is not a good quality. It is not good for my sould.
I also remind myself that they have their own issues and things that I know nothing about. They have stresses that I could not handle. I love children, but I do not have any. I marvel at parents today. It is all I can do to take care of myself. I don't know how I could handle having children be dependent on me. I suppose I would manage - it is part of the human condition to do what needs to be done, but, from the outside looking in, being a parent is something that I am glad is not mine to do. I LOVE being an aunt!
Today, I sang on the way to work. I enjoyed the cool breeze when I took a short walk at lunch. My office is on hills and I walked carefully, not sure how my knee would react, so it was a short walk, but it was fabulous! What a gorgeous day! I continued to give thanks for the blessing of the cooler temperatures. Everyone says it will heat up this week. Fortunately, I figured out what the problem was with my room cooler at home. I will have a higher utility bill, but, when a person is sitting with a fan blowing and sweating with that on, cost fades in consideration. UGH!
Early this morning, my VP buzzed by my desk and told me that my ears were probably burning, that my name had come up. I am to be the department's go-to person for the new software that will run our business. I will be both a tester as they develop it and a superuser. I will become "essential". I was positively euphoric at his term! Even though I know some long hours and lots of work are involved, I am homored. My boss later told me that there will be no vacation between early June and the end of August for testers and super users. We will be putting in 10 hour days with only a half hour lunch (we get an hour now). So that means OVERTIME! $$$$$$$$ I am exhausted thinking about it, but this is really important for the company's success, so I am glad to be in on the foundation work. Besides, as a paralegal, if we are ever served with a subpoena that asks what we knew and when we knew it, someone needs to know how to find that information and the documents that prove it. I am that person now and need to be that person after the launch of the new system.
Today, the department had cupcakes to celebrate two coworkers' birthdays. Most people were unavailable so the cupcakes did not go fast. I picked up a chocolate cupcake, but - I did not eat it!
I put it on my boss' desk. He LOVES food of all kinds and is a string bean well over six feet tall.
I do not even miss the chocolate, even though I love chocolate. It's one of those things that I should never have because it is a trigger for me. So I felt very good about my choice!
On my way to Best Buy to see if they know the disposition of my fried laptop. Will the Geek Squad techs 3 timezones away decide to repair or replace it? I have not heard and I was supposed to hear either yesterday or today. Being internet accessless at home has gotten very old.
When I get home, my kettlebells await!
And how was your Monday? You know, it is one of the seven fabulous days of the week! If you don't believe me, just try missing a day. Life beats death!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Yesterday, I blogged that I'd like an order of coolness. My prayers are answered, though not to the degree I want, but I am grateful. It feels a few degrees cooler today. This morning, I went to the landromat but I did not walk while my clothes washed and dried. I came home and continued watering the rose bushes, strawberries and other plants. I raced to get that done before the sun got too hot. I had asked my handyman to water when he came over to weed. I know he came over because the Roundup turned some of the weeds brown, but that appears to be all he did. In disgust, I watered yesterday and this morning. Everything got a drink, but I really hurt myself. My lower back is tweaked and my left knee is really, really sore. I will have to ask Ed (lazy handyman) to do it later in the week. I can't wait until my BF gets back in town (June 22) so he can take over. If he were here, we would have tomatoes and other yummy goodies in the yard!
I am at work on my own time accessing the internet. I went in to update a couple of my accounts and cannot do so. That means I get to make two calls to customer service during the week. This is really irritating. Sometimes the companies stumble over themselves trying to be oh-so-careful with my identity. I appreciate that - to a point. Today's frustrations are beyond that point!
I still don't feel "right". I wake up and reluctantly get out of bed after 8 hours of sleep. I can be pretty busy and active for 3 or 4 hours and then I completely run out of steam. I thought I would take a 15 minute nap after watering this morning and I was out for an hour! I lay there for almost another 15 minutes before I had the energy to move. I really hate this!
I have always fought against my disability, never wanting to concede an inch, but I may have to make one concession. I may need to turn my front steps into a ramp. My knees are fine until I have to do a deep knee bend (stairs) and, with the latest, my leg nearly gives out. It's scary and painful and it seems to be increasingly oftem that it occurs.
I could become a total couch potato and never do housework or yard work, but I would not like what that would do to my weight! My back yard has a sloping hill up to the back fence and it's hard to walk on when it's a good day. Ed has not raked up the pine needles and pine cones and wood chips, so it was downright treacherous for me today. But I did not like the thought of my plants suffering for lack of water!
I'm tired. I'm tired of fighting with everything. I'm tired of everything being a challenge!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I got up super early this morning to do two things: drive to work to Spark (home laptop is 3 timezones away getting repaired or replaced) and to do as much as I can around the house before it gets too hot.
I need to:
water the plants
rearrange my living room so I can use my kettlebells
try to figure out why my room cooler is DOA
chop up celery and onion that came from a coworker's garden (!)
batch cook for the week
It is unseasonably warm in northern California and, living in a mobile home, it feels even hotter. My home is almost 50 years old, in very poor shape and lots of things don't work right
(including opening windows). I really worry about the fire danger because most people do not conserve water and utilities the way they should. Most of northern California's power is hydro, so even if you're not using water directly, by using power, you are using water. I grew up in New Mexico (and Alaska), so I understand the value of "blue gold" and am very conservative with water.
For the sake of my cats, animals who have no resource and for firefighters and me, I am putting in an order of coolness right now! (And praying really hard, too!)
I'm about to leave work which means no computer access until I return. (Tomorrow?)
Have a great weekend and, as Tim Gunn says, "Make it Work!"
Friday, April 20, 2012
I blogged about overeating yesterday at lunch. Despite better intentions, I did the same at dinner. I had a wonderful slaw that included fresh and garden fresh ingredients. Then I ate too much of other stuff, almost as if I were watching someone else do it. Yes, I could have measured out a portion and put the rest away. I ate the whole thing. I know better!
Then today came. It could be as a result of two days of overeating or any other factors, but I have not felt well today. I took part of the morning off, came in to work and worked for a few hours and took the rest of the afternoon off. I am still at work on my own time but will leave soon after finishing this blog.
Because of my laptop being out of state for repair or replacement and the fact that IT will have the network down for maintenance tomorrow, unless I come in EARLY, I won't have access to the internet tomorrow.
It is unseasonably warm here and I cannot figure out why my room cooler is not working. It promises to be a hot weekend and I am dreading it. Those of you who live in mobile homes know how hot they can be without even trying. I bought another fan last night purely in self-defense. It could mean a somewhat unproductive weekend if it remains this hot because the fan does not cool unless you're right in front of it. I plan to be very creative - get up EARLY and do stuff, maybe spend the day outside where it will likely be cooler than in my home.
OH! Last night, before I went to get the fan, I had stopped at Target to pick up miscellaneous things and increase my step count. I was not looking for them, but I found two Kettlebells on sale! WOOHOO! Kettlebell afficianados will scoff at their small weight, but I was thrilled! A 7# and a 10#. They were the last ones, too! LUCKY ME! It was too hot sans fan for me to play with them, but I hope to do that tonight. If it's still too hot, that is one of my early activities tomorrow morning.
I now have 3, 5, 7 and 10 pound kettlebells! I will work up to handling the "real" kettlebells. Women are supposedly supposed to start with something around 18 or 21 pounds. I know I will have to work up to that level.
I need to do some major reorganization in my living room so I have room to swing, lift, clean and jerk.
Thank you, all, for your comments on my Starting Block blog. I treasure your support!
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