JUNEAU2010   165,250
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Feeling "Off"

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Last night, I went to the Best Buy near my home that is closing next month so I could pick up my still-not-working laptop that was fried as a result of last week's thunder and lightning storm. I waited for over an hour while the Geek Squad guy at the counter tried to get my receipt to print. He kept being interrupted by the techs in the back and by a few other customers. He seemed to be the only person allowed to man the counter.

I did let him know that I did not appreciate the way my situation is being handled, but I also told him that my beef is with Best Buy corporate and not him. Neither of us knew when I brought my computer in on Friday that the closure would be announced the next morning. So I got that off my chest but there is nothing to be done about it.

By the time I left there last night, it was after 7. I heard sirens on the free way and could see that traffic was seriously stalled. I elected to go home and will take my dead laptop to the other store tonight so they can ship it off and have it evaluated for repair or replacement.

My routines are being scrambled. I stay late at work after work to Spark, but it means I get to deal with the traffic and, with errands, I get home with just enough time to pay attention to my furbabies, maybe eat dinner, maybe do a chore and off to bed.

I am exhausted in every possible way. I may take a half day tomorrow as "mental health". My boss is working from home and he had approved my request for a day off. Our student does not work on Thursday, so it is the perfect day to do that. We'll see.

I am pretty certain that I am in perimenopause and have been having an interesting time with unexpected and intermittent symptoms. Nothing terrible, just disconcerting. The sleep issues and the mental fog coupled with the lack of energy are driving me nuts. But, from what I hear other women going through, I have zero to complain about.

I just don't feel right. Nonspecific. Unrelenting.

Diet changes are not working, my lack of energy continues regardless, save for the rare day like Sunday when I was busy for most of the day and felt pretty good. I suddenly ran out of gas and was nearly somnambulent by 6 pm!

My joints hurt, my sense of balance is weird and I feel drained from the constant vigilance to guard my tongue so I don't take out this weird mood on anyone...

The other day, all I wanted was protein. Usually it's carbs. I have been enjoying my veggies even more than usual, too, so that is a wonderful thing. I bought asparagus very cheaply last week and have been loving it. Besides the taste, it reminds me of happy times at my Grandmother's house out in the country. Her irrigation ditches were lined with wild asparagus and I loved it fresh from the ditch! I did not even know there was such a thing as canned asparagus until I left home!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIBBYFITZ 4/20/2012 6:36AM

    Just love fesh asparagus! emoticon

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CARRAND 4/19/2012 8:30PM

    Do try to get in some exercise. it really is energizing.

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BYEFATNANNY 4/19/2012 11:18AM

    Hope you enjoy your day today. Move a little, that always helps, maybe a pretty walk somewhere. Yep the peri and the real menopause is no fun. I went through a stage where I just said anything I wanted! The Dr. laughed and called it the "no edit" phase. It was awful. Hot flahes were the worst and then the losing my keys phase (I'm super organized, so that was odd) Hang in there.
Asparagus comes in a can? What? emoticon I've never had it from a can. I've been eating it every week, the price is good now.
Best wishes as always.

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DWHARLOW 4/18/2012 8:19PM

  I understand what you are going through with menopause thing. I have been going through it for years. Eventually, it will get a little better. There are many days when I feel a little off. I think sometimes you just need a mental day off. Read a book and do things just for yourself. Yea! I have been liking those vegetables a lot lately. I have days when I just want protein. I have never had wild Asparagus, sounds really good though.


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Miscellaneous Thoughts

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Five years ago, Chauncey Starr died. He was, in stature, a short man, probably just over five feet. But he had a mind and a heart that were larger than life. I've blogged before about how he tried to sign up for WWII after the Day of Infamy. The recruiting officer told him to go back to work because he could do more good there when, in answer to the question of what he did for a living, Chauncey said something about working with nuclear fission.

In his last years, he worked tirelessly to promote efficient, safe, cost-effective forms of and delivery for energy. I once heard him say that the fad for corn for ethanol would punish the poor unfairly because corn is such a food staple in many parts of the world. In my experience, it is rare to find a scientist of his calibre to be so in touch with the impacts of various decisions.

He also had the one-on-one touch. He sat with a young woman who was beginning her dream come true of opening a restaurant and showed her things she could do to conserve costs by conserving energy.

Dr. Starr's legacy is huge, larger than his life (95 years).

I am humbled. Not that I strive for fame (though fortune would be nice - kidding a little), but I do wonder. In my daily life, what impact do I have? When I am gone, what will be legacy be?

I am an overcomer. I have overcome many things the litany of which does not need to be repeated here. But I still have hurdles to conquer. Somehow, I need to find that switch within that would make me do what I know I need to do. MOVE IT! Burn some calories! Get stronger! Get functionally fit!

In a few weeks, they will be having children at work day. I used to teach and, like many teens and college students, have done my share of babysitting. But I have gotten older and out of touch. I have been drafted to assist and am nervous about the impact I might have on those young minds. I had the same fear when I was a teacher. I was in my 20s, not much older than the 7th graders that I taught, and I was terrified that I would scar them for life! I was very, very young, inexperienced and had zero self-confidence. Some of that still remains. Last year, I helped with the same event, working with a young attorney to share concepts about trademarks and patents - the aim was to show that the world allows for people of all kinds of talents to do many wonderful things. Not everyone is a scientist, some people may be creative in a different way and could, as I did, end up in the law department and still be able to add value to a company and the company's mission.

I will be leaving work to pick up my laptop from the Best Buy store that is closing, drive over to another Best Buy that is not closing and have them ship my fried computer off for evaluation (repair or replace is the question). The store is not closing until May 12 and they told me that it would be about 3 weeks when I dropped it off on Friday as a worst case scenario. I am not happy to have received a voicemail last night that they cannot ship it out and I have to do this. My challenge is not to come unglued at the people who work at the store soon to close and yet let Best Buy know that this is really poor customer service, especially since I am one of their Geek Squad customers. The delay in getting my computer repaired or replaced is not acceptable. I will ask why they could not ship it out and have me designate which open store I would like to go to when the unit is repaired or replaced. I was in customer service for decades so I have a very high standard for acceptable service, but I also know how things can happen. I see this as an issue for Best Buy the corporation not Best Buy the store that is closing.

I had lunch with two friends at Olive Garden today. I did not inhale everything in sight. I really thought about what I was going to order though I did not have time to check their menu on the website beforehand. Otherwise, I probably would have been wiser in my choice. I wish their salads were not already drenched in dressing....I wish their breadsticks did not taste so good even though I know, as I told one friend, they are just empty calories...

I like the quotes that I read in the Spark emails. I wish I could remember them. One I read recently said something about making good choices. My lunch choices were not good, but they were better than before. I like it that I have started caring about what goes into my mouth again.

Last night, I was so tired, I reread the same page in "You on a Diet" several times before I realized I needed to sleep. I have a feeling tonight will be the same. I really hate having errands on the way home from work, so visiting two Best Buy stores tonight is not a happy prospect. But, I will love what it does for my step count!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/18/2012 5:12PM

    I've gotten into the habit of asking for my salad dressing on the side. I've never had a restaurant turn me down, and I am able to use as much (or as little) dressing as I enjoy. I can't eat the bread sticks at Olive Garden, of course, because I am gluten intolerant. Thank goodness for that. Bread used to be my favorite food.

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LIBBYFITZ 4/18/2012 9:13AM

    Yes there is often a positive from a negative, the walking but the frustration of it all!

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_LINDA 4/18/2012 1:42AM

    Any restaurant will put the dressing on the side if you ask. Its actually been they are starting to do that automatically now..
You have confidence in your work and know that you do a great job -that should translate into knowing about the subject in question well and being able to speak on it intelligently, especially as an accomplished toastmaster..Don't be selling yourself so short all the time..You can do this!
Its a shame about the run around with the Best Buy, they really should have told you straight away to take it to the next nearest store that you want as you would have to get it from there anyway. That will seem like an eternity without a computer :(
Hope the rest of your week goes better!

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MICHCLEARY 4/17/2012 10:39PM

    Nice notes...I was pondering today what if any impact does my writing have on people. It's that time of the month where I'm trying to finish up my Daily Spark articles that I have to submit in advance for May. My conclusion was that we might not ever see the lives we change, and therefore we must be content to do our best and trust that we will impact the ones we should by our best efforts in daily life.

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Points! Water and Food and, Maybe, Exercise

Monday, April 16, 2012

I came home yesterday and ate all kinds of miscellaneous food - nothing unhealthy, but I ended up, I know, eating too much. Stress, I'll call it. I did not even track it, partly because, 24 hours later, I don't remember what "dinner" was. I need to start writing it down on paper and putting it in my tracker after work when I am on my own time.

No word about how long I'll be without my home computer. The good thing is, I am reading 3 books now (One about Contract Law for professional development, one about Franklin Delano Roosevelt for curiosity and You On a Diet because a Sparkfriend mentioned that she had read it. I also pick up a kettlebell now and then (or my 14 pound Maine Coon cat named Juneau!).

I had gotten off track with water but am back on track. I'll bet that has contributed to a measurable increase in my energy level (duh). I am also better on track with food, last night's food frenzy notwithstanding.

Points: 20 for logging in, 25 because it was my 30th day and 100 Sparkgoodie points on the bonus wheel. Nice, but I'd rather take days when I get 7s, 5s, 10s and NO TWOs! HAHA!

My quandary is, given my time constraints tonight, do I do chores or do I exercise? I don't have time to do it all and I am trying to get back on the good sleeping schedule where I can get up and in to our tiny gym early in the morning...

I could rattle on about this, that and the other thing, but it will take me nearly an hour to drive my 7 miles home so I'd better get going.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/18/2012 5:09PM

    You must have a terrible commute. Chores or exercise? That's a tough question. Maybe a little of both.

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LIBBYFITZ 4/17/2012 9:13AM

    emoticonWell done on the positivity! emoticon

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MISSY455 4/17/2012 1:40AM

    I also read You On a Diet, One of the smoothies I drink all the time is from that book, also the best gazpacho I have ever made is from there. That book started me on my weight loss journey, I hope you find some insight that works for you.

Grats on the awesome spins today!

My daughter bought a kettlebell during spring break, she called tonight saying she can barely get up and down the stairs too her bedroom after just one workout. Did you find that after your first workout with them?

Weather here is so much nicer, hope you get some time to enjoy this week!

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

I slept in until about 7 and that was later than I intended to, but it sure felt good! Off to the laundromat. You folks who have machines in your homes are blessed and I am envious! But, as I thought would happen, I missed the "we just opened" crowd and the "just got out of early Mass" crowd, so I was able to get in and out within a reasonable period of time. I walked over to the post office to check my mail and walked through the grocery store - there was something I needed but couldn't remember what. I never did remember what was nagging in the back of my mind, but I did find something else I'd been looking for (a specific drain stopper). I had looked at big box stores, hardware stores and everywhere else without success. Lo, and behold, I found it at this little grocery store!

Dropped the laundry off at home and then it was off to Home Depot to both pay a bill and use a coupon and pick up some miscellaneous things on my list. I also walked over to Best Buy, the store that's closing next month, to pay my bill and to explore their sales. The announcement about the closing was made yesterday. They had all the employees come in yesterday but the store was closed. Presumably, the employees got their layoff notices and then had to get ready for the closing sales. This, being the first day, was unimpressive. Twenty percent on some items, ten on others. By the time the sale prices are really slashed, nothing will be left. People were streaming in and walking out with bags, boxes and delivery tags. Had that occurred before, those employees may not have been laid off. I know it's a tough economy - my whole life has been a tough economy. But this is just really sad. I live in one of the poorest cities in one of the richest counties in the Bay Area. People who've lived here a long time are being displaced by "gentrification" - the closure of small independent businesses, the razing of individual homes and the erection of high rise apartments and big box stores.

Anyway, after all that, I came up to use my work computer to get into email and SparkPeople (my VP said I could). I was able to finish up yesterday's food and, no surprise, was over on calories and carbs. I was still hungry after dinner so I had a bowl of dense cereal and that's what put me over. But, on balance, yesterday was a good day. I made good food choices. I did not eat junk, but I did eat too much. I went to bed feeling comfortable. I was not hungry and I was not stuffed.

Today, for the first time in who knows how long, I had energy. It's starting to leave now, but all that walking, all the careful eating translated into feeling more energetic than I have in eons. I can't believe my pedometer has me at below 7K steps - I feel as if I have done at least 12K!

I will never take having the energy to do anything for granted again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRAND 4/16/2012 9:38AM


You, like my daughter, walk to so many places and that really burns the calories. I'm so glad your energy is back. You got a lot done yesterday.

I don't like the big box stores much. I prefer smaller places where you know the owner and the employees know their merchandize. It's freaky to me to be able to buy washing machines or computer paper in the same store, like at Best Buy. But it's a shame when any business goes out of business. I felt bad when Borders Books all closed.

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LIBBYFITZ 4/16/2012 9:33AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MISSY455 4/16/2012 2:56AM

    Glad your energy is returning. I know what you mean about the pedometer not showing what you think you have walked. I was sure I had over 10,000 today, nope just 5800. Oh well, tomorrow is another day! Have a great week!

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_LINDA 4/15/2012 9:31PM

    I was lucky with the laundry machines in my building today as well, especially as one of them has been broken for a week. I guess no one felt like doing any on a cold, windy, snowy day!
Best Buy is a big chain store so I am surprised its closing down. We only got our first one here a few years ago.
The little Mom and Pop hardware stores seem to have the rarest thing you might need. Its like going through history walking through one of them! But there are few left, just like the single owner confectonery.
My city is a startling contrast in rich and poor, the run down inner city riddled with gangs of kids, prostitutes and crime and the sprawling mansions all around the outskirts. To give the city credit, they are trying to change it with better housing and programs for the poor and a change in the car city menatlity. Right now, the easist way to get around is by car. They want to go back to the grid pattern of streets rather than all these little cul-de -sac enclaves of the fabulously rich. All these gated communities make you feel like a crook just walking by!! Its a shame it took so long for them to get the message -there is a car for every man, woman and child in this city!! Which means the bus is not used enough and means poor service for those of us without a car..
Energy breeds energy. The more you move, the more you will feel like moving. The more you lay or sit around the more tired you will feel. This is from the experience of a reformed couch potato.
Do make sure you are getting enough protein at meal times and some fat -fat slows the digestion down so your meal lasts longer. It makes a huge difference. I had way too much no fat food so actually had to add healthy fats back in to keep me satisfied.. In the days before Sparks, I was always hungry after my vegetarian meals and I learned about the proper food ratios. Too much stuff is no fat these days. But dairy fat isn't the good kind so just as well. I use natural almond butter and hemp hearts for some of my healthy fats.
Here is to more energy filled days!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FOCUSEDDIANE 4/15/2012 7:22PM

    Thanks for sharing your day and your thoughts! emoticon

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DIETER27 4/15/2012 6:33PM

  Good blog! Thanks for sharing! Have a nice day!

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A Centennial, Fried Computer & A Hit-and-Run

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Thank you, Sparkfriends, who commented on yesterday's blog. My mood is better today even though my circumstances are not.

The Centennial:
This morning, I had a wonderful cup of coffee and gave my cats their favorite treats as a tribute to a very special man. Dr. Chauncey Starr would be 100 today if he were still alive. He died at 95 and was at work the day before he died. The story is that he ate breakfast (he liked good food) and decided to take a nap before coming to work on April 16. He never woke up from that nap. What a wonderful way to go! He was the smartest man I have ever known. I work with and am related to lots of smart people. Intelligence is something I value highly and Chauncey was more than a cut above everyone else. We had a party for his 90th birthday and, around that time, we had a company meeting where some technical information was shared. I was in the very back of the room and raised my hand and asked a question about why we were doing the research. The then current CEO gave an answer and, a few minutes later, Chauncey decided he wanted to reply to my question. He made some really nice comment about my question and, considering I am not a scientist, I treasured that acknowledgement from him! I sent him an email thanking him for validating my question and, because one of the pictures displayed for his 90th birthday was of him with a couple of tigers, I commented about the cats. His reply included the comment that he had a cat at home that ran the house. When he died, I wore a cat pin in his honor. No one else knew the significance, but he did! So I am sure that, in heaven, he saw the cup of really good coffee and that my girls got a special treat and appreciated my salute to the centennial of his birth. I was at school when we had the 95th birthday celebration, so our email conversation was my last contact with him. I lack the words to adequately express what a wonderful man he was!

Fried Computer:
So last night I took my laptop to Best Buy's Geek Squad and it was a good news/bad news situation. Yes, the computer is fried. (bad). I am at work now because I don't have a computer at home now. They are able to retrieve some data from the hard drive. (good) So I hope my pictures and the few documents I had are not lost. They are sending the laptop off for repair or replacement. The good news is something I had forgotten about. When I bought the laptop, I bought the replacement coverage! YAY! So if it cannot be replaced, I get a new computer! And, because I bought the 3 year Geek Squad service, last night's evaluation did not cost me anything! I may not have a computer for up to 3 weeks...UGH! Unfortunately, I learned this morning that my local Best Buy store is closing in a few weeks! I hope those workers will be hired at other locales and I really hope my computer situation is resolved before this store closes! Yikes!

On my way to work so I could Spark and check emails, I decided to recycle my cans and bottles and drop stuff off for Goodwill. As I was driving in the parking lot, very slowly, looking for a parking spot, a lady in a while SUV backed into me. I motioned for her to follow me into the next parking aisle so we could exchange information, but, when I parked, grabbed my purse and got out of the car, there was no sign of her. The panel above the driver's rear wheel well is scraped. It looks to be just cosmetic, but, given that I have a Bug and that piece is all one, this is a big deal. That panel extends from one wheel well, across the rear of the car (above the bumper) and over the wheel well on the other side. It's all one piece. That means that, potentially, this rises to the economic threshold of requiring a report to the California DMV. I will fill out the report but I know nothing about the driver and her vehicle except that she was a lady with brown hair and her car was a white SUV. No plate, nothing. I am still stunned that she kept going. I am fine and I will probably not replace or repair the damage (my car is 12 years old, has nearly 120K miles on it and I just spent $3K on necessary repairs).

I logged in my food this morning. I have not done that in a long time. I am on track and am going to end this blog and go to the tiny gym at work. Perhaps the elliptical or the stationary bike can help work out the pain in my knees. I'll try it and see. If it does not help, I will stop and will do Kettlebells at home.

I'll come back up here tomorrow to Spark and check emails. It's amazing how out of touch I feel without my laptop! But things could be so much worse. I have no right to complain.

When I was in the line at the recycle van, a guy behind me climbed out of a Mercedes or BMW sports car with bags and bags of cans and bottles. I was probably 7th in line and was about to think snarky thoughts about him when he marched up to the front of the line. He grabbed some empty buckets and headed back down the line. I thought he was taking cuts, but he
gave the buckets to the lady two positions ahead of me and helped her dump her bags' contents into the buckets. As new buckets were emptied, he continued to assist on down the line. He helped the lady put her buckets on the scale and then moved on to help the older gentleman in front of me. Then he gave me two buckets (all I needed) and continued to help everyone move forward. Then several of us returned the favor for him. It felt like we were a small community. For a few moments, I forgot about being backed into (which had happened moments before) and it felt good to give and receive kindness. I am smiling as I share this!

And guess what?! I have not yet started overeating today and I am not going to do that today. I feel comfortable. Not hungry, not stuffed, just comfortable. My circumstances have not changed, but I don't feel as down as I did yesterday.

Thank you for your love and support. It truly helps!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPEEDYDOG 4/15/2012 8:45AM

    I enjoyed reading this blog. You write well. I am a computer geek so I don't buy the extended warranty. My truck got hit by a drunk a few years back. I took down his licence plate right before he drove off. The cops caught him and he was 4 times over the legal blood alcohol limit. He was driving on a suspended licence. He had no insurance. I paid my deductible and got my truck repaired. My insurance company could never collect from the guy that hit me.

What a great experience you had at the recycle station. Restores your faith in people.

Thanks, Bruce

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    The good, the bad, and the "eh!" What a day. Glad you are feeling better overall after the day before, too. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 4/14/2012 7:52PM

    Wow, what an amazing 24 hours you have had!
So happy for you that you are feeling better.:-)

I often wonder why people do hit amd run? Is it becausr they truly don't care, or is it that they panic? I am sorry that it happened to you.

The Professor sounds like he led a full and wonderful life.I can understand why you hold him in such high regard. We have such a man here in Perth Western Australia. His name is Dr. Peter Hartman.
He is one of the worlds leading research scientists into human breastmilk.He has published many research papers and has at least one text book out as well.

So pleased that your computer is covered by insurance.

You are going to go out and buy the surge protection unit aren't you? .....lol

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CARRAND 4/14/2012 6:36PM

    You do sound a lot more positive today. Hurrah!

There are good people in the world, like the guy at the recycling center, and others, like the hit and run driver, not so good. I'm glad you weren't hurt, and had an overall good day.

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_LINDA 4/14/2012 6:15PM

    Sorry about your car and the rude driver :(( I love bugs, think they are the coolest car! That is great that you day ended on a positive note at the recycle center, you can never judge a package by its cover!
I hope the exercise makes you feel better. I know I feel better moving, but just got to get over that inertia and hump of pain before things start to go better..
That is good news you are covered with your computer -we all turn up our noses at the 'extended insurance' plans thinking they are just another cash grab, but yours is paying off in spades!
Have a better weekend!
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